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Posted: 8/19/2004 4:26:54 PM EDT
I don’t know what woke me up, but my eyes open and the bedroom
light is on and my wife is standing over me with a broom looking like she’s going to whack me and cussing up a storm. The first thought I had was, why after twenty five years of marriage to me, she just now wants to beat me to death in my sleep. So I say “Hun, what are you doing?” “Trying to kill this f#&king bat” I said “we get bats all the time why are you so pissed ?” “It f#&cking landed on me !” She doesn’t swear much so I know she’s serious. So I watched her take two swings and on the third, “bam” direct hit, crashes to the floor right next to me. (note: for certain types here we’re sure it was a feral bat) She goes back to the kitchen to get a dustpan and I lay there with the blanket up around my neck keeping an eye on this fucker so it doesn’t get any crazy idea like coming back to life and going for my throat. (I hate bats ) The only critter that freaks me out. The wife comes back scoops it up and throws it outside then crawls back in bed. I don’t know if I was back to sleep or just falling to sleep, but all of a sudden I feel this “flapping” between my chin and chest. I think I screamed like a little girl “BAT!” Started to claw at my neck and all I got was the material tag from the comforter . Turns out the fan I had aiming right at me was blowing the tag so that it oscillated like, oh lets say, the wings of a bat! (Did I mention I hate fucking bats?) My wife slept through it so mums the word GM  |
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Posted: 8/19/2004 4:31:06 PM EDT
[#1]
HEHE I have a friend, his XGF was try to strangle him in his sleep with her hands. She was still asleep. She dont remember doing it.
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Posted: 8/19/2004 4:31:24 PM EDT
[#2]
Shit, in my house, she'd have got on the broom and chased the bat out of the house.
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Posted: 8/19/2004 4:32:27 PM EDT
[#3]
I like you Goodmedicine. I like your wife, too.
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Posted: 8/19/2004 4:32:56 PM EDT
[#4]
Too funny
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Posted: 8/19/2004 4:33:18 PM EDT
[#5]
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Posted: 8/19/2004 4:35:20 PM EDT
[#6]
You should of got a broom and beat the @&*^%! out of the tag... I hate those tags! all tags...
hahaha MT |
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Posted: 8/19/2004 4:37:01 PM EDT
[#7]
That's a distinct improvement over some of the wake-ups I've had.
And, no, I'm not kidding. |
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Posted: 8/19/2004 4:37:54 PM EDT
[#8]
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Posted: 8/19/2004 4:39:05 PM EDT
[#9]
damn
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Posted: 8/19/2004 4:39:46 PM EDT
[#10]
That doesnt make you feel bad at all that the Mrs. had to take care of it?
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Posted: 8/19/2004 4:41:29 PM EDT
[#11]
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Posted: 8/19/2004 4:41:40 PM EDT
[#12]
You laid there like a pansy while you're wife did all the man work. THEN you screamed like a little girl because of a tag. Absolutely hysterical story. |
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Posted: 8/19/2004 4:42:13 PM EDT
[#13]
I laughed harder at that than the story. Mental picture. |
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Posted: 8/19/2004 4:43:07 PM EDT
[#14]
Nope, I've done it a hundred times before and it didn't land on me GM |
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Posted: 8/19/2004 4:45:32 PM EDT
[#15]
Now here I was, being all good and not bringing that up. Please--no one call him a girly-man. Thank you.  j/k, Bro.
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Posted: 8/19/2004 4:46:33 PM EDT
[#16]
 You didn't grab the 12gauge and declare it to be bat season?
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Posted: 8/19/2004 4:50:01 PM EDT
[#17]
Uh...window screens?
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Posted: 8/19/2004 4:50:49 PM EDT
[#18]
How can you be sure? Did you check for a collar? Did you ask the neighbors? For all you know, some little girl will be missing her pet now. If you had at least put out some bat food you could have had a loyal pet for life. At the worst you should have live-trapped it and turned it over to to animal control. 
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Posted: 8/19/2004 4:51:27 PM EDT
[#19]
22 rat shot.
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Posted: 8/19/2004 4:54:12 PM EDT
[#20]
At this point, we need to bypass your opinions and speak directly to your wife since it is clear who calls the shots at your place....
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Posted: 8/19/2004 5:01:44 PM EDT
[#21]
I shouldn't comment on this but.... |
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Posted: 8/19/2004 5:02:38 PM EDT
[#22]
The flapping tag reminded me of the old "rattle snake eggs" in the envelope trick. A little conditioned response.
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Posted: 8/19/2004 5:10:31 PM EDT
[#23]
Exactly, I feel like pavlov's dog |
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Posted: 8/19/2004 5:19:09 PM EDT
[#24]
Bats are harmless and very beneficial to our existence.Consume tons of insects per nite and also pollinate crops in tropical climates.Less than .01% contract rabies. Yeah they're ugly, but don't understand why people fear them, let alone hate them.
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Posted: 8/19/2004 5:21:52 PM EDT
[#25]
But you didn't have one trying to crawl up your ass at midnight, either didja chief? |
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Posted: 8/19/2004 6:13:07 PM EDT
[#26]
That's what I'm saying |
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Posted: 8/19/2004 6:35:20 PM EDT
[#27]
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Posted: 8/19/2004 6:38:10 PM EDT
[#28]
So does killing a bat make her feel like a big man?
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Posted: 8/19/2004 6:41:23 PM EDT
[#29]
"Don't stop here, this is bat country!"
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Posted: 8/19/2004 6:49:22 PM EDT
[#30]
My bro-in law woke up to see his El Salvadorian girl friend coming at him with a 9"
butcher knife. He grabbed her knife-hand and tthrew her out on her ass! Ahh those HOT Latin women!!!! STORMY ROMANCE!
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Posted: 8/19/2004 6:54:03 PM EDT
[#31]
Have you ever seen those skeeters they grow up there?? No wonder they have bats 
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Posted: 8/19/2004 6:58:58 PM EDT
[#32]
What!? No pictures of the horny bat yet?
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Posted: 8/19/2004 6:59:16 PM EDT
[#33]
bat season... no, cat season... No, bat season... NO, Cat season... NO, BAT season
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Posted: 8/19/2004 7:45:42 PM EDT
[#34]
I woke up to the same thing one night but my wife had just "broomed" home.
M
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Posted: 8/19/2004 9:20:47 PM EDT
[#35]
Funny, I had a nightmare about being home alone with a giant cartoon-like bat flying around in my house, and it landed on my husbands pillow right next to my head before I woke up.
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Posted: 8/19/2004 9:56:51 PM EDT
[#36]
Well shit, thats my laugh for the night before i hit the sack.
Nice story :) - BUCC_Guy |
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Posted: 8/19/2004 10:12:38 PM EDT
[#37]
OK, I was going to pretend it happens all the time but...
why was there a bat in your room? |
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Posted: 8/20/2004 6:18:14 AM EDT
[#38]
All very well and good....as long as they are OUTSIDE my house!!! INSIDE my house they are dogmeat. Goodmedicine, I had fly out the CROTCH of my pants as I got them to mid-thigh one morning! Didn't have to change my shorts, but I did call the office and advise that I would be late. The thought of working all day, then having to come home and find the bat was just out of the question. Final score : Me-7 Bats-1 |
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Posted: 8/20/2004 6:24:51 AM EDT
[#39]
feral bat? feral \Fe"ral\, a. [L. ferus. See Fierce.] (Bot. & Zo["o]l.) Wild; untamed; ferine; not domesticated; -- said of beasts, birds, and plants. Is there any other kind, such as domesticated bats? Bats get lost. They are just trying to get the hell out of your room or house. They don't bite people as a rule. Yes, I'm sure everybody's going to bring up vampire bats, but they don't generally attack humans either, and they also live in central America.... We have a bat that lives by my middle son's bedroom window, and the little bat eats his fill of mosquitoes and gants every night. More power to him. |
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Posted: 8/20/2004 6:30:38 AM EDT
[#40]
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Posted: 8/20/2004 6:31:14 AM EDT
[#41]
No point mentioning these bats. I thought. The poor bastard will see them soon enough. |
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Posted: 8/20/2004 6:33:14 AM EDT
[#42]
GM I would be more afraid of this than the bats if I was you. |
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Posted: 8/20/2004 6:33:41 AM EDT
[#43]
I'm not posting the bat-ball picture.
 So BatBoy will have to do. |
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Posted: 8/20/2004 6:46:55 AM EDT
[#44]
BAT BOY rocks!!! Word in the "community" is that he's the one who snooped out Saddams "hidey hole"....but you didn't hear that from me!!!
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Posted: 8/20/2004 1:41:11 PM EDT
[#45]
 Kind of gives you the creeps, doesn't it? I'd be scared of anything 'hung' like that! 
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Posted: 8/20/2004 1:50:53 PM EDT
[#46]
I know this is a dumb question but why do you "get bats all the time in your house"? Do you live in a cave?
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Posted: 8/20/2004 2:27:11 PM EDT
[#47]
Should have shot the tag as well. Might have been feral.
I walk, talk, sleep, and do other things in my sleep. I once woke up to my girlfriend flailing on me and crying. I couldn't figure out what the hell was going on. When she finally let off and stopped sobbing, she told me that I had put my back against the wall and mule kicked her right out of the bed. As a squid, I had a dream that they were lowering the RHIB and that I had to go with them (strange, since I was in an electronics rate). I thought I was climbing down the ladder into the RHIB, but in reality, I was climbing out of my rack. I stepped on my LPO who was in the rack below me, bruising his rib. Let's just say I and everyone else was awake shortly thereafter. |
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Posted: 8/21/2004 6:28:47 PM EDT
[#48]
No , I don't live in a cave but the next best thing for a bat, which is an old farm house that was built in 1896. The colany has a more vested and squaters right than I do, in they're evil mind anyways. They were already established before I ever moved here in 1988 So we share the house. GM ETA Thanks for not bring up the point of how much of a girly-man I was for letting the wife take care of our bat problem |
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