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Posted: 9/23/2005 1:11:33 PM EDT
Lemme set this up. I'm nearly 36, single, a workaholic and a college student. The first few years of my single life ( which started when I was about 31 ) were really decent. I got my head together. Accomplished a lot of goals that I had set out for myself, etc. Well, for the past two years I have been BORED to DEATH. With being single...and since the last spat of dating I went on just over a year ago ended rather badly ( turns out she LOVED prescription drugs ) I have been just cuising in the single mode, hoping like hell I run into someone great.


Well, at the end o one of my classes today I notice a buddy of mine helping out a couple of cute college girls. One young lady's 1979 Camaro ( Rally Sport ) was just failing to start. He tried nearly everything but couldn't get it running. I hop up and we share info and I go ahead and go through everything he did. Nada. He leaves.

Okay, the young lady in question is just as cute as a button....probably 19 at the most. Nice as hell, and really cool. Here is the odd ( yet strangely cool ) thing. The young Ms's Camaro ( and the young Miss ) are decked out in late seventies Star Wars stuff. She has a classic SW t-shirt, her back window has a bunch of classic 70's SW stickers...etc. Now, NORMALLY, I'd think this a bit too damn odd for my tastes...but on this young lady......IT WORKED.

Well, poor young Miss is frazzled to beat the band...but not panicky...just pissed.
Says I, "Well, there is one other trick I could try....since we have solid power EVERYWHERE and everything seems to be in pretty good shape for this age of car....I am gonna try an old trick...do you mind?"

"Hell no", says she....I gotta get to work. Do what it takes!

"Okay....".....so I worm my fattening ass under the front passenger side of the car and I smack the shit out of the starter with the ass end of a wrench. After working out my frustrations on the starter I wiggle back out, jump in the driver seat and kick that ol Camaro over!!! Started right up!!!!!!

Sigh.....it was so awesome to see a young lady so thrilled with me....even if it was just so that I could get her to work. After numerous thanks and smiles....off she drove...her tan and gold 79 rally sport lightly smoking into the sunset.......

Sighhhhhh.....oh cruel, cruel Fate....why do I have to be so old and fat and bald???
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 1:15:59 PM EDT
Dang, dude.





Which school?
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 1:23:05 PM EDT
<Glengarry Glen Ross>
A ... B ... C!

Always Be Closing!
</Glengarry Glen Ross>

You're not THAT old. Maybe you're fat, maybe not. I don't know. As for bald, well, big fucking deal. Some times God decides that he doesn't want a guy's head to have hair. You have a confidence problem, and it has nothing to with being old, fat or bald.

Always Be Closing.


You had skills at a time of need for Princess Leia. You were Han Solo for that moment. You could have capitalized, in the very least to meet her for coffee sometime.

Always Be Closing.


Do yourself a favor. Next time, use such a golden opportunity to strike up a conversation. Your confidence in yourself and your skills and your knowledge will go a long way. Girls love a man with confidence to be a man.

Always Be Closing.


Look, I'm no oil painting. I'm older than you, in horrible shape and scarred from head to toe. Regardless, I have pretty good luck with the ladies. Why? Confidence. I'm not afraid to be shot down, but more to the point: nothing ventured, nothing gained. The worst she can do is say no and Mace me - again!

Always Be Closing.
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 1:27:21 PM EDT

Sighhhhhh.....oh cruel, cruel Fate....why do I have to be so old and fat and bald???




Ok, here is what you do, lose some weight, its not that hard all it takes is will power. Once that is done head off to Wal Mart and spend 20 bucks on a pair of hair clippers then go home and shave your head. Chicks dig bald guys, or at least a great many do. Bingo, problems solved.
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 1:34:21 PM EDT

Originally Posted By DzlBenz:
<Glengarry Glen Ross>
A ... B ... C!

Always Be Closing!
</Glengarry Glen Ross>

You're not THAT old. Maybe you're fat, maybe not. I don't know. As for bald, well, big fucking deal. Some times God decides that he doesn't want a guy's head to have hair. You have a confidence problem, and it has nothing to with being old, fat or bald.

Always Be Closing.


You had skills at a time of need for Princess Leia. You were Han Solo for that moment. You could have capitalized, in the very least to meet her for coffee sometime.

Always Be Closing.


Do yourself a favor. Next time, use such a golden opportunity to strike up a conversation. Your confidence in yourself and your skills and your knowledge will go a long way. Girls love a man with confidence to be a man.

Always Be Closing.


Look, I'm no oil painting. I'm older than you, in horrible shape and scarred from head to toe. Regardless, I have pretty good luck with the ladies. Why? Confidence. I'm not afraid to be shot down, but more to the point: nothing ventured, nothing gained. The worst she can do is say no and Mace me - again!

Always Be Closing.



I like your style and would have enjoyed reading your newsletter... when I was in high school
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 1:43:52 PM EDT

Always Be Closing.


what he said


your life sucks
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 1:49:52 PM EDT
Good Lord, you're only 36. Get your act together. Lose a little weight, get the hair cut short and be confident. Any woman worth her weight in salt will be happy with that.

Oh and good job on the car! Patty
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 2:00:45 PM EDT

Originally Posted By pattymcn:
Good Lord, you're only 36. Get your act together. Lose a little weight, get the hair cut short and be confident. Any woman worth her weight in salt will be happy with that.

Oh and good job on the car! www.fastdirectory.net/smile/twothumbsup.gif Patty



How you doin'?

Oh wait...I forgot...


I'm married.


Crap.


Nevermind.


ABC dies hard.
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 2:06:48 PM EDT
LOL...thanks for the votes of confidence gang!!!!

Ah, yeah, to be 21 and have a modifed Mauser strapped to my tool belt.


Gotta admit....Han Solo was the shit!!!!
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 2:08:30 PM EDT

Originally Posted By napalm:
Dang, dude.





Which school?




MCC.....Mesa Community College....
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 2:10:39 PM EDT

Originally Posted By desertmoon:
LOL...thanks for the votes of confidence gang!!!!

Ah, yeah, to be 21 and have a modifed Mauser strapped to my tool belt.


Gotta admit....Han Solo was the shit!!!!



Han Solo also got the ladies numbers....he knew how to close the deal. You need to learn the ways of the Solo
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 2:17:46 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/23/2005 2:33:12 PM EDT by guns762]
The sooner you decide that you are "happy" being single; the sooner your luck will change with the ladies. Quit being "Bored", and be happy. I know, not the easiest advice, but it's true.

Dive into one of your hobbies, art, guns, whatever, and be content. Women will flock to a content, happy man, and it won't matter if you need to lose weight and have no hair.

Your boredom with being single, and feeling sorry for yourself are driving the women away!

They don't want a desperate man, they want a content one.
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 2:23:31 PM EDT

Originally Posted By SteyrAUG:

Originally Posted By pattymcn:
Good Lord, you're only 36. Get your act together. Lose a little weight, get the hair cut short and be confident. Any woman worth her weight in salt will be happy with that.

Oh and good job on the car! www.fastdirectory.net/smile/twothumbsup.gif Patty



How you doin'?

Oh wait...I forgot...


I'm married.


Crap.


Nevermind.


ABC dies hard.



Patty
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 2:30:48 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/23/2005 2:33:24 PM EDT by napalm]

Originally Posted By desertmoon:

Originally Posted By napalm:
Dang, dude.





Which school?




MCC.....Mesa Community College....




w00t!


I'll check it out and see if I see her around.


If I do then I'll put in a good word for ya...



ETA:


Oh yeah.. look at the double your dating stuff and learn the ladder theory.

Also, be careful picking up on ladies that young lest the thin pink line bash you for being a dirty old man.
Link Posted: 9/24/2005 6:32:09 AM EDT
ha ha...the "thin pink line" ..... I love it.


and now it is time for my favorite Star Wars Line Ever:

from "The Empire Strikes Back"

Princess Leia: " I love you!"

Han Solo: " I know....."


That was sweeeet.
Link Posted: 9/24/2005 6:35:11 AM EDT

Originally Posted By napalm:

Originally Posted By desertmoon:

Originally Posted By napalm:
Dang, dude.





Which school?




MCC.....Mesa Community College....




w00t!


I'll check it out and see if I see her around.


If I do then I'll put in a good word for ya...



ETA:


Oh yeah.. look at the double your dating stuff and learn the ladder theory.

Also, be careful picking up on ladies that young lest the thin pink line bash you for being a dirty old man.



A: What program are you in at MCC???

B: Feel free to put in a good word for me! ( hee hee ) but I am sure the good Miss is most likely attached....and at 19 I am sure SHE would think I was a dirty minded bastard. I am not so sure she would be wrong.....

Sigh...if this was the Twelfth Centruy I wouldn't feel so damn bad about it!!!!


BRING BACK THE CRUSADES!!!!!
Link Posted: 9/24/2005 6:38:03 AM EDT
Just remember that Han Solo, who was in his early 30s, wound up with Princess Leia, who was like, 20. That should be a lesson to you, young Padawan...
Link Posted: 9/24/2005 6:42:27 AM EDT

Originally Posted By RikWriter:
Just remember that Han Solo, who was in his early 30s, wound up with Princess Leia, who was like, 20. That should be a lesson to you, young Padawan...



Sayyyyy.....this is true......

Not to mention that I treated the Camaro EXACTLY the way I would have treated the Millenium Falcon.....just grab a wrench and bang on whatever might be the problem till she starts!!!!

Where the hell is my modified Mauser Pistola???? errrr....BLASTER....yeah, BLASTER!!!
Link Posted: 9/24/2005 6:57:02 AM EDT
... great thread bro!

... Oh man, the parking lot of MCC, if the asphalt could tell stories!

... Hell dude, I'm 11 years older than you, I never figured you for old. You keep your grape shorn close enough to look like you still have some and that beer gut (pic of you from last weekend) can be whooped into shape with a little discipline.

... The reason I'm laughing, is because at times in my life I feel I'm on top of the world. Nothing can go wrong, I'm clicking socially and mentally, trimmed a bit of excess chub and maybe even a fresh haircut (always improves my self esteem) and then I'll meet some sweet, young cute chick-a-dee - We'll fall into some dialog and immediately hit it off. But at the end of the day, she reminds herself that I could be her dad, or worse granddad and that's the end of that.

... Very rarely I was able to trick an early 20-somethings gal over for drinks & dinner and even more rarely over night. But the first argument that ever came up, it would be thrown in my face "Fuck you, you're old enough to be my dad!" . They'd storm out the door and start hitch hiking off into the sunset, leaving nothing behind but stained sheets, couches and kitchen sinks.



Link Posted: 9/24/2005 7:04:07 AM EDT
HEY!!!! That's a pic of the sacred "I NEED ANOTHER CIGARETTE/CHECK OUT THIS CAMP FIRE STICK/JEHEEESUES THAT'S A HUGE BLAZE/ WHAT CATASTROPHE I SHOULD PERFORM NEXT?" dance......

isn't that SACRELIGIOUS????
Link Posted: 9/24/2005 1:36:39 PM EDT

Originally Posted By desertmoon:

A: What program are you in at MCC???





At MCC I'm doing GS to pick up some pre-reqs until I transfer to Gateway.
Link Posted: 9/24/2005 4:08:32 PM EDT

Originally Posted By napalm:

Originally Posted By desertmoon:

A: What program are you in at MCC???





At MCC I'm doing GS to pick up some pre-reqs until I transfer to Gateway.



Yer on the other side of the campus from me most likely. I am on the South Side hanging in the Technical Sciences building.
Link Posted: 9/24/2005 4:19:09 PM EDT
36-19=You could be her daddy.
Link Posted: 9/24/2005 4:21:09 PM EDT

Originally Posted By sherm8404:
36-19=You could be her daddy.



AND THEN SOME!!!! Needless to say, that is why I am whining so loudy....it's just wrong that I am such an old bastard!!!
Link Posted: 9/24/2005 4:55:17 PM EDT
Just tooling around getting some lunch today I noticed 3 women checking me out today, made a quick light convo with one just to see if I remembered how.

For me what works is a I don't give a damn attitude, it breaks down to I don't care what they think about me, I'm just doing my thing. I must be fairly charming cause I get damn near every woman I chat with smiling in just a couple of seconds.

Or maybe it was my " Of course I love you, my dick is hard " T shirt that I was wearing today.
Link Posted: 9/24/2005 5:04:46 PM EDT
"I go for younger women, lived with several awhile
Though I ran ’em away, they’d come back one day
Still could manage to smile
Just takes a while, just takes a while"

GM
Link Posted: 9/24/2005 5:10:00 PM EDT

[Dennis from Monty Python & The Holy Grail]

"I'm thirty-seven. I'm not 'old'!

[/Dennis from Monty Python & The Holy Grail]



Take heart mon - 36 is still a damn fine age to be from where I'm sitting.
Link Posted: 9/24/2005 5:34:17 PM EDT
OK, first of all, it ain't a bald spot, it's a solar panel for a super charged sex machine.

Second, it ain't a beer gut... it is a storage tank for a super charged sex machine.

And lastly, it ain't the age of the engine it's the transmission that counts!

Now, with those three things in mind, go fetch some trim.

I'll bill you later for the advice.
Link Posted: 9/24/2005 6:11:01 PM EDT

Originally Posted By desertmoon:
ha ha...the "thin pink line" ..... I love it.


and now it is time for my favorite Star Wars Line Ever:

from "The Empire Strikes Back"

Princess Leia: " I love you!"

Han Solo: " I know....."


That was sweeeet.



THAT WAS A STAR WARS LINE?????


I wonder if that's where I got it???
Link Posted: 9/24/2005 6:15:54 PM EDT
Link Posted: 9/24/2005 6:24:35 PM EDT

Originally Posted By TREETOP:
Dude you're NOT FAT!





Link Posted: 9/24/2005 6:33:55 PM EDT
Link Posted: 9/24/2005 6:39:20 PM EDT
Man up, put on your shiny shirt, give Joe Ortiz a ring, and hit Myst!


Oh wait, that's the fat red man.

Link Posted: 9/24/2005 6:59:13 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/24/2005 7:02:40 PM EDT by The_Macallan]
Irony. I got this email today:


1975 vs 2005...

1975: Long hair
2005: Longing for hair

1975: KEG
2005: EKG

1975: Acid rock
2005: Acid reflux

1975: Moving to California because it's cool
2005: Moving to Arizona because it's warm

1975: Tryin to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2005: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor

1975: Seeds and stems
2005: Roughage

1975: Hoping for a BMW
2005: Hoping for a BM

1975: Going to a new, hip joint
2005: Receiving a new hip joint

1975: Rolling Stones
2005: Kidney Stones

1975: Being called into the principal's office
2005: Calling the principal's office

1975: Screw the system
2005: Upgrade the system

1975: Disco
2005: Costco

1975: Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2005: Children begging you to get their heads shaved

1975: Passing the drivers' test
2005: Passing the vision test

1975: Whatever
2005: Depends




And this:

Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this will certainly change
things.. Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a
list to try to give the faculty a sense of the mindset of this year's
incoming freshmen. Here's this year's list:

* The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1987.
* They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.
* Their lifetime has always included AIDS.
* Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.
* The CD was introduced the year they were born. (I think that's wrong - IIRC it was in '85ish)
* They have always had an answering machine.
* They have always had cable.
* They cannot fathom not having a remote control.
* Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.
* Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
* They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
* They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.
* They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.
* They never heard: "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or "de plane, Boss, de plane".
* They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even is.
* McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.
* They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.


Link Posted: 9/24/2005 7:01:43 PM EDT

Originally Posted By The_Macallan:
Irony. I got this email today:


1975 vs 2005...

1975: Long hair
2005: Longing for hair

1975: KEG
2005: EKG

1975: Acid rock
2005: Acid reflux

1975: Moving to California because it's cool
2005: Moving to Arizona because it's warm

1975: Tryin to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2005: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor

1975: Seeds and stems
2005: Roughage

1975: Hoping for a BMW
2005: Hoping for a BM

1975: Going to a new, hip joint
2005: Receiving a new hip joint

1975: Rolling Stones
2005: Kidney Stones

1975: Being called into the principal's office
2005: Calling the principal's office

1975: Screw the system
2005: Upgrade the system

1975: Disco
2005: Costco

1975: Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2005: Children begging you to get their heads shaved

1975: Passing the drivers' test
2005: Passing the vision test

1975: Whatever
2005: Depends




And this:

Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this will certainly change
things.. Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a
list to try to give the faculty a sense of the mindset of this year's
incoming freshmen. Here's this year's list:

* The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1987.
* They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.
* Their lifetime has always included AIDS.
* Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.
* The CD was introduced the year they were born.
* They have always had an answering machine.
* They have always had cable.
* They cannot fathom not having a remote control.
* Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.
* Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
* They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
* They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.
* They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.
* They never heard: "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or "de plane, Boss, de plane".
* They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even is.
* McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.
* They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.







Thats great.
Link Posted: 9/24/2005 7:14:18 PM EDT

Originally Posted By TREETOP:

Originally Posted By PinePig:



tdi.mine.nu/images/pinepig/baddudehijack.jpg



Believe...



Oh man TT, it's just to easy.
Link Posted: 9/24/2005 8:17:23 PM EDT
Granted 35 YO's miight have a hard time getting a 19 YO, but old, fat and bald???? those chicks on "desperate housewives" are older than you! and they are hot! freakin Brooke sheilds is like 41! are you really 35? nobody i know who's 35 would be considered old or bald. fat maybe! are you like an alcoholic or at a superstessing job? I only wonder cause I'm getting up there and don't want to consider myself Old at 35!
Link Posted: 9/24/2005 8:21:49 PM EDT
Link Posted: 10/3/2005 4:10:38 PM EDT

Originally Posted By SP1Grrl:

Originally Posted By spm681:

Sighhhhhh.....oh cruel, cruel Fate....why do I have to be so old and fat and bald???




Ok, here is what you do, lose some weight, its not that hard all it takes is will power. Once that is done head off to Wal Mart and spend 20 bucks on a pair of hair clippers then go home and shave your head. Chicks dig bald guys, or at least a great many do. Bingo, problems solved.



Bald is beautiful, but only if you're bald by choice.



but what if I'm fat against my will?????
Link Posted: 10/3/2005 6:23:51 PM EDT
Link Posted: 10/3/2005 6:41:20 PM EDT
Get a grip.! 36 isn't old. I met my wife when I was 36. She was 22. :)
Link Posted: 10/3/2005 6:48:40 PM EDT
Dude. When I was 36 I dated a 19 year old. Age was never an issue. Buy the book called the game. Look it up on google. Your life will change.........
Link Posted: 10/3/2005 7:10:52 PM EDT

Originally Posted By desertmoon:

Originally Posted By napalm:

Originally Posted By desertmoon:

A: What program are you in at MCC???





At MCC I'm doing GS to pick up some pre-reqs until I transfer to Gateway.



Yer on the other side of the campus from me most likely. I am on the South Side hanging in the Technical Sciences building.




Welding?

All I'm taking this semester is math and geology. w00t
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