Warning

 

Close

Confirm Action

Are you sure you wish to do this?

Confirm Cancel
BCM
Durkin Tactical Franklin Armory
User Panel

Arrow Left Previous Page
Page / 2
Posted: 8/19/2017 4:22:00 PM EDT
Fuck that chunky, jar shit. It's not supposed to be pico de gallo, it's not supposed to plop. It's supposed to drip and slide off your chip, mother fucker!

This is what you want, for real salsa that you pour on tacos and eat with tortilla chips.

First off, you need four ingredients, FOUR! Tomatoes (Buy the cheap ones, broke ass. They don't have to pretty, steakhouse tomatoes. They're just going in a blender anyway you son of a bitch.), garlic, jalapenos, and salt.

"But Rincon, I love cilantro and onions and shit!" No fucking kidding?! Guess what? So do I, so does everyone! You are not special, princess pants. I put cilantro on my pancakes. I rub lime juice on my tits. That's all well and good, but don't try and get creative with this tried and true sauce technique. This isn't you're aunt Patty's, from Ohio, abortion salsa. FOUR ingredients, Asshole.

Chop off the tops of your tomatoes, split jalapenos and skin your garlic.

Boil tomatoes for five minutes, then throw in the jalapenos and garlic for another minute. Take it off the burner, add salt, cover and let it sit for ten minutes.



Strip the jalapenos of the seeds and veins. A slotted, wooden spoon works great for this, dumb shits. Everything just slides right on out.

Everything into the blender, preferably something with a 50 HP motor. If you don't have a good blender, stop being poor or ask one of your fancier, Walmart greeter friends to borrow theirs.



Blend that shit up and down. It will be a frothy fuckin mess afterwords, resembling your bloody, Sunday morning, hangover shits, you lushy, drunk waste.



Add salt and throw it in the fridge for a few hours to settle and chill. Eat it. There it is. If you dick with this recipe and add pineapple, mango, corn or whatever other queer shit you read on pinterest for their "bestsalsaever#", I will find you and piss on you in your sleep.

Enjoy, friends.
Link Posted: 8/19/2017 4:28:21 PM EDT
[#1]
Solid
Link Posted: 8/19/2017 4:33:45 PM EDT
[#2]
Fail for zero cilantro or green onion.

Fail for stripping the jalapenos down and not having seeds.

You made weak ass hot sauce.

Not salsa.
Link Posted: 8/19/2017 4:35:21 PM EDT
[#3]
Looks good.

But we'll have to agree to disagree on a couple of things. 
Link Posted: 8/19/2017 4:37:33 PM EDT
[#4]
You're not supposed to boil it.  You're supposed to char everything on a random flat piece of metal over an open flame. Then you blend.

Tomato, jalapeños, onion, garlic, lime juice, cilantro, salt.  If you want extra heat, throw in some Japanese chiles too.  

I lived in a shitty house with a bunch of Mexican construction workers for 2 months.  This is how they did it.  Every night.
Link Posted: 8/19/2017 4:40:53 PM EDT
[#5]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
You're not supposed to boil it.  You're supposed to char everything on a random flat piece of metal over an open flame. Then you blend.

Tomato, jalapeños, onion, garlic, lime juice, cilantro, salt.  If you want extra heat, throw in some Japanese chiles too
View Quote
This. But I add pepper, habeneros and serranos.
Link Posted: 8/19/2017 4:42:07 PM EDT
[#6]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
This. But I add pepper, habeneros and serranos.
View Quote
We're gonna need the recipe for the salve you use on your cornhole.  (No homo)
Link Posted: 8/19/2017 4:42:10 PM EDT
[#7]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Fail for zero cilantro or green onion.

Fail for stripping the jalapenos down and not having seeds.

You made weak ass hot sauce.

Not salsa.
View Quote
You want to know the reason why your butt hole is always sore? Well, the other reason anyway? The seeds aren't digestible and resort in the ring of fire the day after. Guess what Gordan Ramsey, the whole "Seeds are where the heat comes from." bullshit is just that, bullshit. So, for those of us who haven't built up a 'resistance' to a horrendous ass pain, cut the seeds. Won't affect the heat one bit.
Link Posted: 8/19/2017 4:43:00 PM EDT
[#8]
Ketchup.
Link Posted: 8/19/2017 4:44:35 PM EDT
[#9]
Shit

But, you do remove the seeds.
Link Posted: 8/19/2017 4:44:50 PM EDT
[#10]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:


You want to know the reason why your butt hole is always sore? Well, the other reason anyway? The seeds aren't digestible and resort in the ring of fire the day after. Guess what Gordan Ramsey, the whole "Seeds are where the heat comes from." bullshit is just that, bullshit. So, for those of us who haven't built up a 'resistance' to a horrendous ass pain, cut the seeds. Won't affect the heat one bit.
View Quote
Seeds make it bitter.
Link Posted: 8/19/2017 4:51:41 PM EDT
[#11]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
You're not supposed to boil it.  You're supposed to char everything on a random flat piece of metal over an open flame. Then you blend.

Tomato, jalapeños, onion, garlic, lime juice, cilantro, salt.  If you want extra heat, throw in some Japanese chiles too.  

I lived in a shitty house with a bunch of Mexican construction workers for 2 months.  This is how they did it.  Every night.
View Quote
Sounds great, for a roasted veggie, tomato sauce dip. I posted a proper, Mexican restaurant, table-top salsa.
Link Posted: 8/19/2017 4:53:26 PM EDT
[#12]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:


We're gonna need the recipe for the salve you use on your cornhole.  (No homo)
View Quote
Don't be a pussy. 

Try this, it's not that bad.

2lbs Roma tomatoes 
1/2 a large white onion
2 good size jalapenos
2 serranos
2 habeneros
1 cup cilantro
3-4 cloves of garlic minced
1 tbsp ground black pepper
2 tsp salt
Juice of one lime

Throw the tomatoes, onion and peppers on the grill till you get a nice all over char on them.  
Core the tomatoes.
Remove some of the seeds from the peppers.
Throw everything in a blender and blend to desired consistency. 
Let cool in fridge for a few hours.

Enjoy!
Link Posted: 8/19/2017 5:01:08 PM EDT
[#13]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:


You want to know the reason why your butt hole is always sore? Well, the other reason anyway? The seeds aren't digestible and resort in the ring of fire the day after. Guess what Gordan Ramsey, the whole "Seeds are where the heat comes from." bullshit is just that, bullshit. So, for those of us who haven't built up a 'resistance' to a horrendous ass pain, cut the seeds. Won't affect the heat one bit.
View Quote
Sorry you have a tender rectum...

Guess you should try regular toilet paper instead of a bidet or that quilted charmin/northern toilet paper.

OP still made shitty non-salsa
Link Posted: 8/19/2017 5:01:57 PM EDT
[#14]
Chunked up onions, jalapenos, and a smidgen of cilantro in this stuff is great. 

I also use it with brown sugar, basil, and oregano for pizza sauce. Just bought 6 cans @ .69 cents each a few minutes ago. 
Link Posted: 8/19/2017 5:09:13 PM EDT
[#15]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
You're not supposed to boil it.  You're supposed to char everything on a random flat piece of metal over an open flame. Then you blend.

Tomato, jalapeños, onion, garlic, lime juice, cilantro, salt.  If you want extra heat, throw in some Japanese chiles too.  

I lived in a shitty house with a bunch of Mexican construction workers for 2 months.  This is how they did it.  Every night.
View Quote
Pretty much the way I do it.  If I am being lazy I will put all the ingredients under the broiler until its charred.

I get the ingredients from the garden then can it for storage.
Link Posted: 8/19/2017 5:13:09 PM EDT
[#16]
Not sure if OP is serious
Link Posted: 8/19/2017 5:13:47 PM EDT
[#17]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Sounds great, for a roasted veggie, tomato sauce dip. I posted a proper, Mexican restaurant, table-top salsa.
View Quote View All Quotes
View All Quotes
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Quoted:
You're not supposed to boil it.  You're supposed to char everything on a random flat piece of metal over an open flame. Then you blend.

Tomato, jalapeños, onion, garlic, lime juice, cilantro, salt.  If you want extra heat, throw in some Japanese chiles too.  

I lived in a shitty house with a bunch of Mexican construction workers for 2 months.  This is how they did it.  Every night.
Sounds great, for a roasted veggie, tomato sauce dip. I posted a proper, Mexican restaurant, table-top salsa.
No, that's some boiled restaurant stuff.

Real salsa is done on a plancha, like redfish described.  My wife, from Jalisco, only uses tomato, jalapeño, and salt.  You can put more stuff if you want.

If you went way down in Mexico you would not eat any boiled salsa.  Not sure what they do in the North.
Link Posted: 8/19/2017 5:16:18 PM EDT
[#18]

For instruction writing style alone!

OP really makes me feel compelled to make this.
Link Posted: 8/19/2017 5:38:21 PM EDT
[#19]
Isn't salt the fifth ingredient? don't piss yourself you heathen.
Link Posted: 8/19/2017 5:45:11 PM EDT
[#20]
OP, that was some of the finest prose I've read in a long time.  Salsa looks good too.  Will check it out.

Link Posted: 8/19/2017 5:51:43 PM EDT
[#21]
OP angrily made gazpacho.

 
Link Posted: 8/19/2017 5:58:44 PM EDT
[#22]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
You're not supposed to boil it.  You're supposed to char everything on a random flat piece of metal over an open flame. Then you blend.

Tomato, jalapeños, onion, garlic, lime juice, cilantro, salt.  If you want extra heat, throw in some Japanese chiles too.  

I lived in a shitty house with a bunch of Mexican construction workers for 2 months.  This is how they did it.  Every night.
View Quote
This man has the right idea.
Link Posted: 8/19/2017 6:00:37 PM EDT
[#23]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Pretty much the way I do it.  If I am being lazy I will put all the ingredients under the broiler until its charred.

I get the ingredients from the garden then can it for storage.
View Quote View All Quotes
View All Quotes
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Quoted:
You're not supposed to boil it.  You're supposed to char everything on a random flat piece of metal over an open flame. Then you blend.

Tomato, jalapeños, onion, garlic, lime juice, cilantro, salt.  If you want extra heat, throw in some Japanese chiles too.  

I lived in a shitty house with a bunch of Mexican construction workers for 2 months.  This is how they did it.  Every night.
Pretty much the way I do it.  If I am being lazy I will put all the ingredients under the broiler until its charred.

I get the ingredients from the garden then can it for storage.
Yep, that's how I was taught by some friends.  I'm wondering if OP realizes that the food in Mexico varies by region just like everywhere else in the world.  
Link Posted: 8/19/2017 6:05:29 PM EDT
[#24]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
You're not supposed to boil it.  You're supposed to char everything on a random flat piece of metal over an open flame. Then you blend.

Tomato, jalapeños, onion, garlic, lime juice, cilantro, salt.  If you want extra heat, throw in some Japanese chiles too.  

I lived in a shitty house with a bunch of Mexican construction workers for 2 months.  This is how they did it.  Every night.
View Quote
That's because they probably always had more sun, than water.

OP, if you are going to make salsa, at least use some ripe tomatoes from the garden, instead of that crap with no flavor from the store. It's the middle of summer for fucks sake.
Link Posted: 8/19/2017 6:11:58 PM EDT
[#25]
Open a can of Rotel tomatoes with chilis, drop in blender, spin to desired consistency.

Pretty good salsa in seconds.
Link Posted: 8/19/2017 6:12:10 PM EDT
[#26]


I'll try that out, but I'm adding cilantro, dickface
Link Posted: 8/19/2017 6:27:08 PM EDT
[#27]
Link Posted: 8/19/2017 7:16:19 PM EDT
[#28]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:


No, that's some boiled restaurant stuff.

Real salsa is done on a plancha, like redfish described.  My wife, from Jalisco, only uses tomato, jalapeño, and salt.  You can put more stuff if you want.

If you went way down in Mexico you would not eat any boiled salsa.  Not sure what they do in the North.
View Quote
No shit it's restaurant salsa, ball sucker. It's almost like I put that in thread title. Most people who consider themselves salsa gurus secretly wish their salsa was as good as what's in the bowl at their local dive taco joint. Well, here's how to make it!

(Leaving douchebag mode for a moment) my wife is also from Jalisco, Guadalajara to be exact. Her family recipe calls for frying sureno peppers and blended tomatoes in a pan and going from there. There is no 'real' way to make salsa. It's like telling an Eskimo that there is only one word for "snow".

Everyone (Mexican) has a different method and they all say 'This is authentic'. No such thing, this was just a tutorial on decent restaurant style, chip salsa. Give it a try, you might find yourself a convert. You don't have to chop and squeeze stuff for half an hour to just achieve "meh" results. These four ingredients are the perfect accoutrement to fried, corn tortilla chip.

Anyway, here is another salsa made, roasted, with the other evil things I left out of the restaurant style. This one brought the heat!





(Entering back into douchebag mode) so suck my hairy ass, titty face.
Link Posted: 8/19/2017 8:17:07 PM EDT
[#29]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Looks good.

But we'll have to agree to disagree on a couple of things. 
View Quote
Link Posted: 8/19/2017 8:20:46 PM EDT
[#30]
I'm with ya OP, i hate chunky salsa. HATE IT.
Link Posted: 8/19/2017 8:23:47 PM EDT
[#31]
Just grabbed some tomatoes and peppers from the garden, gonna give it a shot.
Link Posted: 8/19/2017 8:38:50 PM EDT
[#32]
Thats not how taquerias around here make it (Socal). They roast roma tomatoes and reconstitute dried chile de arbol chiles, then add a pinch of salt and Mexican oregano, then blend.

I do this but also add dried tepin peppers to keep others out of it.

You can also add some vinegar, then run it through a mesh strainer to remove the solids and you get a Tabasco style hot sauce.
Link Posted: 8/19/2017 8:42:58 PM EDT
[#33]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:


Sounds great, for a roasted veggie, tomato sauce dip. I posted a proper, Mexican restaurant, table-top salsa.
View Quote
If your proper Mexican Restaurant is like Chili's or On the Border.

If you want a true taqueria style salsa you will lose the tomatoes and japs all together, and replace with tomatillo, and chili de arbol.

See you want to toast the chiles de arbol in a dried state ( with seeds removed) You can leave the "ribs for hotter or remove them for more mild.
( the intense heat comes from the ribs connecting the interior of the pepper to the seeds BTW)

THEN you want to boil the chiles de arbol with the garlic and tomatillos not only to rehydrate the chiles, but to soften the other incredients ( as your Murican salsa recipe does)

Once soft and boiled you let sit for a while then take the chiles, tomatillos and garlic and put it in a blender, add just a touch of the water used to boil to achieve the right consistency so add a little at a time.

Then add salt to taste, and an important last step, squeeze some fresh lime into the TRUE chile salsa.
Link Posted: 8/19/2017 8:52:47 PM EDT
[#34]
10/10 for writing style
Link Posted: 8/19/2017 8:56:40 PM EDT
[#35]
Quoted:

Enjoy, friends.
View Quote
... I'm guessing that you are a social loser, right?
Link Posted: 8/19/2017 9:12:15 PM EDT
[#36]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
You're not supposed to boil it.  You're supposed to char everything on a random flat piece of metal over an open flame. Then you blend.
View Quote
quoted for emphasis.  boiling leaches flavor out.
Link Posted: 8/19/2017 9:16:51 PM EDT
[#37]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:


No shit it's restaurant salsa, ball sucker. It's almost like I put that in thread title. Most people who consider themselves salsa gurus secretly wish their salsa was as good as what's in the bowl at their local dive taco joint. Well, here's how to make it!
View Quote
i've worked at a shitload of restaurants.

none of them have ever boiled flavor out of salsa ingredients.
Link Posted: 8/19/2017 9:19:28 PM EDT
[#38]
That's not how Mexican restaurants do it. They buy the cheapest bulk salsa they can find and water it down, and the smaller joints put a few drops of cheap hot sauce in it. That's restaurants and not taquerias.
Link Posted: 8/19/2017 10:56:44 PM EDT
[#39]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
... I'm guessing that you are a social loser, right?
View Quote
Got 50 or so folks at my place now. It's a light hearted post buddy. You shouldn't take some stuff too seriously.
Link Posted: 8/19/2017 10:57:31 PM EDT
[#40]
I made a friend years ago when they were building a new baseball stadium in town. He lives 2.5 hours away and stayed in a camp trailer during the work week so he would come hang out and we'd drink cervezas at my place.

My favorite salsa he made was roaster cherry tomatoes, 2 roasted habaneros, garlic and a pinch of salt.

He showed me how to make tomatillo sauce and all that stuff too, but that cherry tomato/habanero stuff was the best
Link Posted: 8/19/2017 11:15:27 PM EDT
[#41]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
That's not how Mexican restaurants do it. They buy the cheapest bulk salsa they can find and water it down, and the smaller joints put a few drops of cheap hot sauce in it. That's restaurants and not taquerias.
View Quote
The one I go to makes it from scratch, twice a day, sometime more. We have a few taco stands that makes it fresh too, but it isn't free.
Link Posted: 8/19/2017 11:58:38 PM EDT
[#42]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
That's not how Mexican restaurants do it. They buy the cheapest bulk salsa they can find and water it down, and the smaller joints put a few drops of cheap hot sauce in it. That's restaurants and not taquerias.
View Quote
Georgia.
Link Posted: 8/20/2017 12:01:20 AM EDT
[#43]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:

If your proper Mexican Restaurant is like Chili's or On the Border.

If you want a true taqueria style salsa you will lose the tomatoes and japs all together, and replace with tomatillo, and chili de arbol.

See you want to toast the chiles de arbol in a dried state ( with seeds removed) You can leave the "ribs for hotter or remove them for more mild.
( the intense heat comes from the ribs connecting the interior of the pepper to the seeds BTW)

THEN you want to boil the chiles de arbol with the garlic and tomatillos not only to rehydrate the chiles, but to soften the other incredients ( as your Murican salsa recipe does)

Once soft and boiled you let sit for a while then take the chiles, tomatillos and garlic and put it in a blender, add just a touch of the water used to boil to achieve the right consistency so add a little at a time.

Then add salt to taste, and an important last step, squeeze some fresh lime into the TRUE chile salsa.
View Quote
Salsa Verde is too sweet for my tastes and nowhere is it the standard.
Link Posted: 8/20/2017 12:08:58 AM EDT
[#44]
Quoted:
Fuck that chunky, jar shit. It's not supposed to be pico de gallo, it's not supposed to plop. It's supposed to drip and slide off your chip, mother fucker!

This is what you want, for real salsa that you pour on tacos and eat with tortilla chips.

First off, you need four ingredients, FOUR! Tomatoes (Buy the cheap ones, broke ass. They don't have to pretty, steakhouse tomatoes. They're just going in a blender anyway you son of a bitch.), garlic, jalapenos, and salt.

"But Rincon, I love cilantro and onions and shit!" No fucking kidding?! Guess what? So do I, so does everyone! You are not special, princess pants. I put cilantro on my pancakes. I rub lime juice on my tits. That's all well and good, but don't try and get creative with this tried and true sauce technique. This isn't you're aunt Patty's, from Ohio, abortion salsa. FOUR ingredients, Asshole.

Chop off the tops of your tomatoes, split jalapenos and skin your garlic. http://i.imgur.com/4Pb4Xm5.jpg

Boil tomatoes for five minutes, then throw in the jalapenos and garlic for another minute. Take it off the burner, add salt, cover and let it sit for ten minutes.

http://i.imgur.com/BLHUYFa.jpg

Strip the jalapenos of the seeds and veins. A slotted, wooden spoon works great for this, dumb shits. Everything just slides right on out.

Everything into the blender, preferably something with a 50 HP motor. If you don't have a good blender, stop being poor or ask one of your fancier, Walmart greeter friends to borrow theirs.

http://i.imgur.com/qv8qBKF.jpg

Blend that shit up and down. It will be a frothy fuckin mess afterwords, resembling your bloody, Sunday morning, hangover shits, you lushy, drunk waste.

http://i.imgur.com/mZGcrZU.jpg

Add salt and throw it in the fridge for a few hours to settle and chill. Eat it. There it is. If you dick with this recipe and add pineapple, mango, corn or whatever other queer shit you read on pinterest for their "bestsalsaever#", I will find you and piss on you in your sleep.

Enjoy, friends.
View Quote


That shit looks like something drunks barf up outside their local bars.

Chris
Link Posted: 8/20/2017 12:16:19 AM EDT
[#45]
GD's idea of good mexican salsa.

Attachment Attached File
Link Posted: 8/20/2017 12:18:24 AM EDT
[#46]
For everyone that has an issue with this.. there is no wrong way to make salsa.. practically each family has their own recipe.  As long as the OP likes it, that is all that matters!  

So many different flavor profiles is what makes fresh salsa so awesome!!!
Link Posted: 8/20/2017 12:51:28 AM EDT
[#47]
Quoted:
It will be a frothy fuckin mess afterwords, resembling your bloody, Sunday morning, hangover shits, you lushy, drunk waste.
View Quote

Link Posted: 8/20/2017 12:58:32 AM EDT
[#48]
Quoted:
For everyone that has an issue with this.. there is no wrong way to make salsa.. practically each family has their own recipe.  As long as the OP likes it, that is all that matters!  

So many different flavor profiles is what makes fresh salsa so awesome!!!
View Quote
I got no problem with how the OP made his salsa.  Just think it's funny he blasts anyone using ingredients other than what he says to use, then on the other hand says there's no real way to make salsa.

I'll definitely be trying the OP's method as well as the charring the ingredient method. Damn I really want some salsa now.
Link Posted: 8/20/2017 1:10:05 AM EDT
[#49]
I am willing to bet OP had the diet of a toddler ie very bland.  That salsa looks pretty crappy and bland.  I bet he eats a hamburger with only ketchup and pickles like my kids.
Link Posted: 8/20/2017 1:12:39 AM EDT
[#50]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:


I got no problem with how the OP made his salsa.  Just think it's funny he blasts anyone using ingredients other than what he says to use
View Quote
Holy smokes.

Arrow Left Previous Page
Page / 2
Close Join Our Mail List to Stay Up To Date! Win a FREE Membership!

Sign up for the ARFCOM weekly newsletter and be entered to win a free ARFCOM membership. One new winner* is announced every week!

You will receive an email every Friday morning featuring the latest chatter from the hottest topics, breaking news surrounding legislation, as well as exclusive deals only available to ARFCOM email subscribers.


By signing up you agree to our User Agreement. *Must have a registered ARFCOM account to win.
Top Top