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Posted: 5/20/2005 10:15:38 AM EDT
Got a guy here at work, one of my favorite people actually. Though I don't spend much time with him away from the job, I like him a lot. Just a really good guy.

He has been uncommonly somber this week, and I just had a talk with him. I guess his girl broke it off with him....the girl he was planning on proposing to this summer. They'd been together for almost two years, and despite having agreed on marriage plans in the near future, I guess she just figured he wasn't the guy after all. He's pretty devistated. He flat out told me that he's just head over heals for her and feels terrible.

He told me he wants to get married, he wants to meet the right woman, but just can't imagine having to start from scratch all over again, find a friend, find a lover, go through the whole thing....and that's if he can even find someone he feels that strongly for in the first place.

He said he's coming to terms with the reality of his life now, and being 36, he doesn't want to wait too much longer to get married. He just doesn't know where to even begin. I wished I had something to tell him....some ideas as to what he could do, to feel better about lifes prospects, places to meet a quality woman. I just don't really know. I've been out of the dating sceen for a couple years and I had no real advice.

Anyone out there been here before? Know some good ideas to shake the old and be excited about the new? I know what it's like to lose love, but that was long before I thought of marriage.

Where does a really good guy, steady job, in shape, good personality...all that....where would you suggest he begin?

Where do you find the right woman?
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 10:16:27 AM EDT
On ARFcom.
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 10:17:20 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/20/2005 10:17:49 AM EDT by Merrell]
www.nomarriage.com

(He should thank his lucky stars that the floozy ran off with the pool boy)
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 10:17:35 AM EDT

Originally Posted By SemperParatusEmt:
On ARFcom.



Thanks nooob. Anyone (who doesn't have their head up there ass) have any thoughts?
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 10:17:55 AM EDT
By going to the right places. and a club is not the right place to meet a good woman

Things like Musems and so on, places where the girls aren't going to be looking to "hook up"
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 10:17:56 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Merrell:
www.nomarriage.com

(He should thank his lucky stars that the floozy ran off with the pool boy)



Well that didn't take long.
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 10:18:27 AM EDT

Originally Posted By GabbasaurusRex:

Originally Posted By Merrell:
www.nomarriage.com

(He should thank his lucky stars that the floozy ran off with the pool boy)



Well that didn't take long.




Link Posted: 5/20/2005 10:18:35 AM EDT
First off a trip to a beach somewhere will help along with a good dose of some strange.

Secondly get involved in networking type meetings. Lots of woman attend Human Resources, Chamber of Commerce, etc type functions.
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 10:19:36 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Bama-Shooter:
Secondly get involved in networking type meetings. Lots of woman attend Human Resources, Chamber of Commerce, etc type functions.



Wouldn't have even crossed my mind. Sound painfully boring, but if it's worth a shot, I'll pass it along.
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 10:20:00 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Bama-Shooter:
First off a trip to a beach somewhere will help along with a good dose of some strange.

Secondly get involved in networking type meetings. Lots of woman attend Human Resources, Chamber of Commerce, etc type functions.


+1 just stay away from the normal "hook-up" places, you could also donate time to help non profit groups and meet nice woman. and ones who are worth a dam.
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 10:20:56 AM EDT
church?

Link Posted: 5/20/2005 10:22:16 AM EDT
Church worked great for me.

Mrs. Brohawk is a blessing far beyond anything I could deserve. 17+ years and it just keeps getting better.

Caveat: Even in church you have to be careful and exercise discernment.
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 10:22:56 AM EDT

Originally Posted By olyarms:

Originally Posted By Bama-Shooter:
First off a trip to a beach somewhere will help along with a good dose of some strange.

Secondly get involved in networking type meetings. Lots of woman attend Human Resources, Chamber of Commerce, etc type functions.


+1 just stay away from the normal "hook-up" places, you could also donate time to help non profit groups and meet nice woman. and ones who are worth a dam.



That's also a great place to meet single women who still live off of someone else's dime, have no career, no responsibilities, live in their own happy little world, and devote all their time to some high-minded cause.....like gun control, social engineering, and whatnot.

Nonprofits are great. But be warned - women who spend too much time there usually are slightly screwed in the head.
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 10:23:17 AM EDT
Perform feats of strength on your front lawn. That will bring the women flocking.
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 10:24:35 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/20/2005 10:26:52 AM EDT by Bama-Shooter]

Originally Posted By M4:

Originally Posted By Bama-Shooter:
Secondly get involved in networking type meetings. Lots of woman attend Human Resources, Chamber of Commerce, etc type functions.



Wouldn't have even crossed my mind. Sound painfully boring, but if it's worth a shot, I'll pass it along.



Not always some topics are interesting. But those meetings have lot's of single attractive women.

ETA: He needs to have some business type cards made. These meetings are all about networking so they are more than willing to swap cards. Then you just have to follow up.
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 10:29:40 AM EDT
One other thing:

Some night classes at the local community college might be a good place to meet people who are 'starting over'.......
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 10:30:05 AM EDT
First he needs to go thru a grieving process. That is normal. But getting out and checking out some other women is a good idea.

Unfortunately at his age there isn't much out there. Everything worth having has been taken. What's left isn't worth having or have so much baggage you'd need a 18 wheeler to haul 'em around. Don't know what more to say about it than that. Marriage is a shitty deal for guys in general anyhow. I am happy but I chose well and there aren't many out there worth keeping IMO. Mostly a bunch of whiny, neurotic, self-centered, whackjobs who only want a guy around for a wallet and to prop up their own pathetic low self esteem.

Hmmm...maybe he should look for a foreign woman. Just a thought. Not going to find a decent American woman in his age bracket, IMO.
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 10:30:20 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/20/2005 10:30:32 AM EDT by Paul]
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 10:33:05 AM EDT
My fiancee got pissed off when I theorized to her that very few people find "THE RIGHT PERSON"

We all find people who are "good enough" - they may be really good, or they may just barely be good enough - but it's highly unlikely that we find the PERFECT PERSON.

After all, if there are, what, 6 BILLION people on the planet, perhaps a quarter of which are potential partners - ie. right gender and acceptable age range, that means that there are easily more than a billion people who COULD be your perfect partner.

What's the probability that you are going to meet that most ideal partner? I'd say statistically close to zero, given how few people we meet in our lifetime (and get to know well enough to the point where you could ask them out).

Thus, since we are not likely to find THE perfect person, we are not in fact maximizing utility, but merely satisficing utility, and so the matter becomes one of finding the "good enough" person that we can spend the rest of our lives with. Inherently, while we don't like to admit it, we are trading off search costs against optimality.

By definition, we are all "settling" when we choose our spouse.

I'm such a romantic.
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 10:33:18 AM EDT
I ended up hooking up with an old high school girlfriend after my divorce. Things just keep getting better and better between us.

She's a beautiful woman, works hard, has abs as hard as steel , a classy classy woman, has great morals, great job (read in, ammo will never be in short supply any longer)..............I'm not fit to be in the same room with her, but don't tell her that. She's just a classy elegant woman.

Try church. Lots of pretty ladies there.

vmax84
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 10:33:42 AM EDT

Originally Posted By drjarhead:
First he needs to go thru a grieving process. That is normal. But getting out and checking out some other women is a good idea.

Unfortunately at his age there isn't much out there. Everything worth having has been taken. What's left isn't worth having or have so much baggage you'd need a 18 wheeler to haul 'em around. Don't know what more to say about it than that. Marriage is a shitty deal for guys in general anyhow. I am happy but I chose well and there aren't many out there worth keeping IMO. Mostly a bunch of whiny, neurotic, self-centered, whackjobs who only want a guy around for a wallet and to prop up their own pathetic low self esteem.

Hmmm...maybe he should look for a foreign woman. Just a thought. Not going to find a decent American woman in his age bracket, IMO.



Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain...

Love is everywhere. You find it when you didn't even know you were looking for it. Tell your friend that he needs to grieve a bit, then just live his damn life. He'll find someone...probably in someplace he never expected.

I used to think that there was only 1 perfect person for each of us. I know, now, that I was wrong.

Good luck.
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 10:39:15 AM EDT
First of all the guy is only 36, considering that women don't mind older guys, he has plenty of time. Secondly never under estimate a good nightclub, not every girl there is a slutty loser.
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 10:39:47 AM EDT

Originally Posted By arowneragain:
One other thing:

Some night classes at the local community college might be a good place to meet people who are 'starting over'.......



Not a bad idea at all! Do something to fill your time, something that interests you and meet people. Cool!
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 10:40:09 AM EDT
Tel him to quit trying so hard. When it is time, it will happen.
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 10:41:21 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/20/2005 10:43:11 AM EDT by NewbHunter]
I went through the same thing. I had a girl that I talked with about marriage for a long time, dated her for almost two years, and then she broke it off out of the blue. I thought I would never get over it, but I finally did and met the right girl.

I don't know if there really is much to tell him about how to get over it, because I remember when it happened to me that I got all kinds of advice and my main thought about all of it was, yeah, easy for you to say. You're married. You have a girlfriend. etc.

So, I guess the best thing I can say is what I realized about what I was really looking for when I finally met the perfect woman...my wife.

After that ordeal, and after meeting my wife I can say that, at least for me, I learned that these were things very important in a woman.

1. Find a woman who is fiercly loyal - I'm not exactly sure how to exactly put in words how you will know when you find a loyal one, but you just know. Their actions speak for it.

2. Humble Self Confidence and Intelligence (Not to be confused with a pridefull, or stuck up person) - A lot of women out there are not self confident at all. They put on this facad because they are afraid that someone won't like them. Well, for me, the funny thing was is that I could easily sense when someone was putting on a show, so when I met my wife I just knew there was something about her that made her different. Maybe it was the fact that she could joke about herself, rip on herself, and laugh about it. Maybe it was the fact that she didn't wear make-up because she figured that any guy worth her time would like her for who she really was (not that women who wear make-up are necessarily bad women), but I always knew that she had a humble confidence in herself and that she was very intelligent and had depth to her character.

Personally, I think this is a very rare thing to find. Most people are pretty shallow, or at least won't show any depth out of self conciousness. That is why self confidence is important. A self confident person can show your their depth, and be honest, without worrying about what others will think of them.

3. Honesty - Kind of ties in with the end of #2. A self confident person will usually be honest. I think honesty is pretty self explanitory, except to add that one of the indicators to know if a person is really truly honest is if they have a humble self confidence. A self concious person, in my mind, would send up red flags about their honesty. Not that they would necessarily be dishonest, but I would watch them closely.

4. Sense of Humor - My wife is a very funny person. Not just stupid humor either. She is a very intelligent person and has a very intelligent humor that meshes with my humor. Most people would probably find our humor pretty dumb, but we can laugh together, so that's what matters.

5. Unselfishness - This really ties into a lot of the things I said above, but look for a woman that is unselfish. IMHO selfishness is the root of all sin/evil. If you can find a woman who exhibit unselfish behavior that will speak volumes about her confidence, and honesty.

Don't know what else to really say. Good women are hard to find. Good luck to your co-worker.
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 10:42:57 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Paul:
One night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble ... let alone 45 days worth of vacation there!




I dunno about you, but I get my kicks ABOVE the waistline!

And... uh... south of the border!!!
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 10:43:16 AM EDT

Originally Posted By M4:

Originally Posted By arowneragain:
One other thing:

Some night classes at the local community college might be a good place to meet people who are 'starting over'.......



Not a bad idea at all! Do something to fill your time, something that interests you and meet people. Cool!



I can't wait to finish my MBA so i can go back to the occassional night class at the community college.

Truth be known, though, I'm really to the point where I'm not 100% sure I WANT a wife. After you come to the point where you realize that the women you love will hurt you, the women you trust will bore you, and the women you need are all long-ago happily married, well, it just doesn't seem so necessary anymore.

Of course, it's kinda hard to have kids without a wife - and I still want kids.
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 10:43:21 AM EDT

Originally Posted By FatMan:

Originally Posted By drjarhead:
First he needs to go thru a grieving process. That is normal. But getting out and checking out some other women is a good idea.

Unfortunately at his age there isn't much out there. Everything worth having has been taken. What's left isn't worth having or have so much baggage you'd need a 18 wheeler to haul 'em around. Don't know what more to say about it than that. Marriage is a shitty deal for guys in general anyhow. I am happy but I chose well and there aren't many out there worth keeping IMO. Mostly a bunch of whiny, neurotic, self-centered, whackjobs who only want a guy around for a wallet and to prop up their own pathetic low self esteem.

Hmmm...maybe he should look for a foreign woman. Just a thought. Not going to find a decent American woman in his age bracket, IMO.



Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain...






Love is everywhere.


Oh, it is not....


You find it when you didn't even know you were looking for it.


That is true for sure.




I used to think that there was only 1 perfect person for each of us. I know, now, that I was wrong.

Good luck.



Hell yeah, I've been with 3 I thought about marrying. The last one I did.
But finding one in you mid 30's or later can be tough. Baggage, lots of baggage. All you have to do is look at the divorce rate for second marriages.

Okay, I'm a pessimist, what can I say?
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 10:45:05 AM EDT

Originally Posted By NewbHunter:
I went through the same thing. I had a girl that I talked with about marriage for a long time, dated her for almost two years, and then she broke it off out of the blue. I thought I would never get over it, but I finally did and met the right girl.

I don't know if there really is much to tell him about how to get over it, because I remember when it happened to me that I got all kinds of advice and my main thought about all of it was, yeah, easy for you to say. You're married. You have a girlfriend. etc.

So, I guess the best thing I can say is what I realized about what I was really looking for when I finally met the perfect woman...my wife.

After that ordeal, and after meeting my wife I can say that, at least for me, I learned that these were things very important in a woman.

1. Find a woman who is fiercly loyal - I'm not exactly sure how to exactly put in words how you will know when you find a loyal one, but you just know. Their actions speak for it.

2. Humble Self Confidence and Intelligence (Not to be confused with a pridefull, or stuck up person) - A lot of women out there are not self confident at all. They put on this facad because they are afraid that someone won't like them. Well, for me, the funny thing was is that I could easily sense when someone was putting on a show, so when I met my wife I just knew there was something about her that made her different. Maybe it was the fact that she could joke about herself, rip on herself, and laugh about it. Maybe it was the fact that she didn't wear make-up because she figured that any guy worth her time would like her for who she really was (not that women who wear make-up are necessarily bad women), but I always knew that she had a humble confidence in herself and that she was very intelligent and had depth to her character.

Personally, I think this is a very rare thing to find. Most people are pretty shallow, or at least won't show any depth out of self conciousness. That is why self confidence is important. A self confident person can show your their depth, and be honest, without worrying about what others will think of them.

3. Honesty - Kind of ties in with the end of #2. A self confident person will usually be honest. I think honesty is pretty self explanitory, except to add that one of the indicators to know if a person is really truly honest is if they have a humble self confidence. A self concious person, in my mind, would send up red flags about their honesty. Not that they would necessarily be dishonest, but I would watch them closely.

4. Sense of Humor - My wife is a very funny person. Not just stupid humor either. She is a very intelligent person and has a very intelligent humor that meshes with my humor. Most people would probably find our humor pretty dumb, but we can laugh together, so that's what matters.

5. Unselfishness - This really ties into a lot of the things I said above, but look for a woman that is unselfish. IMHO selfishness is the root of all sin/evil. If you can find a woman who exhibit unselfish behavior that will speak volumes about her confidence, and honesty.

Don't know what else to really say. Good women are hard to find. Good luck to your co-worker.



Not bad. I'd say I nailed all of your criteria in a wife.
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 10:46:06 AM EDT

Originally Posted By FatMan:
Love is everywhere. You find it when you didn't even know you were looking for it. Tell your friend that he needs to grieve a bit, then just live his damn life. He'll find someone...probably in someplace he never expected.

I used to think that there was only 1 perfect person for each of us. I know, now, that I was wrong.

Good luck.



I tend to agree. After talking with my buddy, he told me that before the one who just ended it, he was alone for like 2 years...dated some, but just nobody really was ultimately better than a month of dating before he knew they weren't the one.

He just feels he's really lost something very unique...and has been around long enough to sort of confirm that.
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 10:46:28 AM EDT

Originally Posted By drjarhead:

Originally Posted By NewbHunter:
I went through the same thing. I had a girl that I talked with about marriage for a long time, dated her for almost two years, and then she broke it off out of the blue. I thought I would never get over it, but I finally did and met the right girl.

I don't know if there really is much to tell him about how to get over it, because I remember when it happened to me that I got all kinds of advice and my main thought about all of it was, yeah, easy for you to say. You're married. You have a girlfriend. etc.

So, I guess the best thing I can say is what I realized about what I was really looking for when I finally met the perfect woman...my wife.

After that ordeal, and after meeting my wife I can say that, at least for me, I learned that these were things very important in a woman.

1. Find a woman who is fiercly loyal - I'm not exactly sure how to exactly put in words how you will know when you find a loyal one, but you just know. Their actions speak for it.

2. Humble Self Confidence and Intelligence (Not to be confused with a pridefull, or stuck up person) - A lot of women out there are not self confident at all. They put on this facad because they are afraid that someone won't like them. Well, for me, the funny thing was is that I could easily sense when someone was putting on a show, so when I met my wife I just knew there was something about her that made her different. Maybe it was the fact that she could joke about herself, rip on herself, and laugh about it. Maybe it was the fact that she didn't wear make-up because she figured that any guy worth her time would like her for who she really was (not that women who wear make-up are necessarily bad women), but I always knew that she had a humble confidence in herself and that she was very intelligent and had depth to her character.

Personally, I think this is a very rare thing to find. Most people are pretty shallow, or at least won't show any depth out of self conciousness. That is why self confidence is important. A self confident person can show your their depth, and be honest, without worrying about what others will think of them.

3. Honesty - Kind of ties in with the end of #2. A self confident person will usually be honest. I think honesty is pretty self explanitory, except to add that one of the indicators to know if a person is really truly honest is if they have a humble self confidence. A self concious person, in my mind, would send up red flags about their honesty. Not that they would necessarily be dishonest, but I would watch them closely.

4. Sense of Humor - My wife is a very funny person. Not just stupid humor either. She is a very intelligent person and has a very intelligent humor that meshes with my humor. Most people would probably find our humor pretty dumb, but we can laugh together, so that's what matters.

5. Unselfishness - This really ties into a lot of the things I said above, but look for a woman that is unselfish. IMHO selfishness is the root of all sin/evil. If you can find a woman who exhibit unselfish behavior that will speak volumes about her confidence, and honesty.

Don't know what else to really say. Good women are hard to find. Good luck to your co-worker.



Not bad. I'd say I nailed all of your criteria in a wife.



You're one of the lucky ones!
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 10:48:09 AM EDT

Originally Posted By MrClean4Hire:
Tel him to quit trying so hard. When it is time, it will happen.



This is a nice, romantic thought, but it's false. I speak from experience. After my divorce 8 years ago I decided to "just live my life" thinking someone would come along. She hasn't and I'm still single. If his goal is to find someone to marry, he's going to have to take action to achieve that goal. He should try some of the suggestions in this thread.
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 10:49:44 AM EDT

Originally Posted By NewbHunter:

Originally Posted By drjarhead:

Originally Posted By NewbHunter:
I went through the same thing. I had a girl that I talked with about marriage for a long time, dated her for almost two years, and then she broke it off out of the blue. I thought I would never get over it, but I finally did and met the right girl.

I don't know if there really is much to tell him about how to get over it, because I remember when it happened to me that I got all kinds of advice and my main thought about all of it was, yeah, easy for you to say. You're married. You have a girlfriend. etc.

So, I guess the best thing I can say is what I realized about what I was really looking for when I finally met the perfect woman...my wife.

After that ordeal, and after meeting my wife I can say that, at least for me, I learned that these were things very important in a woman.

1. Find a woman who is fiercly loyal - I'm not exactly sure how to exactly put in words how you will know when you find a loyal one, but you just know. Their actions speak for it.

2. Humble Self Confidence and Intelligence (Not to be confused with a pridefull, or stuck up person) - A lot of women out there are not self confident at all. They put on this facad because they are afraid that someone won't like them. Well, for me, the funny thing was is that I could easily sense when someone was putting on a show, so when I met my wife I just knew there was something about her that made her different. Maybe it was the fact that she could joke about herself, rip on herself, and laugh about it. Maybe it was the fact that she didn't wear make-up because she figured that any guy worth her time would like her for who she really was (not that women who wear make-up are necessarily bad women), but I always knew that she had a humble confidence in herself and that she was very intelligent and had depth to her character.

Personally, I think this is a very rare thing to find. Most people are pretty shallow, or at least won't show any depth out of self conciousness. That is why self confidence is important. A self confident person can show your their depth, and be honest, without worrying about what others will think of them.

3. Honesty - Kind of ties in with the end of #2. A self confident person will usually be honest. I think honesty is pretty self explanitory, except to add that one of the indicators to know if a person is really truly honest is if they have a humble self confidence. A self concious person, in my mind, would send up red flags about their honesty. Not that they would necessarily be dishonest, but I would watch them closely.

4. Sense of Humor - My wife is a very funny person. Not just stupid humor either. She is a very intelligent person and has a very intelligent humor that meshes with my humor. Most people would probably find our humor pretty dumb, but we can laugh together, so that's what matters.

5. Unselfishness - This really ties into a lot of the things I said above, but look for a woman that is unselfish. IMHO selfishness is the root of all sin/evil. If you can find a woman who exhibit unselfish behavior that will speak volumes about her confidence, and honesty.

Don't know what else to really say. Good women are hard to find. Good luck to your co-worker.



Not bad. I'd say I nailed all of your criteria in a wife.



You're one of the lucky ones!



I know it, believe me. I dated a helluva lot of women to find her. Even then I didn't always appreciate her. We have been thru alot together though, matured together...doesn't get any better IMO. Yeah, I am damn lucky.
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 10:56:14 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/20/2005 10:56:35 AM EDT by Fat_McNasty]
Well you need to use a filter...

You got to draw down on them and kick them to the curb... If they come back then youve found the right one.


Link Posted: 5/20/2005 10:58:35 AM EDT

Originally Posted By drjarhead:

Love is everywhere.


Oh, it is not....



That made me laugh really hard for some reason. I guess it's because of the way you responded to it.

<--------Still giggling
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 11:00:50 AM EDT

Originally Posted By kill-9:

Originally Posted By MrClean4Hire:
Tel him to quit trying so hard. When it is time, it will happen.



This is a nice, romantic thought, but it's false. I speak from experience. After my divorce 8 years ago I decided to "just live my life" thinking someone would come along. She hasn't and I'm still single.



You should be ECSTATIC.

Have you ever seen some of the women in Ohio???
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 11:07:13 AM EDT

Originally Posted By GabbasaurusRex:

Originally Posted By drjarhead:

Love is everywhere.


Oh, it is not....



That made me laugh really hard for some reason. I guess it's because of the way you responded to it.

<--------Still giggling



Laughter is the best medicine!
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 11:16:00 AM EDT

Originally Posted By drjarhead:

Originally Posted By GabbasaurusRex:

Originally Posted By drjarhead:

Love is everywhere.


Oh, it is not....



That made me laugh really hard for some reason. I guess it's because of the way you responded to it.

<--------Still giggling



Laughter is the best medicine!



Too true. You guys crack me up.

I was serious about the "love is everywhere" comment in the sense that it can happen when and where you least expect it. Even if you weren't looking for it!
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 11:16:12 AM EDT

Originally Posted By kill-9:

Originally Posted By MrClean4Hire:
Tel him to quit trying so hard. When it is time, it will happen.



This is a nice, romantic thought, but it's false. I speak from experience. After my divorce 8 years ago I decided to "just live my life" thinking someone would come along. She hasn't and I'm still single. If his goal is to find someone to marry, he's going to have to take action to achieve that goal. He should try some of the suggestions in this thread.



well, if the guy wants to "get married" in the same way that one wants to "get a PhD" or "Get a good job", then you're right--he should take aggressive action to realize his goal. but i've seldom met anyone who has found happiness by achieving the goal of marriage.

i do, however, know quite a few people who weren't trying to find a marriage partner, but who were open to it when fate took a hand. these couples are generally far happier than those with an agenda.

ever notice how it's the men and women who complain about being single that stay single? the reason is that they try too hard.

you are right in that he should try some of the suggestions here: develop a social life, go to church, find a hobby, or (by far the best suggestion) go back to school. but he should do these things because he wants to improve himself, for himself. women respond to confidence, and he should be doing something to make himself more confident and happy, rather than to try and "find a wife".

you can't find love. love finds you.

honestly, if he wants to vastly improve himself among the best-looking segment of women available, he should try one of the hardcore yoga programs, like bikram. don't talk to any of the women at first--just focus on the yoga. after a while, the women will pursue him.
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 11:17:49 AM EDT

Originally Posted By sirensong:

Originally Posted By kill-9:

Originally Posted By MrClean4Hire:
Tel him to quit trying so hard. When it is time, it will happen.



This is a nice, romantic thought, but it's false. I speak from experience. After my divorce 8 years ago I decided to "just live my life" thinking someone would come along. She hasn't and I'm still single. If his goal is to find someone to marry, he's going to have to take action to achieve that goal. He should try some of the suggestions in this thread.



well, if the guy wants to "get married" in the same way that one wants to "get a PhD" or "Get a good job", then you're right--he should take aggressive action to realize his goal. but i've seldom met anyone who has found happiness by achieving the goal of marriage.

i do, however, know quite a few people who weren't trying to find a marriage partner, but who were open to it when fate took a hand. these couples are generally far happier than those with an agenda.

ever notice how it's the men and women who complain about being single that stay single? the reason is that they try too hard.

you are right in that he should try some of the suggestions here: develop a social life, go to church, find a hobby, or (by far the best suggestion) go back to school. but he should do these things because he wants to improve himself, for himself. women respond to confidence, and he should be doing something to make himself more confident and happy, rather than to try and "find a wife".

you can't find love. love finds you.

honestly, if he wants to vastly improve himself among the best-looking segment of women available, he should try one of the hardcore yoga programs, like bikram. don't talk to any of the women at first--just focus on the yoga. after a while, the women will pursue him.



You have the soul of a poet. Great observations.
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 11:18:25 AM EDT

Originally Posted By FatMan:
I was serious about the "love is everywhere" comment in the sense that it can happen when and where you least expect it. Even if you weren't looking for it!



I definitely agree with that, 100%.
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 11:20:03 AM EDT

Originally Posted By GabbasaurusRex:

Originally Posted By FatMan:
I was serious about the "love is everywhere" comment in the sense that it can happen when and where you least expect it. Even if you weren't looking for it!



I definitely agree with that, 100%.




There was a country song some years ago 'standing knee deep in a river and dying of thirst'......

There are people all around us, everywhere we look, looking for the same things we are - and we walk right by them.

Link Posted: 5/20/2005 11:21:24 AM EDT
I have know my wife since I was 12, our families knew each other before that. And, my sister is married to my wife's brother, which means my wife was my sister-in-law before I married her.


In short, we have know each other for a loooooog while and have been married now for 19(?) years.

So I have no idea how to find women, I found this one and stopped looking.


Sgatr15
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 11:22:12 AM EDT

Originally Posted By sirensong:

Originally Posted By kill-9:

Originally Posted By MrClean4Hire:
Tel him to quit trying so hard. When it is time, it will happen.



This is a nice, romantic thought, but it's false. I speak from experience. After my divorce 8 years ago I decided to "just live my life" thinking someone would come along. She hasn't and I'm still single. If his goal is to find someone to marry, he's going to have to take action to achieve that goal. He should try some of the suggestions in this thread.



well, if the guy wants to "get married" in the same way that one wants to "get a PhD" or "Get a good job", then you're right--he should take aggressive action to realize his goal. but i've seldom met anyone who has found happiness by achieving the goal of marriage.

i do, however, know quite a few people who weren't trying to find a marriage partner, but who were open to it when fate took a hand. these couples are generally far happier than those with an agenda.

ever notice how it's the men and women who complain about being single that stay single? the reason is that they try too hard.

you are right in that he should try some of the suggestions here: develop a social life, go to church, find a hobby, or (by far the best suggestion) go back to school. but he should do these things because he wants to improve himself, for himself. women respond to confidence, and he should be doing something to make himself more confident and happy, rather than to try and "find a wife".

you can't find love. love finds you.

honestly, if he wants to vastly improve himself among the best-looking segment of women available, he should try one of the hardcore yoga programs, like bikram. don't talk to any of the women at first--just focus on the yoga. after a while, the women will pursue him.




Right on, the long version of what I was saying. You can't hurry love, but you can hurry marriage.
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 11:28:38 AM EDT
Very interesting perspectives here. I think the truth lies a little in all of these experiences and some of these ideas as to where to meet a good woman seem well worth doing.
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 11:29:56 AM EDT

Originally Posted By MrClean4Hire:
You can't hurry love, but you can hurry marriage.



that is the best i've ever heard it phrased.
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 11:30:45 AM EDT
Tag team it with clean_cut.
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 11:34:00 AM EDT
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 11:34:56 AM EDT

Originally Posted By arowneragain:
One other thing:

Some night classes at the local community college might be a good place to meet people who are 'starting over'.......



Agreed, I took a photography class after hours at the art academy and it was 10 women and 2 men, including me.
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 11:37:08 AM EDT

Originally Posted By FatMan:


You have the soul of a poet. Great observations.



thanks.

unfortunately, i also have the wallet of a buddhist, the mind of a hermit, and the pragmatism of quixote, so no wonder i'm still single.

(i'm waiting for that perfect windmill!)

Link Posted: 5/20/2005 11:41:52 AM EDT

Originally Posted By M4:

Where does a really good guy, steady job, in shape, good personality...all that....where would you suggest he begin?

Where do you find the right woman?



Local teacher's college?
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