And boy, does it feel good to have him gone.

The highlights? Ok, here goes.

I split for two weeks of vacation. He stays at the apt. to hold down the fort.  Midway through my cherished vacation, he phones me and says, "I just ran up $400 in long distance phone bills to Sri Lanka and the UK.  Is that a problem?"

F########-A Skippy, it is.

When I get back to the apt, it gets better.  The FOURTEEN page phone bill is missing the middle 10 pages.  You know, the ones that had all the 900 numbers this pervert didn't want me to see.

"Rent Erasmus?  I just spent my share of the rent on telephone porno, so I cannot pay.  Is that a problem?"

[whacko] <--- at this point, that's ME rolling MY eyes.

He wouldn't be able to pay next month's rent, either.  Cause this Foreigner(uughhh, my xenophobia bone aches) needs expensive diabetic meds that he is accustomed to receiving free, from Canada.

As we are discussing this fiscal nonsence, he mentions that I shouldn't worry, cause he's been sending Brooke Shields love letters, and she announced on TV that she is going to marry him.  He'll then be rich and will "fix me and my family up."

(Oh, good. That's reassuring.) [whacko]

He next informs me that he hears voices, the CIA is reading his mind, and the government's "behavior modification" treatment was a success (on him).

"Erasmus, can you read my mind? Lots of people read my mind."

[whacko]

It also comes out that he has half a dozen aliases.

So.......

I waited till he left, changed the locks, photocopied his passport, packed all his crap in his suitcase and left it propped up outside the apt. window.  Upon picking his junk up, he would see a note taped to the inside of the window reading,

"Goodbye, Canute.
Consider yourself EVICTED.
     by the leaseholder, Erasmus."


The landlord saw Kenny, AKA Canute AKA Ravi AKA Old Scratch's photocopied passport picture when I notified him that he was a lying, stealing lunatic who I had just thrown out.

My landlord shuddered, and said, "I have seen him around and wondered who he was..."

--------
"Seek professional support (e.g., victim services, healthcare providers."

Should have kept the passport and offered to sell it back to him for $400.

Lovely. I see that you did proper due diligence before inviting him to move in! You're real picky, no doubt.

Perhaps he has an expired visa? Notifying John Ashcroft may be an idea...

Drop a dime on this fruitcake. You might save lives in so doing. For all you know, he might be the next guy to try to light his Semtex-filled sneakers on fire on a plane.

His last name isn't Reid, is it? :^)

Ya know the FBI just up'ed the reward on whomever mailed the anthrax letters to 2 million bucks --maybe one those trips to canada for "medication" he stopped in NJ ?? just a thought.

You did make sure tin foil boy did not help himself to any firearms before leaving -right ?

Uhhh... you left this guy alone with your firearms in the house???