How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishesa woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week , don't forget to tip your waitress...
My god...never has such truth been spoken since Moses brought the 10 commandments...
All hail to you sir....
"Life's a laugh and death's a joke."
chicks could argue with this, but it wouldn't matter, cause the truth hurts.
A buddy (divorced) mentioned this in a bar once....
"Any man that is looking for a wife has obviously never had one before"
Why did cavemen drag their brides by the hair?
If you drag them by the feet their pussy fills up with mud.
Why did god make a womans brain slightly larger than cows brain?
So when you pull on thier tits they don't shit on the floor.
How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow blower?
Give the bitch a shovel.
What's worse than a male chauvinist pig?
A woman who doesn't do what she's told.