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1/25/2018 7:38:29 AM
Posted: 12/27/2005 5:30:16 AM EST
A reliable source out of south Florida reports that the terrorist group Al Quada has obtained another weapon of mass destruction. In addition to the hurricane generating machine (which was first reported here on ARFCOM) the world will now have to contend with another diabolical weapon.

The AQ have obtained a tide altering machine from Russian cold war storage and have been experimenting with it in hopes of altering the world's oceans and tides. According to NOAA scientists, the machine has made a small, but significant, change in the tides which has altered the Earth's rotation and slowed it down by one second.

According to a researcher at the University of New Brunswick who wished to not give his identity, discussed how the slower rotation of our planet could have serious consequences: "We would get out of sync with the sun. All of our clocks and wristwatches would have to be replaced and get new ones with a "13" on them."

International government is looking into this dire situation and the U.S. is taking the lead in locating the awesome device so that its global positioning satellites don't go haywire. More on this story as it develops.
Link Posted: 12/27/2005 5:33:27 AM EST
[Last Edit: 12/27/2005 5:34:15 AM EST by mjohn3006]
If the Earth slows down, will masturbation sex last longer?
Link Posted: 12/27/2005 5:35:10 AM EST
That may help to explain this post.... Ya'll should investigate ! ! ! ! !

Link Posted: 12/27/2005 5:40:00 AM EST
And in other news, the CIA realizes that it's been using black highlighters all these years:

Link Posted: 12/27/2005 5:44:25 AM EST
Exactly !
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