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Posted: 10/21/2004 9:20:43 AM EST
[Last Edit: 10/21/2004 11:08:59 AM EST by Matthew_Q]
Ok, since you guys seem to have all kinds of insight into things relationship wise (whether good or bad) I'm going to relate a story and ask for a little input on what I should do.

Last December, being single as I have been pretty much ALL of my adult life (I just turned 28 this month), and having tried but not gotten anywhere with sites like Match.com, I decided to try out that one Eharmony.com. So you answer a lot of questions about you and what you'd like in a significant other. Then they classify you and try to match you with other people. When I first signed up for it, which was probably actually in November last year, I had it search, and it couldn't find any compatible women. So I said 'meh', and just left my account on. Later they emailed me with a match, but after reading what little they let you see without paying, I didn't pursue it.

Then around the holidays, I get a match thing, and get a 'communication' from her. The Eharmony system doesn't let you just compose an email and send it to someone, it has you pick a few questions to send to a potential match. They can then (if they pay for a membership) answer the questions, and return with a few questions they select. This goes back and forth a few times, then becomes more of an essay type question, where you write your own response... after a few times, if both parties decide to, you can then email eachother.

So anyway, this girl, whom we'll just call H, and I go thorugh this rigamorrow, and start talking via email. She pretty much answered all of the questions I sent the way I would have, so I thought 'cool, a woman that basically thinks like I do'. So we send a few emails. Then we chat online using AIM. I think we talked for about a week or two before I up and asked for a picture. I was really wondering, because she was cool... I just hoped she wasn't a dog. She sends one. Turns out she's a pretty cute blonde, about 5'5" (perfect height, IMHO). I had a picture on my Eharmony profile, so she's seen what I look like. We talk a bit, and she states that we should meet.

So we set up a date. I met her halfway between where I live and where she lives (she lives about 30 miles... not too far. She also lives with parents), and I take her to a nice steakhouse. Bam, $90 for dinner. We're doing well, everything is going nicely. Then we go to see a movie. Everything is good, we hugged goodnight, and I talked to her the next day. We went out a couple times, and she stayed the night at my place a couple times, although I didn't hit it. I don't like to move too fast in a relationship. She's a little heavier than the picture she sent me, but not much. She's pretty, smells nice, has nice hair, a nice rack and nice legs... So I'm digging it without humping her leg or anything.

One night, I can't remember if we went out that night or not, we were talking online. I think she had just gotten back from visiting someone out in bumfuck west Texas. She says something like there was something she wanted to tell me, but didn't know how. So I said just say it. Basically, she had a baby almost a year before, and had given it up for adoption. Ok. My view is, that decision was better than if she had an abortion. We talked a bit about it.

Then, to sum up, she never seems to want to do anything with me, but we talk on the phone a lot, and when we talk, it's like nothing's wrong. She worked weird hours at a store in the mall, so sometimes it was an excuse to not try to get together with me. Anyway, that kind of crap went on for almost 6 months, in which I didn't see her in person once. During that time, I had brought it up, and she was somehow mad at me for how I reacted to the baby thing. I told her I didn't have a problem with it, and if I did, I would have told her and broken it off cleanly. That conversation happened twice. Anyway, I try to get together with her, to which she consents, we make rough plans on a Saturday evening, and then I don't hear from her. First time, she says she called me. She called my cell phone, which gets shitty signal at home, and on rare occasion, won't ring when someone calls. She didn't leave a VM for me, so I had no damn idea she called. So there I was waiting for her to call until I finally got hungry and just went to get something to eat. A couple weeks later basically the same thing happens. So I finally just tell her one night that this ain't workin, and I won't try to be in something with her like this.

She kept trying to talk to me online or sending me messages on my phone. I talk to her a couple times, she tries to get me to go out with her, but I turn her down. She sends me a message earlier this week saying she's learned a 'life lesson' from me, and wants to talk. So I talk to her online last night, and she says she realized that she was being bitchy, and was being way too difficult with spending time with me, and wants to try again, or start over. I told her I don't know that I want to, that it felt like someone trying to get me to keep a new car who's engine blew up on me.

Anyway. DAMN that's long. Thanks for reading it if you actually did.

So, she's kinda attractive, has some qualities I like... but everything that happened or didn't happen, has left a bad taste in my mouth. Should I give her a chance, or kick her to the curb and stay single (with no other options in sight)?
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 9:24:30 AM EST
Walk away. She has too much baggage.
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 9:27:22 AM EST
[Last Edit: 10/21/2004 9:28:31 AM EST by tommytrauma]
Sounds like she's showing good insight, and trying to put things right. I have the BEST relationship I could ever wish for. It's as good as it is because we both made mistakes, owned up to those mistakes, and worked to put things right.

If you try again and it doesn't work, you can always step away. If you don't try, you may well be throwing away a relationship with a woman who has decent insight regarding her own behaviors (a very rare trait) and who is willing to work and problem solve in a relationship. You will NEVER find a problem free relationship, and you will NEVER find a 'baggage free' mate. How you and she works through problems will define how good a relationship can be.

Don't be a fool. Give things a chance.
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 9:29:18 AM EST
Bad news. Walk.
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 9:29:50 AM EST
if she gave away her OWN kid imagine what she would do to you!

run, don't walk!
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 9:29:58 AM EST
loony tune. Run forrest.
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 9:30:57 AM EST
What Tommy said.

Glenn R.
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 9:31:39 AM EST
Fuck her. She is your typical crazy bitch. You think she is playing games and acting wierd now? Go for it and see how really f'd up she is after you marry her. Dude, you will meet somebody, just give it time. Shit it took for me to meet a teacher who has a degree in ED & LD. Emotionally Disturbed & Learning Disturbed. I KNEW THERE WAS SOMEBODY OUT THERE FOR ME!!!!! THANK YOU JESUS
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 9:32:08 AM EST
if you've got nothing else on deck then throttle back the soap opera and enjoy some simple companionship. Nothing wrong with that. That's my 2 cents.

BTW, are you gonna post pics?
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 9:32:28 AM EST
[Last Edit: 10/21/2004 9:34:35 AM EST by AdrianUSP9]
I dunno, I'd say give her a chance. You can always walk away later if you realize there is something really wrong (hopefully she wont stalk you). If you don't give her any chance, for all you know you could be turning down something that could have turned out really good. It won't hurt you to give her a chance, unless you're an overly prideful and stubborn individual, and it doesnt sound like you are.

Good luck.

Edited - people can make mistakes, God knows I fucked a few things up in my life. Just because she had a kid and gave it up for adoption doesnt make her a bad person. If she realized she couldnt take care of the child, its VERY admirable that she chose to have it rather than have an abortion. Again, give her a chance, you can always walk away later when you have a better idea what she's like.

(Then you know what to do - post pics)
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 9:34:37 AM EST
Just remember, lonely is better than miserable.
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 9:34:41 AM EST
It sounds to mee like she might have been seeing someone else besides you.
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 9:34:55 AM EST
I think you should give her another chance, but let her know that the games need to stop. You are both adults, and should act like it. I find it insightful that she was honest with you, owned up to the bitchiness, and is willing to give it another chance.

And if that doesn't work, don't forget to S.I.I.H.P.A.P.P.
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 9:34:57 AM EST
What you are seeing now is her BEST behavior. A long term relationship with her will include more of the same, but much worse. And you're not even getting any yet!
Chalk this one up to experience and call it a night...
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 9:35:35 AM EST
Matthew_Q: "H, you've been a great contestant. Thanks for playing, and good luck. Next?"
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 9:36:15 AM EST
No harm in giving it a crack. You already know what undesireable actions to be on the lookout for. The moment they pop up you can dispose of her... using a preconceived head-game to leave her feeling seriously dumped.
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 9:36:33 AM EST
Give her another chance, and make sure you tap it this time! That way, if things go south you didn't completely waste your time.

Besides, you already know that she likes to screw!
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 9:37:27 AM EST
back away.

don't run, if you like her...just back away, give her some time. Maybe she's got issues she needs to work on.

But don't take my advice, as it's clouded by my own persoanl issues......
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 9:37:35 AM EST
Not only does she sound like a loon.... but ya gotta wonder how much weight she's gained since last time you saw her "in person"......

--RR
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 9:37:36 AM EST
She just wants it because you have told her she couldn't. Piss on her and go on about your business.
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 9:38:36 AM EST
yea you need to hit that shit.
if it's good i would go back.

Link Posted: 10/21/2004 9:39:00 AM EST
[Last Edit: 10/21/2004 9:40:33 AM EST by Dolomite]
I didn't stop reading after the part where you spent $90 on dinner or even the part where you didn't nail her when she slept over (she was probably trying to make her parents/boyfriend mad by doing that anyway).

Never give a woman another chance to stand you up twice - she's looking for a door mat.
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 9:39:12 AM EST
Run
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 9:39:14 AM EST

Originally Posted By 444slayer:
It sounds to mee like she might have been seeing someone else besides you.




That was my first thought after reading the intitial post as well. Maybe she was already in another relationship, and was seeing you on the side. Now the other relationship might be over, so she's more interested in you again?
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 9:40:30 AM EST
I'd let that one go......
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 9:42:10 AM EST


PITA. Run, Forrest, Run!

Link Posted: 10/21/2004 9:42:25 AM EST
I actually had the patients to read all that (which is saying a lot), so in my opinion she seems a little flaky. Furthermore it sounds like she likes to play games.

If you are looking for something serious I say move on. Living with parents, working at a mall, making a deal of the adoption thing, and dicking you around by playing games. Sounds like she has got some issues, and not much in the way of a bright future.
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 9:43:51 AM EST

Originally Posted By Tactical_Jew:
if she gave away her OWN kid imagine what she would do to you!

run, don't walk!


Gotta disagree with this one. What, it would have been better if she'd killed the baby? You don't know the situation (why she gave the baby up or anything).
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 9:44:04 AM EST

Originally Posted By Tactical_Jew:
if she gave away her OWN kid imagine what she would do to you!

run, don't walk!



I'm sure you meant no disrespect here however, I'm one of those "given up" kids. And I thank God I was "given up" instead of aborted. There are a lot of reasons for this to happen. Doesn't necessarily make her a bad person.

Real question is, WTH do you want? Go with your heart but always think with the correct head.
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 9:44:21 AM EST
+1.
Ops
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 9:45:20 AM EST
damn, that may replies that quick!

Actually, I did see her a couple months ago. She came over one night and wanted to talk, but then got there and didn't say much at all. I told her that night that I couldn't have a relationship like it had been. That was the first time I'd seen her since January. She hadn't gained any weight, but hadn't lost any either. Still had a nice rack. She's the kind of woman that will stay at whatever weight she's at, so I bet if she lost it, she's be damn fine, and would probably stay that way, until she got another bun in the oven.

It's good that she owned up to all the BS from before. She quit the job she was in, and has another one with a more regular schedule now. I could give her a chance and hit it a few times... cuz I'm on a hell of a dry spell (2 years without PIE!!!).

And I am a bit stubborn. Especially when people piss me off, annoy me, or hurt me. She mostly annoyed me, as I had nothing emotionally invested.
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 9:45:39 AM EST
It kinda sounds like someone may have been giving her bad advice on how to make a man pursue her...? (some women tend to seek advice and bite on anything, then it backfires in their face and realize that it was crap and hurry-up fix things- or try to). Thats kinda what it sounds like from what you are saying...

Maybe Im wrong.
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 9:46:58 AM EST

Originally Posted By the1_roadrunner:
Not only does she sound like a loon.... but ya gotta wonder how much weight she's gained since last time you saw her "in person"......

--RR


Good point (s)
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 9:46:59 AM EST
[Last Edit: 10/21/2004 9:49:30 AM EST by 1911lover]
She has too many big issues...run as fast as you possibly can. Change your name/e-mail/tx#, whatever it takes. Go now before it is to late! Let her be someone else's problem. If you don't, you will be owned and playing mind games daily/weekly/hourly, not to mention your wallet and all your assets will belong to her, or at least will not be entirely yours any longer.

Seriously.
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 9:47:00 AM EST
I'm no expert by any means, but I'd give her another chance. If it gets worse or she makes you miserable, then break it off. The people knocking her for the adoption thing would probably knock her for abortion too. She made a mistake, but she didn't make another (abortion).

Give her another chance.
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 9:47:38 AM EST
She's a girl....not a woman. Politely tell her you are moving on.
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 9:48:06 AM EST

Originally Posted By DK-Prof:

Originally Posted By 444slayer:
It sounds to mee like she might have been seeing someone else besides you.




That was my first thought after reading the intitial post as well. Maybe she was already in another relationship, and was seeing you on the side. Now the other relationship might be over, so she's more interested in you again?



I really didn't get the impression she was seeing someone else. I have gotten pretty good at reading people. I could be mistaken, but I don't think so.
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 9:48:52 AM EST

Originally Posted By QuietShootr:
Just remember, lonely is better than miserable.



Man's got a point there
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 9:51:04 AM EST
[Last Edit: 10/21/2004 9:53:32 AM EST by wedge1082]

Originally Posted By Matthew_Q:

It's good that she owned up to all the BS from before. She quit the job she was in, and has another one with a more regular schedule now. I could give her a chance and hit it a few times... cuz I'm on a hell of a dry spell (2 years without PIE!!!).



Whatever you do don't hit it. Dry spell is better than what you will have to deal with if she clings onto you.
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 9:52:29 AM EST

Originally Posted By livefreeordieNH:

Originally Posted By QuietShootr:
Just remember, lonely is better than miserable.



Man's got a point there



I believe that, too. I'd rather be alone that be in a shitty relationship... which is why I broke it off a while ago.
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 9:53:03 AM EST
I think you'd be much happier going your own way and finding someone else. If you have to ask if you should keep her or not, it sounds like you already have an idea of what you want to do. Your future with someone is far too important than to be decided by all of us "Dr Phils".
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 9:55:45 AM EST

Originally Posted By Hellboy:
I think you'd be much happier going your own way and finding someone else. If you have to ask if you should keep her or not, it sounds like you already have an idea of what you want to do. Your future with someone is far too important than to be decided by all of us "Dr Phils".



True. But I did think it would be a little entertaining.... and this is my first thread that has gone over one page! Yay me!
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 10:02:15 AM EST
Damn lad, you live in Texas!! They don't get any finer than Texas gals. As the Hun might say "Get thee amongst them."
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 10:09:26 AM EST
1. Stick it in her pooper
2. Post pics
3. About face
4. Forward march
5. Double time
6. Lay suppressive fire while tactically withdrawing
7. If all else fails, cyanide capsules will be dispersed.



I've dealt with one too many whackos in my time.
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 10:23:10 AM EST

Originally Posted By NAM:
1. Stick it in her pooper
2. Post pics
3. About face
4. Forward march
5. Double time
6. Lay suppressive fire while tactically withdrawing
7. If all else fails, cyanide capsules will be dispersed.



I've dealt with one too many whackos in my time.



You guys crack me the f**k up!
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 10:25:59 AM EST
[Last Edit: 10/21/2004 10:29:24 AM EST by EricTheHun]
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 10:26:19 AM EST
[Last Edit: 10/21/2004 10:30:11 AM EST by IYAOYAS467]
HAUL ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But if you like pie, then play along and hit that biaatch



Link Posted: 10/21/2004 10:31:17 AM EST
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 10:33:10 AM EST

Originally Posted By QCMGR:

Originally Posted By Matthew_Q:
...... left a bad taste in my mouth......



Yuck!



Not to be taken literally. I didn't eat the pie, so I can't comment about it's goodness... or badness...
Link Posted: 10/21/2004 10:34:59 AM EST

Originally Posted By TeuffelHunden1775:

Originally Posted By Tactical_Jew:
if she gave away her OWN kid imagine what she would do to you!

run, don't walk!



I'm sure you meant no disrespect here however, I'm one of those "given up" kids. And I thank God I was "given up" instead of aborted. There are a lot of reasons for this to happen. Doesn't necessarily make her a bad person.

Real question is, WTH do you want? Go with your heart but always think with the correct head.



/None/ at all because I adopted one of these kids that was given up. I don't believe in abortion, but I do believe in responsibility.

That was my point. Not abortion or adoption, but responsibility.

I understand a teenage girl giving one up, but not a mature woman. At least not one with all her mental faclities intact

Link Posted: 10/21/2004 10:44:57 AM EST
BAGGAGE...hell...she's got Steamer trunks of shit lying around.

Bail dude...jump out of the plane, pull the cord, and don't look back. You don't need this ride.

Signed,

Kurt "We'll be back in 2 and 2" Austin
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