Warning

 

Close

Confirm Action

Are you sure you wish to do this?

Confirm Cancel
Member Login

Site Notices
1/22/2020 12:12:56 PM
Arrow Left Previous Page
Page / 2
Posted: 9/14/2009 7:44:51 AM EST
[Last Edit: 9/14/2009 7:46:44 AM EST by piccolo]
Our shopping carts hit,

"excuse me," she said.

"My fault," I replied. "Hey, you look really attractive and about half my age. Could you do me a favor this weekend?"My smirk and facial expression was one that looked very tongue in cheek. The woman would have to be totally stupid to mistake me for being serious.

'What's that?" she asked.

"Well, I've been off the gossip radar for a while now, and it's really disconcerting. You're half my age, and maybe we could go for a ride around my neighborhood in a sporty convertable and give the neighbors something to run their mouths about."

She gave me a thoughtful look and a big smile. "I DO have a pretty sexy outfit I could wear, but if you're looking at a serious bimbo to really get tongues wagging, I'll have to dig up a blond wig somewhere."

"I could afford that, and I'll even buy the makeup if you need it. I have no problem spending good money to make you look cheap."

"Actually, I'm married," she said. 'But I DO have a single sister that has a real flair for the drama. She'd be the one to take the job. Besides, she's a few years younger and that'd add to the gossip. She's also bustier than I am and can keep a straight face. I'd ruin it by laughing."

"Cool! Tell her to give ma a call," I said.

"Okay, want her to be seen walking into your place with you?"

"Yeah, sure. She can walk in the front door with me and I can schlep her out the back door and sneak her home."

"Sounds good." she answered.

About this time we both started laughing.


exit, smiling







Link Posted: 9/14/2009 7:47:07 AM EST
LOL..
Link Posted: 9/14/2009 7:48:01 AM EST


In before the CSB picture
Link Posted: 9/14/2009 7:48:26 AM EST
You Sir, ... are frickin awsome.
Link Posted: 9/14/2009 7:48:38 AM EST
Link Posted: 9/14/2009 7:48:40 AM EST
Link Posted: 9/14/2009 7:48:44 AM EST
The perfect crime...

You should be s serial killer.
Link Posted: 9/14/2009 7:48:51 AM EST
Originally Posted By metalsaber:


In before the CSB picture




You know it's coming....
Link Posted: 9/14/2009 7:50:30 AM EST
Link Posted: 9/14/2009 7:50:32 AM EST


Link Posted: 9/14/2009 7:50:42 AM EST
You know the rules.

Pictures or it didn't happen.
Link Posted: 9/14/2009 7:50:49 AM EST

Originally Posted By Fat_McNasty:
LOL..

I REALLY must have missed something...........Where's the funny part?
Link Posted: 9/14/2009 7:53:39 AM EST
in before the pics.
Link Posted: 9/14/2009 7:53:50 AM EST
I couldn't do the stuff you pull with a straight face. kudos to you. Keep posting these.
Link Posted: 9/14/2009 7:53:52 AM EST
Originally Posted By AJ-IN-JAX:

Originally Posted By Fat_McNasty:
LOL..

I REALLY must have missed something...........Where's the funny part?


Well it certainly wasn't your obama pancake pic.
Link Posted: 9/14/2009 7:54:49 AM EST
Too bad she's married. Sounds like she'd be into some wacky hi jinks of the type for which you're famous.
Link Posted: 9/14/2009 7:56:15 AM EST
[Last Edit: 9/14/2009 10:59:35 AM EST by AJ_Dual]
Originally Posted By AJ-IN-JAX:

Originally Posted By Fat_McNasty:
LOL..

I REALLY must have missed something...........Where's the funny part?


Having this conversation with a random woman in a mocking-serious manner in a supermarket. That's the funny part. Even better she gets it and plays along.

My dry sense of humor is probably too dry. I tend to make outrageous statments in a matter of fact way that has people who don't know me edging away and wondering if the group home I live in is looking for me or not.

My good impromptu humor bit was yesterday at my Nephew's birthday party. He got a voice disguising bullhorn as a gift. So I picked it up, and in it's distorted baritone I said "Cool, it's just like concealed identity interviews on 60 Minutes!... Well, I was really worried when Senator Kennedy ordered me to wear the wig and the dress and let him call me "Jackie", but I was new in D.C. and really needed the job... "
Link Posted: 9/14/2009 8:18:53 AM EST
Good lord you have a gift.
Link Posted: 9/14/2009 8:24:24 AM EST
Did you ask her if she's a size 14?
Link Posted: 9/14/2009 8:27:21 AM EST
Originally Posted By Hokie:
Did you ask her if she's a size 14?


He didn't have his arm sling, couch, and van with him.
Link Posted: 9/14/2009 8:28:29 AM EST
lol...
Link Posted: 9/14/2009 8:28:50 AM EST
Seeing Eye Bimbo? Seeing Eye Slut?


Link Posted: 9/14/2009 9:15:14 AM EST
brilliant!
Link Posted: 9/14/2009 9:55:21 AM EST
Link Posted: 9/14/2009 10:00:28 AM EST
So, did she call?
Link Posted: 9/14/2009 10:02:42 AM EST
Originally Posted By piccolo:
"My fault," I replied. "Hey, you look really attractive and about half my age.


That line works so much better when you're over 30.
Link Posted: 9/14/2009 10:03:29 AM EST
If I get to the point in my life where making a woman laugh is a postable event, please shoot me in the face.

Thanks.

Link Posted: 9/14/2009 10:06:08 AM EST
Originally Posted By BillofRights:
Seeing Eye Bimbo? Seeing Eye Slut?




beat me too it
Link Posted: 9/14/2009 10:23:08 AM EST
Originally Posted By THR-Thumper:
If I get to the point in my life age where making a woman laugh is a postable event, please shoot me in the face.

Thanks.







fixed it for ya, Sonny.




Link Posted: 9/14/2009 10:30:54 AM EST

Originally Posted By piccolo:
Originally Posted By THR-Thumper:
If I get to the point in my life age where making a woman laugh is a postable event, please shoot me in the face.

Thanks.


fixed it for ya, Sonny.


...sometimes it IS the best you can hope for, when the only alternatives either involve mace, or a complete indifference to your very existence...
Link Posted: 9/14/2009 10:34:04 AM EST
Originally Posted By GunnyG:

Originally Posted By piccolo:
Originally Posted By THR-Thumper:
If I get to the point in my life age where making a woman laugh is a postable event, please shoot me in the face.

Thanks.


fixed it for ya, Sonny.


...sometimes it IS the best you can hope for, when the only alternatives either involve mace, or a complete indifference to your very existence...





It keeps me from jumping.

Actually, I DID jump once.

That's the time I found out that you can't get hurt jumping from a basemant window.

Link Posted: 9/14/2009 10:35:32 AM EST
Originally Posted By piccolo:
Originally Posted By THR-Thumper:
If I get to the point in my life age where making a woman laugh is a postable event, please shoot me in the face.

Thanks.







fixed it for ya, Sonny.






Damn...how old are you, brother?

Link Posted: 9/14/2009 10:36:45 AM EST
Originally Posted By THR-Thumper:
If I get to the point in my life where making a woman laugh is a postable event, please shoot me in the face.

Thanks.



some people are assholes
Link Posted: 9/14/2009 10:37:17 AM EST
BULL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Link Posted: 9/14/2009 10:47:03 AM EST

Originally Posted By piccolo:

It keeps me from jumping.

Actually, I DID jump once.

That's the time I found out that you can't get hurt jumping from a basemant window.



Hey now!! There is a bright side!!

You can paint the house haze gray, with exposed water pipes running from room to room, alongside the conduit for the 1MC, hang one of these on the "bulkhead" of each "compartment" throughout the structure ...

... and that one woman, the one who doesn't run in fear, understands more about who you really are than any predecessor ever took time to learn.


Link Posted: 9/14/2009 10:50:04 AM EST
Thanks, I needed that laugh today
Link Posted: 9/14/2009 10:50:44 AM EST
Originally Posted By GunnyG:

Originally Posted By piccolo:

It keeps me from jumping.

Actually, I DID jump once.

That's the time I found out that you can't get hurt jumping from a basemant window.



Hey now!! There is a bright side!!

You can paint the house haze gray, with exposed water pipes running from room to room, alongside the conduit for the 1MC, hang one of these on the "bulkhead" of each "compartment" throughout the structure ...
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2607/3730255619_332ba8f6e1.jpg
... and that one woman, the one who doesn't run in fear, understands more about who you really are than any predecessor ever took time to learn.

http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:7PG2NUbqh_qa1M:http://www.geocities.com/~shovalfilm/images/popeye-yam-spin.gif







NOW I understand why the Marine Corps promoted you to Gunnery Sergeant!

Link Posted: 9/14/2009 10:57:50 AM EST
Originally Posted By Renegade13B:
Originally Posted By THR-Thumper:
If I get to the point in my life where making a woman laugh is a postable event, please shoot me in the face.

Thanks.



some people are assholes


Nah, I'm an absolute sweetheart.

Since it offended the cannon cocker's sensibilities, I'll apologize, piccolo. If it tickles your tamale, go on with your bad self.

Link Posted: 9/14/2009 11:01:42 AM EST
Pure win.
Link Posted: 9/14/2009 11:08:26 AM EST

Originally Posted By pdg45acp:
You know the rules.

Pictures or it didn't happen.



Link Posted: 9/14/2009 11:18:51 AM EST
Originally Posted By piccolo:
.......
exit, smiling
Life is pretty good, sometimes!

Thanks for posting.
Link Posted: 9/14/2009 12:46:18 PM EST
I LOL'd.


Link Posted: 9/15/2009 9:49:38 AM EST
Nicely done. We need an AAR.
Link Posted: 9/15/2009 10:05:01 AM EST
Am I the only one who is going to call bullshit on this "story"

99% of random chicks in the grocery store would probably call the manager over and have you excorted from the store for pure wierdness.

Also, the dialogue is too good to be real.

You are making this up to impress a bunch of dudes on the internet. Weak!!
Link Posted: 9/18/2009 12:07:44 PM EST
Originally Posted By stangleonthedangle:
Am I the only one who is going to call bullshit on this "story"

99% of random chicks in the grocery store would probably call the manager over and have you excorted from the store for pure wierdness.

Also, the dialogue is too good to be real.

You are making this up to impress a bunch of dudes on the internet. Weak!!


Obviously you have never hung out with the man. I have and have seen him pull some of the craziest stuff. For instance.... last time we went out, we had to go to Home Depot. Yes, two dudes in a Miata, but that's besides the point..... Anways, a car pulls up next to us with 4 ladies in it, the driver being in her 40s and the other 3 in their late teens early 20s. The driver then hollers over, "Nice car." and then speaking to me "Want to trade, you can go with these three young girls and I'll go with your friend" Piccolo responds with "He's engaged. (Which I am)" some more witty banter, at which point he looks at the driver of this car and says "The three most overrated things in this world are: Coccaine, Porsches, and teenage pussy." So yes this stuff does happen and it happens often. Piccolo says things that most people just think.
Link Posted: 9/18/2009 1:20:52 PM EST
Originally Posted By airwing_jarhead:
"The three most overrated things in this world are: Coccaine, Porsches, and teenage pussy." .




No one has ever been more wrong about something in the history of the world.
Link Posted: 9/18/2009 1:26:58 PM EST
I like it.

Link Posted: 9/18/2009 1:32:15 PM EST
Originally Posted By stangleonthedangle:
Am I the only one who is going to call bullshit on this "story"

99% of random chicks in the grocery store would probably call the manager over and have you excorted from the store for pure wierdness.

Also, the dialogue is too good to be real.

You are making this up to impress a bunch of dudes on the internet. Weak!!


Might want to do a little research on some of Piccolo's priors before you get too high-handed about it.

AFAIC, the Pic is brilliant, whether it's true or apocryphal.
Link Posted: 9/18/2009 1:32:44 PM EST
Originally Posted By MrMojoRising:
Originally Posted By airwing_jarhead:
"The three most overrated things in this world are: Coccaine, Porsches, and teenage pussy." .




No one has ever been more wrong about something in the history of the world.


I would love all three at the same time. Obviously he's never had any of them.
Link Posted: 9/18/2009 1:33:22 PM EST
Originally Posted By MrMojoRising:
Originally Posted By airwing_jarhead:
"The three most overrated things in this world are: Coccaine, Porsches, and teenage pussy." .




No one has ever been more wrong about something in the history of the world.


uh, with the exception of cocaine, which i haven't tried, the dude's pretty spot on.

Porsche's are quick, but upkeep's a bitch, not to mention if you wanna go fast, just buy a sportbike!

Mid/late 20's girls are way better than teenage, they've got way more tricks, and are easier!
Link Posted: 9/18/2009 1:34:01 PM EST
With my luck, saying something like that would end up with me meeting a very nice police officer.
Arrow Left Previous Page
Page / 2
Top Top