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Posted: 6/22/2011 9:49:08 AM EDT
Okay, so I'm getting hitched over the 4th of July weekend, and we're not going full on redneck, but most of the way there.

1000 12 gauge shells (just what I'm bringing)? Check.
6 Cases of Clay Pigeons? Check.
Clay Pigeon Throwers, including hand, spring, and electric? Check.
Full case of Tannerite? Check.
2000 rounds of .223 ammo? Check.
UTV, 50' of rope, and a mattress? Check.
Multiple Kick Boats, Raft, and a Drift Boat for a river float? Check.
Fireworks, and lots of 'em? Check.
2 Kegs of Beer? Check.


Any other recommendations? The party starts on Friday, and won't end until Monday.

Link Posted: 6/22/2011 9:50:02 AM EDT
yeah just one thing.... i didnt get my invite
Link Posted: 6/22/2011 9:54:00 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 6/22/2011 9:54:28 AM EDT by Guntoter]
Originally Posted By Tacticalbacon:
Okay, so I'm getting hitched over the 4th of July weekend, and we're not going full on redneck, but most of the way there.

1000 12 gauge shells (just what I'm bringing)? Check.
6 Cases of Clay Pigeons? Check.
Clay Pigeon Throwers, including hand, spring, and electric? Check.
Full case of Tannerite? Check.
2000 rounds of .223 ammo? Check.
UTV, 50' of rope, and a mattress? Check.
Multiple Kick Boats, Raft, and a Drift Boat for a river float? Check.
Fireworks, and lots of 'em? Check.
2 Kegs of Beer? Check.


Any other recommendations? The party starts on Friday, and won't end until Monday.



Tons of things that blow up, ammo and guns along with a large amount of beer. I don't see anything that can go wrong here.

Maybe you should have an ambulance on stand by. And maybe the coroner too.
Link Posted: 6/22/2011 9:55:06 AM EDT








Link Posted: 6/22/2011 9:58:12 AM EDT


Gotta have Moonpies!
Link Posted: 6/22/2011 10:00:25 AM EDT
Jean shorts dress code.
Link Posted: 6/22/2011 10:00:32 AM EDT
The party needs some steak, BBQ, and mountain oysters.
Link Posted: 6/22/2011 10:01:43 AM EDT
1. Take chocolate fountain and replace chocolate with hot sauce
2. Provide chicken wings
3. ????
4. Profit
Link Posted: 6/22/2011 10:04:05 AM EDT


/thread
Link Posted: 6/22/2011 10:07:45 AM EDT
Have the bride wear boots!...

'best (Most fun) wedding I ever went to. "Redneck" all the way and the Maids of honor all wore boots...


Link Posted: 6/22/2011 10:10:53 AM EDT
Link Posted: 6/22/2011 10:11:20 AM EDT
Camo tuxes or overalls for the ushers and best man.

Duct tape to hold the boquet together.

Cans of snuff in the bride and groom's back pockets.
Link Posted: 6/22/2011 10:13:25 AM EDT
Before you slip the ring on make sure you say, "Hold my beer and watch this..."
Link Posted: 6/22/2011 10:26:01 AM EDT
Originally Posted By winxlite:
The party needs some steak, BBQ, and mountain oysters.


Oh yeah, forgot to mention that there will be a pig roast. Steak dinner the night before. Mountain oysters...never thought of that one!
Link Posted: 6/22/2011 10:27:28 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Blindspooch:
1. Take chocolate fountain and replace chocolate with hot sauce
2. Provide chicken wings
3. ????
4. Profit


That is just pure awesomeness right there. I might have to implement this, no I WILL implement this!!! Thanks!
Link Posted: 6/22/2011 10:28:56 AM EDT
Why do redneck brides wear white?






Because the the color of the dishwasher should match the refrigerator and stove.
Link Posted: 6/22/2011 10:30:48 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Guntoter:
Originally Posted By Tacticalbacon:
Okay, so I'm getting hitched over the 4th of July weekend, and we're not going full on redneck, but most of the way there.

1000 12 gauge shells (just what I'm bringing)? Check.
6 Cases of Clay Pigeons? Check.
Clay Pigeon Throwers, including hand, spring, and electric? Check.
Full case of Tannerite? Check.
2000 rounds of .223 ammo? Check.
UTV, 50' of rope, and a mattress? Check.
Multiple Kick Boats, Raft, and a Drift Boat for a river float? Check.
Fireworks, and lots of 'em? Check.
2 Kegs of Beer? Check.


Any other recommendations? The party starts on Friday, and won't end until Monday.



Tons of things that blow up, ammo and guns along with a large amount of beer. I don't see anything that can go wrong here.

Maybe you should have an ambulance on stand by. And maybe the coroner too.


Yeah, I have considered that and have put local emergency response crews on full red alert. Keep in mind this is all spaced out over three-four days, so it's not like we're gonna slam two kegs and light up the hillsides with a mad minute...wait, we might actually do that. Okay, need at least one more keg.
Link Posted: 6/22/2011 10:35:06 AM EDT
I haven't read any mention of a mud pit yet...so get a VFF buddy to hook it up with a tanker truck one evening
Link Posted: 6/22/2011 10:35:22 AM EDT
a mullet hair cut, and of course an IROC Z28 camaro. You'd be set then.
Link Posted: 6/22/2011 10:37:38 AM EDT
My wedding was outdoors with a pig roast and karaoke.

Not full-blown redneck, but getting there. And everyone LOVED it, said it was the most fun they ever had at a wedding.

It was still classy with big white tents, sculptures rented, etc.
Link Posted: 6/22/2011 10:45:09 AM EDT
Mud pit would be epic...except that this is at her parents river house and her dad is very protective of his lawn. We have 3.5 acres to play on where the wedding is being held, but thousands of acres of USFS land behind it. Most of the real fun will be had there. I'm just hoping that the mattress holds out for at least a few dozen rides.

We're really going for fun and laid back, should be good times had by all. We tried keeping it small, but it has rapidly reached the century mark. I'm thinking that had something to do with free beer, free pig roast, and all the redneck sheenanigans I've planned.

We're also considering renting one of those catapult things, basically a trampoline and bungee slingshot all in one. $650 for the day to rent it though because it requires two trained operators. Hmmm...maybe I should sell tickets to cover the expense.
Link Posted: 6/22/2011 10:47:32 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 6/22/2011 10:53:22 AM EDT by TrojanMan]
Let me just throw this out there.

If you are serving draft beer, outdoors, and you do NOT have a jockey box:


Then you're doing it wrong.

Under no circumstances whatsoever should you dispense kegged beer from a bucket of ice with a hand pump. It's just... It just sucks, okay?

ETA: A 1/2 barrel keg is 124 pints. Times 3 kegs, divided by 100 people for 4 days, that's less than a beer per person per day.
Three kegs per day would be a good starting point.


Also, if you've got all that ordnance, then I think you need a car to shoot.

ETA x2: Don't shoot a car on public land. If you can't get dad to go along with it, then just stick to whatever else you've got going. I'd recommend paintball, but if you wouldn't ever use the equipment again it's not worth it.
Link Posted: 6/22/2011 10:52:29 AM EDT
Originally Posted By floridacop:
Why do redneck brides wear white?






Because the the color of the dishwasher should match the refrigerator and stove.




im sitting in class and just lost it
Link Posted: 6/22/2011 10:52:44 AM EDT
If your gonna marry your cousin or sister it don't get more redneck then that
Link Posted: 6/22/2011 10:54:48 AM EDT
Originally Posted By TrojanMan:
Let me just throw this out there.

If you are serving draft beer, outdoors, and you do NOT have a jockey box:
http://www.jockeyboxrental.com/files/jockeybox.gif

Then you're doing it wrong.

Under no circumstances whatsoever should you dispense kegged beer from a bucket of ice with a hand pump. It's just... It just sucks, okay?

ETA: A 1/2 barrel keg is 124 pints. Times 3 kegs, divided by 100 people for 4 days, that's less than a beer per person per day.
Three kegs per day would be a good starting point.


Also, if you've got all that ordnance, then I think you need a car to shoot.

ETA x2: Don't shoot a car on public land. If you can't get dad to go along with it, then just stick to whatever else you've got going. I'd recommend paintball, but if you wouldn't ever use the equipment again it's not worth it.


We won't actually have 100 people there all 4 days, most likely about 25 on the off-wedding days. I like the jockey box setup, don't know if I'll have time to rig one up though. :( Car shoot, hell yeah!
Link Posted: 6/22/2011 10:55:25 AM EDT
Originally Posted By metalhed556:
If your gonna marry your cousin or sister it don't get more redneck then that


Like I said, not going "Full on Redneck"!!!
Link Posted: 6/22/2011 11:04:45 AM EDT
The most redneck wedding I've presided over included
1) 8 1/2 mos. pregnant bride
2) Bestman in a "wifebeater" and jean shorts
3) Reception was a case of bud and a bag of pretzels
4) Bride didn't want to be seen by groom before ceremony. Problem - it's an outdoor wedding. Solution - Walmart blue tarp hung between two trees to block his view.
5) Music - boom box and CD. "DJ" was recruited right before ceremony and instead of switching on the CD, hit the radio and the bride and groom left to the dulcet tones of the local rap station.

For your wedding:

I don't think I've heard you say anything about a tractor
See if you can get the minister to agree to what I call "Redneck Vows."
Minister: D'ya?
Groom: Yep!
Minister: D'ya?
Bride: Yep!
Minister: Well, Allright then! Light'er up!
Bride and Groom Kiss



Link Posted: 6/22/2011 11:11:11 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Tacticalbacon:
Originally Posted By TrojanMan:
Let me just throw this out there.

If you are serving draft beer, outdoors, and you do NOT have a jockey box:
http://www.jockeyboxrental.com/files/jockeybox.gif

Then you're doing it wrong.

Under no circumstances whatsoever should you dispense kegged beer from a bucket of ice with a hand pump. It's just... It just sucks, okay?

ETA: A 1/2 barrel keg is 124 pints. Times 3 kegs, divided by 100 people for 4 days, that's less than a beer per person per day.
Three kegs per day would be a good starting point.


Also, if you've got all that ordnance, then I think you need a car to shoot.

ETA x2: Don't shoot a car on public land. If you can't get dad to go along with it, then just stick to whatever else you've got going. I'd recommend paintball, but if you wouldn't ever use the equipment again it's not worth it.


We won't actually have 100 people there all 4 days, most likely about 25 on the off-wedding days. I like the jockey box setup, don't know if I'll have time to rig one up though. :( Car shoot, hell yeah!


Any legitimate place that sells kegs should be able to rent you a jockey box. If they can't, then you need a better retailer.

Of course, being anywhere that you HAVE that much land to horse around on might not lend itself to a large selection of retail establishments.

In that case...
http://midwestsupplies.com/

Note: Do NOT try to go cheap with draft equipment. The Chinese stuff is complete shit and it will leak beer and taste like pennies. You need proper, American-made, chromed or stainless draft equipment.
Also, you cannot ship a filled gas cylinder through the mail, so you will need to run to your local gas distributor for a CO2 tank fill. They can also sell them to you if you want to save the shipping weight.
Link Posted: 6/22/2011 11:17:31 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Tacticalbacon:
Originally Posted By metalhed556:
If your gonna marry your cousin or sister it don't get more redneck then that


Like I said, not going "Full on Redneck"!!!


OK good don't forget to post pic's
Link Posted: 6/22/2011 11:36:39 AM EDT
Originally Posted By TrojanMan:
Originally Posted By Tacticalbacon:
Originally Posted By TrojanMan:
Let me just throw this out there.

If you are serving draft beer, outdoors, and you do NOT have a jockey box:
http://www.jockeyboxrental.com/files/jockeybox.gif

Then you're doing it wrong.

Under no circumstances whatsoever should you dispense kegged beer from a bucket of ice with a hand pump. It's just... It just sucks, okay?

ETA: A 1/2 barrel keg is 124 pints. Times 3 kegs, divided by 100 people for 4 days, that's less than a beer per person per day.
Three kegs per day would be a good starting point.


Also, if you've got all that ordnance, then I think you need a car to shoot.

ETA x2: Don't shoot a car on public land. If you can't get dad to go along with it, then just stick to whatever else you've got going. I'd recommend paintball, but if you wouldn't ever use the equipment again it's not worth it.


We won't actually have 100 people there all 4 days, most likely about 25 on the off-wedding days. I like the jockey box setup, don't know if I'll have time to rig one up though. :( Car shoot, hell yeah!


Any legitimate place that sells kegs should be able to rent you a jockey box. If they can't, then you need a better retailer.

Of course, being anywhere that you HAVE that much land to horse around on might not lend itself to a large selection of retail establishments.

In that case...
http://midwestsupplies.com/

Note: Do NOT try to go cheap with draft equipment. The Chinese stuff is complete shit and it will leak beer and taste like pennies. You need proper, American-made, chromed or stainless draft equipment.
Also, you cannot ship a filled gas cylinder through the mail, so you will need to run to your local gas distributor for a CO2 tank fill. They can also sell them to you if you want to save the shipping weight.



Yeah, this town has maybe 300 residents, one small grocery store, two gas stations, and a couple of bars. We're gonna have to take what we can get! Thanks for the website though, I'll look into that.
Link Posted: 6/22/2011 11:37:32 AM EDT
i gotta call bullshit, awesome, but hardly believable
Link Posted: 6/22/2011 11:48:32 AM EDT
Originally Posted By chevyrulz:
i gotta call bullshit, awesome, but hardly believable


Well, some people just gotta hate I guess. There's one in every thread.
Link Posted: 6/22/2011 11:50:25 AM EDT
For the redneck wedding truther, I will be sure to post pics of the hardly believable event. :)
Link Posted: 6/22/2011 11:59:54 AM EDT
Sounds like you've already got everything you need for an awesome wedding. Here are a couple of redneck-ish things that I've seen at weddings you might enjoy:

In Jewish weddings, it's traditional to step on a wine glass to symbolize something or other. A couple I knew did a redneck variant of this tradition by stomping on some beer cans together at their wedding (during the ceremony, not at the reception).

Also, you need livestock. I once went to a wedding where the bride took photos (wedding dress and all) with her favorite cow.
Link Posted: 6/22/2011 12:00:30 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Tacticalbacon:
Originally Posted By TrojanMan:
Originally Posted By Tacticalbacon:
Originally Posted By TrojanMan:
Let me just throw this out there.

If you are serving draft beer, outdoors, and you do NOT have a jockey box:
http://www.jockeyboxrental.com/files/jockeybox.gif

Then you're doing it wrong.

Under no circumstances whatsoever should you dispense kegged beer from a bucket of ice with a hand pump. It's just... It just sucks, okay?

ETA: A 1/2 barrel keg is 124 pints. Times 3 kegs, divided by 100 people for 4 days, that's less than a beer per person per day.
Three kegs per day would be a good starting point.


Also, if you've got all that ordnance, then I think you need a car to shoot.

ETA x2: Don't shoot a car on public land. If you can't get dad to go along with it, then just stick to whatever else you've got going. I'd recommend paintball, but if you wouldn't ever use the equipment again it's not worth it.


We won't actually have 100 people there all 4 days, most likely about 25 on the off-wedding days. I like the jockey box setup, don't know if I'll have time to rig one up though. :( Car shoot, hell yeah!


Any legitimate place that sells kegs should be able to rent you a jockey box. If they can't, then you need a better retailer.

Of course, being anywhere that you HAVE that much land to horse around on might not lend itself to a large selection of retail establishments.

In that case...
http://midwestsupplies.com/

Note: Do NOT try to go cheap with draft equipment. The Chinese stuff is complete shit and it will leak beer and taste like pennies. You need proper, American-made, chromed or stainless draft equipment.
Also, you cannot ship a filled gas cylinder through the mail, so you will need to run to your local gas distributor for a CO2 tank fill. They can also sell them to you if you want to save the shipping weight.



Yeah, this town has maybe 300 residents, one small grocery store, two gas stations, and a couple of bars. We're gonna have to take what we can get! Thanks for the website though, I'll look into that.


Anywhere near Missoula?
Link Posted: 6/22/2011 12:01:34 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 6/22/2011 12:04:06 PM EDT by Urimaginaryfrnd]
Guns Alcohol

Pick ONE

––––––––––––––––––––––––––-
I have to run the BS flag up - disrespect HER day and you will pay for it later.


Picks of Bride with all the groomsmen wearing only boxers and bow ties will be required.
Link Posted: 6/22/2011 12:05:43 PM EDT
Live release doves at conclusion of ceremony. Then shoot em field dress em and eat em. Bride and groom.
Link Posted: 6/22/2011 12:13:32 PM EDT
screw the kegs fill the back of a PU with PBR and ice.
have the best man or brides father hold a shot gun.
Link Posted: 6/22/2011 12:37:15 PM EDT
No ho-ho's, ding-dongs, devil-dogs, twinkie's, or chips ahoy's?

You need fucking cookies and snack cakes. Make Little Debbie your bitch!


Hmm... redneck... light a cigarette off the barrel of an ar-15.
Melt the hand guards off an ak-47.

Shoot at a propane tank, cinder block, 4"x4" blocks...

Spell your name in the trunk of a tree with bullets.

Car hood, rope, and ATV! WIN.
Link Posted: 6/22/2011 12:49:58 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 6/22/2011 12:51:38 PM EDT by haydendavid380]
Standby for a picture off Facebook of a girl I went to HS with.

Link Posted: 6/22/2011 12:55:28 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Blindspooch:
Originally Posted By Tacticalbacon:
Originally Posted By TrojanMan:
Originally Posted By Tacticalbacon:
Originally Posted By TrojanMan:
Let me just throw this out there.

If you are serving draft beer, outdoors, and you do NOT have a jockey box:
http://www.jockeyboxrental.com/files/jockeybox.gif

Then you're doing it wrong.

Under no circumstances whatsoever should you dispense kegged beer from a bucket of ice with a hand pump. It's just... It just sucks, okay?

ETA: A 1/2 barrel keg is 124 pints. Times 3 kegs, divided by 100 people for 4 days, that's less than a beer per person per day.
Three kegs per day would be a good starting point.


Also, if you've got all that ordnance, then I think you need a car to shoot.

ETA x2: Don't shoot a car on public land. If you can't get dad to go along with it, then just stick to whatever else you've got going. I'd recommend paintball, but if you wouldn't ever use the equipment again it's not worth it.


We won't actually have 100 people there all 4 days, most likely about 25 on the off-wedding days. I like the jockey box setup, don't know if I'll have time to rig one up though. :( Car shoot, hell yeah!


Any legitimate place that sells kegs should be able to rent you a jockey box. If they can't, then you need a better retailer.

Of course, being anywhere that you HAVE that much land to horse around on might not lend itself to a large selection of retail establishments.

In that case...
http://midwestsupplies.com/

Note: Do NOT try to go cheap with draft equipment. The Chinese stuff is complete shit and it will leak beer and taste like pennies. You need proper, American-made, chromed or stainless draft equipment.
Also, you cannot ship a filled gas cylinder through the mail, so you will need to run to your local gas distributor for a CO2 tank fill. They can also sell them to you if you want to save the shipping weight.



Yeah, this town has maybe 300 residents, one small grocery store, two gas stations, and a couple of bars. We're gonna have to take what we can get! Thanks for the website though, I'll look into that.


Anywhere near Missoula?


Yep! About 45 miles away.
Link Posted: 6/22/2011 1:01:26 PM EDT
Originally Posted By scorpion12:
No ho-ho's, ding-dongs, devil-dogs, twinkie's, or chips ahoy's?

You need fucking cookies and snack cakes. Make Little Debbie your bitch!


Hmm... redneck... light a cigarette off the barrel of an ar-15.
Melt the hand guards off an ak-47.

Shoot at a propane tank, cinder block, 4"x4" blocks...

Spell your name in the trunk of a tree with bullets.

Car hood, rope, and ATV! WIN.


We were going to use a car hood, but figured a mattress would be better. We're using a UTV, not an ATV though...but this is one of the new RZR's with the performance package, and some "additional upgrades" that are currently being installed. Should be pushing close to 120 hp by the time of the wedding. :)



Link Posted: 6/22/2011 1:17:41 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Urimaginaryfrnd:
Guns Alcohol

Pick ONE

––––––––––––––––––––––––––-
I have to run the BS flag up - disrespect HER day and you will pay for it later.


Picks of Bride with all the groomsmen wearing only boxers and bow ties will be required.


Actually, she's being really cool with it all, she is afterall from Montana!!! The mattress rides idea originated with her and she is donating the mattress. One of my groomsmen just sent me a text this morning asking if he could wear nothing but chaps, yikes. That's definitely a no-go. Flannel, sleeveless shirts? Heck yeah! It's a come as you are affaire, so I fully expect to see anything from jean shorts to pajama pants.

To all the worry warts out there that think we're going to get shitty drunk and shoot each other or blow ourselves up, you might be right. Can we borrow your airsofts for the weekend? In all seriousness, everyone that will be there is extremely safe with firearms, it's about the only thing they are safe with. I'm actually scheduling the shooting for earlier in the day so we can avoid any problems. It is kind of sad though that on a forum such as this that there are actually people against the American way of beers and guns. What's next, no drinking and driving?
Link Posted: 6/22/2011 1:21:24 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Miles_Urbanus:
Live release doves at conclusion of ceremony. Then shoot em field dress em and eat em. Bride and groom.


Ha! Now that's what I'm talking about! Too bad tannerite requires a high velocity impact, or we could feed some to one of the doves and whoever gets the exploding one wins a prize.
Link Posted: 6/22/2011 1:28:36 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Treadhead:
Have the bride wear boots!...

'best (Most fun) wedding I ever went to. "Redneck" all the way and the Maids of honor all wore boots...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v239/treadhead/boots.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v239/treadhead/girls.jpg


Treadhead, our wedding is going to be very similar to the one you posted the pics of. I'll just call it "classy-redneck deliciousness" for lack of a better term. Goal #1 is that everyone has a blast. Goal #2 is to drink enough so that the next morning I forget that I'm married.
Link Posted: 6/22/2011 1:41:04 PM EDT
Tractor , rope swing in a tree , everclear fueled hunch punch , and use this line "we ain't leaving til we're heaving" mud bogs , don't forget to bring the dog
Link Posted: 6/22/2011 1:54:55 PM EDT
Get a cooler of Jungle Juice to.

Get Fucked Up

Instructions
Link Posted: 6/22/2011 1:58:42 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 6/22/2011 2:03:13 PM EDT by KG5S]






Link Posted: 6/22/2011 2:00:36 PM EDT

Originally Posted By whiskerz:
Tractor , rope swing in a tree , everclear fueled hunch punch , and use this line "we ain't leaving til we're heaving" mud bogs , don't forget to bring the dog

all of the above
Link Posted: 6/22/2011 2:04:05 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Treadhead:
Have the bride wear boots!...

'best (Most fun) wedding I ever went to. "Redneck" all the way and the Maids of honor all wore boots...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v239/treadhead/boots.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v239/treadhead/girls.jpg


was going to post something important but im a sucker for miniskirts and cowboy boots.
Link Posted: 6/22/2011 2:06:11 PM EDT
Originally Posted By whiskerz:
Tractor , rope swing in a tree , everclear fueled hunch punch , and use this line "we ain't leaving til we're heaving" mud bogs , don't forget to bring the dog


The tractor was high on my list, I have an old Ford 6N, but it's about 100 miles from where the wedding will be, so it would be a huge pain to drag it over just as a prop.

I'm seriously thinking about giving her a "good game" slap on the ass right after we kiss though. The person officiating the service is a good friend and District Court Judge, and very avid hunter. I have worked it out with him to say, "Do you take ______, for better, for worse, 'til hunting season do you part?"

Oh yeah, we have the dogs part covered. My chocolate lab and her corgi will be wearing bow ties, and grand total, there will be right around 7 or 8 dogs there.
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