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Posted: 9/23/2004 5:35:10 AM EDT
Like "I'm gonna rip off yer head and crap down yer neck!" or "You better call 9-1-1!" or "This is going to leave a mark..."

Bring out your best! I need these for work.
Link Posted: 9/23/2004 5:36:53 AM EDT
"It's hard to pick up your teeth with broken fingers..."

Link Posted: 9/23/2004 5:38:16 AM EDT
"I'm gonna hit you so hard your momma is gonna feel it"
Link Posted: 9/23/2004 5:38:25 AM EDT
I used to have a job kicking lions in the ass.

I'll hit you so hard that you'll starve to death before you stop rolling.
Link Posted: 9/23/2004 5:44:46 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Pangea:
I used to have a job kicking lions in the ass.

I'll hit you so hard that you'll starve to death before you stop rolling.

Pangea - Someone at work used the "starve to death" one on me yesterday for the first time. It's what got me started.
Link Posted: 9/23/2004 5:46:02 AM EDT
From the movie "Roadhouse":

"I used to fuck guys like you when I was in Prison..."
Link Posted: 9/23/2004 5:47:48 AM EDT
Link Posted: 9/23/2004 5:48:47 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/23/2004 6:00:13 AM EDT by rn45]
You'd rather have a sister in a whorehouse than me as an enemy.

May the fleas from a thousand camels find a nest in your armpits.
Link Posted: 9/23/2004 5:49:21 AM EDT
"My two favorite things is kicking ass and chewing gum...and I'm all out of gum." ,
Link Posted: 9/23/2004 6:37:53 AM EDT

Sergeant Hartman:
You little scumbag! I've got your name! I've
got your ass! You will not laugh! You will not
cry! You will learn by the numbers. I will
teach you. Now get up! Get on your feet! You
had best unfuck yourself or I will unscrew
your head and shit down your neck!

Link Posted: 9/23/2004 6:39:50 AM EDT
You're a fatman.

Link Posted: 9/23/2004 6:42:14 AM EDT
I'm going to knock the taste out of your mouth.
Link Posted: 9/23/2004 6:43:05 AM EDT
"I will tear off your head, reach down your throat, and pull out your heart."

"I am going to rip off your arm and beat you to death with it."

What can I say, I grew up in a coal mining town.
Link Posted: 9/23/2004 6:44:21 AM EDT
"I'll hit you so hard so fast you'll swear your surrounded"
Link Posted: 9/23/2004 6:45:13 AM EDT
Go for it. please.
Link Posted: 9/23/2004 6:46:13 AM EDT
Stolen from a thread here last week, the funniest thing I've heard in ages:

Islamic mom scolding little kid:

"Don't make me strap a bomb to you!"
Link Posted: 9/23/2004 6:46:13 AM EDT
You'd be better off jacking off a wildcat with a handful of cockleburs than fucking with me. fullclip
Link Posted: 9/23/2004 6:46:24 AM EDT
I used this the other day:

"Don't make me pull you out of that machine and use you as backfill."
Link Posted: 9/23/2004 6:46:45 AM EDT
Link Posted: 9/23/2004 6:49:40 AM EDT
I wish I could remember what member posted this one, but I loved it: I came into this world screaming and coverd is someone else blood, and I have no problem leaving it the same way. A true classic.. fullclip
Link Posted: 9/23/2004 7:36:29 AM EDT
And from one of the greatest movies ever...

"shut that cunt's mouth or I'll fuckstart her head"

I love that one.
Link Posted: 9/23/2004 7:40:23 AM EDT
Heard this one years ago when I worked trading floor support...

"If you don't fucking fix that right now, I'm going to go over there, spit on the tip of my dick, and shove it up your ass!"

Link Posted: 9/23/2004 7:40:49 AM EDT
Knock it off or I'll get my mommy to beat you up.


Knock it off or I'll hire someone to beat you up.

Link Posted: 9/23/2004 7:41:57 AM EDT
I got no problem goin back to prison..
Link Posted: 9/23/2004 7:43:44 AM EDT
Link Posted: 9/23/2004 7:43:53 AM EDT
this big black NCO from darkest Kentucky used to yell at people "Boy, I'll snatch you baldheaded ifn you don't knock that shit off!" Always made me LMFAO even though nobody knew WTF he meant...

Link Posted: 9/23/2004 7:45:29 AM EDT
"Two hits. Me hitting you. You hitting the floor." - Breakfast Club

A bit childish and stupid, but then I always found threats to be that way. I don't threaten. I either do the deed or walk away, but I'm not about to waste my time threatening.
Link Posted: 9/23/2004 7:45:49 AM EDT

Originally Posted By dpmmn:
"I'll hit you so hard so fast you'll swear your surrounded"

Link Posted: 9/23/2004 7:52:02 AM EDT
You had best unfuck yourself or I will unscrew you head and shit down your neck!

Thanks R Lee Emrey
Link Posted: 9/23/2004 8:28:38 AM EDT
SSGT Brooks, Parris Island 1986:

"Chicken blood, chicken blood, chicken blood....."
Link Posted: 9/23/2004 8:31:17 AM EDT
That's not a threat, it's a statement of fact!

I expected better from ya, Sarge...
Link Posted: 9/23/2004 8:40:55 AM EDT
I work in service industry. A few years ago, I heard a competitor's agent tell a customer;
"You fucking faggot! I'm gonna kick your ass. I'll come around the counter and stick my cock square down your throat!" So another customer said "You need to watch your languauge" And he replied "Don't start with me bitch, you don't want any of me! I'll do the same for you when I get finished over here."

Since it was a competitor, we just kinda watched in astonishment, and kept quiet.
Link Posted: 9/23/2004 9:17:32 AM EDT
Heard this one at work, while us guys were trading insults one day:

"I'll pound your stupid ass into hamburger, and then I'll drive to your house, and dickslap your ol' lady."
Link Posted: 9/23/2004 9:32:53 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/23/2004 9:35:29 AM EDT by PennvilleBill]
I'll drop kick your sorry ass into the next zip code.

I'll pile derive your ass so hard you'll have roll down your socks to shit.

I'll beat your ass into a blood puddle and then stomp the fucker dry.

And here's one I actually use in real life when I'm dealing with an inmate in need of a major attitude adjustment:

It's my way or it's ugly.... Your choice.

Link Posted: 9/23/2004 9:43:09 AM EDT
You love and support Kerry and love the Democrats point of view.
Link Posted: 9/23/2004 9:44:20 AM EDT
Shut your fucking cockhole or I'll break my boot off in your ass.

Shut the hell up or I'll stomp your fucking guts out.

I will fucking kill you. (Hey, it's simple and to the point.)

Usually I didn't threaten guys that worked for me in the Navy. I did lose my temper and punch a heavy duty filing cabinet hard enough to move it and dent it. It was welded to the deck. My shit bag was sitting next to it under the impact area. He shut up.

Heard this one when I was on a ship,
You know what, I'm an old man, your young. You might beat me, but some day in a dark passageway, your going to have an accident. (the younger guy walked away and later on had an accident)

From my buddy dealing with his girlfriends teenage son,
You think your bad because you broke a kids nose? I'm an old bitter man, you break my nose and the fight has just begun.
Link Posted: 9/23/2004 10:21:36 AM EDT
I'll shove my foot so far up your ass I'll kick your teeth out.

Live or die, boy. Your choice. Make it now.
Link Posted: 9/23/2004 10:57:01 AM EDT
I'll drop kick you with a boot to the skull, you cum guzzling queen.

Link Posted: 9/23/2004 10:59:28 AM EDT
"Killing is my business, and business is GOOOOOD!" -Major Payne
Link Posted: 9/23/2004 11:01:38 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/23/2004 11:03:08 AM EDT by Colt45guy]
I have 11 acres, a pistol and a shovel. Any questions?

Your mouth just wrote a check your body can't cash.

I'm gonna throw you the beating of your life.

I'm going to beat you down, steal your wallet, slap your wife, fuck your daughter and kick your dog.

ETA: Just remembered one I used yesterday

Allright, Sunshine. Play time is over
Link Posted: 9/23/2004 11:04:57 AM EDT
Link Posted: 9/23/2004 11:05:11 AM EDT
"Why don't you go outside and practice falling down screaming 'Oh shit, you broke my nose!' and I'll be out in a minute."

"If you were half the man you thought you were, you would've hit me by now."

Link Posted: 9/23/2004 11:09:39 AM EDT
Any of you fuckin' pricks move, and I'll execute every mother fuckin' last one of ya!

Well I'm a mushroom-cloud-layin' motherfucker, motherfucker! Every time my fingers touch brain I'm "SUPERFLY T.N.T", I'm the "GUNS OF THE NAVARONE".

"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you."
Link Posted: 9/23/2004 11:10:40 AM EDT
The last fight I was in, I kicked the guy and broke three ribs, if you think you want some of that then remeber this-that was my fucking dad and I got no family connections with you.
Link Posted: 9/23/2004 11:11:03 AM EDT

Originally Posted By 96Ag:
"Why don't you go outside and practice falling down screaming 'Oh shit, you broke my nose!' and I'll be out in a minute."


We have a winner!!!!!!!

Link Posted: 9/23/2004 11:31:31 AM EDT
I'll stomp a mudhole in your ass so big you'll be able to float a canoe in it.

I'll kick you so hard in your ass you'll be wearing it for a hat.

Don't let your alligator mouth out talk your canary ass.
Link Posted: 9/23/2004 11:36:46 AM EDT
"I've killed for my country, and I've killed for self-defense. But you...you I'm going to kill for fun."

pull a weapon and say "I get the feeling we won't be friends after this..."

"I hope you don't have any plans for the next 8 weeks. Because that's how long it will take you to heal."

"I shit bigger than you"

And that reminds me of Happy Gillmore
"I eat shit like you for beakfast."
"You eat shit for breakfast?"

Link Posted: 9/23/2004 11:58:56 AM EDT
An old man I grew up with used to say:

"I ain't afraid of the living and the dead don't walk" whenever anybody bowed up to him.

It is my favorite because it takes a while to figure out what the hell it means so while the other guy is thinking about it, he would start swinging.
Link Posted: 9/23/2004 11:59:55 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/23/2004 12:05:50 PM EDT by sleepdr]
There are over 200 bones in your body, and I'm about to make it 400.

Spoken to a punk kid who was harassing another: I know where you live, and my associates know where you live. Stop it now, or we will find you.

Odds are, you can't dodge as well as I aim.

My personal line (not yet needed): I've been shot, fallen 60 feet off a mountain, wrecked motorcycles, and am still standing. How much hurt can you take?

Like others above, though, I really don't do verbal threats. Something about being very quiet but using a steady gaze defuses most situations. When CCW, my lips are all but zipped shut. It's the Teddy Roosevelt school of though.

Link Posted: 9/23/2004 4:10:01 PM EDT
I don't threaten people, it's not polite. I just do it when needed. But, if you guys need a couple:

"I'll hit you so hard, you'll spend the rest of your life looking where you've been!" or, if you like a curse,

"May the bleeding piles possess you;
May corns adorn your feet;
May crabs as big as lobsters crawl on your balls and eat.
And, when you're old and weary, may your head fall through your asshole,
and break your fucking neck!"
Link Posted: 9/23/2004 4:12:04 PM EDT
the best part of you ran down the crack of your momma's ass!
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