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Posted: 8/12/2007 8:51:19 AM EDT
This is how I found out.

My wife tells me that she paid $200 to have her wedding dress preserved and asked me if that was okay? We just got married about 2 months ago.

I told her that was fine, I understand that she may want her daughter to wear it one day or something like that.

She tells me that they will repair all the beading, clean the dress and then preserve it with a lifetime guarantee. To be perfectly honest, I thought $200 sounded pretty cheap considering how much beading was on that damn dress.

So anyways, last night she goes out to dinner with a bunch of her friends to celebrate a birthday party(not hers).

When she goes to pay for her meal the waitress, not discreet at all tell my wife her debit card is declined!

My wife calls me while I am at home and asks me to go on-line to our checking account. We have $5.74 left in our acct, WTF!

I see a charge on their for $545 from a company that says "J. sheer wedding". So, I ask her what this debit is on here?

She starts freaking out saying that they were supposed to charge the credit card and not her debit card.

I ask her, "I thought you told me it was going to cost $200".

She starts crying and said that she didnt want me to get upset that she paid that much.

I am really pissed off this point so I hang up, she sends me a text message that she is really sorry.

I havent really spoken to her this morning.

I'm not really mad about the money, I guess I am just mad about the fact that she lied to me.

Am I overreacting?
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 8:55:07 AM EDT
im sorry but you need to divorce her, and kick her dog immediately.

jk
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 8:55:07 AM EDT
Get over it. Unless you two are going without groceries or you won't be able to pay the electric bill then don't make a mountain out of a mole hill. This is a grand opportunity to score points by accepting her apology and telling her it's ok to spend the 500 bucks on something she considers very important.

Don't be a heel.
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 8:55:50 AM EDT
Welcome to married life.
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 8:55:51 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/12/2007 8:58:07 AM EDT by 9mmUser]
uh oh. This can't be good.

I don't think you are over reacting. I think there is a trouble brewing. She lied about the cost of preservation. Trying to give a lie to your life partner is NOT a good sign. Sorry to say, but you should be on the look out from now on 24/7 in terms of financial safety. I'm not advocating that you chain her or have someone follow her, but I'd suggest you take complete charge of your finance to prevent further happenings.

Watch out for all things.

ETA. of course this is assuming to OP is not doing similar thing to her with his gun fund
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 8:56:01 AM EDT

Originally Posted By MrClean4Hire:
By not speaking to her you are being childish.

You are not wrong to be upset about her telling you a lie.

Communication, not silence will set things straight.

I'm not married, but this sounds like good advice to me.
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 8:56:21 AM EDT

Originally Posted By MrClean4Hire:
By not speaking to her you are being childish.

You are not wrong to be upset about her telling you a lie.

Communication, not silence will set things straight.


Yep. I have done the silent treatment to my lady once or twice.

Its stupid and it will not do anything but make things worse. Talk to her and get past it.
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 8:56:53 AM EDT

Originally Posted By MrClean4Hire:
By not speaking to her you are being childish.

You are not wrong to be upset about her telling you a lie.

Communication, not silence will set things straight.


It is not childish if he is that angry.... better to cool off first than say things you regret later and cannot undo, very angry people don't communicate very well.
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 8:56:58 AM EDT
I see problems in your near future far worse than this if you don't put a stop to it now !
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 8:57:06 AM EDT

Originally Posted By UH_SALT_RIFLE:
Let her slide but make sure she knows that this isn't how a healthy relationship or marriage will last.



+1
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 8:57:08 AM EDT
sit down and have good stern talk that shit like that is NOT gunna fly in your house hold. be the man of the house. women have no respect for metro-sexuals.
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 8:57:14 AM EDT
Sounds like she just lied to you again on the phone.

"they were supposed to put it on the credit card!"


I don't think you're over reacting. Lying about that kind of money shouldn't happen, especially when you can't afford it.

And I've never lied about the price of a gun.

Link Posted: 8/12/2007 8:57:18 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/12/2007 8:57:50 AM EDT by Alien]
She's sorry. She knows she fucked up. Don't be a dick to her. It's just money, and not even that large an amount when it comes down to it. Let her make it up to you.

Just explain that it better not happen again! Trust is part of the foundation of marriage.
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 8:57:43 AM EDT
Pow, zoom....to the moon Alice.
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 8:58:18 AM EDT

Originally Posted By SAXD45:
Get over it. Unless you two are going without groceries or you won't be able to pay the electric bill then don't make a mountain out of a mole hill. This is a grand opportunity to score points by accepting her apology and telling her it's ok to spend the 500 bucks on something she considers very important.

Don't be a heel.


He mentioned that he has about five dollars in the checking account now.

Link Posted: 8/12/2007 8:58:18 AM EDT

Originally Posted By UH_SALT_RIFLE:
Let her slide but make sure she knows that this isn't how a healthy relationship or marriage will last.



+1, you have to learn to pick your battles. Yea thats a lot of money and she should have told you the truth from the start, I would let her know I was pissed about the lie and drop it.
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 8:58:27 AM EDT







just kidding

Link Posted: 8/12/2007 8:58:48 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Primos:

Originally Posted By SAXD45:
Get over it. Unless you two are going without groceries or you won't be able to pay the electric bill then don't make a mountain out of a mole hill. This is a grand opportunity to score points by accepting her apology and telling her it's ok to spend the 500 bucks on something she considers very important.

Don't be a heel.


He mentioned that he has about five dollars in the checking account now.



And?
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 8:59:05 AM EDT

Originally Posted By MrClean4Hire:
By not speaking to her you are being childish.

You are not wrong to be upset about her telling you a lie.

Communication, not silence will set things straight.


everything about this post is correct IMO.

talk to her about it.

my SO and I went through something very similar, but her's was about an automobile. She got taken to the cleaners by a sly car salesman and didn't want to tell me about it. We got things worked out. FYI, it could've been worse...

Communication is key!
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 8:59:10 AM EDT

Originally Posted By KG5S:
I see problems in your near future far worse than this if you don't put a stop to it now !


I wouldn't presume that it's 100% her fault. Has he talked to her about finances? Has he "informed" her that all purchases must be approved by him or else? Did he give her a reason that she feels like she needs to keep secrets out of fear of retatliation? Open door policy?

Too many intangibles.
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 8:59:13 AM EDT
Sounds like some serious knee pad action is in the works.
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 8:59:32 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Alien:
She's sorry. She knows she fucked up.



Because she got caught.

Link Posted: 8/12/2007 8:59:44 AM EDT
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 8:59:52 AM EDT
Does she know how much all of your guns have cost?

Hell, I rarely tell my wife how much I spend on things I buy for her, let alone myself for fear that she will mad at the cost.


If your over the money, get over the dishonesty. Just let her know that she doesn't have to lie about money or worry about you getting mad about something, especially since it makes her happy... Then you will get some "I'm sorry, I love you" make-up sex.


Link Posted: 8/12/2007 9:00:50 AM EDT
Let her make it up to you:
A quarter at a time!
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 9:01:08 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Primos:

Originally Posted By SAXD45:
Get over it. Unless you two are going without groceries or you won't be able to pay the electric bill then don't make a mountain out of a mole hill. This is a grand opportunity to score points by accepting her apology and telling her it's ok to spend the 500 bucks on something she considers very important.

Don't be a heel.


He mentioned that he has about five dollars in the checking account now.



Yes. We do have $5 in the bank right now. We also just paid the following:

rent $850
car payment $412

All credit cards are paid up to date and I get paid next week.

Like I said before, we are financially VERY secure. I really was not mad about the money...

Just the lie
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 9:01:31 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Max_Mike:

Originally Posted By MrClean4Hire:
By not speaking to her you are being childish.

You are not wrong to be upset about her telling you a lie.

Communication, not silence will set things straight.


It is not childish if he is that angry.... better to cool off first than say things you regret later and cannot undo, very angry people don't communicate very well.
I agree. Best to cool off and think about it for a bit. Nothing is worse than erupting in a rage and say something that you will regret later.

Use this as your get out of jail free card. Play your hand right and you can take advantage of this for years.
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 9:01:54 AM EDT
You mean you have a joint account?

IBTJAAB (In Before The Joint Accounts Are Bad) crowd


Originally Posted By MrClean4Hire:
By not speaking to her you are being childish.

You are not wrong to be upset about her telling you a lie.

Communication, not silence will set things straight.


+1000
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 9:02:22 AM EDT
Man so many people are quick to throw her under the bus then to try to solve a problem.

No wonder the divorce rate is so high.
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 9:02:49 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Msokol13:

Originally Posted By Primos:

Originally Posted By SAXD45:
Get over it. Unless you two are going without groceries or you won't be able to pay the electric bill then don't make a mountain out of a mole hill. This is a grand opportunity to score points by accepting her apology and telling her it's ok to spend the 500 bucks on something she considers very important.

Don't be a heel.


He mentioned that he has about five dollars in the checking account now.



Yes. We do have $5 in the bank right now. We also just paid the following:

rent $850
car payment $412

All credit cards are paid up to date and I get paid next week.

Like I said before, we are financially VERY secure. I really was not mad about the money...

Just the lie

So sit down and talk to her about it. You two are gonna go through a lot harder things over the course of your life than a few hundred bucks misappropriated. Everyone does/will.
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 9:02:57 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Msokol13:

Originally Posted By Primos:

Originally Posted By SAXD45:
Get over it. Unless you two are going without groceries or you won't be able to pay the electric bill then don't make a mountain out of a mole hill. This is a grand opportunity to score points by accepting her apology and telling her it's ok to spend the 500 bucks on something she considers very important.

Don't be a heel.


He mentioned that he has about five dollars in the checking account now.



Yes. We do have $5 in the bank right now. We also just paid the following:

rent $850
car payment $412

All credit cards are paid up to date and I get paid next week.

Like I said before, we are financially VERY secure. I really was not mad about the money...

Just the lie


Then it sounds like you need to discover why she felt she NEEDED to lie to you. Find that out and fix it.

Don't listen to the doom sayers. Things can be patched up without much ado this early in the relationship.
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 9:03:21 AM EDT
She thinks that amount is too much because y'all have been through something similar before.

Just be glad it's only $550. Then make sure it stops now. Here's the truth, if you don't get control of all expenditures now, it will only get worse.

Plus, debit cards are teh debil and encourage excess spending because of the lack of visibility to the totals.

Link Posted: 8/12/2007 9:04:09 AM EDT
Hire a lawyer, install a keylogger, sell all your guns and ammo to a good friend for a dollar...


Link Posted: 8/12/2007 9:04:15 AM EDT
Thanks for all the advise.

I think I will take a shower and see if she wants to go out to breakfast.

I have a $3000 overdraft protection on the acct and we dont get charged if we use it. She is going to call the company on Monday and get it straightened out.
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 9:05:40 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Msokol13:
Thanks for all the advise.

I think I will take a shower and see if she wants to go out to breakfast.

I have a $3000 overdraft protection on the acct and we dont get charged if we use it. She is going to call the company on Monday and get it straightened out.
Sounds like you are handling it well.

Honestly if this is as worse as your fights get, you are ok.
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 9:21:25 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/12/2007 9:23:30 AM EDT by angelfire]

Originally Posted By Max_Mike:

Originally Posted By MrClean4Hire:
By not speaking to her you are being childish.

You are not wrong to be upset about her telling you a lie.

Communication, not silence will set things straight.


It is not childish if he is that angry.... better to cool off first than say things you regret later and cannot undo, very angry people don't communicate very well.


Don't look at this as WHAT SHE DID already. Look at it as, an opportunity to make sure the communication lines are clear to avoid future trouble.
Start off working through this the right way. The dry cleaner could have done just as well for less. Did she do some comparative pricing, was that in your budget or did she get caught up in a status thing. She should have talked to you about this purchase since it was way over the 200. But your response will only dictate what she will do in the future. If she is miserable and you don't take the time to set some mutual spending ground rules now it will only perpetuate the lying on her part. She will feel she must avoid the conflict so a lie will be easier she will do what is comfortable in the moment. Like the stupidity of spending 500 + on preservation. If you talk it out and agree on spending that you both abide by that will perpetuate truth.
If you can't do this and agree on it you have major issues right now. Both of you.
Handle it now. And have along happy relationship. Stew and you can start saving for the lawyer. Please see some good advice below.

After many discussions, we decided to marry anyway. Months later we found ourselves standing before the minister saying, “I do.”

My husband earned a scholarship and my dad agreed to pay for one more year of my college, laying a solid foundation for us. We had to make the rest work. Neither one of us is an accountant, or majored in finance, but our simple debt-free guidelines worked and they can be followed by anyone.

1. Stick to an agreed-upon budget. Entertainment, eating out, expensive vacations, “toys,” and gadgets, did not make it onto our financial plan. I remember having no cake pans to bake a birthday cake for my husband that first year. “Pans” did not appear on our budget. We did without.

2. Do not purchase anything on credit. Credit cards were not an option during those early years of our marriage! We had no choice: no cash, no purchase!

3. Title each month. At least a tenth of our income is given to the church.
4. Save a portion of the monthly income. Set aside a percentage that is never to be touched. It is the basis for interest-earning, long-term savings. Another percentage is set aside for large purchases like a washer, dryer, or pieces of furniture. It took us 6 years on dual income with no children to save the necessary cash for a comfortable down payment on a house.

We opted to do without many things, but we had peace of mind. We didn’t buy all the latest gadgets, but our lives were stress-free. We only drove one car for many years, saving on payments and car insurance, which forced us to communicate and cooperate and taught us the value of compromise. Those early years helped us to develop good financial habits.

Once our sons began to understand the power of money, we developed a few more guidelines.
1. Impulse buying is not allowed. We discussed what we would buy before shopping events. We practiced intentional buying, not wishful shopping. Once there, if something caught our eye, we could not purchase it. We had to go home and wait two weeks. If, at the end of two weeks, we could justify the purchase, then we could return and make that purchase.

2. Window shopping is not a family activity. Walking in the mall and other activities that can set one up for discontentment or temptation has never been a part of our family’s regular activities. Instead we play games, visit friends, participate in church programs, and enjoy local sights like museums or parks.

3. Regularly review and evaluate spending habits. One year we decided to forgo eating out. Another year we resolved to allow all our magazine subscriptions to lapse. We saved lots of money, dollars which we had pledged to our church’s building fund.

Americans have access to so much of the world’s money and, for some reason in our overwhelmingly self-absorbed state, we feel we have to spend, spend, spend, leading directly to a life of discontent and debt. This two-edged sword not only stresses relationships, it steals from evangelical progress. What would happen if we carefully evaluated our drive to splurge? Properly funded, possibly the church could make wide-spread changes on the face of the earth. We could reach out and change poverty, improve education, touch the suffering in meaningful ways, and ultimately enrich our very own souls.

Dear Lord, You've provided me with blessings far and above what most of the world experiences. Help me to be responsible with the gifts You have given me. I want to remain faithful to You and my neighbors, making wise choices with my finances. I ask for Your guidance and wisdom, in Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Application Steps:
However painful and uncomfortable it might be, chart your spending for three months. Find areas where you can completely cut back. Either give that money away, use it to pay off a credit card, or set it aside until you have saved enough for your next big purchase.


Link Posted: 8/12/2007 9:22:21 AM EDT
Oh fuck, here comes the divorce. Just kidding man.

Dude, it's her wedding dress. Get the fuck over it, tell her that she shouldn't have lied to you and she just should have told you it was going to be $500. Get over it don't use it as some future leverage and say "Oh yeah, remember when you paid "$200" to have your wedding dress preserved?" That's what women do.

I can understand you being upset about her lying, but it isn't that big of a deal. Now if it were a $500 purse or shoes, then kick her ass.
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 9:24:27 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Max_Mike:

Originally Posted By MrClean4Hire:
By not speaking to her you are being childish.

You are not wrong to be upset about her telling you a lie.

Communication, not silence will set things straight.


It is not childish if he is that angry.... better to cool off first than say things you regret later and cannot undo, very angry people don't communicate very well.


+1
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 9:29:16 AM EDT

Originally Posted By IR:

Originally Posted By AGW:
Dude! She's paying big bucks to preserve the dress she married YOU in! She's not buying plane tickets with her secret lover.


No shit! wtf?


Maybe she wants it preserved for her next wedding.
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 9:33:40 AM EDT
This relationship is off to a wonderful start.

Must of been some birthday party.

Who knows how much money is in the bank?

There are a lot of flags here.
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 9:36:00 AM EDT
i F&*^%@ hate text messages! exspesially from girls saying that they are sorry, if your sorry call me and let me know so i can chew our ass out for being a dumb bitch... sorry i have some underlying issues lol
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 9:37:08 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Msokol13:
Yes. We do have $5 in the bank right now.
Like I said before, we are financially VERY secure.


Errr, $5 in the bank is far from being "financially VERY secure".
$5,000 in the checking account is a good start, $5,000 in the checking and $5,000 in the savings accounts are a better start, $5,000 in the checking account and $50,000 spread out between IRA's, stocks, bonds and a savings account is better.
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 9:38:49 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Msokol13:

I am really pissed off this point so I hang up, she sends me a text message that she is really sorry.

I havent really spoken to her this morning.

I'm not really mad about the money, I guess I am just mad about the fact that she lied to me.

Am I overreacting?


Tell her not to worry about speaking the truth. If it's important to her, it's important to you too.

Having a relationship is an acquired skill. Parents don't teach us everything we need to know.

Forgive her, pronto. Having someone pissed off at you gets old, fast.
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 9:40:01 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Msokol13: (snip)


You came to the only place on the internet where the information and advise you receive will be the best!!!

Heed the advice, act on the advice and do not question the Arfcom Hive Mind when it comes to women.

You will never go wrong by following the advice shared on Arfcom.

Link Posted: 8/12/2007 9:40:16 AM EDT
You should try just kicking the shit out of her. Dont hospitalize her, thats reserved for girlfriends. This is your bride, just a light ass whipping for telling a lie. This will stop this bad habit. And dont forget to tell her you love her all the time.
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 9:41:34 AM EDT
She was worried that you would be mad about that becasue you obviously have anger control problems that made her worry in the first place.
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 9:42:25 AM EDT
My wife thinks I paid $599 for my new Browning 525 Sporting.
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 9:43:21 AM EDT

Originally Posted By jmt1271:
You should try just kicking the shit out of her. Dont hospitalize her, thats reserved for girlfriends. This is your bride, just a light ass whipping for telling a lie. This will stop this bad habit. And dont forget to tell her you love her all the time.


Link Posted: 8/12/2007 9:43:41 AM EDT
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 9:44:52 AM EDT
Link Posted: 8/12/2007 9:45:00 AM EDT

Originally Posted By jmt1271:
You should try just kicking the shit out of her. Dont hospitalize her, thats reserved for girlfriends. This is your bride, just a light ass whipping for telling a lie. This will stop this bad habit. And dont forget to tell her you love her all the time.





Make sure you have a dirty wife beater t shirt on.
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