I'll start.

Yesterday morning while at work, my cousin David calls me and says he is in trouble and needs help.  I asked what happened and he said he got in a fight and is in jail.  Here's the 411.

"Hey man, I need you to come get me."
   "Where are you?"
"I am at the police station."
   "What are you doing there?"
"I got in a fight.  I came home from work and I was out of toilet paper, so I went to the local convenience store to get some.  There wasn't any on the shelf so I went to the counter to ask if they had any more.  The man behind the counter was middle eastern, called me a f*cking Infidel and he just hit me.  We struggled a bit and I hit him back and knocked him out cold."
   "No shit?"
"Yeah really!  At that point the rest of his family came out hitting me with brooms, mops and whatever else they could grab.  When the cops got there they all said I started it and attacked the clerk.  Now they have charged me with a hate crime.  Do you know any attorneys?"
   "He just called you an infidel and hit you for no reason???"
"Well, when I asked him if they had any toilet paper in the back he said they didn't.  So I asked him if they had any Korans!"

At that point he broke out laughing and I realized he was BS'ing me.  

tag

good one!

Here are some funny pics I've seen over the last few weeks here:

Quoted: tag

Patty,

That's all you got?  No dead snakes, golden lasso's of truth, nothing?????

Quoted: usera.imagecave.com/heyheybooboo/grandtheftauto.jpg

Short story that I realized I never posted since I forgot about it.  (Posted once in a different thread)

In a public restroom washing my hands, wearing my AR-15 shirt.  Forgot it was the shirt I had on.

A woman comes to the sink and says, "I find your shirt incredibly offensive."

I replied, "I find your face offensive, but you don't hear me complaining."

I turned and left while she stood there in shock.

Quoted: Short story that I realized I never posted since I forgot about it.  (Posted once in a different thread) In a public restroom washing my hands, wearing my AR-15 shirt.  Forgot it was the shirt I had on. A woman comes to the sink and says, "I find your shirt incredibly offensive." I replied, "I find your face offensive, but you don't hear me complaining." I turned and left while she stood there in shock.

kinda old but..

http://www.missouri.edu/~mslgx6/images/nuns2.jpg
http://www.missouri.edu/~mslgx6/images/weird414.jpg
http://www.missouri.edu/~mslgx6/images/weird462.jpg

tag