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Posted: 6/30/2015 9:59:58 PM EDT
[#1]
My favorite joke on Futurama:
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Posted: 6/30/2015 10:02:08 PM EDT
[#2]
A vulture boards a plane carrying two dead raccoon. The stewardess says, "I'm sorry, but we only allow each passenger one carrion".
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Posted: 6/30/2015 10:03:59 PM EDT
[#3]
Quote HistoryWhen was that recorded? 1994? 
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Posted: 6/30/2015 10:17:23 PM EDT
[#4]
"Excuse me, are you René Descartes."
"I think." |
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Posted: 6/30/2015 10:55:33 PM EDT
[#5]
Quote HistoryQuoted: When was that recorded? 1994? Quote HistoryQuoted: Youtube takes down anything that's good quality. |
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Posted: 6/30/2015 11:01:32 PM EDT
[#6]
I caught my daughter playing with the electrical outlet, and she gave herself quite a shock. I had to ground her.
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Posted: 6/30/2015 11:01:57 PM EDT
[#7]
Engineers aren't boring people; we just get excited over boring things
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Posted: 6/30/2015 11:03:14 PM EDT
[#8]
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
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Posted: 6/30/2015 11:05:46 PM EDT
[#9]
An engineer, a statistician, and a physicist are out hunting. They spot a buck, and each take turn to try and bag it.
The physicist goes first. He pulls out his lab book and quickly calculates the trajectory of the bullet, assuming it is a perfect sphere in a vacuum. The bullet falls 20m short of the deer. The engineer goes second. He pulls out his engineers pad and book of projectile assumptions. After a few minutes he's ready, he takes aim, and he fires. The bullet lands 20m passed the deer. The statistician leaps in the air shouting, "We got it!" |
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Posted: 6/30/2015 11:08:11 PM EDT
[#10]
Leonard was a chemist, but Leonard is no more.
What Leonard thought was H2O was H2SO4. |
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Posted: 6/30/2015 11:09:14 PM EDT
[#11]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? No, it just makes me salivate. |
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Posted: 6/30/2015 11:11:11 PM EDT
[#12]
Quote HistoryQuoted: An engineer, a statistician, and a physicist are out hunting. They spot a buck, and each take turn to try and bag it. The physicist goes first. He pulls out his lab book and quickly calculates the trajectory of the bullet, assuming it is a perfect sphere in a vacuum. The bullet falls 20m short of the deer. The engineer goes second. He pulls out his engineers pad and book of projectile assumptions. After a few minutes he's ready, he takes aim, and he fires. The bullet lands 20m passed the deer. The statistician leaps in the air shouting, "We got it!" I LOLd. |
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Posted: 6/30/2015 11:13:03 PM EDT
[#13]
I get it, because of the positive real part.
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Posted: 6/30/2015 11:17:06 PM EDT
[#14]
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Posted: 6/30/2015 11:20:42 PM EDT
[#15]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? Yeah, and so does Hector Salamanca! 
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Posted: 6/30/2015 11:21:58 PM EDT
[#16]
Werner Heisenberg got pulled over for speeding. The cop asked "Do you have any idea how fast you were going"?
Heisenberg replied "No, but I know exactly where I am." |
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Posted: 6/30/2015 11:22:17 PM EDT
[#17]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
An engineer, a statistician, and a physicist are out hunting. They spot a buck, and each take turn to try and bag it. The physicist goes first. He pulls out his lab book and quickly calculates the trajectory of the bullet, assuming it is a perfect sphere in a vacuum. The bullet falls 20m short of the deer. The engineer goes second. He pulls out his engineers pad and book of projectile assumptions. After a few minutes he's ready, he takes aim, and he fires. The bullet lands 20m passed the deer. The statistician leaps in the air shouting, "We got it!" hahaha |
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Posted: 6/30/2015 11:27:49 PM EDT
[#18]
An engineer, a geologist and a lawyer are all asked the same question. What is 2 + 2?
The engineer says "It is 4.0000." The geologist says "It's somewhere between 3 and 5." The lawyer says "What do you want it to be?" |
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Posted: 6/30/2015 11:28:51 PM EDT
[#19]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Yeah, and so does Hector Salamanca! http://i776.photobucket.com/albums/yy47/Gunslinger8O8/schrodingers-cat.png Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? Yeah, and so does Hector Salamanca! http://i776.photobucket.com/albums/yy47/Gunslinger8O8/schrodingers-cat.png Schroedinger's cat- 50% alive, 50% dead, 100% pissed! |
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Posted: 6/30/2015 11:28:54 PM EDT
[#20]
I got most of them.
I am a nerd. 
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Posted: 6/30/2015 11:30:10 PM EDT
[#21]
Yes, we call that the Dennis Miller ratio
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Posted: 6/30/2015 11:32:04 PM EDT
[#22]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I got most of them. I am a nerd. I guessed that the first time I saw your user name. |
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Posted: 6/30/2015 11:33:31 PM EDT
[#23]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I guessed that the first time I saw your user name. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
I got most of them. I am a nerd. I guessed that the first time I saw your user name. Not bad for a poli sci major. 
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Posted: 6/30/2015 11:35:00 PM EDT
[#24]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Yeah, and so does Hector Salamanca! Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? Yeah, and so does Hector Salamanca! BOOM! 
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Posted: 6/30/2015 11:36:27 PM EDT
[#25]
What do you call two lesbos in a canoe?
Fur traders I can explain it if some of you don't understand. |
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Posted: 6/30/2015 11:40:00 PM EDT
[#26]
Why did Schrödinger cross the road?
To get to both sides. |
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Posted: 6/30/2015 11:40:16 PM EDT
[#27]
that made me droll like crazy
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? |
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Posted: 6/30/2015 11:41:49 PM EDT
[#28]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
"Excuse me, are you René Descartes." "I think." Rene Descartes walks into the bar. The bartender asks, "Will you have a drink?" Descartes says, "I think not." and disappeared. |
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Posted: 6/30/2015 11:46:09 PM EDT
[#29]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Werner Heisenberg got pulled over for speeding. The cop asked "Do you have any idea how fast you were going"? Heisenberg replied "No, but I know exactly where I am." |
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Posted: 6/30/2015 11:54:30 PM EDT
[#30]
Two chemists walk into a bar. Bartender says "What'll it be gentlemen?" The first chemist says "I'll have an H2O." The second chemist says "I think I'll have an H2O, too." The second chemist dies.
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Posted: 7/1/2015 12:02:12 AM EDT
[#31]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
An engineer, a geologist and a lawyer are all asked the same question. What is 2 + 2? The engineer says "It is 4.0000." The geologist says "It's somewhere between 3 and 5." The lawyer says "What do you want it to be?" Not as funny, but similar joke. Funnier if you're a EE. A mathematician, Physicist, and Electrical Engineer were asked to derive PI. The Mathematician derived PI to 15 places, the Physicist, to 10. The double E said, "I dunno, 3?" Meh... It's a play on the fact that even though EE are known for having way more advanced math than the other engineers and even more so than alot of the pure math degrees, PI isnt a part of it... ehhhh.... not a very good joke. But maybe the EEs will like it. Sorry for the terrible joke.
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Posted: 7/1/2015 12:16:49 AM EDT
[#32]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Not as funny, but similar joke. Funnier if you're a EE. A mathematician, Physicist, and Electrical Engineer were asked to derive PI. The Mathematician derived PI to 15 places, the Physicist, to 10. The double E said, "I dunno, 3?" Meh... It's a play on the fact that even though EE are known for having way more advanced math than the other engineers and even more so than alot of the pure math degrees, PI isnt a part of it... ehhhh.... not a very good joke. But maybe the EEs will like it. Sorry for the terrible joke.
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
An engineer, a geologist and a lawyer are all asked the same question. What is 2 + 2? The engineer says "It is 4.0000." The geologist says "It's somewhere between 3 and 5." The lawyer says "What do you want it to be?" Not as funny, but similar joke. Funnier if you're a EE. A mathematician, Physicist, and Electrical Engineer were asked to derive PI. The Mathematician derived PI to 15 places, the Physicist, to 10. The double E said, "I dunno, 3?" Meh... It's a play on the fact that even though EE are known for having way more advanced math than the other engineers and even more so than alot of the pure math degrees, PI isnt a part of it... ehhhh.... not a very good joke. But maybe the EEs will like it. Sorry for the terrible joke.
Since when do EEs have "way more advanced math than the other engineers"? Try solving compressible viscous Navier-Stokes and get back to me on how you EEs have it tough. |
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Posted: 7/1/2015 12:20:19 AM EDT
[#33]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Since when do EEs have "way more advanced math than the other engineers"? Try solving compressible viscous Navier-Stokes and get back to me on how you EEs have it tough. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
An engineer, a geologist and a lawyer are all asked the same question. What is 2 + 2? The engineer says "It is 4.0000." The geologist says "It's somewhere between 3 and 5." The lawyer says "What do you want it to be?" Not as funny, but similar joke. Funnier if you're a EE. A mathematician, Physicist, and Electrical Engineer were asked to derive PI. The Mathematician derived PI to 15 places, the Physicist, to 10. The double E said, "I dunno, 3?" Meh... It's a play on the fact that even though EE are known for having way more advanced math than the other engineers and even more so than alot of the pure math degrees, PI isnt a part of it... ehhhh.... not a very good joke. But maybe the EEs will like it. Sorry for the terrible joke.
Since when do EEs have "way more advanced math than the other engineers"? Try solving compressible viscous Navier-Stokes and get back to me on how you EEs have it tough. This sounds like a Big Bang Theory episode. |
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Posted: 7/1/2015 12:30:30 AM EDT
[#34]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Two chemists walk into a bar. Bartender says "What'll it be gentlemen?" The first chemist says "I'll have an H2O." The second chemist says "I think I'll have an H2O, too." The second chemist dies. I lol'ed |
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Posted: 7/1/2015 12:39:12 AM EDT
[#35]
2 hydrogen atoms are hanging out
the first says "O shit, I lost my electron" the second says "Are you sure" the first replies "Yup, I'm positive" How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? ten tickles... |
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Posted: 7/1/2015 12:41:51 AM EDT
[#36]
A programmer, an inspector and a machinist are selected by HR to participate in a program to help improve productivity.
Each subject is taken into a plain white room with a single table in the center. On the table are three identical metal spheres. The subjects are then left in the room alone with no instructions for half an hour. Upon entering the room with the programmer the subject is asked what he has accomplished. He replies that he has come up with an idea for some fixturing to try to hold it but the components are on back order. When asked what he has accomplished, the inspector has sorted the three spheres according to due date but claims to be too busy with other work to do anything else with them for now. When the final door is opened the researcher is stunned to see the machinist leaning against the table drinking a cup of coffee. There is half of a sphere laying in the middle of the table and no sign of the other two. "What the hell happened in here!" exclaimed the researcher. The machinist, looking over the top of his coffee cup explains that one of the spheres is in his toolbox, someone from the office took another and "that one" he says gesturing toward the half sphere "just broke". |
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Posted: 7/1/2015 12:42:42 AM EDT
[#37]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Since when do EEs have "way more advanced math than the other engineers"? Try solving compressible viscous Navier-Stokes and get back to me on how you EEs have it tough. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
An engineer, a geologist and a lawyer are all asked the same question. What is 2 + 2? The engineer says "It is 4.0000." The geologist says "It's somewhere between 3 and 5." The lawyer says "What do you want it to be?" Not as funny, but similar joke. Funnier if you're a EE. A mathematician, Physicist, and Electrical Engineer were asked to derive PI. The Mathematician derived PI to 15 places, the Physicist, to 10. The double E said, "I dunno, 3?" Meh... It's a play on the fact that even though EE are known for having way more advanced math than the other engineers and even more so than alot of the pure math degrees, PI isnt a part of it... ehhhh.... not a very good joke. But maybe the EEs will like it. Sorry for the terrible joke.
Since when do EEs have "way more advanced math than the other engineers"? Try solving compressible viscous Navier-Stokes and get back to me on how you EEs have it tough. Not sure if serious... Only have to do math in a single domain. This is hard for you? |
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Posted: 7/1/2015 12:43:00 AM EDT
[#38]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Not as funny, but similar joke. Funnier if you're a EE. A mathematician, Physicist, and Electrical Engineer were asked to derive PI. The Mathematician derived PI to 15 places, the Physicist, to 10. The double E said, "I dunno, 3?" Meh... It's a play on the fact that even though EE are known for having way more advanced math than the other engineers and even more so than alot of the pure math degrees, PI isnt a part of it... ehhhh.... not a very good joke. But maybe the EEs will like it. Sorry for the terrible joke. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: An engineer, a geologist and a lawyer are all asked the same question. What is 2 + 2? The engineer says "It is 4.0000." The geologist says "It's somewhere between 3 and 5." The lawyer says "What do you want it to be?" Not as funny, but similar joke. Funnier if you're a EE. A mathematician, Physicist, and Electrical Engineer were asked to derive PI. The Mathematician derived PI to 15 places, the Physicist, to 10. The double E said, "I dunno, 3?" Meh... It's a play on the fact that even though EE are known for having way more advanced math than the other engineers and even more so than alot of the pure math degrees, PI isnt a part of it... ehhhh.... not a very good joke. But maybe the EEs will like it. Sorry for the terrible joke. |
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Posted: 7/1/2015 12:46:27 AM EDT
[#39]
Quote HistoryQuoted: What do you call two lesbos in a canoe? Fur traders I can explain it if some of you don't understand. |
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Posted: 7/1/2015 12:48:15 AM EDT
[#40]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Especially terrible since Euler's Equation figures prominently in EE. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
An engineer, a geologist and a lawyer are all asked the same question. What is 2 + 2? The engineer says "It is 4.0000." The geologist says "It's somewhere between 3 and 5." The lawyer says "What do you want it to be?" Not as funny, but similar joke. Funnier if you're a EE. A mathematician, Physicist, and Electrical Engineer were asked to derive PI. The Mathematician derived PI to 15 places, the Physicist, to 10. The double E said, "I dunno, 3?" Meh... It's a play on the fact that even though EE are known for having way more advanced math than the other engineers and even more so than alot of the pure math degrees, PI isnt a part of it... ehhhh.... not a very good joke. But maybe the EEs will like it. Sorry for the terrible joke.
like i said, terrible joke. kinda pointing out engineers dont give a shit about Pi to the degree others do. |
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Posted: 7/1/2015 12:49:06 AM EDT
[#41]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Werner Heisenberg got pulled over for speeding. The cop asked "Do you have any idea how fast you were going"? Heisenberg replied "No, but I know exactly where I am." Are you certain? |
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Posted: 7/1/2015 12:56:42 AM EDT
[#42]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Yeah, and so does Hector Salamanca! http://i776.photobucket.com/albums/yy47/Gunslinger8O8/schrodingers-cat.png Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? Yeah, and so does Hector Salamanca! http://i776.photobucket.com/albums/yy47/Gunslinger8O8/schrodingers-cat.png 
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Posted: 7/1/2015 12:56:56 AM EDT
[#43]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Not sure if serious... Only have to do math in a single domain. This is hard for you? Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Since when do EEs have "way more advanced math than the other engineers"? Try solving compressible viscous Navier-Stokes and get back to me on how you EEs have it tough. Not sure if serious... Only have to do math in a single domain. This is hard for you? Uh, yes, since it's an unsolved problem? In general non-linear PDEs are chaotic and hardly tractable. I'm not sure what you mean "in a single domain." Most "EE math" is some way, shape or form a regurgitation of Maxwell equations, which are all linear except in some exotic mediums. |
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Posted: 7/1/2015 12:58:01 AM EDT
[#44]
What do you call someone with a masters degree from MIT?
A drop-out. |
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Posted: 7/1/2015 12:58:36 AM EDT
[#45]
Some of these are pretty good.
But all I know are blonde jokes, the opposite end of the spectrum. 
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Posted: 7/1/2015 1:00:42 AM EDT
[#46]
Quote HistoryQuoted: like i said, terrible joke. kinda pointing out engineers dont give a shit about Pi to the degree others do. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: An engineer, a geologist and a lawyer are all asked the same question. What is 2 + 2? The engineer says "It is 4.0000." The geologist says "It's somewhere between 3 and 5." The lawyer says "What do you want it to be?" Not as funny, but similar joke. Funnier if you're a EE. A mathematician, Physicist, and Electrical Engineer were asked to derive PI. The Mathematician derived PI to 15 places, the Physicist, to 10. The double E said, "I dunno, 3?" Meh... It's a play on the fact that even though EE are known for having way more advanced math than the other engineers and even more so than alot of the pure math degrees, PI isnt a part of it... ehhhh.... not a very good joke. But maybe the EEs will like it. Sorry for the terrible joke. like i said, terrible joke. kinda pointing out engineers dont give a shit about Pi to the degree others do. You mean like Fourier transforms, oscillating systems and the Kramers-Kronig relationship? Pi is all over anything to do with complex numbers. |
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Posted: 7/1/2015 1:02:03 AM EDT
[#47]
To a pessimist, a glass filled half way with water is half empty.
To an optimist, the glass is half full. To an engineer, you have too much glass. |
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Posted: 7/1/2015 1:02:57 AM EDT
[#48]
Quote HistoryQuoted: You bungled it. The cop tells him what he was clocked at, and Heisenberg says "damn, now I'm lost!" Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Werner Heisenberg got pulled over for speeding. The cop asked "Do you have any idea how fast you were going"? Heisenberg replied "No, but I know exactly where I am." |
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Posted: 7/1/2015 1:03:56 AM EDT
[#49]
Quote HistoryQuoted: To a pessimist, a glass filled half way with water is half empty. To an optimist, the glass is half full. To an engineer, you have too much glass.  |
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Posted: 7/1/2015 1:04:22 AM EDT
[#50]
What do you call a female peacock?
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