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Posted: 12/28/2003 11:55:24 PM EDT
from some people that don't know me and have no reason to be biased toward a family situation Im in.

I will be as objective as possible.

Background:  My dad died 2 years ago. His mother(grandma) died 6 months later. His father(grandpa) is 85 and in failing health.

I moved back home 2 years ago to help with my mom. This move was to be a temp one, but due to my grandfather's health, I've stayed. I currently do his shopping and take him to appointments 2 or 3 times a week. I see to it that he gets a home cooked meal at least 5 times a week. I live on the same street as him, as do 2 other of his children.

Since, my grandma's death, my uncle(the executor of grandpa's will) has persuaded grandpa to change the will. They tried to do this at social services and SS refused them. I was told they were refused because when my grandpa was asked what changes he wanted to make he said"what ever they want". My Uncle, along with my Aunt then rewrote the will and had my grandpa sign it in front of a notary at my uncle's employer.

This new will gives my uncle my granpa's house. My aunt gets his car. My grandpa's life savings are to be split between my mother and 2 aunts.  The house was appraised at 80k.  Financially, my grandpa has about 70k.

The original will that my grandma and grandpa had done by an attorney(it's long gone) had all assets to be devided equally. 4 children, each getting 1/4.

I tried to keep my mouth shut, and did, for almost a year. The other night I asked him why he wanted one of his children to recieve over 1/2 his assets.  He told me that my uncle had never cost him anything and mentioned medical bills he paid for my dad when he was in a wreck at age 18.  I asked him why didn't he reflect that in the will he wrote with grandma...no response.  I then told him that it was wrong  and unfair. He said, you're greedy".

The next morning I told my uncle about the exchange of words. I told him that the will shouldn't have been changed. I told him that I was no longer doing a damn thing for grandpa and that Uncle needed to revise the will again and write my mom out of it completely.  My uncle said he couldnt change the will, that he was only the executor.

Today, Im going to tell my grandpa this to his face. I'm also telling him that if he doesnt amend the will to it's original state, he needs to write my mom out of it completely, or I will donate everything she gets to Al Sharpton.

My mom is behind me 100%....

Do you guys think this is the right thing to do?  There has been so much back stabbing (yeah, Ive got blood on my hands.....but In my opinion the others are covered head to toe). I'm just tired of the games and the BS... I know, without myself or mother helping him, his life will be shortened....Im just tired of this cluster fuck.  

That said, I have one aunt (his oldest child) in Tx that is crazy as hell and a millionaire....she'd love to take this to court.



Feedback is appreciated...if the post isn't entirely coherent,  ask and I'll tell.


Thanks,

-HS
Link Posted: 12/29/2003 12:31:56 AM EDT
Link Posted: 12/29/2003 12:37:55 AM EDT
I despise when relatives start fucking around with older people’s wishes like this.

I lived through a similar meddling in-law.  My mom was in a nursing home here in California (dad had passed away a few months earlier).  I was back in Mississippi running a small business.  A cousin of my moms came down from L.A. to “help out”.

About 2 months later I discover that our family credit card stopped working.  I called the vendor to find out what happened.  It was canceled.  I called the family bank to check on the accounts and discover that our family joint account had been closed (there was something like 80 thousand bucks in it).

I called my mom and she said something about the cousin taking her to the bank a few days before but she really didn’t understand what had happened.

I got in the car and drove back to San Diego.  I went straight to the bank and the branch manager (who our family had done business with for years) told me that the cousin had brought my mom to the bank (in a wheelchair no less) and had canceled our family account and started another one without me on it (but the cousin had access).  Of course since mom signed off, it was legal.  The fact that mom didn’t have a clue to what she was really doing didn’t enter into it.

Needles to say I was furious since I am an only child and that account was part of the inheritance (not to mention needed to pay for my moms care and nursing home).  I had to take my very sick mother out of the nursing home and go back to the bank to remove the cousin from the account and get myself back on it.

I also discovered that the cousin had “borrowed” my mothers car to take trip back to Indiana as well.  My mom thought all she was using it for was to run errands.

After mom passed away 6 months later I went to close out the account and discovered one last surprise.  The cousin had removed me from the account as the one to be paid on the death of the account holder and placed my under aged kids on instead (who I have joint custody with my ex-wife but they live with mom).  I ended up having to transfer the funds from our joint account to my personal one via telephone transfer and then close it out.

Older people are so easily swayed into doing what they are told it’s frightening.  It would seem that you have a similar situation going on here.  It’s sad but given the number of players you have involved here it’s going to get messy and you need to make sure that your Grandfathers REAL wishes are observed.

If your Grandfather REALLY feels this way then it might be better to wash your hands of the whole thing and move on.  Is it worth creating so much bad blood that you’ll have to deal with long after your Grandfather is gone?
Link Posted: 12/29/2003 12:47:05 AM EDT
Link Posted: 12/29/2003 12:52:36 AM EDT
Thanks ETH

I had no idea about the courts use of determining factors. I'll talk to a lawyer in a few hours.

My aunt and uncle assumed I would keep quiet to preserve family peace...which is what I did for a year.
Also, someone (me) had to drive gramps to my uncle's employer for the notary. The only thing I haven't been witness to was the drafting of the will and social services refusing to change the will.

aunt #2  in Tx knew nothing of the changes until my mom told her.

Thanks again for the advice.


-HS
Link Posted: 12/29/2003 12:55:52 AM EDT
We are going through the same thing with my Grandpa right now. My Grandma died about 6 years ago and about 2 years ago my Grandpa started dating a girl he went to high school with. Well, she has convinced him to change his will and my mom and aunt are pissed!

I personally dont care either way. I have nothing to gain from it. Everything he wants to give me, he did over Thanksgiving.

Seems like too much of a headache to worry about, but that is just me and I dont have any money/houses on the line.

Good luck with everything and I hope your Grandpa is around for another 20 years!!!

Rob
Link Posted: 12/29/2003 1:04:10 AM EDT

If your Grandfather REALLY feels this way then it might be better to wash your hands of the whole thing and move on.  Is it worth creating so much bad blood that you’ll have to deal with long after your Grandfather is gone?
View Quote


Thanks for the input Airwolf...Im glad you were able to salvage your situation.

When my grandma and grandpa made their initial will they were in their late 60's early 70's and mentally competant.  The will remained unchanged until after my dad and grandma died.  If my dad were still alive these changes would not be taking place.

As far as bad blood....hell, I didn't initiate this. I want things to be done fairly...that's all. This BS  just shows that their really isn't much of a family to begin with.


-HS
Link Posted: 12/29/2003 3:03:21 AM EDT
This sort of crap ticks me off royally.  Vultures!

My only goal toward my parents' wills is that they are executed properly.
Link Posted: 12/29/2003 3:52:22 AM EDT
You my friend are involved in what I call "The Will From Hell".  I call them that for although typically written with the best intentions they split families up and set them at each other.  

Count yourself lucky it doesn't have fine print and could be worse.  

My grandmother left such a will.  She left the entire farm to one son with the stipulation he must take care of his invalid brother and sister and can not sell the farm until they die. In effect, she willed him to out live them.  She also left 5 acres to another son with the stipulation that he has to live there and is the only person that can contest the will if the farmer brother abuses the two invalids.  In effect, making him a guardian and forbiding him to ever move.  Two other brothers and my mother got not even a mention.  This farm is in a hell of a place far from anything anyone would call civilization. It's about 500 acres so worth some bucks.

At first it divided the family and set them at each other.  Over the years though the family realized the will was a curse.  The brother, my uncle, that lived on the five acres committed suicide and the other uncle and aunt slave like a dog to keep this property up until they can truly inherit it and sell it.

I'm afraid I have to whole heartily support ETH on his recommendation.  Better to resolve it now than have a family torn forever.

Tj
Link Posted: 12/29/2003 4:03:04 AM EDT
My uncle did this with my grandmother's will last year, and she just died in September. He gets her house and all the furniture and pictures and things, and the rest of the family gets to split a piece of property that's essentially worthless. He doesn't realize that nobody was looking for any kind of windfall from my grandmom, but that he's basically estranged himself from the rest of the family by his underhandedness and greed.
Link Posted: 12/29/2003 4:34:06 AM EDT
Since, my grandma's death, my uncle(the executor of grandpa's will) has persuaded grandpa to change the will. They tried to do this at social services and SS refused them. I was told they were refused because when my grandpa was asked what changes he wanted to make he said"what ever they want". [red]My Uncle, along with my Aunt then rewrote the will and had my grandpa sign it in front of a notary at my uncle's employer[/red]
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What a pair of buzzards.
Link Posted: 12/29/2003 11:51:39 AM EDT
Seen it happen before, and in Cumberland county no less. Had the same side of the family do it once before about some land in Harnett county too. Money ain't worth the stress, but people that would steal from family, by manipulating the infirm ain't worth a god damn. You are well rid of them.
Link Posted: 12/29/2003 1:34:13 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Pat-Riot:
Seen it happen before, and in Cumberland county no less. Had the same side of the family do it once before about some land in Harnett county too. Money ain't worth the stress, but people that would steal from family, by manipulating the infirm ain't worth a god damn. You are well rid of them.
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Well, I've sought legal advice....that's all for now.

I'm 'rid of them' regardless.  True family members don't pull this shit.  Apparently, it doesn't look good that a will was drasticlly changed shortly after a spouse died and at such an old age.



-HS
Link Posted: 12/29/2003 1:56:49 PM EDT
I can empathize Hillbilly.  My family never had nuthin', but I got most of it.
Link Posted: 12/29/2003 2:03:31 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/29/2003 2:04:09 PM EDT by Max_Mike]
I'm 'rid of them' regardless. True family members don't pull this shit. Apparently, it doesn't look good that a will was drasticlly changed shortly after a spouse died and at such an old age.
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You can’t force people to do the right thing and to be fair to your grandfather you don’t know what kind of crap your uncle has been feeding for the last year and half.

If you think your grandfather is not mentally capable to make decisions you need to have your lawyer look in to getting a court appointed guardian for your grandfather.

Today, Im going to tell my grandpa this to his face. I'm also telling him that if he doesnt amend the will to it's original state, he needs to write my mom out of it completely, or I will donate everything she gets to Al Sharpton.

My mom is behind me 100%....
View Quote


Step back and take a breath and make sure of what your mom wants to do, don’t cut your nose off to spite your face.

If the new will is deemed legal (which sounds doubtful from what you said) your mom will be better off with what little money she does get. Just make sure under the present circumstances she does not have anything to do with the funeral arrangements and does not sign anything with regard to them, make sure the estate or your uncle pay all of that or your mother could get stuck again.

Don’t be surprised if they have already taken out loans against the property or something equally shady.
Link Posted: 12/29/2003 3:36:19 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/29/2003 3:37:02 PM EDT by yobo]
My parents and I have been talking about their will for past few months and we have come to a very easy and simple solution.  My parents are to enjoy and spend all their financial assets while alive.  After their death anything left plus from the sales of the house will be donated to 5 charity organization evenly.  

Only exceptions are...

I will get my father's ring and his revolver collection.

My wife will get my mother's diary.

My sister will get my mother's ring and necklace.

My brother will get my grandfather's diary and family photos.

My sister in-law will get my mother's cooking pots (don't ask but they are with few thousand dollars).

Plus about 30 other friends and family members will get other non-financial but still treasured items (books, art, etc.)  
   
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