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Posted: 1/7/2012 11:04:39 AM EDT
Guys only seem interested in sex. I tried to explain men to her, not sure if she was able to comprehend. Haven't heard back from her yet.

We are pigs... Oink oink oink

Fortunate for women, bacon comes from pigs, and bacon is the most awesomest thing EVER!

In fact, that is why sex is often crudely referred to as, "makin bacon!" Sex is on par with bacon. Do you like bacon?

If man has sex and bacon, he pretty much has everything he needs to be happy... Maybe beer or whiskey to wash it down.

Men pursue women because they are attracted to them, let's face it, they pursue you because they want to make bacon. Bonus points to the girl who can fry it up in a pan. If she makes biscuits, and will put said bacon between the biscuit slices to make a bacon sammich... she might be a keeper.

While I'm not helping the cause of my fellow men here, no single heterosexual guy ever saw a physically attractive woman and thought to himself, gee I wonder what her personality is like. We may have thought to ourselves, yeah, she is hot... but some guy somewhere is sick of her $hit. While they might seem like the same thought, believe me, they are not.

You're an attractive woman, men will want to sleep with you. You could be an unattractive woman and men will still want to sleep with you. Remember, we are pigs... Oink oink oink!

A killer personality, a good head on your shoulders, a career, being loyal, putting up with our B$, that's what keeps us around.

So, on behalf of all of us with a Y chromosome, I apologize that we want to get you in the sack before we even know you're name, we're just hardwired that way.

Hi, my name's Hiram
Link Posted: 1/7/2012 11:06:50 AM EDT
Bacon???????
Link Posted: 1/7/2012 11:07:59 AM EDT

Originally Posted By AJK07734:
Bacon???????


Bacon and guns > sex
Link Posted: 1/7/2012 11:08:07 AM EDT
You, sir, are brilliant....
Link Posted: 1/7/2012 11:08:45 AM EDT
Link Posted: 1/7/2012 11:10:48 AM EDT
I think you're both over generalizing, but good analogy on the bacon!
Link Posted: 1/7/2012 11:13:32 AM EDT
It's a test. If you actually wanted to see her, and potentially score with a woman (giving up your chance for glory here..), you might have suggested that those are normal impulses but the better guys on there, ie., YOU, are looking for the whole package, which does not mean oral, anal and vaginal.
Link Posted: 1/7/2012 11:14:30 AM EDT
As long as I'm 10 times more charming than that Arnold on Green Acres, I call that a win
Link Posted: 1/7/2012 11:14:56 AM EDT
That broad probably blocked you after reading that.
Link Posted: 1/7/2012 11:15:03 AM EDT
tl;dr
Originally Posted By HiramRanger:
Guys only seem interested in sex. I tried to explain men to her, not sure if she was able to comprehend. Haven't heard back from her yet.

We are pigs... Oink oink oink

Fortunate for women, bacon comes from pigs, and bacon is the most awesomest thing EVER!

In fact, that is why sex is often crudely referred to as, "makin bacon!" Sex is on par with bacon. Do you like bacon?

If man has sex and bacon, he pretty much has everything he needs to be happy... Maybe beer or whiskey to wash it down.

Men pursue women because they are attracted to them, let's face it, they pursue you because they want to make bacon. Bonus points to the girl who can fry it up in a pan. If she makes biscuits, and will put said bacon between the biscuit slices to make a bacon sammich... she might be a keeper.

While I'm not helping the cause of my fellow men here, no single heterosexual guy ever saw a physically attractive woman and thought to himself, gee I wonder what her personality is like. We may have thought to ourselves, yeah, she is hot... but some guy somewhere is sick of her $hit. While they might seem like the same thought, believe me, they are not.

You're an attractive woman, men will want to sleep with you. You could be an unattractive woman and men will still want to sleep with you. Remember, we are pigs... Oink oink oink!

A killer personality, a good head on your shoulders, a career, being loyal, putting up with our B$, that's what keeps us around.

So, on behalf of all of us with a Y chromosome, I apologize that we want to get you in the sack before we even know you're name, we're just hardwired that way.

Hi, my name's Hiram


Link Posted: 1/7/2012 11:15:28 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Dru:


I knew you would approve
Link Posted: 1/7/2012 11:16:32 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/7/2012 11:19:37 AM EDT by HiramRanger]
Originally Posted By an_hero:
That broad probably blocked you after reading that.


You know, I need to send her another message and find out!

ETA not blocked yet
Link Posted: 1/7/2012 11:17:49 AM EDT
Originally Posted By QueenDeNile:
I think you're both over generalizing, but good analogy on the bacon!




You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Link Posted: 1/7/2012 11:19:49 AM EDT
I was told there would be bacon in this thread?
Link Posted: 1/7/2012 11:21:07 AM EDT
This thread puts out
Link Posted: 1/7/2012 11:22:25 AM EDT
All I got out of that thread was BACON.
Link Posted: 1/7/2012 11:23:31 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/7/2012 11:25:52 AM EDT by TurboniumOxide]
Keep us updated. I can find no flaw in the OPs post.
Link Posted: 1/7/2012 11:24:38 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Jarhead08:
I was told there would be bacon in this thread?


In fact, there is no bacon or pics. I guess I was right when I awoke this morning and said to myself, "Self, you will be bitterly disappointed today."....

Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile
Link Posted: 1/7/2012 11:27:08 AM EDT
That's weird... pics aren''t loading.
Link Posted: 1/7/2012 11:27:24 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/7/2012 11:27:48 AM EDT by SD307]
Originally Posted By HiramRanger:
Guys only seem interested in sex. I tried to explain men to her, not sure if she was able to comprehend. Haven't heard back from her yet.

We are pigs... Oink oink oink

Fortunate for women, bacon comes from pigs, and bacon is the most awesomest thing EVER!

In fact, that is why sex is often crudely referred to as, "makin bacon!" Sex is on par with bacon. Do you like bacon?

If man has sex and bacon, he pretty much has everything he needs to be happy... Maybe beer or whiskey to wash it down.

Men pursue women because they are attracted to them, let's face it, they pursue you because they want to make bacon. Bonus points to the girl who can fry it up in a pan. If she makes biscuits, and will put said bacon between the biscuit slices to make a bacon sammich... she might be a keeper.

While I'm not helping the cause of my fellow men here, no single heterosexual guy ever saw a physically attractive woman and thought to himself, gee I wonder what her personality is like. We may have thought to ourselves, yeah, she is hot... but some guy somewhere is sick of her $hit. While they might seem like the same thought, believe me, they are not.

You're an attractive woman, men will want to sleep with you. You could be an unattractive woman and men will still want to sleep with you. Remember, we are pigs... Oink oink oink!

A killer personality, a good head on your shoulders, a career, being loyal, putting up with our B$, that's what keeps us around.

So, on behalf of all of us with a Y chromosome, I apologize that we want to get you in the sack before we even know you're name, we're just hardwired that way.

Hi, my name's Hiram


Bull, I regularly asked myself," whats wrong with that one?" when I see a decent looking split tail
Link Posted: 1/7/2012 11:27:34 AM EDT
There are two things I want from a woman ..sex and a sandwich. If I did not want sex then I could just go to subway and save a shit load of time and money
Link Posted: 1/7/2012 11:29:37 AM EDT
You made my wife laugh, she knows it is the truth.

good man


Originally Posted By HiramRanger:
Guys only seem interested in sex. I tried to explain men to her, not sure if she was able to comprehend. Haven't heard back from her yet.

We are pigs... Oink oink oink

Fortunate for women, bacon comes from pigs, and bacon is the most awesomest thing EVER!

In fact, that is why sex is often crudely referred to as, "makin bacon!" Sex is on par with bacon. Do you like bacon?

If man has sex and bacon, he pretty much has everything he needs to be happy... Maybe beer or whiskey to wash it down.

Men pursue women because they are attracted to them, let's face it, they pursue you because they want to make bacon. Bonus points to the girl who can fry it up in a pan. If she makes biscuits, and will put said bacon between the biscuit slices to make a bacon sammich... she might be a keeper.

While I'm not helping the cause of my fellow men here, no single heterosexual guy ever saw a physically attractive woman and thought to himself, gee I wonder what her personality is like. We may have thought to ourselves, yeah, she is hot... but some guy somewhere is sick of her $hit. While they might seem like the same thought, believe me, they are not.

You're an attractive woman, men will want to sleep with you. You could be an unattractive woman and men will still want to sleep with you. Remember, we are pigs... Oink oink oink!

A killer personality, a good head on your shoulders, a career, being loyal, putting up with our B$, that's what keeps us around.

So, on behalf of all of us with a Y chromosome, I apologize that we want to get you in the sack before we even know you're name, we're just hardwired that way.

Hi, my name's Hiram


Link Posted: 1/7/2012 11:31:10 AM EDT
Pretty funny.
Link Posted: 1/7/2012 11:33:27 AM EDT
Someone hasn't had their daily bacon.
Link Posted: 1/7/2012 11:33:51 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/7/2012 11:34:05 AM EDT by Agonist]
Evolutionary imperative going back to when we were fucking microbes.


The Book of Oogenesis


In the beginning were the gametes. And though there was sex, lo, there was no gender, and life was in balance.

And God said, "Let there be Sperm": and some seeds did shrivel in size and grow cheap to make, and they did flood the market.

And God said, "Let there be Eggs": and other seeds were afflicted by a plague of Sperm. And yea, few of them bore fruit, for Sperm brought no food for the zygote, and only the largest Eggs could make up the shortfall. And these grew yet larger in the fullness of time.

And God put the Eggs into a womb, and said, "Wait here: for thy bulk has made thee unwieldy, and Sperm must seek thee out in thy chambers. Henceforth shalt thou be fertilized internally." And it was so.

And God said to the gametes, "The fruit of thy fusion may abide in any place and take any shape. It may breathe air or water or the sulphurous muck of hydrothermal vents. But do not forget my one commandment unto you, which has not changed from the beginning of time: spread thy genes."

And thus did Sperm and Egg go into the world. And Sperm said, "I am cheap and plentiful, and if sowed abundantly I will surely fulfill God's plan. I shall forever seek out new mates and then abandon them when they are with child, for there are many wombs and little time."

But Egg said, "Lo, the burden of procreation weighs heavily upon me. I must carry flesh that is but half mine, gestate and feed it even when it leaves my chamber" (for by now many of Egg's bodies were warm of blood, and furry besides). "I can have but few children, and must devote myself to those, and protect them at every turn. And I will make Sperm help me, for he got me into this. And though he doth struggle at my side, I shall not let him stray, nor lie with my competitors."

And Sperm liked this not.

And God smiled, for Its commandment had put Sperm and Egg at war with each other, even unto the day they made themselves obsolete.


I brought her flowers one dusky Tuesday evening when the light was perfect. I pointed out the irony of that romantic old tradition— the severed genitalia of another species, offered as a precopulatory bribe—and then I recited my story just as we were about to fuck.

To this day, I still don't know what went wrong.

Link Posted: 1/7/2012 11:43:17 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Ventilator:
Originally Posted By Jarhead08:
I was told there would be bacon in this thread?


In fact, there is no bacon or pics. I guess I was right when I awoke this morning and said to myself, "Self, you will be bitterly disappointed today."....

Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile
So am to understand the bacon in this thread is akin to the elusive monkey?



Link Posted: 1/7/2012 12:03:40 PM EDT
Speaking of which, what happened to GoneRebel??
Link Posted: 1/7/2012 12:05:41 PM EDT
Still waiting on pics of bacon
Link Posted: 1/7/2012 12:08:44 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/7/2012 12:09:18 PM EDT by zipzipzipper]
Shall I post a pic of my chorizo?
Link Posted: 1/7/2012 12:09:49 PM EDT
I guess in the case of PoF bacon>roast beef
Link Posted: 1/7/2012 12:10:29 PM EDT
I consider honey glazed bacon equivalent to...





















Bareback
Link Posted: 1/7/2012 12:12:37 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Agonist:
Evolutionary imperative going back to when we were fucking microbes.


The Book of Oogenesis

E
In the beginning were the gametes. And though there was sex, lo, there was no gender, and life was in balance.

And God said, "Let there be Sperm": and some seeds did shrivel in size and grow cheap to make, and they did flood the market.

And God said, "Let there be Eggs": and other seeds were afflicted by a plague of Sperm. And yea, few of them bore fruit, for Sperm brought no food for the zygote, and only the largest Eggs could make up the shortfall. And these grew yet larger in the fullness of time.

And God put the Eggs into a womb, and said, "Wait here: for thy bulk has made thee unwieldy, and Sperm must seek thee out in thy chambers. Henceforth shalt thou be fertilized internally." And it was so.

And God said to the gametes, "The fruit of thy fusion may abide in any place and take any shape. It may breathe air or water or the sulphurous muck of hydrothermal vents. But do not forget my one commandment unto you, which has not changed from the beginning of time: spread thy genes."

And thus did Sperm and Egg go into the world. And Sperm said, "I am cheap and plentiful, and if sowed abundantly I will surely fulfill God's plan. I shall forever seek out new mates and then abandon them when they are with child, for there are many wombs and little time."

But Egg said, "Lo, the burden of procreation weighs heavily upon me. I must carry flesh that is but half mine, gestate and feed it even when it leaves my chamber" (for by now many of Egg's bodies were warm of blood, and furry besides). "I can have but few children, and must devote myself to those, and protect them at every turn. And I will make Sperm help me, for he got me into this. And though he doth struggle at my side, I shall not let him stray, nor lie with my competitors."

And Sperm liked this not.

And God smiled, for Its commandment had put Sperm and Egg at war with each other, even unto the day they made themselves obsolete.


I brought her flowers one dusky Tuesday evening when the light was perfect. I pointed out the irony of that romantic old tradition— the severed genitalia of another species, offered as a precopulatory bribe—and then I recited my story just as we were about to fuck.

To this day, I still don't know what went wrong.



Finally, I have found true religion.
Link Posted: 1/7/2012 12:14:24 PM EDT
I entered this thread because I was made to believe there would be bacon....


Link Posted: 1/7/2012 12:17:18 PM EDT
Hmm, where did I put that pan?

Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile
Link Posted: 1/7/2012 12:17:26 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Greenfeet:
I entered this thread because I was made to believe there would be bacon....




You lie, there is no bacon in thread title
Link Posted: 1/7/2012 12:36:26 PM EDT
Wait,so you're saying that women are really made of bacon?
Link Posted: 1/7/2012 12:38:09 PM EDT
So the other night I was at the tavern with a buddy. We cheers and this redhead across the bar cheers with us. Cool. I go over and start bullshitting with her. She is so-so looking. We are having a decent conversation when out of no where she fucking belches louder than fuck. I kinda ignored it thinking I might have been hearing things or something. Well, five minutes later she does it again. I asked, "Are you fucking serious?" She gets all butthurt like it is perfectly acceptable to belch louder than fuck and think it's totally fine. This is my dating pool.
Link Posted: 1/7/2012 12:41:01 PM EDT
Originally Posted By 72Harley:
Wait,so you're saying that women are really made of bacon?


My jaw is sore, and I still haven't reached the bacony layer
Link Posted: 1/7/2012 12:41:49 PM EDT
Originally Posted By HiramRanger:
Guys only seem interested in sex. I tried to explain men to her, not sure if she was able to comprehend. Haven't heard back from her yet.

We are pigs... Oink oink oink

Fortunate for women, bacon comes from pigs, and bacon is the most awesomest thing EVER!

In fact, that is why sex is often crudely referred to as, "makin bacon!" Sex is on par with bacon. Do you like bacon?

If man has sex and bacon, he pretty much has everything he needs to be happy... Maybe beer or whiskey to wash it down.

Men pursue women because they are attracted to them, let's face it, they pursue you because they want to make bacon. Bonus points to the girl who can fry it up in a pan. If she makes biscuits, and will put said bacon between the biscuit slices to make a bacon sammich... she might be a keeper.

While I'm not helping the cause of my fellow men here, no single heterosexual guy ever saw a physically attractive woman and thought to himself, gee I wonder what her personality is like. We may have thought to ourselves, yeah, she is hot... but some guy somewhere is sick of her $hit. While they might seem like the same thought, believe me, they are not.

You're an attractive woman, men will want to sleep with you. You could be an unattractive woman and men will still want to sleep with you. Remember, we are pigs... Oink oink oink!

A killer personality, a good head on your shoulders, a career, being loyal, putting up with our B$, that's what keeps us around.

So, on behalf of all of us with a Y chromosome, I apologize that we want to get you in the sack before we even know you're name, we're just hardwired that way.

Hi, my name's Hiram


I was all set to get butthurt until I saw the part in red.
Link Posted: 1/7/2012 12:53:23 PM EDT
I'm not interested just in sex. I'm interested in money too.
Link Posted: 1/7/2012 12:59:01 PM EDT
Originally Posted By raven:
I'm not interested just in sex. I'm interested in money too.


Yeah no shit!

<–––––– Will Manwore for money! But it's just a fast way to go broke the way I look.

Man I feel sorry for my wife when she has to introduce me to people "No, it's not a monkey, he's my husband. It's okay to feed him but you should just place a full plate where he can see it and give him some space, he has been known to bite"
Link Posted: 1/7/2012 2:01:15 PM EDT
There used to be guys like that. Know what happened to them? They died off because they didnt reproduce as much. Funny how that works.
Link Posted: 1/7/2012 2:02:33 PM EDT
Chicks only say shit like that because they fucked some guy on the first date and never heard back from him again.
Link Posted: 1/7/2012 2:06:24 PM EDT
My wife still hasn't figured out that all she has to do is feed me and fuck me, and I'll be as maleable as she wants me to be.

Pretty simple.
Link Posted: 1/7/2012 2:31:36 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/7/2012 2:32:01 PM EDT by speedfreak955]
You had me at bacon. The rest was all bla bla wa wha wha...
Link Posted: 1/7/2012 2:37:25 PM EDT
OP's post is truth in it's truest form.
Link Posted: 1/7/2012 2:38:02 PM EDT
Originally Posted By EXPcustom:
I consider honey glazed bacon equivalent to...





















Bareback


i'm just surprised you didn't find the mention of hetorosexual sex disgusting.
Link Posted: 1/7/2012 2:38:28 PM EDT
I would think the answer is obvious. We intend to repopulate with our seed.
Link Posted: 1/7/2012 2:39:04 PM EDT
I just had a million dollar idea..... Lube that smells and tastes like bacon.....
Link Posted: 1/7/2012 2:43:56 PM EDT
Originally Posted By -FiveFiveSIx-:
I just had a million dollar idea..... Lube that smells and tastes like bacon.....


Dude you can't tear my mouth away from a juicy shaved pussy... Make it taste like bacon and you're going to need to reserve the poor girl a suite in the closest ICU!
Link Posted: 1/7/2012 2:47:12 PM EDT


Other than their bodies, women just aren't that interesting to me. Come back with an insulting remark about me fine, but it is the truth. I don't need them.
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