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Posted: 9/10/2004 9:06:38 PM EST
Hey all!

Not very busy at work today! I am bored any one else at work bored?

Here is a joke for you!

Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend3.1 to GirlFriendPlus1.0 (marketing name: Fiancee1.0).
Recently he upgraded Fiancee1.0 to Wife1.0 and it`s a memory hogger, has taken all his space; and Wife1.0 must be running before he can do anything.
Although he didn`t ask for them, Wife1.0 came with Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw and BrotherInLaw.
Some features I`d like to see in the upcoming GirlFriend4.0.


--A "Don`t remind me again" button--
--Minimize button --
--Shutdown feature - An install shield feature so that Girlfriend4.0 can be completely uninstalled if so desired (so you don`t lose cache and other objects)--


I tried running Girlfriend 2.0 with Girlfriend 1.0 still installed, they tried using the same I/O port and conflicted. Then I tried to uninstall Girlfriend 1.0 but it didn`t have an uninstall program. I tried touninstall it by hand, but it put files in my system directory.
Another thing that sucks -- in all versions of Girlfriend that I`ve used is that it is totally "object oriented" and only supports hardware with gold plated contacts.


***** BUG WARNING ********
Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.
Link Posted: 9/10/2004 9:07:37 PM EST
John Kerry
Link Posted: 9/10/2004 9:08:39 PM EST
Check this web page out. Some good humor there.
Link Posted: 9/10/2004 9:34:31 PM EST
A three legged dog walks into a bar.

He tells the bartender, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
Link Posted: 9/10/2004 9:35:15 PM EST

Originally Posted By Max_Power:
A three legged dog walks into a bar.

He tells the bartender, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."




nasty
Link Posted: 9/10/2004 9:36:39 PM EST
how many animal rights people does it take to change a lightbulb?

none, they'll never change anything.
Link Posted: 9/10/2004 10:00:31 PM EST
Newly wed couple's on their honeymoon.

While getting undressed to hop into bed the husband takes off his pants and tosses them to his new bride. "Put these on" he says.

"I can't fit into your pants!" she says. "That's right, I wear the pants in this family, remember that" He says.

The new bride tosses her husband her panties and tells him to put them on. "I can't get into your panties" he says. "That's right, and that's exactly how it's gonna be until your attitude changes" she says.
Link Posted: 9/10/2004 10:02:34 PM EST
[Last Edit: 9/10/2004 10:03:13 PM EST by TheRedHorseman]
ok, you asked for it:

whats purple, hard, and makes women squeal?



crib death of course!

and I'm going to hell now........
Link Posted: 9/10/2004 10:08:20 PM EST

Originally Posted By TheRedHorseman:
ok, you asked for it:

whats purple, hard, and makes women squeal?



crib death of course!

and I'm going to hell now........



Yes, yes you are.
Link Posted: 9/10/2004 10:08:53 PM EST

Originally Posted By TheRedHorseman:
ok, you asked for it:

whats purple, hard, and makes women squeal?



crib death of course!

and I'm going to hell now........





Dude, that ain't funny.
Link Posted: 9/10/2004 10:09:15 PM EST
[Last Edit: 9/10/2004 10:09:41 PM EST by 2A373]

Originally Posted By TheRedHorseman:
ok, you asked for it:

whats purple, hard, and makes women squeal?



crib death of course!

and I'm going to hell now........



That's just wrong.
Link Posted: 9/10/2004 10:23:12 PM EST
It may be wrong, but i'm laughing my ass off!
Link Posted: 9/10/2004 10:27:26 PM EST
ok, here is the thing. i have the WORST joke i have EVER heard. but i cant post it. it would GAURANTEE a thread lock. if you wanna know #1 Please, IM me and #2 DO NOT JUDGE ME, it is HORRIBLE, you WILL be offended,

thanks and drive thru

S
Link Posted: 9/10/2004 10:33:29 PM EST
Link Posted: 9/10/2004 10:39:33 PM EST
[Last Edit: 9/10/2004 10:41:02 PM EST by Jeeper21]
This is probably old but:

How do you fit 4 fags on a barstool?

­

<­BR>



Turn it upside down.



Two Polish men went bear hunting and while they where driving down a winding country road they saw a sign that said "Bear left" -so they went home.
Link Posted: 9/10/2004 10:41:11 PM EST
What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?


Full.
Link Posted: 9/10/2004 10:43:18 PM EST

Originally Posted By The_Groovinator:
What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?


Full.




I don't get it.
Link Posted: 9/10/2004 10:46:31 PM EST
A pastor wanted to raise money for his church and on

being told that there was a fortune in horse racing,

decided to purchase one and enter it in the races.



However at the local auction, the going price for a

horse was so high that he ended up buying a donkey

instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as

well go ahead and enter it in the races.



To his surprise, the donkey came in third. The next

day the local paper carried this headline: PASTOR'S

ASS SHOWS.



The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he

entered it in the race again, and this time it won.

The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.



The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity

that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in

another race. The next day, the local paper headline

read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.



This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the

pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided

to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local

paper, hearing of the news, posted the following

headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.



The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would

have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a

farmer for ten dollars. The next day the paper read:

NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00. This was too much for the

bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey

and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.



The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS

IS WILD AND

FREE.



The bishop was buried the next day.
Link Posted: 9/10/2004 10:46:32 PM EST
[Last Edit: 9/10/2004 10:46:58 PM EST by Jeeper21]

Originally Posted By clean_cut:

Originally Posted By The_Groovinator:
What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?


Full.




I don't get it.





If its what I think it is, very SICK!

She is so full of man chowder its coming out of her nose? Am I right?
Link Posted: 9/10/2004 10:48:19 PM EST
Link Posted: 9/10/2004 10:48:32 PM EST
little boy walks into his parents bedroom one night and sees the covers going up and down. little boy says "daddy what are you doing with mommy?"
dad says "we are playing pinnochle."
"OK" says the son

following week the boy is staying at his grandparents house. he walks into their bedroom and sees the covers going up and down. boy asks "what are you and grandma doing?"
grandpa says "we are playing pinnochle."
"OK" says the boy

following week the parents walk into the boys bedroom and sees the cover going up and down. dad asks"what are you doing son?"
boy says "i'm playing pinnochle."
dad says "son, you need 2 people to play pinnochle."

boy says "not if you've got a good hand!"
Link Posted: 9/10/2004 10:54:37 PM EST
[Last Edit: 9/10/2004 10:55:03 PM EST by simoso]
A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on an interstate road for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind him.

"There aint no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100 110 and finally 120 with the lights still behind him. "What in hell am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his licence without a word and examined it and the car.

"Ive had a tough shift and this is my last pull over. I dont feel like more paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I havent heard before you can go!"

"Last week my wife ran off with a cop," the man said, "and I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"

"Have a nice night", said the officer.

joke from phatjoke.com
Link Posted: 9/10/2004 10:56:08 PM EST
[Last Edit: 9/10/2004 10:57:49 PM EST by smokycity]
How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
From a catalog.

What does Michael Jackson like about twenty eight year olds?
There's twenty of them.

What goes clip clop, clip clop, bang bang, clip clop clip clop?
An Amish drive by shooting.

If there were two Santa Clause's and one was Polish, how could you tell the difference?
The polish one would have the Easter basket.

The Embassador of a middle eastern country was watching Star Trek. He noticed that the show had Americans, Brits, Scots, Russians, Japanese, Africans and Aliens from outer space. One day he asks Secretary of State Powell about the show. He says, the show has all these people except for Arabs, why? Secretary Powell replies, "well, it is in the future."

Link Posted: 9/10/2004 10:56:32 PM EST
TOP TEN ANSWERS MEN WOULD MOST LIKE TO GIVE TO WOMENS STUPID QUESTIONS,BUT NEVER WILL......

10. No, we cant be friends, I just want to use you for sex.
9. The dress doesnt make you look fat, its all the fucking ice-cream and chocolate you eat that makes you look fat.
8. Youve got shit chance of me calling you.
7. No, I wont be gentle.
6. Of course you have to swallow.
5. Well yes actually, I do this all the time.
4. I hate your fucking friends.
3. I have every intention of using you, and no intention of speaking to you after tonight.
2. Id rather watch a stink movie.
1. Eat it? It took me 10 pints to get up the courage to fuck it.

joke from phatjoke.com
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