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Posted: 3/23/2009 8:39:10 PM EDT
I attended a local renaissance festival yesterday. I figured that with all the mead fueled ruffians running about with swords, maces and daggers, it would be a good idea to protect myself. I had my Desert Eagle holstered in plain sight on my right hip. Unfortunately, the weight of it it kept pulling my tights down, so I decided to ditch the holster and just stick the barrel down into my cod piece. Later on, I'm just standing around the food tents minding my own business and enjoying a turkey leg and a tankard of Dr. Pepper, when this fat guy in a Charlotte Hornets jacket and a chain mail helmet comes up to me and and identifies himself as the "king's constable". He then asks me "what manner of arms I have about my person" and "what is my business in the king's realm?". I told him I was just waiting for the 2:15 joust to start and could he please point me in the right direction. He then starts going on about dangerous weapons being prohibited "on ye olde faire grounds". The last thing I wanted was to have this turd try to confiscate my weapon, so I just turned my back and started walking toward the crowd that formed around two juggling midgets riding a goat. The "constable" follows me yelling his head off, until I finally lost him by ducking into a Porta-Potty. After about five minutes I figured the coast was clear and I emerged from the stinking can only to find that I had somebody else's wet shit smeared across the back of my leggings. After quickly making my way to the parking lot, I kicked the bottom half my costume under a Mini Cooper parked next to me and drove home in my underwear. As if all this weren't bad enough, I woke up this morning with a fever and reddish yellow pustules all over my body. I think I might have contracted the black plague.
Link Posted: 3/23/2009 8:40:39 PM EDT
LMFAO in on one!
Link Posted: 3/23/2009 8:41:59 PM EDT
DISENGAGE....DISENGAGE....DISENGAGE !!!!!
Link Posted: 3/23/2009 8:42:56 PM EDT
6/10. Not enough ye olde cussing and no pics of the ren fair babes.
Link Posted: 3/23/2009 8:43:13 PM EDT
OK.
Link Posted: 3/23/2009 8:43:17 PM EDT
shit smeared leggings huh lol
Link Posted: 3/23/2009 8:44:22 PM EDT
OMG TMI ye bastard.
Link Posted: 3/23/2009 8:44:24 PM EDT
lol

This will get good.
Link Posted: 3/23/2009 8:45:13 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Grug:
shit smeared leggings huh lol


LOL would love to see them try and peace tie a pistol.
Link Posted: 3/23/2009 8:45:24 PM EDT
I'm gonna go ahead and tag this with a few of these .
Link Posted: 3/23/2009 8:45:44 PM EDT
ehhhh.... wtf.
Link Posted: 3/23/2009 8:46:16 PM EDT
Dibs on guns, er swords?
Link Posted: 3/23/2009 8:46:44 PM EDT
In. Large handguns and tights don't mix!
Link Posted: 3/23/2009 8:47:00 PM EDT
You wore tights?
Link Posted: 3/23/2009 8:47:05 PM EDT
pics of two juggling midgets riding a goat or BS









Link Posted: 3/23/2009 8:48:07 PM EDT
I certainly give this one points for originality.
Link Posted: 3/23/2009 8:48:42 PM EDT
Originally Posted By jcarrel:
ehhhh.... wtf.


+1

WTF!
Link Posted: 3/23/2009 8:50:05 PM EDT
Thanks for the laughs. GD has been a little dull lately.
Link Posted: 3/23/2009 8:52:40 PM EDT
My wife and i both were

btw, she's actually a cast member in the Ren Fair
Link Posted: 3/23/2009 8:52:43 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/23/2009 8:53:01 PM EDT by tommyrich]
oops. double
Link Posted: 3/23/2009 8:54:25 PM EDT
That was funny
Link Posted: 3/23/2009 8:56:04 PM EDT
you must be hung like a mandingo brother if you can fit a Deagle in your codpiece


Link Posted: 3/23/2009 8:57:30 PM EDT
A lot of potential - but nothing seemingly catch-phrase worthy.

These kinds of posts need catch phrases.
Link Posted: 3/23/2009 8:59:08 PM EDT
Link Posted: 3/23/2009 8:59:21 PM EDT
LMAO
Link Posted: 3/23/2009 9:01:34 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Coleslaw64:
I attended a local renaissance festival yesterday.Fail I figured that with all the mead fueled ruffians running about with swords, maces and daggers, it would be a good idea to protect myself. I had my Desert EagleFail holstered in plain sight on my right hip. Unfortunately, the weight of it it kept pulling my tights down, so I decided to ditch the holster and just stick the barrel down into my cod piece.Fail Later on, I'm just standing around the food tents minding my own business and enjoying a turkey leg and a tankard of Dr. Pepper, when this fat guy in a Charlotte Hornets jacket and a chain mail helmet comes up to me and and identifies himself as the "king's constable". He then asks me "what manner of arms I have about my person" and "what is my business in the king's realm?". I told him I was just waiting for the 2:15 joust to start and could he please point me in the right direction. He then starts going on about dangerous weapons being prohibited "on ye olde faire grounds". The last thing I wanted was to have this turd try to confiscate my weapon, so I just turned my back and started walking toward the crowd that formed around two juggling midgets riding a goatuh...Fail. The "constable" follows me yelling his head off, until I finally lost him by ducking into a Porta-Potty. FailAfter about five minutes I figured the coast was clear and I emerged from the stinking can only to find that I had somebody else's wet shit smeared across the back of my leggingsFail. After quickly making my way to the parking lot, I kicked the bottom half my costume under a Mini Cooper Failparked next to me and drove home in my underwearFail. As if all this weren't bad enough, I woke up this morning with a fever and reddish yellow pustules all over my bodyFail. I think I might have contracted the black plagueFail.


Link Posted: 3/23/2009 9:05:27 PM EDT
EDC a Desert Eagle, Metal.
Link Posted: 3/23/2009 9:05:41 PM EDT
dupe
























I mean you should have bladed that crap at 45 degrees, and gone back to the festival

you ain't a king if'n ya got shit all over ya
Link Posted: 3/23/2009 9:09:51 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Bohr_Adam:
A lot of potential - but nothing seemingly catch-phrase worthy.

These kinds of posts need catch phrases.


"So I had my Degale in my cod piece when........ I heard a suspicious sound...
Link Posted: 3/23/2009 9:09:55 PM EDT
Originally Posted By 3rdpig:
6/10. Not enough ye olde cussing and no pics of the ren fair babes.



Aye, ren faire babes.
Link Posted: 3/23/2009 9:13:12 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/23/2009 9:15:01 PM EDT by asknight]
Ye left out one part...

After evacuating teh shitteh in ye shitty tights ye asked the juggling midget "CAN YE SMELL IT?" and he puked on ye crotch... THEN ye shucked them under the Mini and rode home in ye drawers.
Link Posted: 3/23/2009 9:25:23 PM EDT
So this is one time when blading at a 45-degree angle isn't a good thing?

If you are participating as an archer or knight, you have your personal defense in hand :)
Link Posted: 3/23/2009 9:27:23 PM EDT
YOU WILL NOT TOUCH MY CODPIECE!!!11!!!
Link Posted: 3/23/2009 9:27:53 PM EDT
Dibs of guns, ammo, and optics
Link Posted: 3/23/2009 9:30:57 PM EDT
Originally Posted By puskrat:
Originally Posted By 3rdpig:
6/10. Not enough ye olde cussing and no pics of the ren fair babes.



Aye, ren faire babes.


Verily. Posteth pics of yon fair maidens, lest I call bovine excrement.

Link Posted: 3/23/2009 9:37:26 PM EDT
too freakin funny
Link Posted: 3/23/2009 9:37:31 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/23/2009 9:39:42 PM EDT by FrankSymptoms]
and just stick the barrel down into my cod piece.



YOU WILL NOT TOUCH MY COD PIECE!
YOU WILL NOT TOUCH MY COD PIECE!


Hell, Scott_In_OKC beat me to it.

I mean you should have bladed that crap at 45 degrees, and gone back to the festival


He actually bladed at 180 degrees, THEN returned to the Fair!
Link Posted: 3/23/2009 9:38:30 PM EDT
I really don't even know what to say.
Link Posted: 3/23/2009 9:42:55 PM EDT
...WHAT?
Link Posted: 3/23/2009 9:59:41 PM EDT
Link Posted: 3/23/2009 10:10:02 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Scott_In_OKC:
YOU WILL NOT TOUCH MY CODPIECE!!!11!!!


Good advice, if you're at the Ren Faire.
Link Posted: 3/23/2009 10:15:38 PM EDT
Little John: Don't you worry, never fear. Robin Hood will soon be here.

[Blows fanfare on bugle and stands at attention]

Bugs Bunny: Yeah, Mr. Wise Guy. Now you're gonna get it. Robin Hood'll fix you, brother.

[after a long pause, Little John looks to the distance, shrugs his shoulders and leaves]

Bugs Bunny: Eh, where was we?

Little John: Don't you worry, never fear, Ro...

Bugs Bunny: Yeah, I know, Robin Hood will soon be here. He robs from the rich and he gives to the poor. Yoho, he goes skipping, tra-la, through Sherwood Forest, helping the needy and the oppressed. Ah, you've been saying that throughout the whole picture! Well, where is he?

Little John: Aw, you should not talk mean like that, because there he is.

Robin Hood: [Appears in live-action] Welcome to Sherwood.

Bugs Bunny: [pause] Naw, that's silly. It couldn't be him. "
Link Posted: 3/23/2009 10:18:26 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Coleslaw64:
I'm just standing around the food tents minding my own business and enjoying a turkey leg and a tankard of Dr. Pepper, when this fat guy in a Charlotte Hornets jacket and a chain mail helmet comes up to me and and identifies himself as the "king's constable". He then asks me "what manner of arms I have about my person" and "what is my business in the king's realm?".


"King's Constable"

Sounds more like a royal dipshit to me.
Link Posted: 3/23/2009 10:19:59 PM EDT
In.
Link Posted: 3/23/2009 10:20:24 PM EDT
So was it against some rule to carry there? Or was the guy just being an ass? You guys have open carry, right?

Link Posted: 3/23/2009 10:20:58 PM EDT
Could Ye smell it?
Link Posted: 3/23/2009 10:21:15 PM EDT
Interesting....very interesting. So these tights you were wearing....


Link Posted: 3/23/2009 10:21:50 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/23/2009 10:22:54 PM EDT by mjrowley]
in on one...

Was it held on private property?
Link Posted: 3/23/2009 10:25:15 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Coleslaw64:
I woke up this morning with a fever and reddish yellow pustules all over my body. I think I might have contracted the black plague.


Quarantine your ass!



Link Posted: 3/23/2009 10:38:26 PM EDT
Short of Million Mirmidons March I can't think of any event less carry-friendly than a "Ren Faire"

and other than the Ren Faire babes...TURN IN YOUR MAN CARD.
Link Posted: 3/23/2009 10:39:05 PM EDT
and a tag.

Ronman, is it you?
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