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1/22/2020 12:12:56 PM
Posted: 1/19/2015 12:57:39 AM EST
The major problem I am facing at this point in my life is obtaining a pet Penguin (legally), which I will quickly grow weary of once the stench of Sardines becomes a new fact of life. Novelty wears off rather quickly for me, as I am rather impulsive.

How do I do this? Is it even possible? I understand that there are warm and cold weather Penguins. How do I safely care for the cold weather model here in the mid west? Can I just cut a doggey door in the freezer and call it good? Is it possible to construct a litter box that a penguin can waddle into? I can't just let some bird like creature drop butt-biscuits all over the house. What should I fill the litter box with? Ice? That sounds like it could get expensive. Do they make bow ties in penguin size? How can I convince the local bartender that it is ok to have a penguin with me? Call it a seeing eye penguin? If I tip well enough will this even be an issue? "Excuse me bartender, a rum of coke for me, and a bucket of ice for my friend here, here this $10 is for you. Oh, hey, ya got any raw fish in the freezer? Thaw it out real quick." Will that work?

Any advice will be greatly appreciated, arfcom. Please keep it classy, though. I'd hate for this thread to get derailed.









No, I am not serious. Nor am I drunk.
Link Posted: 1/19/2015 1:02:30 AM EST
14er
Link Posted: 1/19/2015 1:03:22 AM EST
Ask Aimless.

Link Posted: 1/19/2015 1:15:09 AM EST
SPNI
Link Posted: 1/19/2015 1:20:59 AM EST
Totally using this one for the Tinder thread idea
Link Posted: 1/19/2015 1:21:19 AM EST
You should dump your 401K into cat litter investments.
Link Posted: 1/19/2015 1:21:50 AM EST
Link Posted: 1/19/2015 1:28:05 AM EST
We house trained Aimless here by rubbing his nose in it. YMMV
Link Posted: 1/19/2015 1:35:30 AM EST
I'm fairly certain birds have no control over their bowels.

The cloaca is a jack of all trades, master of none sort of orifice.
Link Posted: 1/19/2015 11:06:03 AM EST
I believe that penguins usually prefer to shit in the water, but will do so on land if they are too far from the nearest water.
Link Posted: 1/19/2015 11:09:53 AM EST
[Last Edit: 1/19/2015 11:10:13 AM EST by TacticalHeater]
If you want a penguin, you probably should first talk to USIS and USDA. As they will require a salt water habitat and annual inspections and dictate the entire pooping process/environment.


The pooping thing would be the last thing you'd need to worry about.
Link Posted: 1/19/2015 11:10:47 AM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By dtux:
I'm fairly certain birds have no control over their bowels.

The cloaca is a jack of all trades, master of none sort of orifice.
View Quote


There is a sig line there fo sho!

Link Posted: 1/19/2015 11:11:34 AM EST
Get a girlfriend.
Link Posted: 1/19/2015 11:12:44 AM EST
What the holy hell is going on in here?!?
Link Posted: 1/19/2015 11:15:22 AM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By Shakes525:
What the holy hell is going on in here?!?
View Quote


OP is working on "Taken 4"

Site staff is somehow involved.
Link Posted: 1/19/2015 11:17:27 AM EST
I can hook you up with a midget in a penguin costume.
Link Posted: 1/19/2015 11:21:47 AM EST
I ask myself this question all the time.
Link Posted: 1/19/2015 11:23:22 AM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By edb66:
14er
View Quote



This. Wow. Just wow.
Link Posted: 1/19/2015 12:35:34 PM EST
This thread is useless without a Jessica Alba photo.

Link Posted: 1/19/2015 1:16:58 PM EST
Flightless Avian Poop Thread? No, thank you.
Link Posted: 1/19/2015 1:24:09 PM EST
I don't think Aimless is actually allowed in the house.
Link Posted: 1/19/2015 1:27:05 PM EST
Link Posted: 1/19/2015 1:38:28 PM EST
This books covers it all:


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