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9/19/2017 7:27:10 PM
Posted: 5/3/2004 7:51:49 PM EDT
I was E-Mailed a .wav of this but can not find a link for y'all. I did find the text.

Can anyone host the file? I'll mail it to ya.

Damned funny and too true!

Police Department's Voice Mail

Hello, you have reached the Police Dept.'s Voice Mail. Pay close attention, as we have to update the choices often as new and usual circumstances arrive. Please select one of the following options:

To whine about us not doing anything to solve a problem that you created yourself, press 1.

To inquire as to whether someone has to die before we'll do something about a problem, press 2.

To report an officer for bad manners, when in reality the officer is trying to keep your neighborhood safe, press 3.

If you would like us to raise your children, press 4.

If you would like us to take control of your life due to your chemical dependency or alcohol, press 5.

If you would like us to instantly restore order to a situation that took years to deteriorate, press 6.

To provide a list of officers you personally know so we will not take enforcement action against you, press 7.

To sue us, or tell us you pay our salary and you'll have our badge, or to proclaim our career is over, press 8.

To whine about a ticket and/or complain about the many other uses for police rather than keeping your dumb ass in line, press 9.

Please note, your call may be monitored to assure proper customer support and remember.....we're here to save your ass, NOT kiss it!

Thanks for calling your local police dept. and have a nice day.
Link Posted: 5/3/2004 7:58:05 PM EDT
mlm
Link Posted: 5/3/2004 8:07:01 PM EDT
Funny but so true. Wonder how long it will take this thread to go downhill?

My guess is by the 10th post.
Link Posted: 5/3/2004 8:11:40 PM EDT

Originally Posted By MrClean4Hire:
mlm



I guess I am not up on all the geek speak so I have no Fing clue what that means...

G31 how could it go south??!!
Link Posted: 5/3/2004 8:29:37 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Glock31:
Funny but so true. Wonder how long it will take this thread to go downhill?

My guess is by the 10th post.



fucking coppers...am i the 10th caller? no? well, there's always tommorrow.
Link Posted: 5/3/2004 8:39:08 PM EDT
Press 0 to have your door kicked in

(someone had to do it!)
Link Posted: 5/3/2004 8:49:54 PM EDT
ive heard this, its hilarious...

take it as a joke people, dont flip out
Link Posted: 5/3/2004 9:03:38 PM EDT


Press 12 to have us fix that problem with the dog.

<­img src=/images/smilies/smiley_evilGrin.gif border=0 align=middle>
Link Posted: 5/4/2004 12:09:47 AM EDT
mlm is the middle finger
Link Posted: 5/4/2004 4:52:05 AM EDT

Originally Posted By MrClean4Hire:
mlm is the middle finger




Ahhh, well in that case, mlm mlm

You civilians have no sense of humor!
Link Posted: 5/4/2004 4:54:08 AM EDT
is right.
Link Posted: 5/4/2004 5:10:36 AM EDT
To report the sound of gunfire at a farm south of the Pease River, please press 1.
To report the sounds of fully automatic belt-fed crew served weaponry, please press 2.
To report cannonfire, please press 3.
To report an explosion, please press 4.
To report a propane or tannerite explosion, please press 5.
To report artillery fire, , please press 6.
To report an aircraft shootdown, please press 7.
To report a nuclear detonation, please press 8.
If you would like an face to face after action report from the Game Warden, please press 9.
On behalf of the citizens of Foard County, please do not sell beer and have a GREAT day!
Link Posted: 5/4/2004 5:21:06 AM EDT

Originally Posted By DoubleFeed:
To report the sound of gunfire at a farm south of the Pease River, please press 1.
To report the sounds of fully automatic belt-fed crew served weaponry, please press 2.
To report cannonfire, please press 3.
To report an explosion, please press 4.
To report a propane or tannerite explosion, please press 5.
To report artillery fire, , please press 6.
To report an aircraft shootdown, please press 7.
To report a nuclear detonation, please press 8.
If you would like an face to face after action report from the Game Warden, please press 9.
On behalf of the citizens of Foard County, please do not sell beer and have a GREAT day!



You forgot:
To report on screams from lost drunk adults in Texas, press 10

Jay
Link Posted: 5/4/2004 5:53:48 AM EDT
To report a burglary, press 3, leave a message, and we'll come out between 9 a.m. and next thursday to tell you there's been a rash of these burglaries lately and you'll never see your stuff again.
Link Posted: 5/4/2004 6:45:25 AM EDT
To report a MARPAT violation, press *
Link Posted: 5/4/2004 7:06:53 AM EDT

Originally Posted By tjmz:
To report a M----t violation, press *

Noted and put in your file.
Link Posted: 5/4/2004 7:16:42 AM EDT
Or if you need to arrest yourself:

www.eastpointpolice.org/SelfArrestForm.htm

Link Posted: 5/4/2004 7:20:42 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/4/2004 7:21:18 AM EDT by MrClean4Hire]
I am not a civilian by choice, I am too tall to be a police officer. They discriminate against us civies.
Link Posted: 5/4/2004 7:21:43 AM EDT
OLD
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