One of my greatest pet peeves is getting a fortune in a fortune cookie that's, well, not a fortune. You see, I feel that the message should be something that tells the reader something about his future luck. For instance, I keep one taped to my monitor, dated 13 Feb 03. This was about a week before I left for a business trip to Bulgaria.

You will soon take a very pleasant and successful trip.

See, that's helpful. So here's the one that both my wife and I got at lunch on Monday. Yes, we got the same fortune in our cookies.

You can't steal second base when your foot is on first base.

First of all, WTF? Suddenly baseball is an ancient Chinese thing? I hardly think so. Second, while the proverb is somewhat useful in life, I suppose, it does not tell the reader anything about his fortune. Third, are they so hard up for fortunes that at least two are the same out of a box of 1000?

What's the shittiest message you ever got in a fortune cookie?

"That wasn't chicken you just ate"
"Your wallet is not where it should be"
"Despite your best efforts you will not get a promotion"
"A career in fast food service awaits you"
"You should have listened to your parents"
"There is a parking ticket on your windshield"
"You are filled with greatness.  Bathroom is behind cashier"
"Inspected by #44 12/5/92"
"You are pretty fat.  Next time try diet menu"
"Your weight loss diet has failed"
"There is a pink slip waiting on your desk"
"You fart in your sleep.  It is not appreciated"
"You are dying.  Tip quickly"
"We recycle chopsticks.  Please come again"

Of course we all know the "in bed" rule.  Makes for more entertaining shitty fortunes... in bed.

Yeah, I had forgotten aboutthat. Let's try again:
Well, I can't quite work the foot into the deal, but it works better!

The other day I got a fortune cookie without a fortune in it!  What does that mean?  The rwaiter said it means you can make any wish you like.

I'd make the waiter wish for a tip!