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Posted: 4/22/2007 12:31:41 PM EDT
I have a [formerly] close friend who has increasingly been demonstrating signs of depression over the past few years.  He dropped out of college in 1999, and since then has kept telling us he's gonna prove everyone wrong and make something out of himself.

2007 now, and he's deep in debt, still bouncing from menial job to menial job, and lives with his grandma in a delapidated house.  Seeing the rest of us quickly become successful and enjoying our careers and associated riches has driven him deeper and deeper into a mental sinkhole it appears.  

Every year there's a period of 5-6 months where we can't even contact him.  I'm thinking of cutting off all contact with him now, for fear he's gonna be dangerous eventually.  He owns a pistol... hopefully someone can convince him to hand it over to someone for safe keeping.  As with many other people suffering from depression, it's gonna be tough for anyone, even his family, to convince him to get help.  

I don't want this shit in my life if I can help it... mainly because I don't want to expose my loved ones to potential dangers.  Am I doing right by essentially turning my back on him?

Link Posted: 4/22/2007 12:36:15 PM EDT
[#1]
A true friend
Link Posted: 4/22/2007 12:36:35 PM EDT
[#2]
Some of your habits concern me too.  I don't think you should have guns either.  See how that works?  

You are not a qualified mental health expert and can't state with any authority that he's a danger to himself.  Think of the big picture of this new "I think my neighbor has mental problems and shouldn't have a gun" precedent that's being set as a result of VT.  

The extent to which you try to help him is your call, but depressed people don't always (or even usually) go on killing sprees.

Not to mention the absolute folly of taking guns from someone who you suspect is going to kill himself and proclaiming it some kind of remedy.  If someone really wants to commit suicide, they WILL be successful, gun or not.  

Your concern is admirable, but the whole idea of taking guns from the "mentally ill" is chilling.  If your post is in no way a result of VT, then excuse some of the bite and carry on.  

I really don't think cutting off contact with him for fear of your own safety is a rational concern, either.
Link Posted: 4/22/2007 12:42:51 PM EDT
[#3]



I am concerned about your mental health.  You shouldn't own firearms.



DU is that way --------------------------------------->



eta:

In other words, unsuccesful people, who don't have a lot of money or have too much debt, shoudln't own firearms?  Reclusive or introverted people shouldn't own firearms?  People who we suspect are, or even are, depressed or at all unhappy about anything in life shouldn't own firearms?  

I think, if anybody, people who want to control other people shouldn't have firearms.  People who make decisions based on how they 'feel' rather then what is right.  People who, if your post is any indication, are a lot like you.




Sorry if I am coming across as an ass.  Its just that your description applies to a lot of people.  I think you are
1. overstepping your bounds on this,
2. over-analyzing people and need to mind your own business,
3. jumping to conclusions,  
4.  judging people without very much information, and
5. sounding a lot like a libtard.

i hope that you reconsider

Link Posted: 4/22/2007 12:48:29 PM EDT
[#4]
Maybe this came off the wrong way in light of the VT stuff.  

This is not a gun issue.... it's about a friend's mental health and how involved I should be.  There's no generalization here about mentally ill people or about who should have what taken from them.  Anyone has a right to make a personal decision as to who to associate with and what elements to bring into their home.  

Link Posted: 4/22/2007 12:52:19 PM EDT
[#5]

Quoted:
A true friend


+1

Link Posted: 4/22/2007 12:53:05 PM EDT
[#6]

Quoted:
Maybe this came off the wrong way in light of the VT stuff.  

This is not a gun issue.... it's about a friend's mental health and how involved I should be.  There's no generalization here about mentally ill people or about who should have what taken from them.  Anyone has a right to make a personal decision as to who to associate with and what elements to bring into their home.  




ok agreed sorry if i sounded like a jerk.  As long as you understand that your assesment of your friend doesn't have anything to do with anyones right to start deciding what rights he gets to keep and what rights he doesn't.


Based on your post it sounds like an over-reaction.  I know a lot of people who have experienced depression and it has little to nothing to do with people becoming criminal or violent.

That said, you should trust your gut.  Especially if you have a family.  i think there must be more to this then just a friend being depressed or you wouldn't be feeling this way.  Unless you really are just that much of a paranoid busy-body, which I doubt.


Trust your instinct.  Doesn't sound like that good of a friend to you anyway.  Don't associate with him.  But his firearms are none of your business.
Link Posted: 4/22/2007 12:57:52 PM EDT
[#7]

Quoted:
A true friend


What do you suggest?  Do you have some personal experience in successfully dealing with this?  I need advice here, honestly.  
Link Posted: 4/22/2007 1:07:08 PM EDT
[#8]

Quoted:

Quoted:
A true friend


What do you suggest?  Do you have some personal experience in successfully dealing with this?  I need advice here, honestly.  


I've been in a similar funk.  What turned me around was goal-setting and landing a decent job.  Happy pills and alcohol didn't really help.

Sorry, I'm not Mr. Answer man about your friend. Everyone's got their crap to handle in life.  If you'd rather not have this person in your life, ok, it's not your job to manage his life.  It's just kind of weird that you're verbalizing it and asking our opinion.
Link Posted: 4/22/2007 1:09:09 PM EDT
[#9]

Quoted:

Quoted:
A true friend


What do you suggest?  Do you have some personal experience in successfully dealing with this?  I need advice here, honestly.  


Invite him over for a long talk.
wear body armor
Link Posted: 4/22/2007 1:09:13 PM EDT
[#10]

Quoted:

Quoted:

Quoted:
A true friend


What do you suggest?  Do you have some personal experience in successfully dealing with this?  I need advice here, honestly.  


I've been in a similar funk.  What turned me around was goal-setting and landing a decent job.  Happy pills and alcohol didn't really help.

Sorry, I'm not Mr. Answer man about your friend. Everyone's got their crap to handle in life.  If you'd rather not have this person in your life, ok, it's not your job to manage his life.  It's just kind of weird that you're verbalizing it and asking our opinion.



+1
Link Posted: 4/22/2007 1:11:39 PM EDT
[#11]

Quoted:
Am I doing right by essentially turning my back on him?



#1 don't call yourself his friend, a friend would never turn their back to a friend

#2 yea, you should stop talking to him, and walk away; he doesn't need a "friend" like you
Link Posted: 4/22/2007 1:20:19 PM EDT
[#12]

Quoted:

Quoted:
Am I doing right by essentially turning my back on him?



#1 don't call yourself his friend, a friend would never turn their back to a friend

#2 yea, you should stop talking to him, and walk away; he doesn't need a "friend" like you


You're right, I probably shouldn't call him a friend anymore.  I think I was holding on for a little too long trying to help him set reasonable goals and accomplish things and get him back to the person he was when we were younger.  He hasn't returned my phone calls and text messages for a few months now anyway.  If previous years are a hint, he'll ignore everyone for about another 3-4 months.  

Sometimes love has its limits.    

 

Link Posted: 4/22/2007 1:28:44 PM EDT
[#13]
There is a big difference between being depressed and being psychotic.  Depressed people generally aren't violent to others and, often, it's when they're less depressed that they are more of a suicide risk.  Severely depressed people aren't even motivated enough to kill themselves.

Look, true depression is a disease, period.  Furthermore, it's very easily and safely treated.  If your friend has been having problems this long, then he's probably going to need more than just a prescription for Prozac from his family doc.  BUT, sometimes all it takes is just a bump in the right direction to get things started.  If he still has the motivation to want to change things, then maybe all he needs is a little help getting started.  How to go about it depends on his personality, which you and his family should know best.  Sometimes, all it takes is just getting the person to a doctor, any doctor, who can say "yes you have a problem and here's how we can fix it."  Unless you think he's psychotic and a risk to your family or something, what would it hurt to just try to get him to seek help?  If he doesn't accept help, then at least he's no worse off than before.

I don't know how close of friends you are or what type of person he is, but I know that I wouldn't let any of my friends go down that path without trying to intervene.  I've had to do it in the past, and I wouldn't hesitate to do it again.  I know that they'd do the same for me.
Link Posted: 4/22/2007 1:30:52 PM EDT
[#14]

Quoted:

Quoted:

Quoted:
Am I doing right by essentially turning my back on him?



#1 don't call yourself his friend, a friend would never turn their back to a friend

#2 yea, you should stop talking to him, and walk away; he doesn't need a "friend" like you


You're right, I probably shouldn't call him a friend anymore.  I think I was holding on for a little too long trying to help him set reasonable goals and accomplish things and get him back to the person he was when we were younger.  He hasn't returned my phone calls and text messages for a few months now anyway.  If previous years are a hint, he'll ignore everyone for about another 3-4 months.  

Sometimes love has its limits.    

 



Sometimes setting goals has its limits too.  He needs a doctor and preferably a psychiatrist.
Link Posted: 4/22/2007 1:36:05 PM EDT
[#15]
This happened to a friend of mine. He left behind his mother and a new wife when he killed himself last year (intentionally OD'd on prescription meds). I tried to help him as much as I could, but as they say...You can can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink.

If I were you, I would try to get him some help. You might be one of the few good people that he knows, one of the only positive things in his life.

If you go to a good church, drag him along with you. Church is for sinners.




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