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Posted: 12/16/2010 8:04:28 PM EDT
I felt like being a little evil.
This box contains a cookbook that she wanted. The box is entirely too large for the cookbook. It's also entirely wrapped in duct tape. And it has a story about zombies written on it. I really wasn't intending to write a story about zombies..it just kinda came out. I can't wait to see the look on my wife's face when she unwraps this gift.  First pic. It reads: "April 12, 1642.... My expedition has made it this far...we have suffered many casualties on our quest for this great artifact. We lost 2 men on the first day and it just got worse from there. Now only 3 of us remain. I write this as a warning in case we don't make it...the other 2 are off gathering water. They have been gone for a long time. I've been hearing weird noises ever since we've been down here. Until now I have discounted these noises as the disconnected ramblings of a lonely mind. Being this far underground with just torches to light the path has taken a toll on our morale as well as my psyche...I hope they return soon."  Second: "April 14, 1642... I hadn't seen my expedition mates since I last wrote. I feared they had fallen to the creatures that I have seen. Their eyes haunt me...I have yet to determine their ally status. The noises they make at night haunt my dreams. I will need to venture out for water soon....our (my?) supply is dangerously low." "April 17, 1642... My worst fears were confirmed. The mangled bodies of my mates were by the river that we heard. The creatures are my enemies...I can barely sleep for fear of death. I am no closer to opening this damned, infernal box. I must carry on...It's what the expedition would have wanted. We knew the risks when we signed on. The queen will be proud."  Third: "April 20, 1642... I have had many skirmishes with the creatures of the cave. They seem to thirst for human flesh. I could swear that I've mortally wounded one only to see it return hours later. Sleeping is now difficult. My hearing wakes me at the slightest noise. I have adapted to life down here...but maybe not soon enough. I was wounded by one of the creatures - but not mortally. I must continue work on this box...it contains the greatest of treasures..."  Fourth: "April 26, 1642... I feel that the end is near...the creature must have wounded me worse than I thought. The goal of the treasure is slipping out of my mind...all I can think of is the flesh of my prey. I fear that I have let down my queen...my expedition...and myself. I won't ever know the joy of opening this box of treasure. My end is near...I will become one of them soon. If you get this far you must KEEP GOING!"  My awful drawing:  HAHAHA this is going to be awesome. She'll crack up. Love it. And since I know you fuckers are gonna request it:  |
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Posted: 12/16/2010 8:06:13 PM EDT
[#1]
yeah i don't get it
but you wife is hot |
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Posted: 12/16/2010 8:06:25 PM EDT
[#2]
Ahahahahah.
Still should have traded her for my SD.
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Posted: 12/16/2010 8:07:33 PM EDT
[#3]
Quoted: yeah i don't get it but you wife is hot Fuck, I don't get it either and I wrote the goddamn thing.  |
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Posted: 12/16/2010 8:10:18 PM EDT
[#4]
Genius on the Duct tape wrapping paper....
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Posted: 12/16/2010 8:11:57 PM EDT
[#5]
Quoted: Genius on the Duct tape wrapping paper.... Possibility of hours of fun.... |
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Posted: 12/16/2010 8:12:34 PM EDT
[#6]
Quoted: This! yeah i don't get it but you wife is hot |
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Posted: 12/16/2010 8:13:14 PM EDT
[#7]
Did your and your wife's parents have to sign permission slips for the wedding?
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Posted: 12/16/2010 8:13:47 PM EDT
[#8]
So where's your stories on the thread about the creepiest moves you ever made on girls? Based on this, I'm thinking you have many stories to share.
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Posted: 12/16/2010 8:15:29 PM EDT
[#9]
I almost did that to my brothers present. Instead I wrapped it in wrapping paper, then a couple of layers of shrink wrap. Then I hit the shrink wrap with a heat gun to make sure it was sealed and then surrounded it with a can of expanding spray foam. Once the foam cured I cut the sides so they were all flat and square and then wrapped it so it looks like a regular box. It should be fun to watch him figure out how to get his present out of the middle of a block of foam.
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Posted: 12/16/2010 8:17:56 PM EDT
[#10]
Quoted: Did your and your wife's parents have to sign permission slips for the wedding? We're 22, boss.  Quoted: I almost did that to my brothers present. Instead I wrapped it in wrapping paper, then a couple of layers of shrink wrap. Then I hit the shrink wrap with a heat gun to make sure it was sealed and then surrounded it with a can of expanding spray foam. Once the foam cured I cut the sides so they were all flat and square and then wrapped it so it looks like a regular box. It should be fun to watch him figure out how to get his present out of the middle of a block of foam. AHAH awesome. I might steal a buddy's idea for my brother's present. He took 2 pieces of MDF, 3 bottles of gorilla glue, a box of screws, and some foam and secured a gift card. Glued the MDF together, screwed it even tighter, fucked up the screw heads so no one could pull out the screws, and coat the whole damn thing in foam. |
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Posted: 12/16/2010 8:19:56 PM EDT
[#11]
Looking for lingerie or some sex toys. Most disappoint.
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Posted: 12/16/2010 8:23:17 PM EDT
[#12]
Pro tip:
Now, put it in a bigger box and wrap that in in regular wrapping paper.
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Posted: 12/16/2010 8:24:32 PM EDT
[#13]
Quoted: Pro tip: Now, put it in a bigger box and wrap that in in regular wrapping paper. I think I'm going to dump it in a big empty popcorn tub and scuff the shit out of it with some sandpaper and then wrap that. |
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Posted: 12/16/2010 8:28:51 PM EDT
[#14]
Quoted:
yeah i don't get it but you wife is hot first post and all that jazz.............. |
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Posted: 12/16/2010 8:29:01 PM EDT
[#15]
Quoted:
Quoted:
Did your and your wife's parents have to sign permission slips for the wedding? We're 22, boss.
Quoted:
I almost did that to my brothers present. Instead I wrapped it in wrapping paper, then a couple of layers of shrink wrap. Then I hit the shrink wrap with a heat gun to make sure it was sealed and then surrounded it with a can of expanding spray foam. Once the foam cured I cut the sides so they were all flat and square and then wrapped it so it looks like a regular box. It should be fun to watch him figure out how to get his present out of the middle of a block of foam. AHAH awesome. I might steal a buddy's idea for my brother's present. He took 2 pieces of MDF, 3 bottles of gorilla glue, a box of screws, and some foam and secured a gift card. Glued the MDF together, screwed it even tighter, fucked up the screw heads so no one could pull out the screws, and coat the whole damn thing in foam.
Married at 22.  I'm 25 and I literally can't even fucking fathom the idea of marriage.
Anyhow, good story. She gonna hate you for that damn duct-taped box! |
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Posted: 12/16/2010 8:30:56 PM EDT
[#16]
Wow, how romantic.
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Posted: 12/16/2010 8:31:50 PM EDT
[#17]
You married way the fuck up.. for sure! But I bet I know why she loves you. Your silly, and you make her laugh
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Posted: 12/16/2010 8:31:56 PM EDT
[#18]
im speechless and slightly creeped out
thanks 
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Posted: 12/16/2010 8:33:14 PM EDT
[#19]
Once wrapped a friends gift with a base layer of old magazines then a healthy grid of that metal strapping shippers use on heavy ass freight then sealed it all up with duct tape.
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Posted: 12/16/2010 8:34:48 PM EDT
[#20]
That is so awesome!
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Posted: 12/16/2010 8:35:18 PM EDT
[#21]
That's funny shit! I'd laugh my ass of if that gift were for me.
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Posted: 12/16/2010 8:38:44 PM EDT
[#22]
Karma?
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Posted: 12/16/2010 8:48:20 PM EDT
[#23]
If I was wrapping a cookbook for my wife I would make damn sure she could get into it easily. I wouldn't want to discourage her from using it.
My $.02 |
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Posted: 12/16/2010 8:49:11 PM EDT
[#24]
Quoted: yeah i don't get it but you wife is hot |
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Posted: 12/16/2010 8:49:30 PM EDT
[#25]
Just awesome. Well played.
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Posted: 12/16/2010 8:50:48 PM EDT
[#26]
HAHAH so I couldn't hold on to this until Christmas. Wife just got home from work and I told her I had a present for her.
She laughed so goddamn hard Was a big hit. Now she's reading the cookbook and preparing a menu for the next week or so.haters gonna hate but I have the best wife around. |
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Posted: 12/16/2010 8:51:05 PM EDT
[#27]
What'd she do to deserve you?
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Posted: 12/16/2010 8:54:59 PM EDT
[#28]
She's out of your league, like most arfcommers. Good job!
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Posted: 12/16/2010 9:21:25 PM EDT
[#29]
The wrapping and travel log made me think of this...
 |
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Posted: 12/16/2010 9:47:11 PM EDT
[#30]
Quoted:
Did your and your wife's parents have to sign permission slips for the wedding? 
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Posted: 12/16/2010 9:48:47 PM EDT
[#31]
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Posted: 12/16/2010 9:55:10 PM EDT
[#32]
Quoted:
I felt like being a little evil. This box contains a cookbook that she wanted. The box is entirely too large for the cookbook. It's also entirely wrapped in duct tape. And it has a story about zombies written on it. I really wasn't intending to write a story about zombies..it just kinda came out. I can't wait to see the look on my wife's face when she unwraps this gift.
First pic. It reads: "April 12, 1642.... My expedition has made it this far...we have suffered many casualties on our quest for this great artifact. We lost 2 men on the first day and it just got worse from there. Now only 3 of us remain. I write this as a warning in case we don't make it...the other 2 are off gathering water. They have been gone for a long time. I've been hearing weird noises ever since we've been down here. Until now I have discounted these noises as the disconnected ramblings of a lonely mind. Being this far underground with just torches to light the path has taken a toll on our morale as well as my psyche...I hope they return soon." http://i.imgur.com/lzs7W.jpg Second: "April 14, 1642... I hadn't seen my expedition mates since I last wrote. I feared they had fallen to the creatures that I have seen. Their eyes haunt me...I have yet to determine their ally status. The noises they make at night haunt my dreams. I will need to venture out for water soon....our (my?) supply is dangerously low." "April 17, 1642... My worst fears were confirmed. The mangled bodies of my mates were by the river that we heard. The creatures are my enemies...I can barely sleep for fear of death. I am no closer to opening this damned, infernal box. I must carry on...It's what the expedition would have wanted. We knew the risks when we signed on. The queen will be proud." http://i.imgur.com/hbBQy.jpg Third: "April 20, 1642... I have had many skirmishes with the creatures of the cave. They seem to thirst for human flesh. I could swear that I've mortally wounded one only to see it return hours later. Sleeping is now difficult. My hearing wakes me at the slightest noise. I have adapted to life down here...but maybe not soon enough. I was wounded by one of the creatures - but not mortally. I must continue work on this box...it contains the greatest of treasures..." http://i.imgur.com/VboRU.jpg Fourth: "April 26, 1642... I feel that the end is near...the creature must have wounded me worse than I thought. The goal of the treasure is slipping out of my mind...all I can think of is the flesh of my prey. I fear that I have let down my queen...my expedition...and myself. I won't ever know the joy of opening this box of treasure. My end is near...I will become one of them soon. If you get this far you must KEEP GOING!" http://i.imgur.com/e3xNw.jpg My awful drawing: http://i.imgur.com/TDkzR.jpg HAHAHA this is going to be awesome. She'll crack up. Love it. And since I know you fuckers are gonna request it: http://i.imgur.com/IeDMY.jpg I'm going to be honest with you. I'm stealing your idea. I'll change the story, but at least two people I know are getting duct-taped presents with a story of some sort on them.  Thank you for the inspiration. I'll try to remember this thread and post pics and results. 
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Posted: 12/16/2010 10:08:58 PM EDT
[#33]
The tree behind your wife has a vagina....
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Posted: 12/16/2010 10:11:05 PM EDT
[#34]
Quoted: The tree behind your wife has a vagina.... Glad you said it. I jerked to that thing like 2 minutes ago. |
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Posted: 12/17/2010 3:29:54 AM EDT
[#35]
And people say romance is dead....
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Posted: 12/17/2010 3:35:43 AM EDT
[#36]
Pretty cool idea, and the wife is lovely.
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Posted: 12/17/2010 5:11:57 AM EDT
[#37]
Quoted: Quoted: The tree behind your wife has a vagina.... Glad you said it. I jerked to that thing like 2 minutes ago. So glad I'm not the only one. Wait...what? |
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Posted: 12/17/2010 5:15:04 AM EDT
[#38]
I just cut cut a hole in the box and call it a day.
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Posted: 12/17/2010 5:24:56 AM EDT
[#39]
lolol thats funny i wrapped a box in tape for my brother yesterday afternoon. I also put 20 lbs of lead on the bottom of the box lol
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Posted: 12/17/2010 5:32:03 AM EDT
[#40]
I have to say that, with all that was going on in the original post, this was the first thing that I thought of as well. OMG It Wraps!!! |
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Posted: 12/17/2010 5:49:39 AM EDT
[#41]
Dude, get back on your meds. It's for your own good.
Think of the children |
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Posted: 12/17/2010 5:55:20 AM EDT
[#42]
funny stuff!
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Posted: 12/17/2010 6:03:08 AM EDT
[#43]
When I lived in Philly,
Homeless people would make signs just like that and sit on the sidewalks, benches etc.. holding them up for all to read. It always left me scratching my head. |
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Posted: 12/17/2010 6:08:37 AM EDT
[#44]
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
The tree behind your wife has a vagina.... Glad you said it. I jerked to that thing like 2 minutes ago. So glad I'm not the only one. Wait...what? IBTC (chops) |
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Posted: 12/17/2010 6:09:29 AM EDT
[#45]
Tagged.
BigDozer66 |
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Posted: 12/17/2010 6:20:54 AM EDT
[#46]
What's in the box?
 |
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Posted: 12/17/2010 6:50:20 AM EDT
[#47]
You really married out of your league
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Posted: 12/17/2010 6:58:13 AM EDT
[#48]
 you're a keeper! lol! Ingenious.
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Posted: 12/17/2010 7:55:25 AM EDT
[#49]
Quoted:
If I was wrapping a cookbook for my wife I would make damn sure she could get into it easily. I wouldn't want to discourage her from using it. My $.02
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Posted: 12/17/2010 4:45:27 PM EDT
[#50]
Quoted:
Quoted:
This!
yeah i don't get it but you wife is hot |
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