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10/20/2017 1:01:18 AM
9/22/2017 12:11:25 AM
Posted: 8/20/2005 2:51:58 PM EDT
Have you noticed a lot of the guys will make threads about their significant others and mention all the things that they do that they think are "wrong" or "inappropriate" or "pisses them off" with the man of course always being in the right...

But very rarely do you ever see a post from a man about how he screwed up and knew that he was wrong in what he did.

Seems we have a lot of men who like to look "perfect" who only gripe about all the bad things that their significant others do and never commend or compliment them on the good things about them. Makes me think these men sure do whine a lot!! But technically I guess it's not "whining" since they're "perfect"

Does anyone else know a man like this and does it irritate you just as much???
Link Posted: 8/20/2005 3:24:18 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/20/2005 3:25:12 PM EDT by JohnnyMcEldoo]
I think thats the difficult thing about turning a sour relationship back into a good one. Both people have things to work on and both must make compromises for each other. It seems like the only way to have a healthy and successful relationship. If the other parter doesnt see themselves at fault with anything in the relationship maybe thats a big part of the problem?

I will tell you ladies a secret though that most men dont like to let out and that is women are the most powerful mammals on the universe. They have more power over man in the great scheme of things. So you keep your man happy and in check and he will(should) walk on hot coals for you
Link Posted: 8/20/2005 3:28:28 PM EDT

Originally Posted By JohnnyMcEldoo:
So you keep your man happy and in check and he will(should) walk on hot coals for you



Very few, if any women are willing to pay the price for that kind of loyalty.

The few that do, you read about in the newspaper under the heading "75th wedding anniversary!"

Link Posted: 8/20/2005 3:29:05 PM EDT
Link Posted: 8/20/2005 3:33:20 PM EDT

Originally Posted By nationwide:

Originally Posted By JohnnyMcEldoo:
So you keep your man happy and in check and he will(should) walk on hot coals for you



Very few, if any women are willing to pay the price for that kind of loyalty.

The few that do, you read about in the newspaper under the heading "75th wedding anniversary!"





Amen

Im a patient man though
Link Posted: 8/20/2005 4:51:55 PM EDT
Over the years I have dated many divorced women. I have also worked with many divorced men. I have never had one divorced person tell me that it was their fault.

So I am guessing that everyone thinks they are perfect in their own mind.

I think one of the hardest challenges we face is to look inside ourselves and be brutally honest about our own faults.

It's easy and less painful to place blame on others.
Link Posted: 8/20/2005 5:18:35 PM EDT
yeah sure, I drove my ex-wife over to the guys house where she was getting a little on the side.....sure I did.
Link Posted: 8/20/2005 5:37:23 PM EDT


Aside from one thread in particular <cough> I think the guys are just blowin' off steam. Back in the day. you went to the corner tap to do that...today you "log on" and crack a cold one. Beer's cheaper and ya don't have to tip for bad advice
Link Posted: 8/20/2005 5:50:00 PM EDT
I've noticed kind of an opposite trend. (When airline crews are locked together in a metal tube for a few days, the conversations get interesting.)

When you talk about the reasons for divorces, lots of men will "come clean". They'll get a sheepish look and make a dumb laugh and admit they had an affair or something, because "she had big tits, huhuhuh".

Women, on the other hand, seem to have a psychological need for it not to be their fault. No matter what they did, their ex "drove" them to it.

Another thing I notice is that men don't seem to realize their relationship is even in trouble until it's already over.
Link Posted: 8/20/2005 5:52:32 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Rodent:
I've noticed kind of an opposite trend. (When airline crews are locked together in a metal tube for a few days, the conversations get interesting.)

When you talk about the reasons for divorces, lots of men will "come clean". They'll get a sheepish look and make a dumb laugh and admit they had an affair or something, because "she had big tits, huhuhuh".

Women, on the other hand, seem to have a psychological need for it not to be their fault. No matter what they did, their ex "drove" them to it.

Another thing I notice is that men don't seem to realize their relationship is even in trouble until it's already over.



If these women would simply get a license...or take the "T" this simply would not happen!
Link Posted: 8/20/2005 6:35:56 PM EDT
Guess I will be the first one to pony up and say that my wife has a special place reserved for her in heaven just for putting up with all my crap over the years.
Link Posted: 8/20/2005 7:03:03 PM EDT

Originally Posted By PlaymoreMinds:


Aside from one thread in particular <cough> I think the guys are just blowin' off steam. Back in the day. you went to the corner tap to do that...today you "log on" and crack a cold one. Beer's cheaper and ya don't have to tip for bad advice



It's not just recently.. I've noticed this going on for a long time!!

Know a guy like that too <cough cough>
Link Posted: 8/20/2005 7:58:22 PM EDT

Originally Posted By PlaymoreMinds:

If these women would simply get a license...or take the "T" this simply would not happen!



What's the "T"?

And my poor wife has the patience of a saint to put up with my retarded ass.

Went to the motorcycle shop to swap the brakepads they gave me (wrong ones).
As I headed out the door, she specifically said "Do Not Buy A Motorcycle."

I apparently heard this as "Buy A Motorcycle", because I did.
She was only mad at me for a couple days, and allowed me to keep all of my dangly bits.

Men are untrainable. But, women like us for our jar opening skilz, and our dead bug removal services...
Link Posted: 8/21/2005 12:38:13 AM EDT
Drinking, on both sides, put an end to my first marraige after 17 years. It almost got the second one too until we put an end to that shit. Perfect marraige, not by a long shot. We're just old enough to know the difference betwen a fairy tale and reality.

She loves me unconditionally and lets me know every day. That's worth keeping because it doesn't get any better than that.
Link Posted: 8/21/2005 1:06:07 AM EDT
im so confused..... im always wrong with the wife
Link Posted: 8/21/2005 1:20:50 AM EDT

Originally Posted By HeldHostage:

Originally Posted By PlaymoreMinds:


Aside from one thread in particular <cough> I think the guys are just blowin' off steam. Back in the day. you went to the corner tap to do that...today you "log on" and crack a cold one. Beer's cheaper and ya don't have to tip for bad advice



It's not just recently.. I've noticed this going on for a long time!!

Know a guy like that too <cough cough>



It has been going on a long time.
However, it isn't just men doing it either.
Women blame the other just as much.

NO ONE wants it to be their fault. If we admit it's our fault, then we have to admit that we aren't perfect. VERY few people these days are going to do that. It's part of the growing selfish attitude that permiates our society.

Rodent makes a good point.
I can't possibly count the number of divorced women who use the "he drove me to it" excuse for things they did. They may be right from their perspective, but it's still a cop out.

Likewise, there are a lot of people who just don't "see" that they themselves did anything wrong. Failure to see things from the other person's perspective leads to a lot of "it's their fault" kind of stuff.

Add in that many women (and some men) don't say anything until the relationship is so far gone that there just is no fixing it. While the initial problems may have been his/her fault, his/her choice to stew over it and not discuss it is just as much to blame for the ultimate failure. Issues can not be fixed or resolved unless both parties are aware that it is an issue. Communication breakdowns are the single biggest contributor to failed relationships IMHO.
Link Posted: 8/21/2005 1:46:23 AM EDT

Originally Posted By none:
Guess I will be the first one to pony up and say that my wife has a special place reserved for her in heaven just for putting up with all my crap over the years.



+1. I fully admit that I'm a selfish bastard. I blame my parents since I'm an only child. My wife puts up with me though and for that I love her dearly.
Link Posted: 8/21/2005 2:01:01 AM EDT
Link Posted: 8/21/2005 5:44:55 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/21/2005 5:46:42 AM EDT by daydreamer]
This is related... When a group of women get together, conversation often degenerates to a slam fest, targeted at the men in their lives, whom most of the women love dearly all the same. So, the play group I'm in, being aware and trying to be above all this, has made a "silent agreement" to speak constructively. As they are a creative bunch of souls, it is generally easy.

One week; however, one member just had to blow off a tiny bit of steam, revealing her displeasure with her husband. Well, we made her make up for it next time by saying 3 nice things about her husband (all good-humoredly). She said some really awesome things about him. The rest of us followed suit. It was really a demonstration of what we all know... we can complain about the people we love, getting practice slamming them, or we can praise them, getting practice building them up.

Nobody is perfect; they're putting up with us, and we're putting up with them. That is the beauty of seemingly fragile human love.
Link Posted: 8/21/2005 6:59:14 AM EDT

Originally Posted By daydreamer:
This is related... When a group of women get together, conversation often degenerates to a slam fest, targeted at the men in their lives, whom most of the women love dearly all the same. So, the play group I'm in, being aware and trying to be above all this, has made a "silent agreement" to speak constructively. As they are a creative bunch of souls, it is generally easy.

One week; however, one member just had to blow off a tiny bit of steam, revealing her displeasure with her husband. Well, we made her make up for it next time by saying 3 nice things about her husband (all good-humoredly). She said some really awesome things about him. The rest of us followed suit. It was really a demonstration of what we all know... we can complain about the people we love, getting practice slamming them, or we can praise them, getting practice building them up.

Nobody is perfect; they're putting up with us, and we're putting up with them. That is the beauty of seemingly fragile human love.



Wow, I can't put it any better than this. When love doesn't go my way or doesn't come to fruition in the way I want, I have a bad habit of doing the slam--and I mean some heavy slamming. That's not fair at all. I think it's kind of retaliation for a bad relationship a few years back wherein he did all the slamming at the end when we never had any constructive discussions about anything during our time together.

I, more recently, have adopted a gentler stance when things don't go my way. I'm hurt, yes. Angry at times, yes. But I do not lash out toward others in that anger and I pray that God will guide their way, keep them safe, and things will work out if they're meant to in God's time.

I do notice a lot of threads where people complain about their SOs in some fashion, and it's just a written-in-the-public-forum version of what guys do together anyway. It's just much more public (that is kinda disturbing, even if names are kept at bay). It's when you expect perfection and demand a level of compromise you're not willing to deliver yourself that the problems begin.
Link Posted: 8/21/2005 7:43:59 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Bellona:
...It's when you expect perfection and demand a level of compromise you're not willing to deliver yourself that the problems begin.



Link Posted: 8/21/2005 9:05:21 AM EDT

Originally Posted By daydreamer:

Nobody is perfect; they're putting up with us, and we're putting up with them. That is the beauty of seemingly fragile human love.




Link Posted: 8/21/2005 9:45:57 AM EDT
Doing something "bad" is always a frame of mind. One time something is bad another time it is not. Interpertation is what get's you.
Link Posted: 8/21/2005 11:05:28 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/21/2005 11:07:02 AM EDT by DoubleFeed]
Link Posted: 8/21/2005 11:19:49 AM EDT

Originally Posted By DoubleFeed:
The problem on both sides is that they think they are right. The men approach it logically and the women approach it emotionally. Witness a couple of recent threads about insulting words for the proof!
I can't tell you how many times I've seen advice that the man is supposed to learn the woman's rules, or he'll never get anywhere. Is there equal advice for women that she needs to learn the man's rules or she'll never get anywhere?
When I've complimented my ex's, they rejected it. I remembver that very well, and I remember my complete surprise at finding out that women apparently don't want compliments.



Sure they do.
It's just up to us to somehow decipher when they want them and when they don't.


Link Posted: 8/21/2005 11:25:48 AM EDT
Link Posted: 8/21/2005 12:00:05 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/21/2005 12:01:08 PM EDT by HeldHostage]

Originally Posted By DoubleFeed:

Originally Posted By drache:

Originally Posted By DoubleFeed:
The problem on both sides is that they think they are right. The men approach it logically and the women approach it emotionally. Witness a couple of recent threads about insulting words for the proof!
I can't tell you how many times I've seen advice that the man is supposed to learn the woman's rules, or he'll never get anywhere. Is there equal advice for women that she needs to learn the man's rules or she'll never get anywhere?
When I've complimented my ex's, they rejected it. I remembver that very well, and I remember my complete surprise at finding out that women apparently don't want compliments.



Sure they do.
It's just up to us to somehow decipher when they want them and when they don't.



Ladies, that's exactly how this looks. Anybody care to contest?



Secretly we are always pleased and happy when we receive compliments from men. If you want a reward for a compliment given though you'll have to catch us in a good mood .

I've just noticed you can go a month with your significant other without mentioning them at all on here.. then the second the woman does something to get under your skin, there's a tirade about women! It blows over and all is kosher again until the next tirade. I'm not saying you don't love them or want them any less just because you've gotten into an argument, just simply that all we hear about on here is when you two argue! Rarely do you see any cutsie stories about something she does that you find adorable and makes you love her all the more. I see this a lot on children.. but not on significant others.

Men simply need to learn how to express pleasure in something done (other than sexually) and not voice so much displeasure in their significant others. We all know that it can't be all that bad otherwise you wouldn't be with them anymore!!!! And I also do realize that when a group of men get together the conversation does veer that way sometimes, especially if you're having a rough day... I dunno, just wondered why they can't share the good stories more often instead of the bad ones.

ETA: By the way........... if you come on here seeking justification for something you did or your point of view in an argument, then you obviously don't think you were entirely right. If you're having doubts, take that as a sign.
Link Posted: 8/21/2005 12:02:58 PM EDT
Link Posted: 8/21/2005 12:31:11 PM EDT
I've seen far more women guilty of this than men (myself included). I think it is typical of our society's view of relationships. People go into a relationship expecting the other person to somehow make their lives better, but without planning to actually put anything back into the relationship. Most people say "I do" with a silent "but we can always get a divorce if it gets rough" added in their heads.

No one is responsible for their own failures any more. It's society's fault or their parent's fault, or those greedy capitalists, or those $#@%ing commies, or _______ that caused them to fail in jobs/school/marriage/life in general. Once you combine this lack of personal responsibility with the aforementioned selfishness, you get a 50+% divorce rate and a bunch of adults that whine worse than my 2 year old.

And this concludes my first arfcom rant since returning.
Link Posted: 8/21/2005 12:40:03 PM EDT
Link Posted: 8/21/2005 2:00:32 PM EDT

Originally Posted By DoubleFeed:

Originally Posted By HeldHostage:

Originally Posted By DoubleFeed:

Originally Posted By drache:

Originally Posted By DoubleFeed:
The problem on both sides is that they think they are right. The men approach it logically and the women approach it emotionally. Witness a couple of recent threads about insulting words for the proof!
I can't tell you how many times I've seen advice that the man is supposed to learn the woman's rules, or he'll never get anywhere. Is there equal advice for women that she needs to learn the man's rules or she'll never get anywhere?
When I've complimented my ex's, they rejected it. I remembver that very well, and I remember my complete surprise at finding out that women apparently don't want compliments.



Sure they do.
It's just up to us to somehow decipher when they want them and when they don't.



Ladies, that's exactly how this looks. Anybody care to contest?



Secretly we are always pleased and happy when we receive compliments from men. If you want a reward for a compliment given though you'll have to catch us in a good mood .

I've just noticed you can go a month with your significant other without mentioning them at all on here.. then the second the woman does something to get under your skin, there's a tirade about women! It blows over and all is kosher again until the next tirade. I'm not saying you don't love them or want them any less just because you've gotten into an argument, just simply that all we hear about on here is when you two argue! Rarely do you see any cutsie stories about something she does that you find adorable and makes you love her all the more. I see this a lot on children.. but not on significant others.

Men simply need to learn how to express pleasure in something done (other than sexually) and not voice so much displeasure in their significant others. We all know that it can't be all that bad otherwise you wouldn't be with them anymore!!!! And I also do realize that when a group of men get together the conversation does veer that way sometimes, especially if you're having a rough day... I dunno, just wondered why they can't share the good stories more often instead of the bad ones.

ETA: By the way........... if you come on here seeking justification for something you did or your point of view in an argument, then you obviously don't think you were entirely right. If you're having doubts, take that as a sign.

Where did that ETA come from?



It was kinda the point of my original post
Link Posted: 8/21/2005 2:17:01 PM EDT
Link Posted: 8/22/2005 4:38:01 AM EDT

Originally Posted By DoubleFeed:

Originally Posted By drache:

Originally Posted By DoubleFeed:
The problem on both sides is that they think they are right. The men approach it logically and the women approach it emotionally. Witness a couple of recent threads about insulting words for the proof!
I can't tell you how many times I've seen advice that the man is supposed to learn the woman's rules, or he'll never get anywhere. Is there equal advice for women that she needs to learn the man's rules or she'll never get anywhere?
When I've complimented my ex's, they rejected it. I remembver that very well, and I remember my complete surprise at finding out that women apparently don't want compliments.



Sure they do.
It's just up to us to somehow decipher when they want them and when they don't.



Ladies, that's exactly how this looks. Anybody care to contest?



No contesting. Just be sure you aren't using compliments like a dog trainer uses dog biscuits.
Link Posted: 8/22/2005 4:53:57 AM EDT
FTR...I LIKE compliments...
So...now that you know that...start 'em going!

Link Posted: 8/22/2005 5:23:40 AM EDT
Sounds to me like it has a personal side to this for you. Most people vent to friends and here people are making friends so they can vent...Many women voice their displeasure with their men here too. Not that I am taking sides but the original post appears to be more directed at someone in particular for you...
Link Posted: 8/22/2005 6:33:43 AM EDT

Originally Posted By DoubleFeed:

Originally Posted By drache:

Originally Posted By DoubleFeed:
The problem on both sides is that they think they are right. The men approach it logically and the women approach it emotionally. Witness a couple of recent threads about insulting words for the proof!
I can't tell you how many times I've seen advice that the man is supposed to learn the woman's rules, or he'll never get anywhere. Is there equal advice for women that she needs to learn the man's rules or she'll never get anywhere?
When I've complimented my ex's, they rejected it. I remembver that very well, and I remember my complete surprise at finding out that women apparently don't want compliments.



Sure they do.
It's just up to us to somehow decipher when they want them and when they don't.



Ladies, that's exactly how this looks. Anybody care to contest?



Taking a compliment:

Speaking from personal experience... Some people aren't raised to take compliments appropriately. It's a self-esteem issue. They will take a compliment like "oh, your hair looks nice" and respond with a self-degrading remark like "yeah but I've still got a big hairy zit, buck teeth, dimply ass, and more jiggle than wiggle." you get the idea. Where the appropriate response should be "thank you very much, you look nice too." or whatever blah, blah, blah.

I would contest that this is not true of everyone. I'm sure there are some people out there who take compliments very graciously. It can be a matter of training. How to take a compliment politely, without appearing to be a snob. Because the other extreme is the person who says "why yes, I do look good and you should be happy that I'm even talking to you".
Link Posted: 8/22/2005 9:37:30 AM EDT

Originally Posted By cmjohnson:
Hey, I've screwed up.

The reason why my relationship with my GF isn't quite what I want it to be right now (actually it's sort
of on hold) is because I wanted to make a stronger commitment to her than she was ready for.
She called for a temporary hold while she figures out what to do.

I don't get it?

I thought women wanted men who weren't afraid of commitment?

It wasn't like I'd offered her a ring yet....


Oh well. I'm guilty of something. That's for sure.

CJ




IF it were me Id be suspicious that shes seeing someone else as well. It has happened to me a couple times and this is one of the signs. Dont waste your time on someone that messes with your head.
Link Posted: 8/22/2005 9:47:30 AM EDT

Originally Posted By mrsar:
Sounds to me like it has a personal side to this for you. Most people vent to friends and here people are making friends so they can vent...Many women voice their displeasure with their men here too. Not that I am taking sides but the original post appears to be more directed at someone in particular for you...



Nope, it's happened in the past but not in quite awhile thankfully!

More a realization after the tattoo thread where he has this wonderful woman and is simply fixated and annoyed at her tattoos, but once again doesn't really speak much about how wonderful she is other than to say that he loves her...

Besides, occasionally I like to state the obvious
Link Posted: 8/22/2005 10:10:16 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/22/2005 10:17:44 AM EDT by desertmoon]

Originally Posted By HeldHostage:
Have you noticed a lot of the guys will make threads about their significant others and mention all the things that they do that they think are "wrong" or "inappropriate" or "pisses them off" with the man of course always being in the right...

But very rarely do you ever see a post from a man about how he screwed up and knew that he was wrong in what he did.

Seems we have a lot of men who like to look "perfect" who only gripe about all the bad things that their significant others do and never commend or compliment them on the good things about them. Makes me think these men sure do whine a lot!! But technically I guess it's not "whining" since they're "perfect"

Does anyone else know a man like this and does it irritate you just as much???



Were I to tell you the story of how I lost the perfect girl and how I ( and I ALONE ) blew it, it would be a long, long tale.....and I would end up feeling VERY, VERY VERY bleak indeed.

Suffice it to say.....ya don't know whatcha got.....till it's gone.

I'd like to add that, since those days, I have busted my ass learning how to recognize what IS valuable in life and what IS NOT and judge and behave according to my completely readjusted set of values. (Thank you, Ayn Rand ) Since that time, by the way, I have been absolutely alone...............and I ABSOLUTELY deserve it. Whether I like it or not is a completely different matter....but I can live with it.
Link Posted: 8/22/2005 3:36:57 PM EDT

Originally Posted By desertmoon:

Were I to tell you the story of how I lost the perfect girl and how I ( and I ALONE ) blew it, it would be a long, long tale.....and I would end up feeling VERY, VERY VERY bleak indeed.

Suffice it to say.....ya don't know whatcha got.....till it's gone.




I know the feeling.

Warren Zevon (who I just posted about yesterday in G.D.). wrote a hell of a song about it while he was, you know, dying. (As good a time as any to take stock, I suppose). I'm sure every guy on this board has a woman out there he'd feel this way about:


I close my eyes, you reappear
I always carry you inside, in here
I fall asleep, you come to me
And once again our love is real
How could I have let you get away
Why couldn't I have found a way to say

'Tu eres el amor de mi vida
Si solo te pudiera encontrar
Con todo el corazon te diria
Tu eres mi amor de verdad'

I look outside, I know you're there
And you've found a brand new life somewhere
I only wish it had been us
But I'm happy for your happiness
How could I ever let you go
How will I ever let you know

'Tu eres el amor de mi vida
Si solo te pudiera encontrar
Con todo el corazon te diria
Tu eres mi amor de verdad'

'Tu eres mi amor,
tu eres mi amor,
tu eres mi amor de verdad'
'Tu eres mi amor,
tu eres mi amor,
tu eres mi amor de verdad'

Link Posted: 8/23/2005 2:17:58 AM EDT
I'm not a perfect man, neither is my wife a perfect woman.

We both try, and fail, to be all that we should be.

I have never complained about her to mixed company, because to do so is admitting MY failure to be the perfect spouse, not the other way around.
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