Here's the deal.  The girlfriend has a chesapeake/lab mix.  He's about 8-9 months old.  I don't think the dog's dumb but she did get him from a shelter and he has definately been abused.  Random noises around the house scare him and it took him 2 months to warm up to me.  Even after about 4 months he still won't come to me when called.  I have an easier time getting my mothers cats to listen.  He is scared of all men, and most of the time runs around with his tail between his legs.  I expect he was severely beaten as a pup.  Also we shot off my 9mm outside during new years (rural area) and about 20 minutes later we found the dog curled up in the corner of a bedroom shivering like he'd been in 0 degree weather for hours.

I also think some of this may have stemmed from the fact that she got him neutered around 4 months old. I was under the assumption that you want to wait till at least a year to get your dog fixed.

Well since the dog won't listen and she is tired of literally dragging him in and out to use the bathroom, lifting him in the car (80lbs) everyday to drop him off at dog day care and just plain not listening, I recommended her to get an electronic collar to make him understand who's boss.  I'm wondering if this is going to get the dogs attention or make him another scared mess.  The dog doesn't behave badly, he just doesn't listen or follow any commands/direction.

Worth a try?

That is one messed up dog. I wouldn't use a shock collar on him.
He just needs proper training

about the craziest thing i've ever heard! it'll make a bad situation worse without a doubt...best thing is just gonna be a lotta care and affection and physical contact.

That's really sad.  I don't think a shock collar would be a good idea either.  Do you know anyone who would loan you one?

As a trainer of bird dogs, I would not use a shock collar on him. He is probbly messed up pretty good and will take some time for him to warm up ( If ever). He will probably be like that for life.
TS

Dog is defective.  He won't likely outgrow the problem.
Yes, it sure sounds like he was abused.
Nutering wasn't the cause.

I've known people with dogs like this.  
As they got older, they started to bite instead of retreating.

My dog is sort of the same way.  He is a 6 year old lab/husky mix.  If I even lay my had on one of my guns he will walk away with his tail between his legs and starts shivering in the corner.  Just time and affection will be alot better than a shock collar IMO.  My dog has come a long way since I got him 2 years ago.

Get her a gift certificate for a training class.  I don't think you need a shock collar, that will probably just make things worse.  If he's got following problems, a slip or prong will probably be better.

Quoted: As a trainer of bird dogs, I would not use a shock collar on him. He is probbly messed up pretty good and will take some time for him to warm up ( If ever). He will probably be like that for life. TS

not necessarily, we had a german shephard that had been so badly abused, when you went to pet him, he'd fall over screaming and piss himself. just by being affectionate, taking him for walkies (he'd been kept tied up next to a trailer and lived in a hole in the ground 12mos/yr), treating him with love, he became a great family dog.

but every case is different, the one universal being time and affection.

using a shock collar on a dog in this state could have the opposite effect you want.  In stead of motivating the dog into action it will probably cause him to completely freeze up.  Shock collars imo are better used on over-active dogs that ignore commands agressively, not on passive dogs that are as submissive as yours seems to be.

have to you tried bribes?  you start off giving commands and "luring" the pup to you with something they like (hotdog bits, cheese, whatever). the dog has to learn that coming to you is a good thing - progress through and start swapping the treat reward with praise.

gentle but firm voice (don't shout), consistant with your commands and rewards and I bet you can start to draw him out of his submissive shell.  might take some time though.

good luck.

Quoted: Get her a gift certificate for a training class.  I don't think you need a shock collar, that will probably just make things worse.  If he's got following problems, a slip or prong will probably be better.

+1 try some time with the dog to try to learn whats really wrong with him

I had a cat that was similar, he has to get used to you. Be kind! Give him treats! Give him love! Take him out for some Guy time, like a walk through the woods where he can BE A DOG! Hell, don't feed him for three days and buy him a live rabbit! Smear it with BBQ sauce and let him go after it in the backyard. Its sad when a dog FORGETS they are a KILLER.

The cat I have now was DEPRIVED of gentle human contact. She was a stray and while not scared of people had NO DESIRE for contact. Humans were her servants, they fed her and scooped the box and that was IT. YEARS of forced love (hehehe) and trust building and she is now very personable.

Face it dude, through no fault of his own your dog is a wus. He was broken. Please don't give up on fixing him. Some how you need to prove to him that you will NEVER let anything BAD happen to him.

My cat will sit on the living room chair while I vacuum the floor next to her, BECAUSE she trusts me. I spent over a year conditioning her to the vacuum. Telling her "I won't let it get you" and petting her while it was running. I also let her sniff it while it was off. She runs when my wife vacuums. Go figure.

My wife and I do some dog training. What I would suggest is that your girlfriend work on confidence training. Get him to do something that he isn't really fond of (nothing too stressful at first). Reward him when he does it or trys. When a loud noise (or anything else happens to scare him) don't coddle or baby him. Act as if nothing is wrong. Take him out in public for short (start at 2 min)  spans.

You can clicker train him at first. You can get clickers at petsmart and other pet stores. Click it and give him a small treat 20x in a row once a day. Then once he understands it means something good, you can use it as a reward giving him a treat randomly. Once he gets that then when he comes to you, click him. The most important thing is to be consistant and do it all the time. You are going to need to have patience. Generally, it takes twice as long to get rid of a bad habit as it took to develop the habit.

Once he gets more confidence you can move to a choke or pinch collar for other training.

Quoted: using a shock collar on a dog in this state could have the opposite effect you want.  In stead of motivating the dog into action it will probably cause him to completely freeze up.  Shock collars imo are better used on over-active dogs that ignore commands agressively, not on passive dogs that are as submissive as yours seems to be. have to you tried bribes?  you start off giving commands and "luring" the pup to you with something they like (hotdog bits, cheese, whatever). the dog has to learn that coming to you is a good thing - progress through and start swapping the treat reward with praise. gentle but firm voice (don't shout), consistant with your commands and rewards and I bet you can start to draw him out of his submissive shell.  might take some time though. good luck.

The dog won't eat out of anyones hand.  You pretty much have to put the food on the floor and go in the other room before he'll eat it.  

I think some of the problem is also because my gf is not very assertive and doesn't show him who's boss.  I think she babies him and feels so sorry for him that unless you get someone with a firm voice and grip on the dog he'll be a puss for life.  I do think he would make a great family dog because he is good around children and has a high pain tolerance.  I never fear him biting when I pick him up to put him in the car, etc..  

Quoted: The dog won't eat out of anyones hand.  You pretty much have to put the food on the floor and go in the other room before he'll eat it.   I think some of the problem is also because my gf is not very assertive and doesn't show him who's boss.  I think she babies him and feels so sorry for him that unless you get someone with a firm voice and grip on the dog he'll be a puss for life.  I do think he would make a great family dog because he is good around children and has a high pain tolerance.  I never fear him biting when I pick him up to put him in the car, etc..

The only time you have to establish the Alpha male roll in your dog's life is when they
think they are top dog, or are otherwise out of control.

YOUR dog is SO much the opposite, that any discipline of that type will have a negative effect.

Quoted: My wife and I do some dog training. What I would suggest is that your girlfriend work on confidence training. Get him to do something that he isn't really fond of (nothing too stressful at first). Reward him when he does it or trys. When a loud noise (or anything else happens to scare him) don't coddle or baby him. Act as if nothing is wrong. Take him out in public for short (start at 2 min)  spans. You can clicker train him at first. You can get clickers at petsmart and other pet stores. Click it and give him a small treat 20x in a row once a day. Then once he understands it means something good, you can use it as a reward giving him a treat randomly. Once he gets that then when he comes to you, click him. The most important thing is to be consistant and do it all the time. You are going to need to have patience. Generally, it takes twice as long to get rid of a bad habit as it took to develop the habit. Once he gets more confidence you can move to a choke or pinch collar for other training.

I see that everyone here has given good advice. The dog is afraid. You don't want to make the dog more afraid. As others have said, all you will accomplish is to screw up the dog even worse and even turn it into a fear-biter. If you do that, you will have to get rid of the dog.

Think about how you would react if you had lived the same kind of life you suspect the dog did. After being abused for some time you are put into a strange environment. For all you know, everybody in the world is an abuser. Everybody hits you, and now someone wants to come along with a collar to hurt you remotely.  You would go nuts.

I have had similar dogs. The problem isn't that the dog doesn't know who is boss.  The reason any dog walks around with its tail between its legs is because it is trying to convince the whole world that it is submissive. It thinks everyone is boss and it is trying to "disappear" -- to avoid a conflict with any of them.

You need to catch them early with love and affection. Convince this dog that you are the one person in the world that will keep him safe and give him a hug and a pat on the head any time he appears. If you really want good results, then you want the dog to have 100% confidence in you. If anything scares the dog, make it clear that you are there to protect him and keep him safe. Instead of cowering under the bed, you want the dog to climb into your lap (so to speak).

Recent research has shown there are major behavioral differences between wolves and dogs. They set up a test where a piece of meat was on the end of a rope just out of sight, so the animals had to pull on the rope to get the meat. When they tied down one end of the rope, so the meat wouldn't come out, the wolf just kept tugging on the rope forever. The dog tugged on the rope a few times, then stopped and sat down.

They have also noticed that wolves can figure out how to open gates by watching humans. Dogs don't.

Some people say that this means that wolves are smarter than dogs. They discovered it didn't mean that at all. What it meant was that the dogs were looking to cooperate with humans. They would stop tugging on the rope because they wanted help from their human. They wouldn't open the gate -- even though it could be proved they knew how -- because they wanted to cooperate with their human.

The point being -- Dogs live to cooperate with you. The high point of their life (for most breeds) is when you pet them, caress them, play ball with them, etc. If they are convinced that you love them and that they are safe with you, they will do things just to please you. If they aren't convinced that you love them and they are safe with you, you will play hell getting them to do anything but cower under the bed.

As for the gun thing, lots and lots (most?) of dogs will do something like that. Remember that their hearing is a lot more sensitive than yours, and the dog probably wasn't wearing ear protection. Take the dog to a safe place before you start shooting. You probably aren't going to cure that problem at this point, so work on the others.

But also get yourself and the dog to a dog trainer. You will learn a lot in a short period of time and the trainer will be able to see things that won't be apparent in an internet forum.

Quoted: The dog won't eat out of anyones hand.  You pretty much have to put the food on the floor and go in the other room before he'll eat it.

You can desensitize him simply by following a pattern of being a little bit closer each time he eats. If you make a real connection with the dog -- where it feels 100 percent safe that you aren't going to take its food or hurt it -- the dog should have no problem with you sitting with your arms around him while he eats.

The dog doesn't have confidence in you. Just take it in small steps.

I think some of the problem is also because my gf is not very assertive and doesn't show him who's boss.  I think she babies him and feels so sorry for him that unless you get someone with a firm voice and grip on the dog he'll be a puss for life.

Exactly, completely, 100 percent diametrically opposite of the real problem. The dog needs confidence, not more dominance.

If you think this, then get yourself and the dog to a good dog trainer tomorrow.  Seriously.


BTW: The two major rewards used to train dogs are food treats and affection. Punishment of any sort is almost never recommended. Verbal scolding is adequate punishment for most situations for the vast majority of dogs and probably more than is needed for a dog like this.  If you can't use food treats, and you can't use punishment, what does that leave?

Quoted: That is one messed up dog. I wouldn't use a shock collar on him. He just needs proper training

positive reinforcement



+1

Quoted: Quoted: That is one messed up dog. I wouldn't use a shock collar on him. He just needs proper training positive reinforcement +1

that's what I meant

Something to consider here:

Lots of people have had experiences in their childhood where they had to face the bullies down the street and, so to speak, walked around with their tail between their legs to avoid conflicts with the bullies.

But, of course, if your big brother is walking alongside you, and you have faith in your big brother, then you walk tall, with a completely different attitude to life.

Dogs are very much the same in that respect. This dog needs a big brother.

You won't get anywhere with negative reinforcement on a dog that timid (well, you might make him pee on the floor anytime he sees you, but that's not what you are going for).

You need to build trust with him first.  Quiet trust.  Pamper him everytime he comes near you.  That means good treats and lots of em.  Belly rubs when he gets up to it.  It might take a long time.

If he starts to act aggressive, keep an eye on him as you might have to consider putting him down.  Timid and aggressive generally = the bad side of unpredictable, especially around kids (dog will look to enforce its authority on anything perceived as weaker).  That advice might piss some people around here off, but it's true.  Some dogs just aren't wired right, and some dogs get miswired by people, and some of those miswired dogs can't be fixed and become a hazard.  I love dogs, and sometimes the hard decision is the right one.

Ok, now that I'm thinking about it and have time to look at some of the posts the main problem she is having is that the dog simply won't cooperate.

The dog is scared of men, but when I come over and open the door unexpectedly he acts like a dog.  Giving me warning barks, but keeps his distance.  As I approach he runs off into her room.  I don't think she cares so much as he acts like a puss.  She really has a problem with getting his attention.  

The real problems are getting him to go in and out.  He'll just lay there and not move.  When she has to go somewhere and take the dog she literally has to get behind him and pick him up with her arms around his chest and he just lays like dead weight.  Then there are times when she wants him in the car and he runs around the car thinking it's a game and won't get in.  We spent 20 mins one night waiting for him to get close enough to grab him and put him in.  

I don't think that she cares about the dog being timid and shy around people, what she really wants is a way to get his attention, because absolutely nothing works.  I was just thinking that a little zap would perk him up enough to actually listen to her commands for him.  Like he'll jump on her bed and she's gotta drag him off no matter how much she tells him to get off or yells or a little smack on the back he won't budge.  I figure just one push of the button he would start to relate get down with I'm gonna get my ass shocked if I don't listen.  

You folks need to watch the "Dog Whisperer" on TV. The guy is gifted!

I would guess the pooch needs some 'dog socialization' to learn not to be such a coward and to help rid him of his psychosis. You also need to walk him for about 45 minutes a day. The dog needs to learn to follow you, so you need to hold the lead behind you. This seems to  teach the dog his place in the pack.

You and your GF need to be seen as the pack leaders, and the dog will percieve that you are no real threat and learn to trust you.

Walking your dog seems to be the biggest 'cure all' the guy employs. He sure does fix up a lot of screwed up pooches. It's really amazing. Make a serious effort to watch the show.

I believe the National Geographic Channel airs the shows. You could try a Google search.

Shock collar will only make it worse and reinforce his fear of people.

You need a positive motivator. I'd suggest food, it won't be easy.

Get a tasty snack he can't resist (like hot dogs) and start doggy training 101.

First step is to make him come when he is called. When he understands that he will get a bit of hot dog for responding it should be easy.

Then start with basic commands like sit, stay, etc. and reward each correct action with a little bit of hot dog or other tasty treat. The key is repetition and reward for correct action.

This is how a dog learns to obey your commands. Once you get this basis established you can teach him almost anything and can substitute the reward of verbal praise for treats.

Quoted: You folks need to watch the "Dog Whisperer" on TV. The guy is gifted! I would guess the pooch needs some 'dog socialization' to learn not to be such a coward and to help rid him of his psychosis. You also need to walk him for about 45 minutes a day. The dog needs to learn to follow you, so you need to hold the lead behind you. This seems to  teach the dog his place in the pack. You and your GF need to be seen as the pack leaders, and the dog will percieve that you are no real threat and learn to trust you. Walking your dog seems to be the biggest 'cure all' the guy employs. He sure does fix up a lot of screwed up pooches. It's really amazing. Make a serious effort to watch the show. I believe the National Geographic Channel airs the shows. You could try a Google search.

He will follow you around when you're outside.  but once you turn around to pet him he will shy away.  

She keeps him in 'doggy day care' where he's exposed to dozens of other dogs.  He gets along just fine with them.   She takes him walking/jogging a few times a week as well for an hour or so per time.

Treats don't work with this dog.  He won't eat anything until you're out of the room.  Definately won't take anything from your hand either.

She is getting him a wireless fence  with a shock collar for it because a regular fence is too much $$ right now and he's been caught wondering off the property a couple times.  Most of the time though he stays close to the house.  I think it might have been a stray he was chasing.

Quoted: He will follow you around when you're outside.  but once you turn around to pet him he will shy away.

The obvious conclusion is that the dog wants to be with you, but is afraid to commit to you.

She keeps him in 'doggy day care' where he's exposed to dozens of other dogs.  He gets along just fine with them.   She takes him walking/jogging a few times a week as well for an hour or so per time.

Maybe you should do it. Walking with the dog teaches a lot of things - confidence in each other, gentle compliance, the dog learns that it is fun to be with you, etc.

Treats don't work with this dog.  He won't eat anything until you're out of the room.  Definately won't take anything from your hand either.

Trust and slow, gradual sensitization will cure that. The dog was probably used to getting beat up by other dogs, or by humans, when around food. Take it slow and show the dog that you can always be trusted.

Quoted:  I figure just one push of the button he would start to relate get down with I'm gonna get my ass shocked if I don't listen.

He will just roll over and piss himself.

I cant add anything that others havent said. There is some great advice from people dancin8 and wolfman97 who know what they are taking about.

For a dog less than a year old I would ignore the advice that the dog is defective and will be that way for the rest of his life.  I have worked with enough BAD dogs to know this is not the norm if dog gets the correct training. Fear biting is always a problem but even that can ALMOST always be cure with the correct training.
Contact the SPCA for trainers in your area, try to find a few Rottweiler/German shepherd breeders in your area and ask them who they reccomend for training.  They should be able to steer you towards a place your girlfriend and YOU can take the dog to help train everyone. The dog needs training but you do to, so that after the 4 to 8  weeks of one or two day a week classes are over you guys can keep working with the dog. It just as importain that you guys keep working on what you learned in class. It may take awhile but it can be done.

The reason I say contact the Rotty and Shepherds breeders is they normaly know who the best training center are in your area.

Good luck

One of my dogs is very similar  - we rescued a Cairn Terrier that was set to be put down by the puppy mill that owned her because she was no longer giving good litters.  When we brought her home a month ago, she was terrified and weak - the polar opposite of my Westie.  We have given her a lot of love and exercise, and I've provided a strong Alpha presence, and she's coming along very nicely.  She's still easily startled and scared by loud noises, but it's because she's not used to them - she's also starting to stand up for herself a little bit with my Westie.  However - in 4 weeks, we've taken a dog that would wet herself everytime you'd pet her, and begun turning her around - she now comes when called, sits on command, and goes on walks with ears and tail up.  It all boils down to giving the dog the following -

1.  A strong alpha that the dog trusts and obeys
2.  A lot of love and human contact
3.  A lot of exercise - walks are excellent to build a dog's confidence in you.  Instead of 2 or 3 times a week, he should be walked nightly - my two go out for a 20 to 30 minute walk 2 to 3 times a night.  
4.  Positive reinforcement

Remember, always positive reinforcement, even if it's for little things.  Your dog, like mine, is so submissive that strong discipline will only give it another reason to be scared of people.  It will take time - our rescue dog will take a long time to get over her abuse at the puppy mill, and will probably never be like a regular Cairn - but that's what I'm aiming for.  Same for yours.

u dont use the coller for that..  use it 4 when they are barking and dont know what "NO!" means..

Quoted: I had a cat that was similar, he has to get used to you. Be kind! Give him treats! Give him love! Take him out for some Guy time, like a walk through the woods where he can BE A DOG! Hell, don't feed him for three days and buy him a live rabbit! Smear it with BBQ sauce and let him go after it in the backyard. Its sad when a dog FORGETS they are a KILLER. The cat I have now was DEPRIVED of gentle human contact. She was a stray and while not scared of people had NO DESIRE for contact. Humans were her servants, they fed her and scooped the box and that was IT. YEARS of forced love (hehehe) and trust building and she is now very personable. Face it dude, through no fault of his own your dog is a wus. He was broken. Please don't give up on fixing him. Some how you need to prove to him that you will NEVER let anything BAD happen to him. My cat will sit on the living room chair while I vacuum the floor next to her, BECAUSE she trusts me. I spent over a year conditioning her to the vacuum. Telling her "I won't let it get you" and petting her while it was running. I also let her sniff it while it was off. She runs when my wife vacuums. Go figure.

Best advice yet.

Honestly, to even CONSIDER a shock collar for a dog that was abused is stunningly stupid. I'm not trying to be an asshole here, but come on....let basic common sense prevail. The LAST thing the dog needs is to be fucking shocked in to obediance...which will only serve to galvanize his well founded distrust of people.

Like the post above, let him be a dog...give him a LOT of love and the space he needs to feel welcomed and at ease. Electric shock? I'm having a hard time even imagining that's seriously an option you've considered.

Quoted: 3.  A lot of exercise - walks are excellent to build a dog's confidence in you.  Instead of 2 or 3 times a week, he should be walked nightly - my two go out for a 20 to 30 minute walk 2 to 3 times a night.

If you are looking for things that will motivate the dog to cooperate, and make the dog trust you, going for walks is one of the best. Every dog that I have owned goes absolutely nuts if you say the word "walk". They will be rebounding off the walls, barking at you until you open the door. We tried spelling it with one of our dogs and the dog picked up on how to spell the word in about three tries. Now, any time you say "W" his ears perk up and he stares at you, waiting for the rest.

My Shiloh is one of the worst. He starts getting excited if I open my sock drawer. If I try to put on shoes or socks he is like Scooby Doo on a pogo stick. For dogs, going for a walk is better than a year-round pass to Disneyland.

It is also good for getting them used to noises. My Shiloh was very afraid of things like rumbling trucks when I got him. We spent a few weekends walking together on sidewalks alongside busy roads. It took a while but he got much better with his fear of noises.

Take the dog for about two weeks of daily walks. You will notice a marked improvement just from that.

What are you thinking?  The dog is FRIGHTEND of you, and you want shock him while you yell at him.  That will teach him to run from your voice atleast, and at worst make him become aggresive twards you.

FOOD

The best training reinforcment is food.  This does not mean starve your dog, feed him on a normal schedule once a day.  You have to TRAIN him, he likely has no training and you wounder why he doesn't listen to you.  HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT YOU WAN'T.

Abandoning him at some puppy place is not good either.  He needs to feel safe, and spending every day someplace different is not helping.  Leaving him at home in a kennel, while not best, will atleast give him someplace he can feel safe.

While training you need to resist become too irritated or mad.  He is not going to be easy to train at first.  Spend lots of time with him,  when he feels safe with you then you can take him out to parks or even training class.  The idea being if he gets frightend he will feel better with you and not just hide in the corner.  

Quoted: Quoted: 3.  A lot of exercise - walks are excellent to build a dog's confidence in you.  Instead of 2 or 3 times a week, he should be walked nightly - my two go out for a 20 to 30 minute walk 2 to 3 times a night.   If you are looking for things that will motivate the dog to cooperate, and make the dog trust you, going for walks is one of the best. Every dog that I have owned goes absolutely nuts if you say the word "walk". They will be rebounding off the walls, barking at you until you open the door. We tried spelling it with one of our dogs and the dog picked up on how to spell the word in about three tries. Now, any time you say "W" his ears perk up and he stares at you, waiting for the rest. My Shiloh is one of the worst. He starts getting excited if I open my sock drawer. If I try to put on shoes or socks he is like Scooby Doo on a pogo stick. For dogs, going for a walk is better than a year-round pass to Disneyland. It is also good for getting them used to noises. My Shiloh was very afraid of things like rumbling trucks when I got him. We spent a few weekends walking together on sidewalks alongside busy roads. It took a while but he got much better with his fear of noises. Take the dog for about two weeks of daily walks. You will notice a marked improvement just from that.

Our two are the same way. We can't use the letters W, X, P, or Q alone. Going to the door and getting your coat (near the leads) is the same as asking to have two dogs running around the house.

Walks are key. Try walking together with your girlfriend, then you can ocassionally drop a treat for him. This is esp. good if he didn't react to something that he normally would.

You can put a trail of small treats from where he is to you. Let him go as far as he wants. Then pick up the rest. Don't move and don't stare at him. Both are dominate behaviors and are likely to spook him. It sounds like he is overly sensitive to dominate behaviors (esp. from males). How does he act the daycare? Is he social with other dogs? What size are they?

Will he play with you in any fashion? You could use a special toy that he really likes (or a bone even) that is a reward. He does something good and he gets to play with you, the toy, the bone, whatever. Very much like what they do with working dogs. Basically, you need to find what drives the dog.

I think even the electric fence is too much. He would be better served to stay in an only get walks. I suspect he will regress if you use electric stimulation of any sort. I agree with the kennel as well. You can set up a kennel with his bed and leave it open when you are home. Don't let any other animals go in and you can keep him in it when you aren't around if necessary. Basically use that as his safe area.

Also remembe that you have about 3-4 secs after an action before the time to praise is lost. I also want to stress that you have to be patient and consistant. If you aren't you are just going to confuse the poor animal.

Edit for spelling even though I probably missed some.

Like others have said, food is the key. Use good treats like meat. The recommendation for hot dogs is also excellent. I also recommend www.zukes.com/, my dog goes nuts for their treats.

So right now the dog won't eat if you are in the room. Try dropping a treat in the room then leave. When the dog is done eating it, come back in and drop another one off. The goal here is to let the dog know that you want to feed it. After doing this several times, try doing the same but this time stay in the doorway. If the dog will eat when you are in the doorway, repeat several more times then try getting closer again. Once you get the dog to eat from your hand then you can teach commands.

In essence:
1. Feed the dog where it is comfortable
2. Try and move closer
3. Repeat

Patience is very important. If you get frustrated, take a break until you ready to be patient again. Do not get angry at the dog, it will only make things worse.

You think his going to the bathroom is a problem now, put that collar on him and see what happens  

lifting him in the car (80lbs) everyday to drop him off at dog day care

So a dog that isn't even a year old, possibly abused, on at least a second home, and spends the day somewhere that is not his home and not with his master? Hmmmmm