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Posted: 10/1/2007 8:12:34 PM EST

from:datelinehollywood.com



PAMELA ANDERSON, RICK SOLOMON BLOOD TESTS REVEAL BOTH HAVE EVERY KNOWN STD

Las Vegas
– In a surprise decision, Nevada state health officials approved the marriage license application of Pamela Anderson and Rick Solomon on Monday after blood tests revealed that both are infected with every sexually transmitted disease known to man.

“Usually we wouldn’t let somebody with gonorrhea, hepatitis C, HIV, genital warts, and 39 other STDs get married, but in this case, there’s no harm if they infect each other,” concluded deputy health commissioner Nathan Schiffrin.

Anderson, the former “Baywatch” star who was previously married to Tommy Lee and, for three months, Kid Rock, could be wed as early as today to Salomon, who co-starred in a sex tape with Paris Hilton and was formerly wed to Shannon Doherty.

The couple had hoped to get married late last week in Vegas, but were delayed when they had to present blood tests to state health officials in order to get a license.

“It’s a pretty simple process in most cases,” explained Schiffrin. “Usually we find nothing and tell them they’re free to go. When we occasionally do find an STD they didn’t know about, we just need a note from a doctor that they are receiving treatment and the signature of both parties that they are aware of the risks.”

Anderson and Salomon’s blood tests, however, were the most complex the state of Nevada has ever undertaken. It took 11 staffers working for four days to conclude that the bride and groom are both infected with all 43 known STDs.

“Of course we assumed at first that the tests were malfunctioning, but eventually we realized that wasn’t possible and we ended up bringing in a specialist from the Centers for Disease Control to confirm our findings,” Schiffrin added.

According to CDC records, Anderson and Salomon will bring together the most STDs ever combined in a legal marriage since records started being kept in 1922.

We’re both so thrilled to have found a spouse who won’t judge us for our potential to infect them with dozens of disgusting illnesses,”
Anderson and Salomon said in a joint statement.

Not everyone is pleased with the outcome, however.

“Because confidentiality rules prevent us from knowing whose blood we’re testing, we wasted days figuring out if it’s possible for two people to have so many STDs,” noted Schiffrin. “If we had just known it was Pam Anderson and Rick Salomon, we would have looked at the results and immediately said, ‘Well, duh!’”
Link Posted: 10/1/2007 8:13:42 PM EST
Link Posted: 10/1/2007 8:15:17 PM EST
Its Satire
Link Posted: 10/1/2007 8:15:20 PM EST
[Last Edit: 10/1/2007 8:15:49 PM EST by F22_RaptoR]
This is my surprised face:

This is my LMAO face:


ETA

is this some kind of record or something?
Link Posted: 10/1/2007 8:15:46 PM EST
That has to be a joke
but if not
Link Posted: 10/1/2007 8:16:43 PM EST
[Last Edit: 10/1/2007 8:25:22 PM EST by warlord]


Well, Pammy does in fact in real life have Hep C. She will eventually die from cirrhosis of the liver. She got it from Tommy Lee, when she shared a tatoo needle with him. Hep C virus attacks the liver and there is no known cure for Hep C.
Link Posted: 10/1/2007 8:17:08 PM EST
That may be true, but where as you would get some pretty nasty stuff from Ms. Anderson you would most likely enjoy doing it.
Link Posted: 10/1/2007 8:17:29 PM EST
Clearly a joke.
Link Posted: 10/1/2007 8:18:00 PM EST
Sounds like those two were meant for each other. Isn't luv grand?
Link Posted: 10/1/2007 8:18:03 PM EST

Originally Posted By Jrock82:
That may be true, but where as you would get some pretty nasty stuff from Ms. Anderson you would most likely enjoy doing it.


Enjoy throwing a hot dog down a hallway? Not I, sir. Not I.
Link Posted: 10/1/2007 8:18:15 PM EST
There's a credible source. If it was true, this would be the biggest HIPAA violation ever.

Funny though.
Link Posted: 10/1/2007 8:21:06 PM EST

Originally Posted By Hostile1:

Originally Posted By Jrock82:
That may be true, but where as you would get some pretty nasty stuff from Ms. Anderson you would most likely enjoy doing it.


Enjoy throwing a hot dog down a hallway? Not I, sir. Not I.


You have to take in to account the architectual design of that hallway though.
Link Posted: 10/1/2007 8:21:10 PM EST
Because confidentiality rules prevent us from knowing whose blood we’re testing, we wasted days figuring out if it’s possible for two people to have so many STDs,” noted Schiffrin. “If we had just known it was Pam Anderson and Rick Salomon, we would have looked at the results and immediately said, ‘Well, duh!’”

That is why I find it hard to believe
Link Posted: 10/1/2007 8:22:21 PM EST
Jesus Christ...
Link Posted: 10/1/2007 8:22:39 PM EST

Originally Posted By Jrock82:

Originally Posted By Hostile1:

Originally Posted By Jrock82:
That may be true, but where as you would get some pretty nasty stuff from Ms. Anderson you would most likely enjoy doing it.


Enjoy throwing a hot dog down a hallway? Not I, sir. Not I.


You have to take in to account the architectual design of that hallway though.


Touche.
Link Posted: 10/1/2007 8:39:33 PM EST
I would have thought The Onion would have had this scoop first.
Link Posted: 10/1/2007 8:46:53 PM EST
Too bad I know for a fact that NV doesn't require a blood test....

I got married in Vegas.

Nice try onion.
Link Posted: 10/1/2007 8:53:23 PM EST

Originally Posted By Daytona955i:
There's a credible source. If it was true, this would be the biggest HIPAA violation ever.

Funny though.


Agreed, though I have a hard time discounting it all the same. Fame has it's price.
Link Posted: 10/1/2007 8:55:56 PM EST
I would still fuck her.
Link Posted: 10/1/2007 9:00:21 PM EST
HIV is a standard STD.

NObody releases that information, especially about rich, powerful people, EVER.

Good for a laugh, perhaps not all that far from reality, but obviously not a real press release.
Link Posted: 10/1/2007 9:16:54 PM EST
7 of my 117 STDs have previously only been found in sharks
Link Posted: 10/8/2007 10:56:01 AM EST
www.eonline.com/news/article/index.jsp?uuid=ca456927-e917-4d82-9ba0-4f4678d187a8&entry=index&sid=rss_topstories&utm_source=eonline&utm_medium=rssfeeds&utm_campaign=rss_topstories



Two stars of the sex-tape world have collided in holy matrimony.

Pamela Anderson said her I do's for the third time Saturday in Las Vegas, tying the knot with Rick Salomon, whom she has called a "friend for 15 years."

"Rick and I are truly grateful," Anderson wrote on her blog.

Salomon is best known as Paris Hilton's ex and costar in the mattress romp One Night in Paris. Anderson, of course, had her own sex-tape hurrah when X-rated footage of her 1995 honeymoon with first husband Tommy Lee went public.

The twosome swapped vows in a quickie ceremony at the Mirage Hotel & Casino in between Anderson's two magic shows at Planet Hollywood.

About 60 friends and family members looked on, including her sons with Lee, Brandon, 11, and Dylan, 9, as well as Tobey Maguire, Kevin Dillon and magician Hans Klok, with whom Anderson has been working as an assistant.

Anderson, 40, reportedly donned a white denim Valentino minidress for the occasion, while Salomon, 38, wore a black tuxedo paired with a black beanie.

The couple made their intentions known last month, when they applied for and obtained a license from the Clark County Marriage License Bureau.

Anderson had previously intimated there was a new man in her life in an interview with Ellen DeGeneres, saying, "I paid off a poker debt with sexual favors, and I fell in love. It's so romantic. It's romance."

Aside from her three-year marriage to Lee, which ended in 1998, the former Baywatch babe was briefly wed to Kid Rock last year for all of four months. Both parties filed for divorce in November, and a judge signed off on the split in March.

Salomon was previously wed to voice actress Elizabeth Daily from 1995 to 2000. In 2002, he tied the knot with Shannen Doherty, but the union was later annulled.


Here's hoping the newlyweds have learned their lesson about cameras in the bedroom (YEA, BETTER LIGHTING AND TRY TO HOLD THE CAMERA STEADY!).

Link Posted: 10/8/2007 10:56:59 AM EST

Originally Posted By justinwb:
I would still fuck her.


Me too, but we will use your dick! I will just watch the video
Link Posted: 10/8/2007 11:02:03 AM EST
And this news is a suprise because....?
Link Posted: 10/8/2007 11:03:25 AM EST


She's gonna get scarier lookin as time goes by...

Link Posted: 10/8/2007 11:21:51 AM EST

Originally Posted By warlord:


Well, Pammy does in fact in real life have Hep C. She will eventually die from cirrhosis of the liver. She got it from Tommy Lee, when she shared a tatoo needle with him. Hep C virus attacks the liver and there is no known cure for Hep C.


i test for these things..and i'm pretty sure IF, she got hepC from Tommy- that she could have gotten it the old fashioned way and its not from a tattoo needle.

her list is strong with possibilities.
Link Posted: 10/8/2007 11:29:45 AM EST
When's the next "home"video due out?


RG
Link Posted: 10/8/2007 11:31:51 AM EST

Originally Posted By Merrell:
msnbcmedia3.msn.com/j/ap/be32b19d-9bd0-4c8a-8121-ebdd30c373ba.widec.jpg

She's gonna get scarier lookin as time goes by...



damn she definitely was riddin' hard and put away wet
Link Posted: 10/8/2007 6:54:03 PM EST
Who gives a shit about their STD's? When can we expect another sex tape?
Link Posted: 10/8/2007 6:58:13 PM EST

Originally Posted By innocent_bystander:
SALOMON ANNULS MARRIAGE AFTER DISCOVERING PAMELA ANDERSON NOT A VIRGIN

Just a day after he was married to Pamela Anderson, Rick Salomon has filed for an annulment with the Las Vegas County Clerk. “Pamela promised me she was a virgin and I was horrified to discover on our wedding night that she was more stretched out than James Gandolfini’s waistline,” Salomon explained.

Under Nevada state law, marriages can be annulled in the first week if one of the parties can prove that the other defrauded them. Lying about virginity is technically still allowed, though officials say it is rarely cited anymore.

“I know it sounds hokey, but it’s really important to me to marry a woman who’s totally pure and saved herself for marriage and Pam promised me that she had,” an emotional Salomon said at a brief press conference.

“Now she claims that was being sarcastic, but I totally believed her. It’s so hurtful to be betrayed like this by the woman I thought I would spend the rest of my life with.”

Anderson says she was couldn’t believe Salomon was serious when he acted hurt on their wedding night.

“I thought it was weird, but sweet that he wanted to wait until our wedding night, but then when he finally went inside me, he started going ‘Why can I barely feel anything? Where’s your hymen?’” she recalled. “Of course I started laughing, but he didn’t laugh back. He started crying like a little bitch.”

Las Vegas officials said the Anderson-Salomon annulment was one of the fastest they have ever issued.

“He came in and said he thought Pamela Anderson was a virgin and I was like, ‘Annulment approved!’” said deputy county clerk Anna Sugden. “It would have been my first ever in under a minute if I hadn’t laughed for so long.”

At the end of the press conference, Salomon said he expected it would take a long time to get over his failed marriage, but that he intends to persevere.

“I guess I’m a sucker when it comes to women, because I’ve been betrayed about the virginity thing by Shannon Doherty and Paris Hilton and now Pamela Anderson,” he said through tears. “It hurts, but I’m sure I’ll try again. I’m too much of a romantic to give up on love.”



A virgin....a fucking virgin????

What a retard. This all has to be a joke. If she did indeed have all 43 std's known to man then how the fuck did he come up w/ her being a virgin....amongst every other fucking detail about pamela anderson's past life....


Idiots...both of them.
Link Posted: 10/8/2007 7:00:06 PM EST
Cat fud....
Link Posted: 10/8/2007 7:05:55 PM EST
[Last Edit: 10/8/2007 7:06:42 PM EST by Sigurd]

Originally Posted By fivepointoh:
A virgin....a fucking virgin????

What a retard. This all has to be a joke. If she did indeed have all 43 std's known to man then how the fuck did he come up w/ her being a virgin....amongst every other fucking detail about pamela anderson's past life....

Idiots...both of them.



There's an idiot here, but it's not Pam or Rick...it's you.



Do you believe this too?


ZAC EFRON RUMORED TO BE DATING MASTER CHIEF


Hollywood – Rumors have been circulating that “High School Musical” star Zac Efron is dating Master Chief after the two showed up together for the video game launch of “Halo 3″ at Universal City last week. “This relationship has been going on for several months and they finally decided to go public,” said an insider.

Efron recently ended his media-created relationship with Vanessa Hudgens and has reportedly been spending a lot of time with Master Chief Petty Officer John-117, star of the “Halo” trilogy.

“As many people know, Master Chief is a private individual who has never been seen without his armor and helmet,” said the insider. “We’ve all heard the rumors that he’s gay, but it was still quite a shock to see him out with Zac at such a public event. I never would have guessed he liked his guys so young.”

PerezHilton.com and TMZ.com recently posted a photo of Efron and Master Chief in Malibu, but neither have said anything about what sort of relationship they have.

“This is the ultimate Hollywood power couple,” said Us Weekly writer Alex Clayton. “Zac is huge with teenage girls, while teenage boys all worship Master Chief.”

The revelation solves the long-running mystery in the video game community of why Master Chief has been wearing a “commitment ring” for the past several months.

“We had all been thinking he was seeing Samus from the ‘Metroid’ games, or maybe Link from ‘The Legend of Zelda’ if the gay rumors were actually true,” said Dan “Shoe” Hsu, editor-in-chief of gamer magazine Electronic Gaming Monthly.

Not everyone is surprised, though, particularly those who have fought Master Chief in battle.

“He’s a great warrior, but frankly, I started to get suspicious when he kept wanting to ‘cover my rear’ during our recent battle to prevent the covenant from setting off the Halo rings and destroying the universe,” said the Arbiter, an alien who fought alongside Master Chief in “Halo 3.”

Added Cortana, a female artificial intelligence who was once implanted in Master Chief’s helmet: “I’ve been saying that Master Chief is a huge f*g for years, but no one believed me.”

Cortana, who was not invited to the “Halo 3″ premiere event, ended up crashing the party.

“I’m pretty sure I heard Master Chief tell Zac he’d like to get his hands on his Covenant-held Forerunner structure,” she said. “We all know what that means.”

In a late development, there is a photo of Master Chief now circulating on the internet that shows him wearing only his helmet and nothing else. Insiders say Master Chief recently took the nude photo to send to Efron.

Us Weekly writer Alex Clayton says, “I’ve seen this photo of Master Chief, and he’s very much a man. Talk about your planet Reach. Wow. This guy can cover some distance.”

datelinehollywood.com/archives/2007/10/01/zac-efron-rumored-to-be-dating-master-chief/
Link Posted: 10/9/2007 5:00:25 AM EST

Originally Posted By Sigurd:

Originally Posted By fivepointoh:
A virgin....a fucking virgin????

What a retard. This all has to be a joke. If she did indeed have all 43 std's known to man then how the fuck did he come up w/ her being a virgin....amongst every other fucking detail about pamela anderson's past life....

Idiots...both of them.



There's an idiot here, but it's not Pam or Rick...it's you.



Do you believe this too?




Let me highlight that part in red so you don't have to call me an idiot again....
Link Posted: 10/9/2007 5:05:54 AM EST
Link Posted: 10/9/2007 5:13:28 AM EST
Would boiling for say twenty min. help?
Link Posted: 10/9/2007 5:14:59 AM EST
Would boiling for say twenty min. provide any protection?
Link Posted: 10/9/2007 5:15:39 AM EST
Thats funny stuff and I wouldnt be surprised, but that article is Soooooooo fake.
Link Posted: 10/9/2007 5:26:31 AM EST

Originally Posted By fivepointoh:

Originally Posted By Sigurd:

Originally Posted By fivepointoh:
A virgin....a fucking virgin????

What a retard. This all has to be a joke. If she did indeed have all 43 std's known to man then how the fuck did he come up w/ her being a virgin....amongst every other fucking detail about pamela anderson's past life....

Idiots...both of them.



There's an idiot here, but it's not Pam or Rick...it's you.



Do you believe this too?




Let me highlight that part in red so you don't have to call me an idiot again....


No from the context of your post, I'm pretty sure you got owned.
Link Posted: 10/9/2007 6:33:13 AM EST
you guys crack me up.
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