Warning

 

Close

Confirm Action

Are you sure you wish to do this?

Confirm Cancel
Member Login
Site Notices
10/20/2017 1:01:18 AM
9/22/2017 12:11:25 AM
Posted: 8/15/2005 7:48:05 AM EDT
RC Priest told me when getting married, "... and move 1 hour from your parents."

I looked at him and said, "An hour, that's maybe 70 miles away - how does that help?"

He says, "An hour by jet, now that will help!"

What's your take? Being close to parents better or worse once you are married?
Link Posted: 8/15/2005 7:55:37 AM EDT
In my expirience and in the obsevation of our friends. You want your parents close enough that when you have kids they can come and help for a weekend or night but far enough away they aren't over every day. 70-90 miles is about right.

Before kids 3 hours away is more like it.

Kent
Link Posted: 8/15/2005 7:59:50 AM EDT
Thats about right ,both our parents live about an hour and a half away.Kinda prevents those pop up visits.We both love our parents to death but a little space is good to.
Link Posted: 8/15/2005 8:20:25 AM EDT
If they're going to be within a half-hour's drive, they might as well be right next door.
Link Posted: 8/15/2005 8:27:43 AM EDT
I'm not married, but when I went to college I made damn sure the only routes between home and school required a $2+ toll and were over 2 hours long. Dad refused to pay it except when he had to come get me for the end of the semester or spring break, Mom would occasionally stop by on her way to visit Grandma and my Aunt (I kinda forgot the school sat right in the middle between their places and 2min from I95 when I picked it), that was always fun. (at least she'd mention in our weekly phone conversation that she was going to visit, so I'd have some warning)

Now my brother didnt follow my advice and went to a school 45min from home, with no tolls. He was always hiding booze and such (telling girlfriend of the month to go hide in one of the floor's bathroom stalls, etc) at 9am on Saturday mornings when Mom & Dad would stop by unannounced, and they'd ask me "Why isnt your brother happy to see us at 9am?" "Because its before noon, Mom" was the standard reply.

Kharn
Link Posted: 8/15/2005 8:29:25 AM EDT
It is irrelavant.


And you should have slapped that damn priest!

Sgat1r5
Link Posted: 8/15/2005 8:30:52 AM EDT
If I had my druthers, they'd be close enough to help out with the kids.

I know my mom'd be thrilled to have a couple of grandkids to spend the night.

Her first grandkid is going to be born a 12hrs drive away.
She'll see the kid more than me, and I'm only 90 minutes away.
Link Posted: 8/15/2005 8:32:29 AM EDT
I made the mistake of going to college 30 miles from where I grew up.

There were many times when a girl would be going out the back door while Mom & Dad were coming in the front.

I moved about 65 miles away when I got married. The only problem is, both my parents and my wife's mother live in the same town, so we can't go home without having to visit both parents.
Link Posted: 8/15/2005 8:34:27 AM EDT

RC Priest told me when getting married


You have a Radio-Controlled priest?
Link Posted: 8/15/2005 9:08:03 AM EDT
My fiance's parents live maybe half an hour away from us, but they're so busy they don't have time to drop in. We see them about once a week, and that's good for us.
Link Posted: 8/15/2005 9:12:29 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/15/2005 9:13:50 AM EDT by John_Wayne777]

Originally Posted By Lion_Dog:
RC Priest told me when getting married, "... and move 1 hour from your parents."

I looked at him and said, "An hour, that's maybe 70 miles away - how does that help?"

He says, "An hour by jet, now that will help!"

What's your take? Being close to parents better or worse once you are married?



It depends on your parents.

I honestly have no idea what in the world makes people think that they have to scatter and be seperated from their families. It is just plain stupid.

The family unit was meant to support members and provide a built in structure to help the needs of each member. Grandma and grandpa/Mom and dad being nearby isn't supposed to be a problem.

Now if the parents are insufferable busybodies who try to run your life, distance is a good thing. But if they are normal people without severe mental disorders, people should stick close.

You don't get much time with family. Enjoy what you can get. And if you want your parents to live a while away so you can get away with stuff, then you need to grow the fudge up.
Link Posted: 8/15/2005 9:30:00 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/15/2005 9:33:17 AM EDT by FLGreg]

Originally Posted By sgtar15:
It is irrelavant.


And you should have slapped that damn priest!

Sgat1r5



You guys are slipping. The post was up for more than 30 minutes before the Catholic bashing began.

Our kids are out of the house so when we were looking for a place to move to we invoked a 500 mile in-law rule. We couldn't move closer than 500 miles to either one of our parents (her's in IL, mine in NC). What we didn't calculate into the equation was the fact we moved close to the interstate highway both travel to see our other relatives in South Florida. A 12 hour drive for my parents is now an 8 hour drive followed by a 2-3 day layover and then a 4 hour drive into SoFlo.
Link Posted: 8/15/2005 10:10:03 AM EDT

Originally Posted By FLGreg:

Originally Posted By sgtar15:
It is irrelavant.


And you should have slapped that damn priest!

Sgat1r5



You guys are slipping. The post was up for more than 30 minutes before the Catholic bashing began.

Our kids are out of the house so when we were looking for a place to move to we invoked a 500 mile in-law rule. We couldn't move closer than 500 miles to either one of our parents (her's in IL, mine in NC). What we didn't calculate into the equation was the fact we moved close to the interstate highway both travel to see our other relatives in South Florida. A 12 hour drive for my parents is now an 8 hour drive followed by a 2-3 day layover and then a 4 hour drive into SoFlo.



You think that Sgtar15 is Catholic bashing?
Link Posted: 8/15/2005 10:11:01 AM EDT
I prefer to live at least one state away personally.
Link Posted: 8/15/2005 10:23:16 AM EDT
We live about 7 hours from my wife's parents, and about 2 minutes from my parents. We see my parents alot, but for short periods of time. My in-laws like to show up on short notice and stay at our place for a week, usually four times a year or more. Take your pick.
Link Posted: 8/15/2005 10:29:48 AM EDT
3 State Rule.

3 states away.

At least.

Always.

Link Posted: 8/15/2005 10:35:08 AM EDT
I prefer to measure distance from in laws by mountain ranges. I used to have 2 ranges between us, now it's only one. Thsoe mountain passes can be downright impassable at times.
Link Posted: 8/15/2005 10:39:42 AM EDT

Originally Posted By FLGreg:

Originally Posted By sgtar15:
It is irrelavant.


And you should have slapped that damn priest!

Sgat1r5



You guys are slipping. The post was up for more than 30 minutes before the Catholic bashing began.

Our kids are out of the house so when we were looking for a place to move to we invoked a 500 mile in-law rule. We couldn't move closer than 500 miles to either one of our parents (her's in IL, mine in NC). What we didn't calculate into the equation was the fact we moved close to the interstate highway both travel to see our other relatives in South Florida. A 12 hour drive for my parents is now an 8 hour drive followed by a 2-3 day layover and then a 4 hour drive into SoFlo.




I think it has to do with what you see the dynamics are among the various relationships. You to in-laws, wife to your folks, wife to her folks and you to your folks. Decisions to be made accordingly.
Link Posted: 8/15/2005 10:43:01 AM EDT
I never talk to my inlaws
Link Posted: 8/15/2005 10:44:51 AM EDT
No right answer.

It depends on all the parties involved.

Some parents are cool.
Sometimes I children are cooler then the parents, sometimes not.

If your wife was really dependent on her parents before the marriage, I would say moving away is not a bad thing.

A man needs to cut that cord the wife has with her parents.
Link Posted: 8/15/2005 10:48:49 AM EDT
When it comes to In-laws. DMZ is necessary to keep them away. When you have kids. Deployment of an additional DMZ is necessary. If positions along the DMZ are over run nuke from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.
Link Posted: 8/15/2005 10:58:02 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Strats:

RC Priest told me when getting married


You have a Radio-Controlled priest?



Roman somethin'
Link Posted: 8/15/2005 1:41:58 PM EDT
I liked the episode of "everybody loves raymond" where he puts up a map on the wall, draws two circles around his parents house and said that we must live within these lines. One far enough away they won't pop in unannounced, and the other close enough his parents couldn't justify staying the night if they visited.

Seems like a sound plan to me.

Of course the shows premise ends up with the wife convincing him to buy the house across the street instead.


My bigger concern than stopping over is the call for help. Can you help us move a bunch of crap, or chop down a big tree and cut it up, or anything along those lines. Be far enough away that they would consider it too much of an inconvienvce to even ask.
Link Posted: 8/15/2005 1:43:21 PM EDT
We never had a problem with either set of parents, even though they both lived within a half hour of us.
Link Posted: 8/15/2005 1:46:23 PM EDT

Originally Posted By thelastgunslinger:
You think that Sgtar15 is Catholic bashing?



Apparently he does.

My remark was based on the priest never being married so he doesn't know WTF he is talking about. Plus the family unit is the corner stone of society so for a priest to suggest one goes against this is just moronic.

It has nothing to do with the religion of the priest, the priest is just an idiot.

Sgat1r5
Link Posted: 8/15/2005 1:49:49 PM EDT
depends on the parents.

I grew up next door to my maternal grandparents. Yes, my mom and dad lived RIGHT NEXT DOOR to her parents. Years later, when I was grown, I asked my mom how in the hell they did that and survived.

She smiled and said, "did you ever notice that they NEVER came over to our house to visit; we always went to theirs?"
Link Posted: 8/15/2005 1:53:30 PM EDT
A priest explained to my wife and me that one of the biggest enemies in marriage was "a third party." He went into the issues of parents, old friends, and other assorted people who would insert themselves into a married couple's life. Fortunately, my in-laws are not interferers, but very helpful instead.
Link Posted: 8/15/2005 2:02:46 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Kharn:
I'm not married, but when I went to college I made damn sure the only routes between home and school required a $2+ toll and were over 2 hours long. Dad refused to pay it except when he had to come get me for the end of the semester or spring break, Mom would occasionally stop by on her way to visit Grandma and my Aunt (I kinda forgot the school sat right in the middle between their places and 2min from I95 when I picked it), that was always fun. (at least she'd mention in our weekly phone conversation that she was going to visit, so I'd have some warning)

Now my brother didnt follow my advice and went to a school 45min from home, with no tolls. He was always hiding booze and such (telling girlfriend of the month to go hide in one of the floor's bathroom stalls, etc) at 9am on Saturday mornings when Mom & Dad would stop by unannounced, and they'd ask me "Why isnt your brother happy to see us at 9am?" "Because its before noon, Mom" was the standard reply.

Kharn



I would be pissed because it was before noon as well, seeing as I never went to bed before the sun came up on fri/sat and was trying to sleep...
Link Posted: 8/15/2005 3:29:13 PM EDT
Ha, when I lived in Atlanta, I was about 550 miles from my inlaws, and that was barely enough. When we moved to New Orleans, it was only a matter of time before her Mom started her crap and had her daughter convinced I was not good enough for her.

Don't get me wrong, I hold my wife responsible for the breakup, but it would sure feel good to kick that fat ex M-I-L of mine.
Link Posted: 8/15/2005 4:55:16 PM EDT

Originally Posted By spartacus2002:
depends on the parents.

I grew up next door to my maternal grandparents. Yes, my mom and dad lived RIGHT NEXT DOOR to her parents. Years later, when I was grown, I asked my mom how in the hell they did that and survived.

She smiled and said, "did you ever notice that they NEVER came over to our house to visit; we always went to theirs?"



Hmmmm - funny my grandmother lived within 2 blocks of 2 of her daughters and her 2 sons. Everyone visited her when she had her own apartment - she visited nobody except her brother and his family who lived upstairs from her. I guess that worked out well, never had a problem arise that I ever heard while growing up.
Top Top