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Posted: 6/30/2015 9:56:31 PM EDT
A plane takes off from Warsaw, heading to New York. When approaching JFK Airport, the pilot announces over the intercom, "over on the right you can see Liberty Island, home of the Statue of Liberty." The passengers crowd over to see the American Monument. The plane nosedives into the bay. The moral of the story? Too many poles in the right half of the plane cause instability.
Link Posted: 6/30/2015 9:59:58 PM EDT
My favorite joke on Futurama:




Link Posted: 6/30/2015 10:02:08 PM EDT
A vulture boards a plane carrying two dead raccoon. The stewardess says, "I'm sorry, but we only allow each passenger one carrion".












































































Link Posted: 6/30/2015 10:03:59 PM EDT
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Quoted:
My favorite joke on Futurama:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=omV97ZJvhlA
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When was that recorded?  1994?
Link Posted: 6/30/2015 10:17:23 PM EDT
"Excuse me, are you René Descartes."

"I think."

Link Posted: 6/30/2015 10:55:33 PM EDT

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Quoted:



When was that recorded?  1994?
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Quoted:



Quoted:

My favorite joke on Futurama:



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=omV97ZJvhlA
When was that recorded?  1994?


Youtube takes down anything that's good quality.



 
Link Posted: 6/30/2015 11:01:32 PM EDT
I caught my daughter playing with the electrical outlet, and she gave herself quite a shock. I had to ground her.
Link Posted: 6/30/2015 11:01:57 PM EDT
Engineers aren't boring people; we just get excited over boring things
Link Posted: 6/30/2015 11:03:14 PM EDT
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Link Posted: 6/30/2015 11:05:46 PM EDT
An engineer, a statistician, and a physicist are out hunting. They spot a buck, and each take turn to try and bag it.
The physicist goes first. He pulls out his lab book and quickly calculates the trajectory of the bullet, assuming it is a perfect sphere in a vacuum. The bullet falls 20m short of the deer.
The engineer goes second. He pulls out his engineers pad and book of projectile assumptions. After a few minutes he's ready, he takes aim, and he fires. The bullet lands 20m passed the deer.
The statistician leaps in the air shouting, "We got it!"
Link Posted: 6/30/2015 11:08:11 PM EDT
Leonard was a chemist, but Leonard is no more.
What Leonard thought was H2O was H2SO4.
Link Posted: 6/30/2015 11:09:14 PM EDT
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Quoted:
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
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No, it just makes me salivate.
Link Posted: 6/30/2015 11:11:11 PM EDT

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Quoted:


An engineer, a statistician, and a physicist are out hunting. They spot a buck, and each take turn to try and bag it.

The physicist goes first. He pulls out his lab book and quickly calculates the trajectory of the bullet, assuming it is a perfect sphere in a vacuum. The bullet falls 20m short of the deer.

The engineer goes second. He pulls out his engineers pad and book of projectile assumptions. After a few minutes he's ready, he takes aim, and he fires. The bullet lands 20m passed the deer.

The statistician leaps in the air shouting, "We got it!"
View Quote


I LOLd.



 
Link Posted: 6/30/2015 11:13:03 PM EDT
I get it, because of the positive real part.
Link Posted: 6/30/2015 11:17:06 PM EDT
Link Posted: 6/30/2015 11:20:42 PM EDT
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Quoted:
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
View Quote


Yeah, and so does Hector Salamanca!

Link Posted: 6/30/2015 11:21:58 PM EDT
Werner Heisenberg got pulled over for speeding.  The cop asked "Do you have any idea how fast you were going"?



Heisenberg replied "No, but I know exactly where I am."
Link Posted: 6/30/2015 11:22:17 PM EDT
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Quoted:
An engineer, a statistician, and a physicist are out hunting. They spot a buck, and each take turn to try and bag it.
The physicist goes first. He pulls out his lab book and quickly calculates the trajectory of the bullet, assuming it is a perfect sphere in a vacuum. The bullet falls 20m short of the deer.
The engineer goes second. He pulls out his engineers pad and book of projectile assumptions. After a few minutes he's ready, he takes aim, and he fires. The bullet lands 20m passed the deer.
The statistician leaps in the air shouting, "We got it!"
View Quote

hahaha
Link Posted: 6/30/2015 11:27:49 PM EDT
An engineer, a geologist and a lawyer are all asked the same question.  What is 2 + 2?

The engineer says "It is 4.0000."

The geologist says "It's somewhere between 3 and 5."

The lawyer says "What do you want it to be?"
Link Posted: 6/30/2015 11:28:51 PM EDT
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Quoted:
Quoted:
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?


Yeah, and so does Hector Salamanca!

http://i776.photobucket.com/albums/yy47/Gunslinger8O8/schrodingers-cat.png


Schroedinger's cat- 50% alive, 50% dead, 100% pissed!
Link Posted: 6/30/2015 11:28:54 PM EDT
I got most of them.


I am a nerd.

Link Posted: 6/30/2015 11:30:10 PM EDT
Yes, we call that the Dennis Miller ratio
Link Posted: 6/30/2015 11:32:04 PM EDT
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Quoted:
I got most of them.


I am a nerd.

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I guessed that the first time I saw your user name.
Link Posted: 6/30/2015 11:33:31 PM EDT
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Quoted:

I guessed that the first time I saw your user name.
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Quoted:
Quoted:
I got most of them.


I am a nerd.


I guessed that the first time I saw your user name.


Not bad for a poli sci major.
Link Posted: 6/30/2015 11:35:00 PM EDT
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Quoted:


Yeah, and so does Hector Salamanca!

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Quoted:
Quoted:
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?


Yeah, and so does Hector Salamanca!




BOOM!
Link Posted: 6/30/2015 11:36:27 PM EDT
What do you call two lesbos in a canoe?
Fur traders
I can explain it if some of you don't understand.
Link Posted: 6/30/2015 11:40:00 PM EDT
Link Posted: 6/30/2015 11:40:16 PM EDT
that made me droll like crazy
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Quoted:
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
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Link Posted: 6/30/2015 11:41:49 PM EDT
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Quoted:
"Excuse me, are you René Descartes."

"I think."

View Quote


Rene Descartes walks into the bar. The bartender asks, "Will you have a drink?"

Descartes says, "I think not." and disappeared.
Link Posted: 6/30/2015 11:46:09 PM EDT

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Quoted:


Werner Heisenberg got pulled over for speeding.  The cop asked "Do you have any idea how fast you were going"?



Heisenberg replied "No, but I know exactly where I am."
View Quote
You bungled it.  The cop tells him what he was clocked at, and Heisenberg says "damn, now I'm lost!"

 
Link Posted: 6/30/2015 11:54:30 PM EDT
Two chemists walk into a bar. Bartender says "What'll it be gentlemen?" The first chemist says "I'll have an H2O." The second chemist says "I think I'll have an H2O, too." The second chemist dies.

Link Posted: 7/1/2015 12:02:12 AM EDT
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Quoted:
An engineer, a geologist and a lawyer are all asked the same question.  What is 2 + 2?

The engineer says "It is 4.0000."

The geologist says "It's somewhere between 3 and 5."

The lawyer says "What do you want it to be?"
View Quote


Not as funny, but similar joke. Funnier if you're a EE.

A mathematician, Physicist, and Electrical Engineer were asked to derive PI.

The Mathematician derived PI to 15 places, the Physicist, to 10. The double E said, "I dunno, 3?"

Meh... It's a play on the fact that even though EE are known for having way more advanced math than the other engineers and even more so than alot of the pure math degrees, PI isnt a part of it... ehhhh.... not a very good joke. But maybe the EEs will like it.

Sorry for the terrible joke.
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 12:16:49 AM EDT
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Quoted:


Not as funny, but similar joke. Funnier if you're a EE.

A mathematician, Physicist, and Electrical Engineer were asked to derive PI.

The Mathematician derived PI to 15 places, the Physicist, to 10. The double E said, "I dunno, 3?"

Meh... It's a play on the fact that even though EE are known for having way more advanced math than the other engineers and even more so than alot of the pure math degrees, PI isnt a part of it... ehhhh.... not a very good joke. But maybe the EEs will like it.

Sorry for the terrible joke.
View Quote View All Quotes
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Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Quoted:
An engineer, a geologist and a lawyer are all asked the same question.  What is 2 + 2?

The engineer says "It is 4.0000."

The geologist says "It's somewhere between 3 and 5."

The lawyer says "What do you want it to be?"


Not as funny, but similar joke. Funnier if you're a EE.

A mathematician, Physicist, and Electrical Engineer were asked to derive PI.

The Mathematician derived PI to 15 places, the Physicist, to 10. The double E said, "I dunno, 3?"

Meh... It's a play on the fact that even though EE are known for having way more advanced math than the other engineers and even more so than alot of the pure math degrees, PI isnt a part of it... ehhhh.... not a very good joke. But maybe the EEs will like it.

Sorry for the terrible joke.


Since when do EEs have "way more advanced math than the other engineers"? Try solving compressible viscous Navier-Stokes and get back to me on how you EEs have it tough.
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 12:20:19 AM EDT
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Quoted:


Since when do EEs have "way more advanced math than the other engineers"? Try solving compressible viscous Navier-Stokes and get back to me on how you EEs have it tough.
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Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
An engineer, a geologist and a lawyer are all asked the same question.  What is 2 + 2?

The engineer says "It is 4.0000."

The geologist says "It's somewhere between 3 and 5."

The lawyer says "What do you want it to be?"


Not as funny, but similar joke. Funnier if you're a EE.

A mathematician, Physicist, and Electrical Engineer were asked to derive PI.

The Mathematician derived PI to 15 places, the Physicist, to 10. The double E said, "I dunno, 3?"

Meh... It's a play on the fact that even though EE are known for having way more advanced math than the other engineers and even more so than alot of the pure math degrees, PI isnt a part of it... ehhhh.... not a very good joke. But maybe the EEs will like it.

Sorry for the terrible joke.


Since when do EEs have "way more advanced math than the other engineers"? Try solving compressible viscous Navier-Stokes and get back to me on how you EEs have it tough.


This sounds like a Big Bang Theory episode.
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 12:30:30 AM EDT

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Quoted:


Two chemists walk into a bar. Bartender says "What'll it be gentlemen?" The first chemist says "I'll have an H2O." The second chemist says "I think I'll have an H2O, too." The second chemist dies.



View Quote




 
I lol'ed
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 12:39:12 AM EDT
2 hydrogen atoms are hanging out

the first says "O shit, I lost my electron"

the second says "Are you sure"

the first replies "Yup, I'm positive"



How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

ten tickles...
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 12:41:51 AM EDT
A programmer, an inspector and a machinist are selected by HR to participate in a program to help improve productivity.

Each subject is taken into a plain white room with a single table in the center. On the table are three identical metal spheres. The subjects are then left in the room alone with no instructions for half an hour.

Upon entering the room with the programmer the subject is asked what he has accomplished. He replies that he has come up with an idea for some fixturing to try to hold it but the components are on back order.

When asked what he has accomplished, the inspector has sorted the three spheres according to due date but claims to be too busy with other work to do anything else with them for now.

When the final door is opened the researcher is stunned to see the machinist leaning against the table drinking a cup of coffee. There is half of a sphere laying in the middle of the table and no sign of the other two.

"What the hell happened in here!" exclaimed the researcher.

The machinist, looking over the top of his coffee cup explains that one of the spheres is in his toolbox, someone from the office took another and "that one" he says gesturing toward the half sphere "just broke".
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 12:42:42 AM EDT
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Quoted:


Since when do EEs have "way more advanced math than the other engineers"? Try solving compressible viscous Navier-Stokes and get back to me on how you EEs have it tough.
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Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
An engineer, a geologist and a lawyer are all asked the same question.  What is 2 + 2?

The engineer says "It is 4.0000."

The geologist says "It's somewhere between 3 and 5."

The lawyer says "What do you want it to be?"


Not as funny, but similar joke. Funnier if you're a EE.

A mathematician, Physicist, and Electrical Engineer were asked to derive PI.

The Mathematician derived PI to 15 places, the Physicist, to 10. The double E said, "I dunno, 3?"

Meh... It's a play on the fact that even though EE are known for having way more advanced math than the other engineers and even more so than alot of the pure math degrees, PI isnt a part of it... ehhhh.... not a very good joke. But maybe the EEs will like it.

Sorry for the terrible joke.


Since when do EEs have "way more advanced math than the other engineers"? Try solving compressible viscous Navier-Stokes and get back to me on how you EEs have it tough.


Not sure if serious...

Only have to do math in a single domain.

This is hard for you?
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 12:43:00 AM EDT

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Quoted:
Not as funny, but similar joke. Funnier if you're a EE.



A mathematician, Physicist, and Electrical Engineer were asked to derive PI.



The Mathematician derived PI to 15 places, the Physicist, to 10. The double E said, "I dunno, 3?"



Meh... It's a play on the fact that even though EE are known for having way more advanced math than the other engineers and even more so than alot of the pure math degrees, PI isnt a part of it... ehhhh.... not a very good joke. But maybe the EEs will like it.



Sorry for the terrible joke.

View Quote View All Quotes
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Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:



Quoted:

An engineer, a geologist and a lawyer are all asked the same question.  What is 2 + 2?



The engineer says "It is 4.0000."



The geologist says "It's somewhere between 3 and 5."



The lawyer says "What do you want it to be?"




Not as funny, but similar joke. Funnier if you're a EE.



A mathematician, Physicist, and Electrical Engineer were asked to derive PI.



The Mathematician derived PI to 15 places, the Physicist, to 10. The double E said, "I dunno, 3?"



Meh... It's a play on the fact that even though EE are known for having way more advanced math than the other engineers and even more so than alot of the pure math degrees, PI isnt a part of it... ehhhh.... not a very good joke. But maybe the EEs will like it.



Sorry for the terrible joke.

Especially terrible since Euler's Equation figures prominently in EE.

 
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 12:46:27 AM EDT
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 12:48:15 AM EDT
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Quoted:
Especially terrible since Euler's Equation figures prominently in EE.  
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Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
An engineer, a geologist and a lawyer are all asked the same question.  What is 2 + 2?

The engineer says "It is 4.0000."

The geologist says "It's somewhere between 3 and 5."

The lawyer says "What do you want it to be?"


Not as funny, but similar joke. Funnier if you're a EE.

A mathematician, Physicist, and Electrical Engineer were asked to derive PI.

The Mathematician derived PI to 15 places, the Physicist, to 10. The double E said, "I dunno, 3?"

Meh... It's a play on the fact that even though EE are known for having way more advanced math than the other engineers and even more so than alot of the pure math degrees, PI isnt a part of it... ehhhh.... not a very good joke. But maybe the EEs will like it.

Sorry for the terrible joke.
Especially terrible since Euler's Equation figures prominently in EE.  


like i said, terrible joke. kinda pointing out engineers dont give a shit about Pi to the degree others do.
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 12:49:06 AM EDT
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Quoted:
Werner Heisenberg got pulled over for speeding.  The cop asked "Do you have any idea how fast you were going"?

Heisenberg replied "No, but I know exactly where I am."
View Quote

Are you certain?
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 12:56:42 AM EDT
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Quoted:
Quoted:
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?


Yeah, and so does Hector Salamanca!

http://i776.photobucket.com/albums/yy47/Gunslinger8O8/schrodingers-cat.png


Link Posted: 7/1/2015 12:56:56 AM EDT
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Quoted:


Not sure if serious...

Only have to do math in a single domain.

This is hard for you?
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Quoted:
Quoted:

Since when do EEs have "way more advanced math than the other engineers"? Try solving compressible viscous Navier-Stokes and get back to me on how you EEs have it tough.


Not sure if serious...

Only have to do math in a single domain.

This is hard for you?


Uh, yes, since it's an unsolved problem? In general non-linear PDEs are chaotic and hardly tractable.

I'm not sure what you mean "in a single domain." Most "EE math" is some way, shape or form a regurgitation of Maxwell equations, which are all linear except in some exotic mediums.
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 12:58:01 AM EDT
What do you call someone with a masters degree from MIT?

A drop-out.
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 12:58:36 AM EDT
Some of these are pretty good.

But all I know are blonde jokes, the opposite end of the spectrum.  
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 1:00:42 AM EDT

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Quoted:
like i said, terrible joke. kinda pointing out engineers dont give a shit about Pi to the degree others do.

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Quoted:



Quoted:


Quoted:


Quoted:

An engineer, a geologist and a lawyer are all asked the same question.  What is 2 + 2?



The engineer says "It is 4.0000."



The geologist says "It's somewhere between 3 and 5."



The lawyer says "What do you want it to be?"




Not as funny, but similar joke. Funnier if you're a EE.



A mathematician, Physicist, and Electrical Engineer were asked to derive PI.



The Mathematician derived PI to 15 places, the Physicist, to 10. The double E said, "I dunno, 3?"



Meh... It's a play on the fact that even though EE are known for having way more advanced math than the other engineers and even more so than alot of the pure math degrees, PI isnt a part of it... ehhhh.... not a very good joke. But maybe the EEs will like it.



Sorry for the terrible joke.

Especially terrible since Euler's Equation figures prominently in EE.  




like i said, terrible joke. kinda pointing out engineers dont give a shit about Pi to the degree others do.





 



You mean like Fourier transforms, oscillating systems and the Kramers-Kronig relationship?  Pi is all over anything to do with complex numbers.
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 1:02:03 AM EDT
To a pessimist, a glass filled half way with water is half empty.

To an optimist, the glass is half full.

To an engineer, you have too much glass.
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 1:02:57 AM EDT

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Quoted:



You bungled it.  The cop tells him what he was clocked at, and Heisenberg says "damn, now I'm lost!"  
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Quoted:



Quoted:

Werner Heisenberg got pulled over for speeding.  The cop asked "Do you have any idea how fast you were going"?



Heisenberg replied "No, but I know exactly where I am."
You bungled it.  The cop tells him what he was clocked at, and Heisenberg says "damn, now I'm lost!"  
Much better.



 
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 1:03:56 AM EDT

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Quoted:


To a pessimist, a glass filled half way with water is half empty.



To an optimist, the glass is half full.



To an engineer, you have too much glass.
View Quote
The glass has a safety factor of two.

 
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 1:04:22 AM EDT
What do you call a female peacock?
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