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Posted: 9/6/2004 7:53:55 AM EST
Let's say you had established a relationship with a girl, dating, girlfriend, close friends, whatever, BEFORE she has something horrible happen to her, such as a disfiguring or debilitating accident.

With NO discussion of the nature of the injuries (if you say it depends, your real answer is 'no')

Would you STILL date her or even marry her?
Link Posted: 9/6/2004 7:55:01 AM EST
Outside of brain trauma... sure.

If i was married to her at the time, no question.

- BG
Link Posted: 9/6/2004 8:12:44 AM EST
I guess it depends on how THEY are emtionally after the accident. Some people change for the worst after something like that. They become depressed and angry. people distance themselves from them because of their attitude and not the way they look. But clouded with anger they don't see that so they continue on with their destructive cycle. About 4 years ago i dated a girl in a chair. She was a great person. Her attitude was fantastic for being hit by a D/D when she was 16 y/o. I think it comes down to personality and attitude. Looks only fade with time anyhow. You can't expect someone to look a certain way their entire life. JMO

J
Link Posted: 9/6/2004 3:23:15 PM EST
nobody wants to answer this one, huh?
Link Posted: 9/6/2004 3:25:20 PM EST
You know, I probably would still go out with her.
Link Posted: 9/6/2004 3:30:58 PM EST
I would like to believe I would stay with her until she decided what she wanted. Once she adjusts enough to make a rational decision about what she will be doing with her life, then I will do my best to make things work between us.

If she no longer wanted sex it would make things difficult. my wife & I have been through that and it was hard to get through and we work well together (even outside the bedroom).

Link Posted: 9/6/2004 3:32:23 PM EST
If she was mentally disabled.... NO

If she had emotional trauma... NO

If she was just physically damage... YES
Link Posted: 9/6/2004 3:41:37 PM EST
I don't know...

I DO know that I've had a few messed up in the head GF's.
I learned my lesson the hard and very expensive way going through a divorce.. NEVER AGAIN!
last GF got diagnosed with some emotional/depresion problem (chemical imbalance) I told her I couldn't go through that crap again, told her I was sorry, wished her well and that was that.


I suppose if things had gotten to where I would marry again, that woman would have me till the end. I'll make no more 'settling' decisions, if they don't meet my core criteria, no dice!
Link Posted: 9/6/2004 3:45:38 PM EST
The scenario is to vague to answer, it depends on how important the girl is to me and exactly when was wrong.
Link Posted: 9/6/2004 3:53:48 PM EST

Originally Posted By arowneragain:
Let's say you had established a relationship with a girl, dating, girlfriend, close friends, whatever, BEFORE she has something horrible happen to her, such as a disfiguring or debilitating accident.

With NO discussion of the nature of the injuries (if you say it depends, your real answer is 'no')

Would you STILL date her or even marry her?



Like someone else said, too vague of a question. If it said "fiancee' got disfigured" it would be easy to answer. (You don't leave someone because something bad happened.)
Link Posted: 9/6/2004 3:59:35 PM EST
I personally think this question is unfair. If you are going out with a woman and she gets disfigured, you will look like an asshole if you leave her, but who ever said you were going to marry her anyways. What if eventually you were going to break up with her anyways. It would look like you were breaking up because she was disabled.
Link Posted: 9/6/2004 4:02:44 PM EST
I'm shallow and I'm looking for a trophy wife who'll look good hanging on my arm. If she was no longer a trophy, I'd trade her in for a newer model.

But seriously, a debilitating injury or disfigurement would have a severe impact on a person's self esteem and function as a person. Its a situation that takes emotions and other factors into play. There's much more to it than just appearances and I don't think anyone here could HONESTLY just up and leave someone upon looking at them in the hospital and being told by the Dr that they'll be ugly forever.
Link Posted: 9/6/2004 4:05:54 PM EST

Originally Posted By Mmanwitgun:
The scenario is to vague to answer, it depends on how important the girl is to me and exactly when/what was wrong.



+1.

and would she stick by you under the same circumstances?
Link Posted: 9/6/2004 4:09:42 PM EST
It would all depend on her. If we were dating, and I knew her well, and thought that she was a great catch, I would stick with her.

Personally I think it would be pretty shitty to dump someone because they got a little messed up in something that they had no control of, like an auto accident.

If I were engaged to her, at that point, she has already become someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, then it wouldn't matter. Love wouldn't care.

If I were already married to her, 'till death do we part', when I say those words, I will MEAN them, without equivocation.

Link Posted: 9/6/2004 4:23:22 PM EST
I really don't think anyone could honestly answer that question until they actually faced with this. Good intentions are not always reality .
Link Posted: 9/6/2004 4:23:44 PM EST

Originally Posted By arowneragain:
Let's say you had established a relationship with a girl, dating, girlfriend, close friends, whatever, BEFORE she has something horrible happen to her, such as a disfiguring or debilitating accident.

With NO discussion of the nature of the injuries (if you say it depends, your real answer is 'no')

Would you STILL date her or even marry her?



I dunno, I'd turn it around and look at it like this: If I was the one who got screwed up, would I want her to be stuck with me for the rest of her or my life? On one hand, the selfish side says yes, on the other, if you really want the best for someone, you'd tell her that she is free to go with your blessings (say she wants kids and you would be unable to father or assist in raising them).

And it has to be honest, no guilt-laden "I'll be ok without you" deals.

So, turn it back 'round again, I probably would stay, and do my best, but with the understanding that guilt must never be used as a weapon (presuming the horrible accident was not of my doing) someone else's pain does not entitle them to use you as a whipping post.

I guess the answer is yes, you stay. Anything less & you would be looking at a pretty shallow person in the mirror.
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