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Posted: 8/19/2004 3:26:54 PM EST
I don’t know what woke me up, but my eyes open and the bedroom
light is on and my wife is standing over me with a broom looking
like she’s going to whack me and cussing up a storm. The first thought
I had was, why after twenty five years of marriage to me, she just now wants
to beat me to death in my sleep.

So I say “Hun, what are you doing?” “Trying to kill this f#&king bat”
I said “we get bats all the time why are you so pissed ?” “It f#&cking
landed on me !” She doesn’t swear much so I know she’s serious.

So I watched her take two swings and on the third, “bam” direct hit, crashes to
the floor right next to me. (note: for certain types here we’re sure it was a feral bat)
She goes back to the kitchen to get a dustpan and I lay there with the blanket up around my neck keeping an eye on this fucker so it doesn’t get any crazy idea like coming back
to life and going for my throat. (I hate bats ) The only critter that freaks me out.

The wife comes back scoops it up and throws it outside then crawls back in bed.
I don’t know if I was back to sleep or just falling to sleep, but all of a sudden I feel
this “flapping” between my chin and chest. I think I screamed like a little girl “BAT!”
Started to claw at my neck and all I got was the material tag from the comforter .

Turns out the fan I had aiming right at me was blowing the tag so that it oscillated
like, oh lets say, the wings of a bat! (Did I mention I hate fucking bats?)

My wife slept through it so mums the word

GM
Link Posted: 8/19/2004 3:31:06 PM EST
HEHE I have a friend, his XGF was try to strangle him in his sleep with her hands. She was still asleep. She dont remember doing it.
Link Posted: 8/19/2004 3:31:24 PM EST
Shit, in my house, she'd have got on the broom and chased the bat out of the house.
Link Posted: 8/19/2004 3:32:27 PM EST
I like you Goodmedicine. I like your wife, too.
Link Posted: 8/19/2004 3:32:56 PM EST

Originally Posted By FatMan:
Shit, in my house, she'd have got on the broom and chased the bat out of the house.



Too funny
Link Posted: 8/19/2004 3:33:18 PM EST

Originally Posted By goodmedicine:
(note: for certain types here we’re sure it was a feral bat)









Link Posted: 8/19/2004 3:35:20 PM EST
You should of got a broom and beat the @&*^%! out of the tag... I hate those tags! all tags...

hahaha

MT
Link Posted: 8/19/2004 3:37:01 PM EST
Link Posted: 8/19/2004 3:37:54 PM EST
Link Posted: 8/19/2004 3:39:05 PM EST

Originally Posted By M4-TUNA:
HEHE I have a friend, his XGF was try to strangle him in his sleep with her hands. She was still asleep. She dont remember doing it.



damn
Link Posted: 8/19/2004 3:39:46 PM EST
That doesnt make you feel bad at all that the Mrs. had to take care of it?
Link Posted: 8/19/2004 3:41:29 PM EST




Link Posted: 8/19/2004 3:41:40 PM EST


You laid there like a pansy while you're wife did all the man work. THEN you screamed like a little girl because of a tag.

Absolutely hysterical story.
Link Posted: 8/19/2004 3:42:13 PM EST
[Last Edit: 8/19/2004 3:42:27 PM EST by Cypher214]

Originally Posted By MT_Pockets:
You should of got a broom and beat the @&*^%! out of the tag... I hate those tags! all tags...

hahaha

MT



I laughed harder at that than the story. Mental picture.
Link Posted: 8/19/2004 3:43:07 PM EST

Originally Posted By SINGLE_SHOT:
That doesnt make you feel bad at all that the Mrs. had to take care of it?



Nope, I've done it a hundred times before and it didn't land on me


GM
Link Posted: 8/19/2004 3:45:32 PM EST
Link Posted: 8/19/2004 3:46:33 PM EST
You didn't grab the 12gauge and declare it to be bat season?
Link Posted: 8/19/2004 3:50:01 PM EST
Link Posted: 8/19/2004 3:50:49 PM EST

(note: for certain types here we’re sure it was a feral bat)




How can you be sure? Did you check for a collar? Did you ask the neighbors? For all you know, some little girl will be missing her pet now. If you had at least put out some bat food you could have had a loyal pet for life.


At the worst you should have live-trapped it and turned it over to to animal control.


Link Posted: 8/19/2004 3:51:27 PM EST
22 rat shot.
Link Posted: 8/19/2004 3:54:12 PM EST
At this point, we need to bypass your opinions and speak directly to your wife since it is clear who calls the shots at your place....

Link Posted: 8/19/2004 4:01:44 PM EST

Originally Posted By napalm:

(note: for certain types here we’re sure it was a feral bat)




How can you be sure? Did you check for a collar? Did you ask the neighbors? For all you know, some little girl will be missing her pet now. If you had at least put out some bat food you could have had a loyal pet for life.


At the worst you should have live-trapped it and turned it over to to animal control.





I shouldn't comment on this but....
Link Posted: 8/19/2004 4:02:38 PM EST
The flapping tag reminded me of the old "rattle snake eggs" in the envelope trick. A little conditioned response.

Link Posted: 8/19/2004 4:10:31 PM EST

Originally Posted By ar-wrench:
The flapping tag reminded me of the old "rattle snake eggs" in the envelope trick. A little conditioned response.




Exactly, I feel like pavlov's dog
Link Posted: 8/19/2004 4:19:09 PM EST
[Last Edit: 8/19/2004 4:20:47 PM EST by Bobby_the_Hun]
Bats are harmless and very beneficial to our existence.Consume tons of insects per nite and also pollinate crops in tropical climates.Less than .01% contract rabies. Yeah they're ugly, but don't understand why people fear them, let alone hate them.
Link Posted: 8/19/2004 4:21:52 PM EST

Originally Posted By Bobby_the_Hun:
Bats are harmless and very beneficial to our existence.Consume tons of insects per nite and also pollinate crops in tropical climates.Less than .01% contract rabies. Yeah they're ugly, but don't understand why people fear them, let alone hate them.



But you didn't have one trying to crawl up your ass at midnight, either didja chief?
Link Posted: 8/19/2004 5:13:07 PM EST

Originally Posted By Tortfeasor:

Originally Posted By Bobby_the_Hun:
Bats are harmless and very beneficial to our existence.Consume tons of insects per nite and also pollinate crops in tropical climates.Less than .01% contract rabies. Yeah they're ugly, but don't understand why people fear them, let alone hate them.



But you didn't have one trying to crawl up your ass at midnight, either didja chief?



That's what I'm saying
Link Posted: 8/19/2004 5:35:20 PM EST

Originally Posted By Cypher214:


You laid there like a pansy while you're wife did all the man work. THEN you screamed like a little girl because of a tag.

Absolutely hysterical story.

True True
Link Posted: 8/19/2004 5:38:10 PM EST
So does killing a bat make her feel like a big man?
Link Posted: 8/19/2004 5:41:23 PM EST
"Don't stop here, this is bat country!"
Link Posted: 8/19/2004 5:49:22 PM EST
My bro-in law woke up to see his El Salvadorian girl friend coming at him with a 9"
butcher knife. He grabbed her knife-hand and tthrew her out on her ass!

Ahh those HOT Latin women!!!!


STORMY ROMANCE!
Link Posted: 8/19/2004 5:54:03 PM EST

Originally Posted By racer934:
"Don't stop here, this is bat country!"




Have you ever seen those skeeters they grow up there??
No wonder they have bats
Link Posted: 8/19/2004 5:58:58 PM EST
What!? No pictures of the horny bat yet?
Link Posted: 8/19/2004 5:59:16 PM EST

Originally Posted By FanoftheBlackRifle:
You didn't grab the 12gauge and declare it to be bat season?



bat season...

no, cat season...

No, bat season...

NO, Cat season...

NO, BAT season

Link Posted: 8/19/2004 6:45:42 PM EST
I woke up to the same thing one night but my wife had just "broomed" home.
M
Link Posted: 8/19/2004 8:20:47 PM EST
Funny, I had a nightmare about being home alone with a giant cartoon-like bat flying around in my house, and it landed on my husbands pillow right next to my head before I woke up.
Link Posted: 8/19/2004 8:56:51 PM EST
Well shit, thats my laugh for the night before i hit the sack.

Nice story :)


- BUCC_Guy
Link Posted: 8/19/2004 9:12:38 PM EST
OK, I was going to pretend it happens all the time but...
why was there a bat in your room?
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 5:18:14 AM EST

Originally Posted By Bobby_the_Hun:
Bats are harmless and very beneficial to our existence.Consume tons of insects per nite and also pollinate crops in tropical climates.Less than .01% contract rabies. Yeah they're ugly, but don't understand why people fear them, let alone hate them.



All very well and good....as long as they are OUTSIDE my house!!! INSIDE my house they are dogmeat.

Goodmedicine, I had fly out the CROTCH of my pants as I got them to mid-thigh one morning! Didn't have to change my shorts, but I did call the office and advise that I would be late. The thought of working all day, then having to come home and find the bat was just out of the question.

Final score : Me-7
Bats-1
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 5:24:51 AM EST

Originally Posted By P806:

Originally Posted By goodmedicine:
(note: for certain types here we’re sure it was a feral bat)












feral bat?

feral

\Fe"ral\, a. [L. ferus. See Fierce.] (Bot. & Zo["o]l.) Wild; untamed; ferine; not domesticated; -- said of beasts, birds, and plants.

Is there any other kind, such as domesticated bats? Bats get lost. They are just trying to get the hell out of your room or house. They don't bite people as a rule. Yes, I'm sure everybody's going to bring up vampire bats, but they don't generally attack humans either, and they also live in central America....

We have a bat that lives by my middle son's bedroom window, and the little bat eats his fill of mosquitoes and gants every night. More power to him.


Link Posted: 8/20/2004 5:30:38 AM EST

Originally Posted By 95thFoot:

Originally Posted By P806:

Originally Posted By goodmedicine:
(note: for certain types here we’re sure it was a feral bat)












feral bat?

feral

\Fe"ral\, a. [L. ferus. See Fierce.] (Bot. & Zo["o]l.) Wild; untamed; ferine; not domesticated; -- said of beasts, birds, and plants.

Is there any other kind, such as domesticated bats? Bats get lost. They are just trying to get the hell out of your room or house. They don't bite people as a rule. Yes, I'm sure everybody's going to bring up vampire bats, but they don't generally attack humans either, and they also live in central America....

We have a bat that lives outside by my middle son's bedroom window, and the little bat eats his fill of mosquitoes and gants every night. More power to him.



Link Posted: 8/20/2004 5:31:14 AM EST

Originally Posted By racer934:
"Don't stop here, this is bat country!"



No point mentioning these bats. I thought. The poor bastard will see them soon enough.
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 5:33:14 AM EST

Originally Posted By necromancer:
I like you Goodmedicine. I like your wife, too.



GM I would be more afraid of this than the bats if I was you.
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 5:33:41 AM EST
I'm not posting the bat-ball picture.





So BatBoy will have to do.
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 5:46:55 AM EST
BAT BOY rocks!!! Word in the "community" is that he's the one who snooped out Saddams "hidey hole"....but you didn't hear that from me!!!
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 12:41:11 PM EST


Kind of gives you the creeps, doesn't it?

I'd be scared of anything 'hung' like that!
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 12:50:53 PM EST

Originally Posted By goodmedicine:



I said “we get bats all the time why are you so pissed ?”



I know this is a dumb question but why do you "get bats all the time in your house"?
Do you live in a cave?
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 1:27:11 PM EST
Should have shot the tag as well. Might have been feral.

I walk, talk, sleep, and do other things in my sleep. I once woke up to my girlfriend flailing on me and crying. I couldn't figure out what the hell was going on. When she finally let off and stopped sobbing, she told me that I had put my back against the wall and mule kicked her right out of the bed.

As a squid, I had a dream that they were lowering the RHIB and that I had to go with them (strange, since I was in an electronics rate). I thought I was climbing down the ladder into the RHIB, but in reality, I was climbing out of my rack. I stepped on my LPO who was in the rack below me, bruising his rib. Let's just say I and everyone else was awake shortly thereafter.
Link Posted: 8/21/2004 5:28:47 PM EST
[Last Edit: 8/21/2004 5:32:12 PM EST by goodmedicine]

Originally Posted By jrzy:

Originally Posted By goodmedicine:



I said “we get bats all the time why are you so pissed ?”



I know this is a dumb question but why do you "get bats all the time in your house"?
Do you live in a cave?



No , I don't live in a cave but the next best thing for a bat, which is an old farm house that was built
in 1896. The colany has a more vested and squaters right than I do, in they're evil mind anyways.

They were already established before I ever moved here in 1988

So we share the house.


GM


ETA Thanks for not bring up the point of how much of a girly-man I was for letting
the wife take care of our bat problem

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