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Posted: 8/27/2004 8:49:31 AM EST
2004 Republican National Convention Schedule (Revised Agenda)

6:00pm - Opening prayer

6:15pm - Supplementary opening prayer

6:30pm - Prayer in thanks of first two prayers

6:45pm - New energy policy presented by Exxon

7:00pm - Canonization of former President Reagan

7:15pm - Additional prayers

7:30pm - Opening remarks by Halliburton

8:00pm - Prayer for the safety and well-being of Ken "Kenny-boy" Lay

8:15pm - Additional remarks by Halliburton

8:30pm - Stoning of the first homosexual

8:45pm - New health care policies presented by HMO leader, Kaiser Permanente

9:00pm - Invasion of Iran or North Korea (TBA)

9:15pm - Recognition of Halliburton's $1.4 billion contribution to the Republican Party

9:30pm - Former President Reagan elevated to "Savior"; Holy Trinity now referred to as "the quads"

9:45pm - President Bush undergoes plastic surgery to look more like former President Ronald Reagan

10:00pm - V.P.Dick Chaney runs into Ron Reagan, Jr. Tells him to go fuck himself.

10:15pm - Recall of troops from accidental invasion of South Korea (Bush: "Damn, the SOUTH is our ally.)

10:30pm - Burning at the stake of 16 year-old Jenny Williams, who had an illegal abortion after being raped by her cousin

10:45pm - Dancing around the golden calf

11:00pm - Stoning of the partner of the first homosexual

11:15pm - New forestry policy presented by Weyerhaeuser

11:45pm - Thanking God for his wisdom in choosing Bush as President

12:00pm - Closing prayers (lasting until 2:00am)

2:00 am - Hookers arrive for all delegates
Link Posted: 8/27/2004 8:51:59 AM EST
Looks good to me.
Link Posted: 8/27/2004 9:00:46 AM EST
I need more cowbell!
Link Posted: 8/27/2004 9:18:55 AM EST
Lookz like I'll be glued to the set "All Night Long..."
Link Posted: 8/27/2004 9:26:50 AM EST
.-- - ..-. no cow bell!
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