Question for anyone who has ever been engaged.

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[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Question for anyone who has ever been engaged.

Posted: 5/11/2003 2:14:35 PM EDT

Another post brought this to mind. I was out of the Corps, for just a short time, & met my now wife at church. She was 17 when we met, & I was 27. I wouldn't give her the time of day, although she always tried to flirt with me. I always just walked away. Then a friend tried to set me up with her, & when I found out she was 18, I said yeah right. I was looking for someone older like myself. I eventually did ask her out the next week. We had 1 date, & I took her home from church 3 days after that date, & ended up engaged on the way home. Laugh if you want, it will be 14 years of happy married life come this August.
My question is how long did you date before taking the engagement plunge, & did it work out?

Posted: 5/11/2003 2:20:15 PM EDT

[#1]

Four years. Married 2. Don't know yet about the working out part.

Posted: 5/11/2003 2:20:24 PM EDT

[#2]

3 1/2 years on and off before the engagement. 1/2 year on the engagement before it ended. I'm now single.

I'm glad to hear someone got it to work out. At that age, it seems like you would have been able to mold your wife. Just curious, is your marriage a 50-50 or are you in charge?

Posted: 5/11/2003 2:21:42 PM EDT

[#3]

Which time? I'm on my 7th engagement (6th gf).

I think my shortest time from first date to engagement was about a month or so.

Posted: 5/11/2003 2:22:10 PM EDT

[#4]

Six months.

Sharing a religion in common is critical. Many people miss that in matching personality and attraction, but it has been very important over the years when bad things happen.

Posted: 5/11/2003 2:26:08 PM EDT

[#5]

The wife and I were dating for about a year and a half before we were engaged. The funny thing is that we kind of rushed into things as well as we basically lived together after only a month of meeting each other! We have been married for about 2 years now, and so far it's great. I've never been happier. I think the main thing is that we think alike and are extremely compatible, far more so than any other girl I've dated in the past. All that stuff about "opposites attract" is pure bullshit in my opinion. You have to be compatible or you don't have jack. That's my story. Semper Fi brother.

Posted: 5/11/2003 2:47:36 PM EDT

[#6]

Quoted:
3 1/2 years on and off before the engagement. 1/2 year on the engagement before it ended. I'm now single.

I'm glad to hear someone got it to work out. [red]At that age, it seems like you would have been able to mold your wife. Just curious, is your marriage a 50-50 or are you in charge?[red]

View Quote

I would say we are 50/50. She is my partner,best friend,helpmeet,lover,confidant,playmate. I can imagine how sad I would be if I ever lost her.[>(]Woman was made from mans rib to symbolize they are to walk beside us. Otherwise God would have made them from a butt, or a foot. If you get my meaning.
She was very moldable, which was good, because her parents hadn't done their job very well in a lot of areas, or maybe it's just the way it is for young unmarried womenz to be.
I think she helped mold me into a better man as much as I helped her to be a better woman as well.

Posted: 5/11/2003 2:52:09 PM EDT

[#7]

One word-

Prenuptial.

Anything else is foolish...

Posted: 5/11/2003 2:54:01 PM EDT

[#8]

8 months engaged, married 22 years so far.

Dated before the engagement by 3 years.

We share the same religous beliefs and that is a big part of staying together.

Posted: 5/11/2003 2:56:37 PM EDT

[#9]

I met my wife while I was TAD at Camp Smith, HI for a week, and we spent a few days together then I went back to Okinawa for six months. We wrote and called each other as often as we could, and she was waiting for me in LAX when I rotated back stateside. We dated for about six months after I got home, then I proposed. We've been married for nine years now.

Posted: 5/11/2003 2:59:00 PM EDT

[#10]

I dated my wife for 6 months before we got enagaged. Married three years and divorced for ten. Thank God....

Posted: 5/11/2003 3:00:42 PM EDT

[#11]

No long engagement.A couple of months.

We also had a simple wedding we paid for.Nothing fancy.Catered by Louie's Pizza and auto repair.

Have friends who had weddings that cost as much as some peoples houses, but they're divorced now and on multiple marriages.

People nowadays get hitched for all the wrong reasons.They spend a ton of money on weddings and end up getting divorced a few years down the road.

Posted: 5/11/2003 3:06:12 PM EDT

[#12]

I knew my wife for around three years before we even started dating. She was in instructor at a dojo I attended. We were engaged within a few months of dating, have been married for three years, and are happier than ever. A good friendship is the best foundation for a relationship.

Living with a woman who can kick your ass does kinda change things though...

Posted: 5/11/2003 3:18:15 PM EDT

[#13]

Fair question, I only dated my wife two months before asking her. It was like a fire was inside of me and needed to be put out and the last thing I planned on was doing getting married. We waited one year before we actually got married and the fire still burnt.

We've been married 30 years without a breakup or even threat of divorce.

This is not a formula for I believe alot of it had to do with me and her having the image of what they wanted in a spouse and when we met we knew it was right. She was 17 BTW and I was 18. At marriage, I was 19 and she was 18. Our aniversery was me calling her from a phone booth while in the military.

You can do the math of where we are now, but we have lived all over the country and left friends and family for each other. I think that had alot to do with it to for we became best friends along the way.

Sorry for the long answer but this marriage stuff is never a short subject.

Another thing, we had understandings during the engagement. I hunt, fish, camp, shoot, play guitar, and motorcycle ride and this was understood. For the most part, she has been a trooper about it and has adopted many of the same loves and tolerated the others.

Posted: 5/11/2003 3:23:45 PM EDT

[#14]

We went out for 6 months before we were engaged, then waited another year and a half before getting married. Going on 11 years and 2 kids now...

Posted: 5/11/2003 3:30:47 PM EDT

[#15]

Good job TJ!!.....

edit; and the Miz' too!! [;D]

Posted: 5/11/2003 3:35:32 PM EDT

[#16]

Quoted:

My question is how long did you date before taking the engagement plunge, & did it work out?

View Quote

(1) How long did you date before taking the engagement plunge?

Not long enough.

(2) Did it work out?

See answer to question 1.

Posted: 5/11/2003 4:52:35 PM EDT

[#17]

I think that a lot of what goes into that decision is based on how the two of you view "engagement." I typically would NOT date someone that I did not intend to marry. I see engagement as meaning, "dating and planning on getting married." I reckon, this could make me engaged to everyone I've ever dated who shared that view.

While most see engagement as a commitment, I think we can all agree that it is one that has several exceptions, unlike the marriage commitment. With this in mind, my girlfriend and I understood that from the beginning, we were planning on getting married if we stayed together. Asking her to marry me/giving her a ring (ie. engagement) was just a formality to show everyone else that we planned to get married, even though those who knew me already knew.

I think that when most people see that someone is engaged, they think, "Oh, they're getting married." But they also know that it might NOT happen, because of the before-mentioned exceptions.

Posted: 5/11/2003 5:17:01 PM EDT

[#18]

Hello, newbie here.
First Post:

We met in November
Knocked up in January
Married in February

That was 19 years ago. Still Married.

Posted: 5/11/2003 5:18:01 PM EDT

[#19]

This is a little unusual, and I would stroke out if one of my kids did it this way.

Got engaged five weeks after meeting, married a week later. Our friends were sceptical. Our parents were apoplectic.

That was eighteen years ago. We're still here.

Posted: 5/11/2003 5:38:37 PM EDT

[#20]

Im at month 15 of dating one of the greatest women Ive ever known (it doesnt hurt that shes 9 years younger than me AND a hottie). I'm getting some life-stuff stablized, and will pop the question before the summer is over.

Posted: 5/11/2003 5:50:16 PM EDT

[#21]

Way to go Lumpy! I hope it works out well for you. Just like T.J. said, & I can say from experience, Never, & I mean Never discuss divorce. We never have, it's a rule we love by, & divorce is not an option for us because we decided it wasn't before we were married.

Posted: 5/11/2003 6:09:17 PM EDT

[#22]

Quoted:
This is a little unusual, and I would stroke out if one of my kids did it this way.

Got engaged five weeks after meeting, married a week later. Our friends were sceptical. Our parents were apoplectic.

That was eighteen years ago. We're still here.

View Quote

Congrats!

I knew my wife's sister through church.

She set us up on a blind date that neither of us really wanted to go on. We had three dates in four days then she went back home to Maine (I was in the South).

After a long distance romance,we were married less than four months later. (No, it wasn't a shotgun wedding!)

That's been 9 1/2 years ago with no end in site, that being a good thing.

When you find the one you know you are meant to be with, why put it off?

Editted to correct an error my wife pinted out.

Posted: 5/11/2003 6:53:16 PM EDT

[#23]

DarrellAR15: Welcome to our board. We talk about everything here. It is just like old friends.

I met my wife when I was going to college in the library. We dated on & off 10 years! We married in '82 and 3 kids later, and still married. I love her dearly.

Posted: 5/11/2003 6:55:00 PM EDT

[#24]

I met my late husband on May 20th, went on our first date June 28th, married August 20th. We were very happily married for six years; unfortunately I lost him to cancer. Most of our time together could have been considered 'the perfect marriage'.

Posted: 5/11/2003 7:15:31 PM EDT

[#25]

I was engaged to my wife a little over a year. We dated about 18 months before that. Married for 7 years, so call it 10 years together. Produced 1 child who is now 3. I took a new job to try and improve my status in life, make some more money and hopefully make it more comfortable for the Mrs. to be be a stay at home mom. Even moved to her homeland of NYC to make her more happy (I am born and raised in Florida).

I am now separated, pending divorce. She got home to NYC and basically kicked my butt out. Now bear in mind we did have a stormy romance after the first few years and I made many of the changes to try and "start over". It just didn't work out.

Still rather depressed and "gun shy" (no pun intended), I realize it is a phase I am going through right now, and will get over it, but, all I am looking for out of women right now; usually involves the exchange of cash, the performance of a physical act, and the commission of a misdemeanor crime. Luckily I am and stingy and refuse to pay for anything other than dinner and breakfast( and breakfast is for me on my way home).

On the bright side, there are lots of really good looking women in NYC and I am trying to restart my own life up here. And the soon to be ex lets me have visitation with my daughter as much as I want.

Posted: 5/11/2003 7:33:04 PM EDT

[#26]

Thanks Searcher. This will be my 2nd go around. I have no doubt it will go better than the first attempt at marriage.

Posted: 5/11/2003 7:34:29 PM EDT

[#27]

We dated for two years, engaged for one year, long distance romance, (I was at college). We have been married for 16 years. No kids.

Posted: 5/11/2003 7:42:22 PM EDT

[#28]

Met my wife when she was 15 and I was 20.
We sorta dated off and on, and became engaged when she was 18, then got married.
It's 27 years later this October.
Three kids, one married, the other two getting married this year.

Posted: 5/11/2003 7:46:47 PM EDT

[#29]

I met my fiance the second week of college.

We graduated, and after knowing her for approximately 5 years we got engaged. We've been engaged now for about 6 months....

Shawn

Posted: 5/11/2003 7:56:18 PM EDT

[#30]

Dated 3 months, engaged got married 8 months later, four years and one kid and I am one HAPPY SOB!!! Like someother folks have stated, she is your partner in LIFE man, if there are things you don'tlike about her now, imagine 10 years down the road. And remember some folks just are not the marrying type, don't find out the hard way. In our case we were both over 30 and responsible (more or less:-), and while engaged paid and planned our wedding AND house. Let me tell you building a house is a no fun!! Building a home...that is up to both of you, and that is hard to do with someone who is not ready, and I dated plenty of those to know what one that was ready looks like.

Posted: 5/11/2003 8:37:47 PM EDT

[#31]

Met her in a Rock-n-Roll bar.
She moved in with me after dating for 3 months.
We lived together for 2 years.
The 14th of May we will be married 22 years.

Posted: 5/12/2003 6:41:53 AM EDT

[#32]

1st Time: Met, cohabitated, and married within just a few months. It lasted about a year and a half. We lacked a common foundation. We both wanted to be in charge (since then I've learned that anything with two heads is a freak that belongs in a side show). She got caught with her hand in the cookie jar and was unapologetic & unrepentant. End of that episode.

2nd Time: My current wife and I met in church. We had known each other casually for about a year or so before we actually became a couple. About a month after that I proposed and a couple months later we were married. That was 15 years ago and it has continually gotten better. Not that we don't have problems, but we are COMMITTED. She is much better than what I deserve and I am thankful every day for her.

What's the difference between #1 and #2? My current bride and I have a commonn foundation in the Christian faith. It has made all of the difference. From personal experience I can highly recommend it!

Posted: 5/12/2003 6:57:26 AM EDT

[#33]

My wife and I got engaged 6 years after we started dating. We were married a little over a year later.

Posted: 5/12/2003 7:05:29 AM EDT

[#34]

My ex and I lived together for 2 years. After family pressure for "living in sin", we decided to tie the knot.

Bad move...it all went down hill from there. She stopped taking care of herself. I didn't think girls were capable of growing hair in some of those places!?!

I stuck it out for 5 years and had to get out.

I've been divorced for about 15 years now. [;)]

Posted: 5/12/2003 7:17:14 AM EDT

[#35]

Dated for 3 years.
Engaged for 2 years.
Married for 19 years this August.

Our is a storybook romance...
Beauty and the Beast!

Posted: 5/12/2003 7:29:36 AM EDT

[#36]

Dated 8 months before engagement, then married
10 months later. Married 7 years now, 14 year difference in age, and I appreciate her more than she'll ever know. I'm looking forward to growing old with my beautiful wife. Got us a little boy, now 3 years old, who keeps us hopping!.

Posted: 5/12/2003 9:37:43 AM EDT

[#37]

The reason I asked this question, other than being just plain curious, is my mom always gets embarrassed when I tell someone in front of her, or mention that I told someone I got engaged after 1 date, & a drive home from church. I was really hoping someone else would say they did pretty close to the same thing, so I could haha my ma about it. She says it makes me look flaky that I moved so quick. I think it just shows that when you know, you know.

My wife told me later, when she spotted me at church she knew I was the one she would marry, & even told her whole family that after church. I wouldn't even talk to her for nearly 2 years.
We are more in love now, than we were at the beginning that's for sure. For me she has made my life a Heaven on Earth.
For those of you who haven't been so fortunate I would say try again. It is worth it win you hit the jackpot like those fortunate ones among us.[:D]

Posted: 5/12/2003 10:38:02 AM EDT

[#38]

Dated for 6 years, been married for 11 years.

DrMark

Posted: 5/12/2003 10:39:47 AM EDT

[#39]

Quoted:
I met my late husband on May 20th, went on our first date June 28th, married August 20th. We were very happily married for six years; unfortunately I lost him to cancer. Most of our time together could have been considered 'the perfect marriage'.

View Quote

Sorry to hear that. Are you coming to the Richmond gun show this weekend?

Anyway, we dated for 1 year, engaged for 1 year and 3 months, married for almost 9 months.

Posted: 5/12/2003 10:56:48 AM EDT

[#40]

Searcherfortruth,
My story is VERY close to you and your Wifes in regards to the whole age thing. However I did date my wife for like 3+ years, engaged about a year and half(??), then got married. First few months were hard...I was older and had gotten used to being my own boss. I remembering on my honeymoon in Cabo asking myself what in the world had I gotten into. Like you getting divorced was never an option. We both talked about this and it was agreed upon before things went forward. Anyways after all the minor stuff was worked out everything was WAY COOL!!!

Posted: 5/12/2003 11:18:44 AM EDT

[#41]

My wife and I dated for 5 1/2 years, engaged for 2, and just passed our 6 month wedding mark.

We were able to put away a lot of money for a nice house, pay for a wedding and honeymoon, and still have money left over.

Av.

Posted: 5/12/2003 12:19:30 PM EDT

[#42]

Quoted:
My wife and I dated for 5 1/2 years, engaged for 2, and just passed our 6 month wedding mark.

We were able to put away a lot of money for a nice house, pay for a wedding and honeymoon, and still have money left over.

Av.

View Quote

Damn bud, you got married jus in time for the divorce.

8-10 years is just about right and you have all the stuff to lose just like any other married couple.

I hope you were living together or you must be one really bow legged dude. [:D] Blue Balls! [:X*]

That's planning my man! BTW: I bet you drive a Honda too.

Posted: 5/12/2003 12:30:06 PM EDT

[#43]

I dated her for about four months before I knew I was going to ask her, finally asked her after about six months, and we got married two years to the day after we met.

Coming up on our eighth wedding anniversary.

Best mistake I ever made.[:D]

Posted: 5/12/2003 12:52:38 PM EDT

[#44]

Quoted:
Damn bud, you got married just in time for the divorce.

8-10 years is just about right and you have all the stuff to lose just like any other married couple.

I hope you were living together or you must be one really bow legged dude. [:D] Blue Balls! [:X*]

That's planning my man! BTW: I bet you drive a Honda too.

View Quote

LOL!

She drives a 2003 Stratus, I have a 2002 Blazer!

It was nice starting our marriage with money in our pockets. We were able to pay for our entire wedding and honeymoon in cash, make a major deposit on a nice house, and have money left over for all the things you need when you buy a house. Hell, we have owned the house for a year, and we still have plenty of funds.

I was a long wait, but well worth it!

And, no, walking funny was never a problem. Well, maybe the first couple months of the relationship, but after that.... [sex]

Av.

Posted: 5/12/2003 1:27:00 PM EDT

[#45]

My wife and I dated for 9 years, we were engaged for 11 months and have been married for 9 months. Probably should have gotten married sooner, but neither of us really felt the need to. During the time that we dated and were engaged, we did not live together. So far, things are great.

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Question for anyone who has ever been engaged.

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