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Posted: 7/22/2008 8:56:07 PM EDT
I just finished a road trip with my wife that led us from Nebraska to Connecticut and back. We left last Wednesday and returned this evening. The vast majority of the trip was spent on I-80.

-Western Illinois wins the Cop Award. In the western half of the state, we observed about 2 dozen police cars. Some were state police, others were city cops. I didn't see any cops in Connecticut.

-Pennsylvania wins the "Why the fuck are these cones here???" Award. In some spots there was no construction, no workers, no idle vehicles, no gaping holes... just 4 miles of closed interstate. In a few spots there was some work being done. Does this require closing the lane 3 miles before and after the work?

-Pennsylvania also wins for most scenic. There are some truly amazing views along 80, 81, and 84.

-I miss my Saab 9-3 Turbo in the mountains. Naturally aspirated vehicles suck up there.

-Of course, literally 6 blocks from my house, I get pulled over for 7 over because I wasn't paying attention. I asked the officer if there was anything he could do for me. He was nice enough to let me off with a written warning. The dog is at my in-laws, hopefully it is safe! He examined my CHP and asked me questions about it; he hadn't seen one. NE has been issuing them since Jan 07.

-Indiana had the dirtiest rest stops.

-Ohio rest stops have "No Concealed Weapons" signs posted. Ghey.

-Growing up in NY, I always thought New Jersey drivers were the worst. I was wrong! It seems that driving a vehicle with Massachusetts plates makes you a blind asshat incapable of coexisting peacefully with other drivers.

-Along the way there and back, we stayed at three different Days Inns (Davenport, IA; Danville, PA; Toledo, OH) and a night at the Clarion in Bristol, CT for the wedding. The Days Inns were slightly on the ghetto side and were a bit older. However, they were clean (to the naked eye), the A/C worked, and they had free breakfast. At the Clarion, I paid double what the Days Inn cost, the maid didn't pick up the prior guest's panties and bra in the corner, the A/C smelled funny, and I had to pay $8 for breakfast. WTF??? Premium my ass.

-My 2007 Saturn Aura XE V6 averaged 29.2 MPG for the trip according to the trip computer.

-I haven't shaved since Friday. My wife remarked that when we got home she wanted to hold me down and shave me.
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