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Posted: 2/23/2006 3:13:21 PM EDT
 www.theregister.co.uk/2006/02/23/masturbation_worse_than_sex/ Scientists: masturbation not as good as sex And you thought you just weren't doing it right By Chris Williams Published Thursday 23rd February 2006 16:55 GMT A swift one off the wrist - easy, convenient, refreshing - but just not the same as the real thing, perhaps. Reporting in the journal Biological Psychology, researchers have now found a basis in physiology for the niggling dissatisfaction. Levels of the hormone prolactin are lower after masturbation than intercourse. Prolactin makes us feel satisfied by counteracting the arousal messenger dopamine. The levels of prolactin in the blood of subjects who committed an act of self-pollution after watching grumble flicks were just one fifth of those who had had actual sex in the lab. Still, either way, nice work if you can get it. The scientists say the difference also explains why men may need a "recovery period" after forming The Beast with Two Backs, but can happily nip to the loo for five minutes, make the bald man cry, then get straight back to work. |
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Posted: 2/23/2006 3:15:18 PM EDT
[#1]
Duh.
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Posted: 2/23/2006 3:15:30 PM EDT
[#2]
That's funny stuff, right there. 
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Posted: 2/23/2006 3:16:36 PM EDT
[#3]
Gee any US researchers, gimme the grant money and I spank it, you can watch as long as the grant $ is upwards of 30 G.
Fuckin A what a waste of funds! 
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Posted: 2/23/2006 3:16:59 PM EDT
[#4]
How am I supposed to masturbate to this thread?
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Posted: 2/23/2006 3:17:59 PM EDT
[#5]
This post is 5 minutes late!
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Posted: 2/23/2006 3:18:39 PM EDT
[#6]
Here ya go. Naked red head in a hot tub.  Your welcome. |
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Posted: 2/23/2006 3:18:53 PM EDT
[#7]
I will have to present these findings to my wife and form a committee to discuss possible action items.
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Posted: 2/23/2006 3:19:21 PM EDT
[#8]
You can, it just wont be that satisfying. |
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Posted: 2/23/2006 3:19:25 PM EDT
[#9]
With one hand like every one else. |
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Posted: 2/23/2006 3:20:28 PM EDT
[#10]
At last I can give the wife scientific proof why I want sex more than I want to masterbate......and she will believe me because I didn't say it.....some scientist said it.
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Posted: 2/23/2006 3:21:41 PM EDT
[#11]
Gee ya think?
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Posted: 2/23/2006 3:22:17 PM EDT
[#12]
He ain't doing it right....... 
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Posted: 2/23/2006 3:23:26 PM EDT
[#13]
In other news, the earth is round and the sky is blue. Pending further study.
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Posted: 2/23/2006 3:23:28 PM EDT
[#14]
Speaking of masturbation ...
Is it considered "masturbation" to "have sex" with a blow up doll? What about a blow up sheep? How about a dead hooker? |
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Posted: 2/23/2006 3:23:52 PM EDT
[#15]
With that reaction, methinks you're not doing something right. |
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Posted: 2/23/2006 3:26:03 PM EDT
[#16]
He's probably trying to convince his wife...she thinks masturbation is BETTER than sex...with him!
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Posted: 2/23/2006 3:26:40 PM EDT
[#17]
I've been married for 20 years……
……what's sex? 
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Posted: 2/23/2006 3:26:53 PM EDT
[#18]
I didn't need an experiment to validate those findings.
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Posted: 2/23/2006 3:28:32 PM EDT
[#19]
Can I volenteer for the sex part of this study?
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Posted: 2/23/2006 3:31:38 PM EDT
[#20]
+17! At my age, I'm envious of a stiff wind......
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Posted: 2/23/2006 3:32:00 PM EDT
[#21]
a big plus 1 there too. I wonder how much grant money was wasted figuring out something they could have determined with a 10 minute poll on ARFCOM I'm in the wrong job obviously. |
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Posted: 2/23/2006 3:34:42 PM EDT
[#22]
How long did the scientists have to masturbate to figure this one out. I'm no scientist and I could have told you this.....
Nuthin beats the real deal.....no pun intended
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Posted: 2/23/2006 3:34:56 PM EDT
[#23]
See this is the reason I enjoy going to the UK. The investigative journalism there just kicks ass! You simply can't get that kind of reporting in an American newspaper. Good stuff but as a scientist and skeptic I'm going to need more comparative analysis to fully form my opinions on this subject. Now if you'll excuse me I've gotta get my hands dirty and dig into some testing.... |
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Posted: 2/23/2006 3:35:00 PM EDT
[#24]
Ohhhh baby......slap, slap, slap, slap, slap..........ahhhhhhhhhh!
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Posted: 2/23/2006 3:38:53 PM EDT
[#25]
I'm glad it wasn't my tax dollars funding this, for once.
This one's probably already lock-worthy. |
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Posted: 2/23/2006 3:39:01 PM EDT
[#26]
1. Poly sex 2. Poly beastiality 3. Necrophilia.............and fess up with the story, was it her wooden shoes that caused you to partake of this foul deed? 
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Posted: 2/23/2006 3:43:24 PM EDT
[#27]
So, do you think this would work...
" Honey, I have dangerously low Prolactin levels"  My guess is I would get the... "Well then you are going to die then" responce. GM |
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Posted: 2/23/2006 3:45:04 PM EDT
[#28]
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Posted: 2/23/2006 3:48:11 PM EDT
[#29]
 Ask any question at afrcom and you will get an answer.. I love this place
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Posted: 2/23/2006 3:59:48 PM EDT
[#30]
Not like the real thing? Like this?
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Posted: 2/23/2006 4:05:25 PM EDT
[#31]
+1 Just like my wife, a red head, a doll, and often in the hot tub. I wish I could show you her being a "Naked red head in a hot tub" - but that would be wrong. Fun, but wrong. (and no, please don't IM me) Bama-Shooter, are you sure we don't know you? (everyone notice that I'm over 400 posts now, at what number does that respect thing happen?) |
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Posted: 2/23/2006 4:39:51 PM EDT
[#32]
We had some naked red head in the hot tub pics in Team before. There's always a chance. |
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Posted: 2/23/2006 5:15:12 PM EDT
[#33]
I knew that.
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Posted: 2/23/2006 5:21:20 PM EDT
[#34]
You don't say.
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Posted: 2/23/2006 5:23:02 PM EDT
[#35]
I will step away to conduct scientific survey of my own; will report back in 2 mins. Yes, I am will to self-pollute for the greater glory of ARFCOM Research.
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Posted: 2/23/2006 5:26:02 PM EDT
[#36]
some of my great orgasmic experiences have been from "punching the clown"!
from yours truly, THE MASTER OF BATER 
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Posted: 2/23/2006 5:26:58 PM EDT
[#37]
Braggart! 
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Posted: 2/23/2006 5:32:10 PM EDT
[#38]
The big book of "Everything you ever wanted to know about sex, but were to afraid to ask" says that Oral Sex is Mutual Masterbation. So does that qualify?
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Posted: 2/23/2006 5:39:05 PM EDT
[#39]
I'm back. My research indicates the following facts about masturbation: 1. It is free. 2. Nobody has ever died from it. 3. Did I mention it is free? |
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Posted: 2/23/2006 5:40:14 PM EDT
[#40]
"Why, you remember Spanky?"
"Spanky Johnson; now there is a Master Baiter. He takes into account the phases of the moon what time a-year an all. An what 'yer fishin for, temperature of the water an' such..." Roy Dam Mercer |
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Posted: 2/23/2006 6:21:46 PM EDT
[#41]
Aw come on. I think the prolactin finding is kind of cool. I'll talk about in class. |
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Posted: 2/23/2006 6:30:06 PM EDT
[#42]
lol! 
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Posted: 2/23/2006 6:32:23 PM EDT
[#43]
Meh. It's better than nothing.
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Posted: 2/23/2006 6:44:01 PM EDT
[#44]
That all depends on the sex...
Prison sex, where Cletus is reaming you in the rear.... well, I'd rather punch the clown 1000 times that suffer that!! |
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Posted: 2/23/2006 6:45:15 PM EDT
[#45]
They're not doing it right.
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Posted: 2/23/2006 6:55:58 PM EDT
[#46]
I saw a show the other night "Strictly Sex" that when a man has sex with a woman it causes testosterone to be produced witch is good. Not happening though with master bates.
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Posted: 2/23/2006 6:58:44 PM EDT
[#47]
what about being masterbated then? I wonder how that rates?
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Posted: 2/23/2006 6:58:49 PM EDT
[#48]
I have a question: Can we just take Prolactin in a pill and not have to deal with their shit? Wouldn't that be great? Everybody'd be walkin' around all happy, and women would have no more power.
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Posted: 2/23/2006 7:02:49 PM EDT
[#49]
Send the idea to Merk and Co. !
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Posted: 2/23/2006 7:03:26 PM EDT
[#50]
Speak for yourself. |
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