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Posted: 7/19/2010 7:56:27 AM EDT
[#1]
I tried to tackle a street light. Turns out that was a really bad idea.
ETA: I also went camping with some friends I hadn't seen since high school. One of my sister's old HS friends was there. She was so hot in HS, and still was. In fact, she was my first "real" kiss. 
Well, I thought it would be a good idea to climb up to the top of a tree and pee off of it. Her tent was below me 
Oops. 
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Posted: 7/19/2010 7:57:55 AM EDT
[#2]
you aren't really drunk unless you shit your self in public.
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Posted: 7/19/2010 7:58:19 AM EDT
[#3]
I peed on a card/dice game being played outside my 2 man pup tent
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Posted: 7/19/2010 7:58:29 AM EDT
[#4]
Quoted:
you aren't really drunk unless you shit your self in public. No, I'm pretty sure you don't have to shit your pants to be drunk. 
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Posted: 7/19/2010 7:58:52 AM EDT
[#5]
Statute of limitations not yet expired....
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Posted: 7/19/2010 7:58:58 AM EDT
[#6]
Quoted:
15 years ago, I got shitfaced and peed in the closet because I thought it was the bathroom. Same here except it was a dresser drawer. It had fireworks in it. 
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Posted: 7/19/2010 8:01:27 AM EDT
[#7]
Quoted: 15 years ago, I got shitfaced and peed in the closet because I thought it was the bathroom. Same here but it was 25 years ago, after i peed in the closet i passed out in the closet. I was 17 at the time.
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Posted: 7/19/2010 8:01:52 AM EDT
[#8]
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Posted: 7/19/2010 8:02:25 AM EDT
[#9]
Ordered my credit report.
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Posted: 7/19/2010 8:03:24 AM EDT
[#10]
I set a 2 carat diamond drunk off my ass.
When I used to do work for other jewelry stores(own my own now), I got a call on my day off that a store needed a job done that day. I told them no because it was my day off and that I had been drinking. The store manager said he would pay me double to do it because it was a big sale so i went in and did it. |
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Posted: 7/19/2010 8:05:19 AM EDT
[#11]
"Slept" under one of these
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Posted: 7/19/2010 8:10:22 AM EDT
[#12]
Jumped off a 40 foot embankment into a reservoir and attempted to swim out to the spot where the moon was reflecting on the water.
Got tired and swam back after about 300 yds. Opened a gash on my shin that really needed stitches. I think it was from hitting a rock when I bailed off the hill. Didn't notice it until the next morning. |
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Posted: 7/19/2010 8:11:03 AM EDT
[#13]
slept in closet with door closed.
rogered a fat chick in college. slept in the front yard. |
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Posted: 7/19/2010 8:12:52 AM EDT
[#14]
Quoted:
Statute of limitations not yet expired....
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Posted: 7/19/2010 8:12:56 AM EDT
[#15]
well lets think.... Fell in a river while fishing, capsized a canoe, grabbed my GF moms ass (she grabbed mine back
), I've confused my dip cup with my beer, walked through my screen door with the screen closed, took a shit in the back of tractor trailer, woken up naked with my work boots on and laced, alone.... peed in the kitchen sink, fell out of tree stand..... I'm sure there is more, but that's all I can think of right now....
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Posted: 7/19/2010 8:24:32 AM EDT
[#16]
way too much to remember....notables:
-fat chick -got a $50,000 truck stuck in a swamp with a 20' trailer hooked to it, got a large tractor stuck trying to pull it, never realize I had stepped on the break-away cable for the trailer locking it's wheels up. Damaged the truck,trailer and tractor. I owned none of it. -Crashed my buddy's car through his fence doing reverse doughnuts in his yard...he was riding shotgun -Wheelied a lawnmower down a highway -Hit an 8" steel plate at 250yrds with a USPc...dont know how I managed that on the first shot. -did a burnout in my driveway to the point that the steel belts in tires frayed and ripped up the paint on both bedsides -jumped/fell off a second story porch through an in-progress card game below. -flipped a little kid go-cart end over end and never bailed. -standing in the bed of my truck, fell THROUGH the back window into the cab-cut my wrist in the process, ER docs kept trying to admit me for a suicide attempt.
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Posted: 7/19/2010 8:24:35 AM EDT
[#17]
We were taking a shortcut home from a drinking session at the local pub. We figured by cutting through this field we would take a good 15 minutes on the walk, which brought us that much closer to that wonderful Totino's Party Pizza in the freezer.
We came across a ravine. It looked to be about 45 degrees to the bottom about 10 feet down, then 30 degrees back to the top. We figured if we got a run at it and really hauled down the decline we would have enough speed to make it up to the other side. My friend offered to go first. I was happy to observe. He starts hauling down, then I hear a commotion and he disappears! He said he was hauling downhill at full tilt and suddenly wondered, "Why is the MOON on the GROUND?" That's when he realized it was a drainage ditch full of water. On top of that, we passed out after putting the pizza in. Woke up to a smoke alarm and a tiny charcoal pizza many hours later. |
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Posted: 7/19/2010 8:28:32 AM EDT
[#18]
That's a long list I'd rather try and forget.
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Posted: 7/19/2010 8:29:54 AM EDT
[#19]
A chubby chick,
woke up with a nugget in my shorts, once saw a guy in the bar wearing pink polo shirt with the collar popped and eye shadow and decided I didn't like his look. Later found myself at the urinal next to him so I turned and pissed on his feet. My gf, now wife, was in a sorority but had to drop her letters due to no money for dues. Her bitch sisters couldn't understand that books and food were more of a priority so they shunned her. I found myself in the sorority house a semester later going from one party to another, and had to go piss. I heard them down the hallway talking rudely about me being her bf, so I turned around to face them mid piss (bathroom door open facing down a hallway to where they were) and commenced pissing on everything in their bathroom. I then waved at them, walked out the front door and dumped their trash cans all over their front yard. |
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Posted: 7/19/2010 8:32:06 AM EDT
[#20]
Quoted:
grabbed my GF moms ass (she grabbed mine back) Any more to the story? Pics of GF's mom? |
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Posted: 7/19/2010 8:32:43 AM EDT
[#21]
I fell and knocked my front teeth out all whiskey drunk at the beach about 4 months ago. That was more extra sucky than odd though. Especially the part about being 500 miles from my dentist.
When I'm hammered, I have to put everything away exactly where it goes. Then in the morning, without fail, I'm always like "where's my stuff?! I can't find my phone/shoes/whatever." Then I find it all neatly put away. |
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Posted: 7/19/2010 8:35:46 AM EDT
[#22]
I stood up in the back of a pick-up truck going 65mph down a highway and tried to piss off the back. Lets just say I didn't take into account the pick-ups aerodynamics.
ETA I also failed to take into account the possibility that once the driver saw me doing this, they might hit the brakes. It was a wet ride home. |
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Posted: 7/19/2010 8:41:10 AM EDT
[#23]
Proposed.
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Posted: 7/19/2010 8:41:29 AM EDT
[#24]
For future reference: 'Liquor Pong' is NEVER a good idea.
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Posted: 7/19/2010 8:48:20 AM EDT
[#25]
Quoted:
That's a long list I'd rather try and forget. This. But I think the best ones I don't even know about. As someone who drank a LOT and did some pretty stupid shit (which I'm not going to talk about because, even though I admit they were stupid and it was 20 years ago, I don't want to admit this stuff in public), I'd occasionally get a - "Dude, how drunk were you last night?" type thing. Where, apparently, I'd exceeded my previous level of stupidity. Sometimes I'd then wonder if the question was related to the apartments front door being missing and the random transmission in the living room, but the hangover was usually too cruel to be playing Blue's Clues so I didn't worry about it. And that's why I now don't drink. ETA - Just one that didn't involve any laws being broken. I once woke up with a pierced ear and a reverse-mohawk. I think the ear piercing was intentional, I had a regular earring instead of a paperclip through my ear, but I can't think of any reason for the bald strip down the top of my head |
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Posted: 7/19/2010 8:49:07 AM EDT
[#26]
Passed out on the toliet with pants down.
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Posted: 7/19/2010 8:54:12 AM EDT
[#27]
Quoted:
For future reference: 'Liquor Pong' is NEVER a good idea. http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c348/neppo1345/Random/DSCF0095.jpg http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c348/neppo1345/Random/DSCF0099.jpg Yep, I've got a few pics like that. Good thing I trust my friends and said pics have never made it to the internet. I'm still young, so I would guess I have only a limited time to have 'experiences' My favorite is passing out in a small wooded area next to a grocery store with my best friend and waking up six hours later, the sun is coming up, and we were still too 'influenced' to walk in a straight line back to his house. |
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Posted: 7/19/2010 8:58:19 AM EDT
[#28]
Quoted:
well lets think.... Fell in a river while fishing, capsized a canoe, grabbed my GF moms ass (she grabbed mine back ), I've confused my dip cup with my beer, walked through my screen door with the screen closed, took a shit in the back of tractor trailer, woken up naked with my work boots on and laced, alone.... peed in the kitchen sink, fell out of tree stand..... I'm sure there is more, but that's all I can think of right now....Aren't you a tornado sounds like shit my wife used to do. |
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Posted: 7/19/2010 9:00:22 AM EDT
[#29]
Quoted:
well lets think.... Fell in a river while fishing, capsized a canoe, grabbed my GF moms ass (she grabbed mine back ), I've confused my dip cup with my beer, walked through my screen door with the screen closed, took a shit in the back of tractor trailer, woken up naked with my work boots on and laced, alone.... peed in the kitchen sink, fell out of tree stand..... I'm sure there is more, but that's all I can think of right now....Ha, I lold the whole way through this post. 
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Posted: 7/19/2010 9:02:49 AM EDT
[#30]
Quoted:
Passed out on the toliet with pants down. Yep...same here. Then I fell forward and puked into the heat/AC floor vent.
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Posted: 7/19/2010 9:04:42 AM EDT
[#31]
I don't remember....
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Posted: 7/19/2010 9:05:36 AM EDT
[#32]
-Played drunk Capture the Flag inside the dorms, was then knocked out of a 2nd story window down about 40 feet (building is on a hill face) on to rocks, and ended up with a heart shaped scar.
-passed out drunk in the hallway in the dorms, cops told me to get back to my room (Didn't actually have one since I was still in highschool) -Drunk shopping for more alcohol at incredibly ritzy mountain store in Los Gatos... Looking for cheaper vodka (Skyy or similar) all they had was Grey Goose... |
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Posted: 7/19/2010 9:09:23 AM EDT
[#33]
Call 411 to ask what a "parsec" is.
Turns out it's a measurement of cubic area in space. Those guys are SMART! (or maybe since he was sober, he thought to google it.) |
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Posted: 7/19/2010 9:10:45 AM EDT
[#34]
First time ever being drunk: Tried to swim up the concrete path from the driveway to the front door. About 30 minutes later we see cop cars (lights, sirens, and all) speed past the house and stop 5 houses up the street. Red cups in hand we went to the edge of the front yard and watched (not a single one of us was 21).
Freshman year of college: It's 20 something degrees outside and I decide to take my shirt off and run laps around this trailer the party is at. A few months later at a rather large apt complex I emptied my stomach's contents off of the 3rd floor balcony. It wasn't an accident either, I thought it would be funny to see how it landed. It took three weeks before some rain washed it away. Sophomore year of college: Tried to drive my truck home while completely hammered. Friends watched as I tried to find the steering wheel...in the bed of the truck. They took my keys (somehow I didn't notice) and left me still trying to find the g__d___ steering wheel until I passed out.
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Posted: 7/19/2010 9:12:02 AM EDT
[#35]
When stumbling home from bars with buddies @ 4:30 am, I used to feel compelled to charge and tackle the huge stacks of milk crates that the small NYC grocery stores left on the sidewalk for pickup.
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Posted: 7/19/2010 9:12:02 AM EDT
[#36]
never found out who wrote it. Plus I have a 3gb video on my iphone (that is too large to retrieve) of us climibing the fire escape on a 30 story building in downtown kc. |
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Posted: 7/19/2010 9:12:34 AM EDT
[#37]
I decided to play the grand piano in my friends house, and I ended up headbutting it
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Posted: 7/19/2010 9:14:25 AM EDT
[#38]
Quoted:
Call 411 to ask what a "parsec" is. Turns out it's a measurement of cubic area in space. Those guys are SMART! (or maybe since he was sober, he thought to google it.) I guess you were too drunk to really understand what they were saying. A parsec is a measurement of distance. It's the distance at which 1 AU (astronomical unit - the distance between the Earth and the sun) subtends one second of angle. |
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Posted: 7/19/2010 9:15:56 AM EDT
[#39]
Next AM found the entire newspaper wadded up in the shitter. I must have read something that pissed me off. No recollection of the event. Things like this don't ever happen to me, so that is why it was odd.
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Posted: 7/19/2010 9:17:00 AM EDT
[#40]
Quoted: Quoted: Call 411 to ask what a "parsec" is. Turns out it's a measurement of cubic area in space. Those guys are SMART! (or maybe since he was sober, he thought to google it.) I guess you were too drunk to really understand what they were saying. A parsec is a measurement of distance. It's the distance at which 1 AU (astronomical unit - the distance between the Earth and the sun) subtends one second of angle. Uh, yeah! What he said! You'd think I'd remember that since I took Astronomy 1010 last semester. Guess I've purged already. |
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Posted: 7/19/2010 9:21:30 AM EDT
[#41]
This thread would make a great country song
Oh, and I dont have the time right now to list drunk exploits, but one of them was truly the best night ever...I think |
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Posted: 7/19/2010 9:22:00 AM EDT
[#42]
For some ungodly reason, I was hacking away at a 12 pack box with my Swiss Army knife and buried the blade to the hilt into the fleshy part of my hand.
In front of a bunch of people. At a Super Bowl Party. Luckily for me, it's a "Classic" model and the blade is only about 2" long. I've done a few other things but this is likely the most embarrassing that comes to mind. Generally, I keep my shit together when I'm drinking, and don't often drink to EXCESS. |
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Posted: 7/19/2010 9:26:56 AM EDT
[#43]
Not me but happened to a buddy we were with.
Drinking at the bar at the IP Casino is Biloxi and we notice that one of our buddies is gone. I call his phone, no answer. Several minutes of "Where's John Boy?" and tried cell phone again. Some dude answers his phone after about 8 rings. Me: "Hello?" Dude: "You looking for the guy who owns this phone?" Me: "Um, yes?" Dude: "He's out here in the bushes next to the valet stand". We go charging out and here's this HUGE guy with his wife on one arm and our drunk ass buddy on the other. Man, we never let him forget that one. |
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Posted: 7/19/2010 9:27:14 AM EDT
[#44]
I don't know what I did last night but I woke up this morning and my ribs on my right side are killing me.
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Posted: 7/19/2010 9:29:31 AM EDT
[#45]
Kicked the trunk of my car .... well that was only half the stupid part ... half way through this kick I thought it was a bad idea to kick my car ... so to stop said kick I picked up my other foot (the one on the ground) result I kicked my car with 2 feet , dented the trunk lid, and fell on my ass.
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Posted: 7/19/2010 9:32:20 AM EDT
[#46]
It was really really stupid  but fortunately no one was hurt.
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Posted: 7/19/2010 9:33:25 AM EDT
[#47]
I was at some college girl's stupid party, I was very drunk. I didn't know her. I went to the bathroom and topped off her bottle of plaques mouthwash with my piss
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Posted: 7/19/2010 9:37:26 AM EDT
[#48]
Quoted:
Quoted:
grabbed my GF moms ass (she grabbed mine back) Any more to the story? Pics of GF's mom? no pics, but the GF mom can give a hell of a back rub..... after that the gf wont allow the 2 of us alone unsupervised....... |
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Posted: 7/19/2010 9:37:43 AM EDT
[#49]
There have been several days where I wake up after a night of drinking and think everything went well, then a few days later a huge LaRue box shows up, packed with stuff I don't remember buying. I wish you could get a breathalyzer on your credit cards.
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Posted: 7/19/2010 9:39:05 AM EDT
[#50]
HUGE fires..... The kind that make the news.....
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