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Posted: 8/22/2004 2:37:26 PM EST
Well, our youngest has left for college and the Mrs and I have the place to ourselves. Well, I thought so. Her oldest boy, 20, has made some stupid financial decisions and is now broke. He got a really stupid girl pregnant and they had TWINS! Now, his child support is eating his pay, as is his car payment, and now he's robbing Peter to pay Paul with a credit card. My wife, who suffers from empty nest syndrome, thinks the answer is to have junior move here "for a while" until his bills are paid. I say she needs to make a budget for him and make him stick to it, or he will just end up in the red again and again. She says he won't let her see his bank statements because he's too proud.
I know that in a few weeks, I'll be picking up after his ass, putting his dirty dishes away, picking up his dirty socks, doing his laundry, and for those who say, "make him follow the rules," yeah, that works for a day or so, then back to status quo.
He's family, so we do what we can to help, I'm just pissed off and feeling sorry for myself.
Link Posted: 8/22/2004 2:39:50 PM EST
I feel sorry for you too; if that helps.
Link Posted: 8/22/2004 2:41:13 PM EST

Originally Posted By Oslow:
I feel sorry for you too; if that helps.



Thanks,
Link Posted: 8/22/2004 2:42:15 PM EST
[Last Edit: 8/22/2004 2:44:14 PM EST by anothergene]
Link Posted: 8/22/2004 2:42:16 PM EST
Get a lawyer. Either she respects your wishes or you scoot. If the kidiot moves in, your married life is over. Seen it happen many times.

I am sorry for you. Women do this to their husbands because God gave them a choice between logical intelligence and a uterus. They picked the U and end up dumping you.

Set your boundaries and let the Missus know that if they are crossed, it is the end of the road.

Good luck.
Link Posted: 8/22/2004 2:44:07 PM EST

Originally Posted By gaspasser:

Originally Posted By Oslow:
I feel sorry for you too; if that helps.



Thanks,



Yep, you'll be cleaning the toilet and swabbing his floors, just wait.
Link Posted: 8/22/2004 2:44:16 PM EST
Sorry to hear it dude.

I have several cousins just like him,cept they're all 30+...in my mind terminally stupid.

He's only 20 so hopefully he'll get his shit together,but I agree with you that you should just help him staighten his shit out rather than let him live with you...that's going backwards.

I can see where your wifes comming from though,mothers baby their baby's...that's life.

Hope it works out for ya and I'm not reading a post from you about how you can't get your wifes son out of the house 5 years from now
Link Posted: 8/22/2004 2:45:15 PM EST

Originally Posted By Mahatma8Rice:
Get a lawyer. Either she respects your wishes or you scoot. If the kidiot moves in, your married life is over. Seen it happen many times.

I am sorry for you. Women do this to their husbands because God gave them a choice between logical intelligence and a uterus. They picked the U and end up dumping you.

Set your boundaries and let the Missus know that if they are crossed, it is the end of the road.

Good luck.



I hear you. I like the boy, he really is a nice kid and means well, but just makes stupid decisons without listening to advice. The tough part is, he really loves his daughters, which is a plus in my book, and the girl is shitting on him, playing visitation games. It's a bad deal all around.
Link Posted: 8/22/2004 2:46:12 PM EST

Originally Posted By anothergene:
"Tough love" and other buzz words sound good until you try them



Yep
Link Posted: 8/22/2004 2:47:31 PM EST
Link Posted: 8/22/2004 2:48:02 PM EST
Take his worthless ass down to the recruiter and get him signup. He need a good kick in the crotch to get his head right.
Link Posted: 8/22/2004 2:50:09 PM EST
Yes, but his mess isn't your responsibility. Life is brutally unfair, even for little twins born to idiot parents. Rescuing him is the worse thing for him and his kids. He needs to straighten up and if that means brutally hard work and sleeping in a car, then good.

His life is his burden. Throwing out the life ring to him only delays and may eventually kill his ability to grow up.

Maybe the twins would be better off without him. What does he have to offer, anyway? Love? Without responsibility, love is simply two dogs humping in the driveway.

Pablo the Columbian Drug Kingpin loved his son, too. He was still an evil man who deserved what he got in the end. The ability to love doesn't cancel out wrong-doings.
Link Posted: 8/22/2004 2:50:45 PM EST

Originally Posted By Mahatma8Rice:
Get a lawyer. Either she respects your wishes or you scoot. If the kidiot moves in, your married life is over. Seen it happen many times.

I am sorry for you. Women do this to their husbands because God gave them a choice between logical intelligence and a uterus. They picked the U and end up dumping you.

Set your boundaries and let the Missus know that if they are crossed, it is the end of the road.

Good luck.



I disagree, and think thats the wrong answer!! You'd get a divorce because your wife has feelings for her own son?
Aside from that, I myself had to move back in with Pops for about a year. Did some dumb things, made the wrong choices and found myself way in over my head. Moved back home and worked my ass off for a year to get some chips stacked up again. Moved out, and havent looked back since. It was a helluva learning experience.
Link Posted: 8/22/2004 2:51:13 PM EST
Put down some ground rules about him moving back in.
have some kind of time frame for him getting back on his feet.
have some rules about him picking up after himself,.
Discuss these rules with your wife and him before he moves back in.

You are not doing him any favors in my opinion, he should learn to live on his own. he could always get another job if he needs money.
Link Posted: 8/22/2004 2:54:05 PM EST
My secretary's kid lives with her. I think he's around 20. I finally met him the other day, and he looks like somebody put a pro wrestler in the dryer (long frizzy blonde hair, smoking a cigarette, wifebeater tank-top). He supposedly has some job, and is dating a girl that just turned 18, but appears to have no desire to move out of the house & support himself. I really don't get these people. I know that if I ever went bankrupt and lost everything or got chronically ill my folks (one or the other of them) would help me, but it would kill me.

What I would be more worried about is what kind of woman raises a kid that gets some girl knocked up, doesn't have a decent job, and thinks it's ok to move back in and mooch?
Link Posted: 8/22/2004 2:54:59 PM EST
[Last Edit: 8/22/2004 2:59:03 PM EST by gaspasser]

Originally Posted By Fat_McNasty:
Take his worthless ass down to the recruiter and get him signup. He need a good kick in the crotch to get his head right.



He was in the National Guard, but they kicked him out for ADHD. Now he's on meds and is doing much better.
Link Posted: 8/22/2004 2:55:13 PM EST

Originally Posted By Mahatma8Rice:
Maybe the twins would be better off without him. What does he have to offer, anyway? Love? Without responsibility, love is simply two dogs humping in the driveway.



That's deep...

Seriously.
Link Posted: 8/22/2004 2:57:58 PM EST
Here's a picture of his girls:

Cute little ones, aren't they? Like I said, he loves them and wants to do the right thing.
Link Posted: 8/22/2004 3:01:25 PM EST
I was kinda the kid in this story in 2002.

Had a bad family life, two kids, in debt up to my ears, playing the part of stay at home father and then my house burned down and my wife left me and the kids.

Luckily, we still had renters insurance, so we used most of our insurance money to delet the debt, and it left me alittle to take care of me and the kids while I tried to find a job.

But I had to move in with my mum and step dad because things were really tough. I tried like hell to find a job and not be a drain on their household. I put as much financially into the house as I could, but it never seemed to be enough.

To top it all off, besides getting over a pretty bad emotional slump caused by my wife leaving, it took me a year and a half to actually find a job, and during that time, my wife tricked me into giving her the kids (under the guise that we would all be getting back together) and then I got his with a retarded restraining order, child support even though she hadn't paid shit for our kids during the 15 months that I had my kids, and now I live alone, not able to see my kids because she has the court system wrapped around her little finger due to the political correctness that has invaded the court system, paying child support, only allowed to talk to the two lights of my life on the phone every other day that I raised from babies as a stay at home dad, trying to make ends meet and without a single firearm due to the damn restraining order.

Luckily I was able to move out from my mum and step-dads place, and I just got a job working for the feds at the Puget Sound Naval Shipyard, and the restraining order dies a natural death in October(it had a one year shelf life), and I have seen enough specialists and whatnot to counter my wifes lies about my mental state that I will be hopefully picking my life up again in a couple of months.

I made some pretty stupid decisions when I was younger and when I was married, so I know what your stepson is going through. I just hope he is as consciencious as I am in trying to stay out of peoples hair and give to the household and expresses his gratitude for being given the opportunity to stay there and recoup from his life as he tries to put things back together.

I still have allot of payback to give to my mum and step-dad for their kindness over that two year stint when I lived there and for the 15 months my children were there.

Life can suck, but sometimes the help of a caring family can really make a difference in a persons life.

Chris
Link Posted: 8/22/2004 3:02:24 PM EST
Link Posted: 8/22/2004 3:10:22 PM EST
Instead of offering him a place to stay you should offer the twins a place to stay.
What's the mother like?

Link Posted: 8/22/2004 3:12:14 PM EST

Originally Posted By KA3B:
Instead of offering him a place to stay you should offer the twins a place to stay.
What's the mother like?




Dumb like a stump, but lives with her folks, so she has no bills. The girls are okay there.
Link Posted: 8/22/2004 4:34:27 PM EST
Link Posted: 8/22/2004 4:42:44 PM EST

Originally Posted By gaspasser:

Originally Posted By Fat_McNasty:
Take his worthless ass down to the recruiter and get him signup. He need a good kick in the crotch to get his head right.



He was in the National Guard, but they kicked him out for ADHD. Now he's on meds and is doing much better.



Oh, Jesus Christ.
Link Posted: 8/22/2004 4:48:19 PM EST
Link Posted: 8/22/2004 5:07:41 PM EST
Hey that is some tough stuff...It is great you are going to help him out though.

Always plan on your plans to change.

MT
Link Posted: 8/23/2004 5:28:34 AM EST
Dont let him back in. Tell your wife that he'll have to get over his pride and make a budget, help him make a new resume and go hunting for a better job or ADDITIONAL job. to pay the bills. Help him find resources to help with the child custody thing.

If you dont do that and let him in, set your wife and step kid down and say in no uncertain terms what you expect of him and what the rules are and how long he can stay. Any violation, he gets ONE warning, on the second his shit is moved out to the corner. PERIOD. Make sure the wife understands this is as much for your benefit as his as it's time he grows up. If he wants to act and be treated like a man, he has to step and play the part.

S.O.
Link Posted: 8/23/2004 5:33:30 AM EST
Yes making him follow the rules will be forgotten by him in a day or so.


That's why I remind my son daily about the rules of the house.


And that is also why my wife reminds me daily also.


Put your foot down every single day. ANd also tell him he does all the yard work now as long as he is living there....regardless of what the wife says.


Sgatr15
Link Posted: 8/23/2004 5:38:23 AM EST

Originally Posted By Fat_McNasty:
Take his worthless ass down to the recruiter and get him signup. He need a good kick in the crotch to get his head right.



+1
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