Confirm Action

Are you sure you wish to do this?

Confirm Cancel
Member Login
Site Notices
1/25/2018 7:38:29 AM
Posted: 4/12/2006 6:01:11 AM EST
"Loose women and booze are essential to a healthy, happy youth."

"Speed limits, like drunken pillow promises, are meant to be broken."

"Never mix liquor and ugly women."

"Complex machinery and beautiful women both appreciate frequent maintenance."

"Relatives are with you by chance; friends are with you by choice."

Link Posted: 4/12/2006 6:02:04 AM EST
Never run with a sharp stick
Link Posted: 4/12/2006 6:04:17 AM EST
If I had a personal philosophy, it would be:

"Because I can, that's why".

That pretty much explains me in a nutshell.
Link Posted: 4/12/2006 6:09:36 AM EST
"You can't outrun death forever, but you can make the bastard work for it"

"Life's pretty much like a knife fight in a dirt-floor bar: If they get you down, you best get back up"

"Absolute power corrupts absolutely. Which is a problem. If you are powerless"

Link Posted: 4/12/2006 6:11:09 AM EST
Link Posted: 4/12/2006 6:14:17 AM EST
[Last Edit: 4/12/2006 6:22:32 AM EST by Cypher214]
1. If at first you don't succeed: throw it across the room, curse loudly, kick something, pout... then pick it up and start over.

2. When tightening a screw into aluminum: when you think it's not quite tight enough, stop right there. That extra little bit will be what strips the threads. If the threads strip, see #1.

3. It's easy to take material away, but difficult or impossible to put it back. Measure 3 times, cut once.

4. Telling someone to not drop something is a sure fire way for the object to end up being dropped.

5. Women will always start bugging you in the middle of a project. They don't understand that when men are concentrating on something, we become complete assholes. They need to understand very early on that when you are working on something, they should stay the hell away.

6. Cheap tools aren't worth it.

7. Cheap electronics aren't worth it.

8. Cheap bolts/screws aren't worth it.

9. When dealing with firearms: hammers should be applied sparingly.

10. Never try to use a hammer and punch for a job that should be accomplished by a hydraulic press.
Link Posted: 4/12/2006 6:18:07 AM EST
It's a long walk home.
Link Posted: 4/12/2006 6:18:38 AM EST
As with a new city, so with your destiny, sometimes the best way to explore is to get lost.
Link Posted: 4/12/2006 6:20:15 AM EST
don't worry, the worst thing that can happen is we and our familys get slowly tortured and murdered
Link Posted: 4/12/2006 6:20:23 AM EST

Originally Posted By Cypher214:
If at first you don't succeed: throw it across the room, curse loudly, kick something, pout... then pick it up and start over.

It's funny because it's true. My old man does that all the time.
Link Posted: 4/12/2006 6:21:27 AM EST
Link Posted: 4/12/2006 6:22:43 AM EST
Cut loose of people who waste your precious time and energy with negative BS.

Live each day as if it were your last and never miss an opportunity to tell the important people in your life how much you love them.

Sometimes it's shit and all you can do is accept it and move on.

The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.

Choose your friends wisely.

If in doubt, stand back and observe.
Link Posted: 4/12/2006 6:22:49 AM EST
Plan your life like Jesus will not be back until after your dead, live your life like he is coming back today.
Link Posted: 4/12/2006 6:23:33 AM EST
Oh, and stupid hurts.
Link Posted: 4/12/2006 6:23:45 AM EST

Originally Posted By DragoMuseveni:

Originally Posted By Cypher214:
If at first you don't succeed: throw it across the room, curse loudly, kick something, pout... then pick it up and start over.

It's funny because it's true. My old man does that all the time.

I inherited the trait from my dad. Only problem is, I don't have a son to yell at when I mess up.
Link Posted: 4/12/2006 6:24:20 AM EST
Everyone is out to get you and the minute you drop your guard they will.

There should be more circumstances under which shooting someone is legal.

Link Posted: 4/12/2006 6:25:32 AM EST
Link Posted: 4/12/2006 6:25:52 AM EST
The only reason there are so many stupid people is because it's illegal to shoot them.
Link Posted: 4/12/2006 6:27:05 AM EST
As my sig says "No Good Deed Goes Unpunished"
Link Posted: 4/12/2006 6:28:31 AM EST
Plan for, and expect, the worst. They when it doesn't happen, you'll be pleasently surprised.
Link Posted: 4/12/2006 6:29:36 AM EST
"enough is as good as a feast"

"cash is king"

(not 'king' as in CHRIST, but when SHTF, credit cards don't work!!)

"Be Prepared"
from Boy Scouts

“Semper Vigilans”

Link Posted: 4/12/2006 6:35:57 AM EST
Turkey isn't ham, and rusty nails are bad news.
Link Posted: 4/12/2006 6:39:28 AM EST
"Always cheat up"
Link Posted: 4/12/2006 6:40:06 AM EST
You can't fix stupid.
Link Posted: 4/12/2006 6:46:24 AM EST
There ain't too many things that a man can't fix with seven hundred dollars or a thirty-ought six.

Take it easy. If it's easy, take it twice.

and seriously:


PS these aren't really philosophy; they're APHORISMS.
Link Posted: 4/12/2006 6:50:01 AM EST
No pain no gain.
Stupid should hurt
He's an asshole and Im not.
WWAD= What would Archimesdes do
Asking God to fix something is a waste your time, just fix it yourself.
Link Posted: 4/12/2006 6:50:27 AM EST
"What I Believe."

I believe in rainbows and puppy dogs and fairy tales.

And I believe in the family - Mom and Dad and Grandma.. and Uncle Tom, who waves his penis.

And I believe 8 of the 10 Commandments.

And I believe in going to church every Sunday, unless there's a game on.

And I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, wholesome and natural things.. that money can buy.

And I believe it's derogatory to refer to a woman's breasts as "boobs", "jugs", "winnebagos" or "golden bozos".. and that you should only refer to them as "hooters".

And I believe you should put a woman on a pedestal.. high enough so you can look up her dress.

And I believe in equality, equality for everyone.. no matter how stupid they are, or how much better I am than they are.

And, people say I'm crazy for believing this, but I believe that robots are stealing my luggage.

And I believe I made a mistake when I bought a 30-story 1-bedroom apartment.

And I believe the Survivor should be fought with guns.

And I believe that Hillary Clinton can make this country what it once was - an arctic region covered with ice.

And, lastly, I believe that of all the evils on this earth, there is nothing worse than the music you're listening to right now. That's what I believe.
Link Posted: 4/12/2006 6:52:55 AM EST
If you are what you eat, then I could be you by morning....Fuck morning, I could be you by later tonight!!!

If I ain't bleeding, you aren't doing it right.....

Link Posted: 4/12/2006 7:11:51 AM EST

"The lesser of three evils is still evil."

"A wise man once said, 'BLOAT, cache and take names'."

"Everyone's guns have already been banned, they're just taking their time rounding them up."

"We have much to learn from Mother Africa."

Link Posted: 4/12/2006 7:25:43 AM EST
Link Posted: 4/12/2006 7:36:46 AM EST

Originally Posted By The_Macallan:"We have much to learn from Mother Africa."

I love that one!

Here are some BlammO originals:
  • Never send a man to do a neutron's job.

  • Forget the box; think outside the company.

  • Not even the best life raft can float when there's 50,000 tons of ship sinking underneath it.


  • It's better to get a heads up than to have your head up.

  • Each day is better than the next.
  • I admit, this isn't a BlammO original

  • My son is just like me. And he must be punished for it.

And finally, my slogans from when I used to sell snacks & soft drinks to coworkers from a table just outside my office.
  • A satisfied customer is an opportunity lost.
  • I swear I didn't steal that one from Ammoman.

  • BlammO*Mart is your savings store where your dollar buys me more.

  • The squeaky wheel gets the shaft.
Top Top