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9/22/2017 12:11:25 AM
Posted: 2/15/2002 7:00:51 PM EDT
Okay people...I know...I know... another damn post about a failed marriage... someone please comisserate with me... it i stay in this hose any longer with my wife, I'm afraid I'm going to be needing to run to Sears for a shovel and a 6x10 blue tarp. anyone got any mafia connections? it sucks because when a marriage works perfectly you seem to understand the logic of it, but when it goes wrong it goes [b]EFFING WRONG IN A HURRY!!![/b] I'm going to buy a car tomorrow and I'm seriously contemplating just not coming home... I'll miss my dog, take my guns, and not know where I am going... If only I could have a talk to myself three years ago... Please fill the space below with anything you please... requests for pics of the dearly departed, or jokes or something to lighten my mood. TIA
Link Posted: 2/15/2002 7:02:47 PM EDT
Damn dude, thats not good. Is it really that bad? Whats goin on if you dont mind me askin.
Link Posted: 2/15/2002 7:07:41 PM EDT
I understand how you feel...you may have seen my posts from last fall when my marriage when to sh!t. It would probably help us give you advice if you would post about what is going on.
Link Posted: 2/15/2002 7:10:59 PM EDT
well things have never been the same since we were in a car accident together last year (was my fault) she acted like an asshole to me after the accident and has been unable to act loving towards me... im still recovering mentally from the accident and she continually bitches about how I dont have a job/provide for her, etc, etc. i'm often depressed (and i'm not that kind of person at all) and she mistakes my apathy for laziness, nagging and cutting me down instead of building me up... oh and the lack of intimacy has turned it into the bad, boring sleepover from [b]HELL![/b] all the bad, none of the good of marriage... hrmmm... I wan't to join the Armed Forces... maybe now is a good time... lots of time and miles away...
Link Posted: 2/15/2002 7:16:17 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 2/15/2002 7:17:15 PM EDT by VTHOKIESHOOTER]
Are there any kids involved and have openly discussed your displeasure with your marriage?
Link Posted: 2/15/2002 7:17:10 PM EDT
Originally Posted By colinjay: it i stay in this hose any longer with my wife,
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That's no way to live.
Link Posted: 2/15/2002 7:19:19 PM EDT
oh and she continually gets pissed even though i beg her to get me counseling help, she says I can do it myself, and she says she is too busy to schedule marriage counseling. meanwhile it is all I can do some mornings to get out of bed much less talk to pepople on the phone. days when things are going well I can handle it okay, but days like today and yesterday are shit. like yesterday (breaks into large spiel that is normally reserved for a paid listener) yesterday I come back from a weeklong trip to visit my grandmother who is sick with cancer. even though when I last talked to my wife on the phone I said I wouldnt have time to stop on the way home for a valentines gift, I stopped on the 600 mile drive to get her flowers. She acted like the flowers were "okay" and acted like I was her brother when I acted romantic and like I missed her. We ended up getting into a huge argument then and tonight about the whole intimacy issue. I cant be married to someone and not have sex...just doesnt work... things ended tonigh with me saying to her to not expect me to be home when she gets back tomorrow...and the scary thing is I think I mean it.
Link Posted: 2/15/2002 7:23:39 PM EDT
fortunately no kids, as we are merely kids ourselves... she is 26 and I'm 24. Which is okay I guess but we've been married for three years, most of which was more or less good. The sex situation has always been a problem, but now it's like I cant help but want to be with someone else. As a side story, this deal came to a head earlier last summer when I was feeling the same way. I told her that I didnt't feel in love with her anymore and that I had feelings for someone else. She didn't take it well, but hasn't done anything to make the situation better though. And, I didn't bang the other chick either...
Link Posted: 2/15/2002 7:27:04 PM EDT
Link Posted: 2/15/2002 7:27:09 PM EDT
Sounds like a lot of the problems I had....we got married too young....my ex and I are your age......if the feeling is mutual then goodbye may be for the best....however....it helps to talk to your family too....they are the ones that offer the best advice...and support during these times.... good luck
Link Posted: 2/15/2002 7:29:09 PM EDT
we should have a relationships forum..hell there is a divorce a week here.
Link Posted: 2/15/2002 7:29:39 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 2/15/2002 7:37:21 PM EDT by mojo]
Link Posted: 2/15/2002 7:31:04 PM EDT
thanks guys, my parents arent a lot of help, because i know they will support me in whatever... its crappy though to timk of myself as a 24 year old divorcee...eeeewwwww... maybe someday soon a hot young piece of ass will come my way??? i can dream....
Link Posted: 2/15/2002 7:35:15 PM EDT
Originally Posted By colinjay: thanks guys, my parents arent a lot of help, because i know they will support me in whatever... its crappy though to timk of myself as a 24 year old divorcee...eeeewwwww... maybe someday soon a hot young piece of ass will come my way??? i can dream....
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not to get on my soap box or anything....but thinking of getting a "hot young piece of ass" isn't going to solve problems.....unless you fix what is wrong today...you will repeat the mistakes tomorrow.....sex with other women is the last thing that you should think about right now.
Link Posted: 2/15/2002 7:35:42 PM EDT
Originally Posted By VTHOKIESHOOTER: we should have a relationships forum..hell there is a divorce a week here.
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yah and i swore i didnt believe in divorce... both my parent were once. guess i was doomed to repeat their mistakes. they have been on their second marriage (to each other) for 25+ year now... yah mojo, communication is [b]BAD[/b] around here especially because of the raw emotions. its hard to communicate effectively when you are still bitter, angry, hurt, frustrated, etc. cripes I need to hit the bottle or somethin' sucks when you turn from an 18 year old life of the party into a bitter depressed divorcee in a short six years... fugit
Link Posted: 2/15/2002 7:39:34 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 2/15/2002 7:41:29 PM EDT by colinjay]
Originally Posted By VTHOKIESHOOTER:
Originally Posted By colinjay: thanks guys, my parents arent a lot of help, because i know they will support me in whatever... its crappy though to timk of myself as a 24 year old divorcee...eeeewwwww... maybe someday soon a hot young piece of ass will come my way??? i can dream....
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not to get on my soap box or anything....but thinking of getting a "hot young piece of ass" isn't going to solve problems.....unless you fix what is wrong today...you will repeat the mistakes tomorrow.....sex with other women is the last thing that you should think about right now.
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well you try no sex for a two month period! [:)] and i was just rambling anyway, I'm just bitter because i dont [b]NEED[/b] a hot piece, i'm [b]SUPPOSED[/b] to have a wife...
Link Posted: 2/15/2002 7:40:01 PM EDT
WHAT? I have got to stop drinking when accessing this board! My name is Chuck, and I don't have a friggin clue about this. Please excuse me while I pass out!
Link Posted: 2/15/2002 7:43:36 PM EDT
Originally Posted By colinjay:
Originally Posted By VTHOKIESHOOTER: we should have a relationships forum..hell there is a divorce a week here.
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yah and i swore i didnt believe in divorce... both my parent were once. guess i was doomed to repeat their mistakes. they have been on their second marriage (to each other) for 25+ year now... yah mojo, communication is [b]BAD[/b] around here especially because of the raw emotions. its hard to communicate effectively when you are still bitter, angry, hurt, frustrated, etc. cripes I need to hit the bottle or somethin' sucks when you turn from an 18 year old life of the party into a bitter depressed divorcee in a short six years... fugit
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When I left my wife I excaped to a remote farm that was an hour away...partly because I was afraid of her stalking me....she was very violent..and to think through things with a clear head.....drinking and screwing other women are only short term fixes for a deeper problem....you need professional help for yourself....drinking only makes problems worse by #1 becoming dependent on alcohol to cope with problems #2 makes you do things that you will regret later and #3 causes you not to face reality. These are the times to keep body and mind clear.
Link Posted: 2/15/2002 7:43:57 PM EDT
see and the world is crazy enough without people like ARnSC who is probably one of those "pipes his peter" people. [:)]
Link Posted: 2/15/2002 7:45:03 PM EDT
Originally Posted By colinjay:
Originally Posted By VTHOKIESHOOTER:
Originally Posted By colinjay: thanks guys, my parents arent a lot of help, because i know they will support me in whatever... its crappy though to timk of myself as a 24 year old divorcee...eeeewwwww... maybe someday soon a hot young piece of ass will come my way??? i can dream....
View Quote
not to get on my soap box or anything....but thinking of getting a "hot young piece of ass" isn't going to solve problems.....unless you fix what is wrong today...you will repeat the mistakes tomorrow.....sex with other women is the last thing that you should think about right now.
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well you try no sex for a two month period! [:)] and i was just rambling anyway, I'm just bitter because i dont [b]NEED[/b] a hot piece, i'm [b]SUPPOSED[/b] to have a wife...
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I have been there done that
Link Posted: 2/15/2002 7:55:54 PM EDT
Originally Posted By colinjay: oh and she continually gets pissed even though i beg her to get me counseling help, she says I can do it myself, and she says she is too busy to schedule marriage counseling.
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warning: this is going to sound harsh, but i think it needs to be asked. if you aren't able to even get your arse out of bed in the morning, what in god's green earth makes you think you'll be able to get it to the counselor if she made the appointment for you? hell, you can't even get out of bed to make the phone call. how hard can that be? first, get your own arse to counseling. be honest with yourself first. second, see if she'll join you. third, try and talk to her LIKE ADULTS (there are a few people here you can talk to if you need suggestions on how to do this), no screaming childish arguments (what does that solve?????). and fourth, allow yourself a set amount of time to mope and then move on with your life. dont' spend (read: waste) all of your energy feeling sorry for yourself.
Link Posted: 2/15/2002 8:01:18 PM EDT
Originally Posted By ARlady:
Originally Posted By colinjay: oh and she continually gets pissed even though i beg her to get me counseling help, she says I can do it myself, and she says she is too busy to schedule marriage counseling.
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warning: this is going to sound harsh, but i think it needs to be asked. if you aren't able to even get your arse out of bed in the morning, what in god's green earth makes you think you'll be able to get it to the counselor if she made the appointment for you? hell, you can't even get out of bed to make the phone call. how hard can that be? first, get your own arse to counseling. be honest with yourself first. second, see if she'll join you. third, try and talk to her LIKE ADULTS (there are a few people here you can talk to if you need suggestions on how to do this), no screaming childish arguments (what does that solve?????). and fourth, allow yourself a set amount of time to mope and then move on with your life. dont' spend (read: waste) all of your energy feeling sorry for yourself.
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some good advice there
Link Posted: 2/15/2002 8:08:46 PM EDT
Originally Posted By ARlady:
Originally Posted By colinjay: oh and she continually gets pissed even though i beg her to get me counseling help, she says I can do it myself, and she says she is too busy to schedule marriage counseling.
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warning: this is going to sound harsh, but i think it needs to be asked. if you aren't able to even get your arse out of bed in the morning, what in god's green earth makes you think you'll be able to get it to the counselor if she made the appointment for you? hell, you can't even get out of bed to make the phone call. how hard can that be? first, get your own arse to counseling. be honest with yourself first. second, see if she'll join you. third, try and talk to her LIKE ADULTS (there are a few people here you can talk to if you need suggestions on how to do this), no screaming childish arguments (what does that solve?????). and fourth, allow yourself a set amount of time to mope and then move on with your life. dont' spend (read: waste) all of your energy feeling sorry for yourself.
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i agree 100% but i've never been depressed before, and hell, right now i dont even have a car. to get anywhere during the day i have to take the bus, and its downright humiliating (as anyone in dallas can attest to). its something that i would not normally relish, but add on top of that feeling like total shit and there is no damn way i can regularly see a therapist. i've tried and couldnt handle the bus ride (i hour long so i could see one on her health plan)
Link Posted: 2/15/2002 8:17:21 PM EDT
ARlady has good advise. My only words are don't make excuses for why you can not go to counseling. Call a friend, take the bus, ride a bike, walk....If your marriage and the counseling you will get are worth it, you WILL find a way to get there. Its all about priority. I feel for ya pal!
Link Posted: 2/15/2002 8:24:56 PM EDT
Originally Posted By colinjay: i agree 100% but i've never been depressed before, and hell, right now i dont even have a car. to get anywhere during the day i have to take the bus, and its downright humiliating (as anyone in dallas can attest to). its something that i would not normally relish, but add on top of that feeling like total shit and there is no damn way i can regularly see a therapist. i've tried and couldnt handle the bus ride (i hour long so i could see one on her health plan)
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[Dr. Laura mode on]...and let me warn you, i listen to her regularly. did you read what you typed? i mean really read it. how about saying it to yourself out loud. you aren't willing to make ANY sacrifices to get better. none. you just want it to come to you. at least that's the way you're making it sound. and on top of that, it sounds like you're using your depression as an excuse NOT to get better. who the hell cares if it's humiliating riding the bus? i'll bet it's humiliating to clean somebody else's toilets. but there are people who do it because they need to. when you're done making excuses for your current situation, then you can start making progress. but it has to start with you. you are the one that has to make the effort. humiliation be damned. personally, i would think it would humiliating to mope about your personal problems on an internet site and then brag about not doing anything about them (remember, i'm being Dr. Laura here, i've got to get the bitchiness down just right). have you ever stopped to think that perhaps your wife is frustrated at your apparent lack of interest in getting better? maybe she's just really upset that you don't seem to care enough about yourself, her, or the relationship to get your butt in gear and get better. you already know what you need to do. you just need to do it. now, go do the right thing! [Dr. Laura mode off] colinjay, i've been treated for depression before. i understand completely what's going through your mind. but getting better starts with you. if you want to continue to make excuses, that's your business. but you can't expect things to get better if you don't do anything about it. and your wife can't do it for you either. i wish you the best.
Link Posted: 2/15/2002 8:25:01 PM EDT
yah, part of the problem is that im so far removed from the good parts of our marriage im not really sure if i want it to work this whole ordeal has show me a really nasty and manipulative side of her when i had always only seen what she was like in the "for better" times. when i asked her what "for richer or for [b]poorer[/b] meant, she said she thought it meant because of a catastrophe, not because i couldnt hold a job. bitchy thing to say... she couldnt even stay in the hospital with me when i lay unconcous and bleeding internally for a week. shitty my friend shitty. she was left to take care of me as i convalesced and she never failed to remind me that the accident was my fault, the more i think about it the more angry, scared and hurt it makes me feel she was so mean to me when i could barely even fend for myself im going to bed...
Link Posted: 2/15/2002 8:29:09 PM EDT
i think a lot of your questions can be resolved where i said earlier that im not sure i want to make it better. i still hater her for a lot of shit. and ive told her this over and over and she doesnt think it was a big deal/thinks it didnt happen/or doesnt care. even my family thought she acted weird after the accident but she says "it was how I dealt with it" okay well when she gets in an accident i'll deal with it by screwing the nurse, fair? i think not. ouch.
Link Posted: 2/15/2002 8:34:52 PM EDT
oh and dr. laura sucks! [:)] if i wanted someone to tell me how worthless i am, i'd listen to myself... i'd much rather kick on some russ martin (evening show on a local radio station) and be outright made fun of... yah i know part of this is my fault, and i had to tell someone, because well ive been isolated for so long i dont have anyone to really vent to. plus there are normally a couple of macho bastards here that i figured would interject a few jokes or something to lighten my mood... i really am a smart guy, and probably know deep down the things i should do, but mix that with a heavy dose of anger and anti-depressants and see what you get. at least im not suicidal, it could be worse. i lost my favorite uncle and almost my brother to suicide and understand the consequences beyond myself. so no worries there, just need a laugh or two thats all...[:o)]
Link Posted: 2/15/2002 9:06:07 PM EDT
perhaps it is time to move on...from her. definitely doesn't sound healthy. as for the laugh or two, here goes: two men walked into a bar. the third one ducked.
Link Posted: 2/15/2002 9:18:42 PM EDT
Colin, you need to listen up. Depression is a bitch, I've been there. You need to change your situation. You can't blame the current situation on your wife. This is something that you both had a hand in making. It seems clear that she is handling things in an inappropriate way, but take a second to turns things around. How would you feel if the tables were turned. How can you be a husband when you can't get out of bed. Here is my two cents. I don't like counceling, it didn't work out for me when I was suffering from depression. What did work was a conscious decision to make some changes. I made a bigger effort to do the things I enjoy and spend time with friends and family. Another thing that helped me a lot was starting an exercise regimen. Frequent skiing, biking and weightlifting do wonders to keep my spirits and energy level high. Another thing to consider, depression is often caused by chemical imbalances which can be treated. My mother had depression problems as a side effect of a glaucoma medication. She switched meds and the problems ceased. A friend of mine became very depressed. He was considering suicide. A Doctor diagnosed a treatable condition and prescribed a few months of medication. He is back himself again. An ex of mine and one of my best friends in the world went through a tramatic experience. This experience set off some hormone balance problems that lead to depression and a number of other health difficulties. She has to take medication to treat the hormone problem but she is doing just fine. These are problems that people go through and then move forward. My point is that you are squandering precious time laying around. Life is passing you by and you are missing out on so much. I can't tell you if your marriage can be saved or if it is worth saving, but I can tell you that it's time to time to get busy living. If I were in your shoes, I would crash with a friend or a family member for a little while. I would make an appointment to see a doctor to find out if medication would help. I would go out with my buddies and go camping, or shooting or hiking. Anything that you enjoy. There is such a stigma attached to depression, but it is a regular health problem. It's no different then breaking a leg or throwing out your back. It knocks you down for a bit and then you have to get your ass back up.
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