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9/22/2017 12:11:25 AM
Posted: 6/20/2002 11:34:00 PM EDT
My girlfriend of 5 months has been married & divorced three times & is 42 years old. Her youngest is a boy of 15 & he still lives at home with her. Should I even stay around with her, given her track record? I have no marriage plans but who knows what I'll think a year or two years from now? I'm kinda shy given her "three strikes & out" choices so far. Or should I simply let things go & see what happens? Thanks in advance.
Link Posted: 6/20/2002 11:37:35 PM EDT
I'm going for "Sow your wild Oats" on this one. But of course, I'm not even 30, and don't have to worry about this sort of thing.
Link Posted: 6/20/2002 11:38:41 PM EDT
Link Posted: 6/20/2002 11:39:23 PM EDT
Originally Posted By BobCole: My girlfriend of 5 months has been married & divorced three times & is 42 years old.
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Danger Will Robinson! Danger! Danger!
Link Posted: 6/20/2002 11:39:34 PM EDT
First thing I have to ask is this: Have you met her mother and father, and are you like either of them? Secondly, how well does she get along with them? I only ask, because we tend to look for people like our parents or whoever took care of us growing up early on. Now, my wife is not like either of my parents, but she is just like my grandmother, who took care of me from 0-3 years old while my mom worked full time. And I'm just like a combination of her father the Marine and her mother the well read intellectual. So, if you are anything like her one or both of her parents and she doesn't get along with them, then chances are a long term relationsihp may not be viable. But, with hard work anything is possible. Remember the Alamo, and God Bless Texas...
Link Posted: 6/21/2002 8:48:28 AM EDT
Well my initial reaction would be run, run like hell. And that may yet be the best advice, BUT, it is possible that she just didn't make the right connection in the other three marriages. You need to understand as much as possible about her previous divorces to help make your decision. Don't make a marriage commitment until you're absolutely ready so you don't become just number 4. Is she making moves to become more committed? Is that why you're bringing this up now? Bottom line, odds are best that this is trouble. There is a chance that it will be right though and you should take your time checking things out before you decide that is the case. Good luck Bro. Mike
Link Posted: 6/21/2002 9:14:32 AM EDT
The thread title sounded a bit like a "Tag Team Event" was being organized...
Link Posted: 6/21/2002 9:43:46 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 6/21/2002 9:44:03 AM EDT by the_reject]
In the words of King Arthur upon facing the Beast of Caerbannog: [size=5]Run away! Run away![/size=5] This has been an important message brought to you by: the_reject
Link Posted: 6/21/2002 9:50:09 AM EDT
Link Posted: 6/21/2002 9:55:57 AM EDT
Originally Posted By the_reject: In the words of King Arthur upon facing the Beast of Caerbannog: [size=5]Run away! Run away![/size=5] This has been an important message brought to you by: the_reject
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[size=6]Run Fast and Run FAR !![/size=6]
Link Posted: 6/21/2002 10:02:44 AM EDT
BobCole, Love the sig! As long as you both can be honest with each other about things, enjoy being together day by day. Who knows what tomorrow will bring?
Link Posted: 6/21/2002 10:06:01 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 6/21/2002 10:07:42 AM EDT by DarkStar]
Been there, done that... run fast... people don't change... you'll be the one who has to change, not her. I wasted a year figuring that one out... edited to remove a few bitter comments... [;)]
Link Posted: 6/21/2002 10:10:12 AM EDT
coming from a woman's perspective, you should probably tell her upfront that you don't have any marriage plans right now. maybe she'll decide she's no longer interested. who knows? isn't 5 months a little short on the timeline to be thinking about marriage anyway? call me old fashioned, but i'm a firm believer in at least a year of dating before even beginning to consider marriage. i agree with the others too. more info on past marriages is required befor any advice can be administered. hell, for all we know she was stuck in a horrible world of no self-esteem and had hooked up with drug-addicted abusers. if she's gotten help, it might actually work. on the other hand, if all previous husbands are now in their graves, i'd be wondering what her plans are with YOU! [;)] just a word of warning which you probably don't need but i feel compelled to give anyway (ignore it if it doesn't apply): don't sow any seeds you aren't willing to take care of when they become plants, if you get my meaning.
Link Posted: 6/21/2002 10:16:58 AM EDT
Boy you are asking for advise on women in the wrong forum! I would be worried about the 3 divorces, that is definitely a red flag. On the other hand, my experience with relationships indicates it's best to let them progress naturally. If you enjoy spending time with her, keep doing it. If you see too many warning signs or things turn sour, get out of there. Take my words for whatever they are worth, I'm only 25...
Link Posted: 6/21/2002 10:25:07 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 6/21/2002 10:37:52 AM EDT by Gun-fan]
Imagine that this was a job interview. She brings her resume & has had a shit load of jobs... You probably wouldn't hire her. But even if you did, when you fire her she wouldn't get half of your business. Now then, back to reality. She comes into the realtionship with a shit load of marriages..... Scott
Link Posted: 6/21/2002 10:30:16 AM EDT
If you love her, our advice won't help. [rolleyes] If you don't love her, what's the question? [>:/]
Link Posted: 6/21/2002 10:38:57 AM EDT
Originally Posted By BobCole: My girlfriend of 5 months has been married & divorced three times & is 42 years old. Her youngest is a boy of 15 & he still lives at home with her. Should I even stay around with her, given her track record? I have no marriage plans but who knows what I'll think a year or two years from now? I'm kinda shy given her "three strikes & out" choices so far. Or should I simply let things go & see what happens? Thanks in advance.
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Unless she is a real hottie and chases you around the house nekkid all day, digs cold beer, P/U trucks, shooting and fishing, can cook like Emeril, can control her son without the threat of immenent vaporization or exile to Elba for life, I'd cool it for awhile. Five months ain't that long. Let your relationship age for a bit. Might get much better...or might not. [;D]
Link Posted: 6/21/2002 10:45:35 AM EDT
What do you mean? Just put it in and get to work! GEEZ.
Link Posted: 6/21/2002 11:56:37 AM EDT
Originally Posted By redray:
Originally Posted By the_reject: In the words of King Arthur upon facing the Beast of Caerbannog: [size=5]Run away! Run away![/size=5] This has been an important message brought to you by: the_reject
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[size=6]Run Fast and Run FAR !![/size=6]
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If you didn't catch the meaning of those 2 posts... RUN THE F* AWAY! IT IS NOT WORTH IT! I speak of experince...NEVER AGAIN!
Link Posted: 6/21/2002 12:33:21 PM EDT
[size=4]Run Forrest! Run![/size=4] Didn't Jesus had a talk to a woman with similar background?
Link Posted: 6/21/2002 12:52:03 PM EDT
This is off the subject of marriages but...
Imagine that this was a job interview. She brings her resume & has had a shit load of jobs... You probably wouldn't hire her.
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Funny, I'd never hire anyone that hasn't jumped around quite a bit! At least out here, it's entirely normal to see people change jobs every 2-4 years. In Sillycon Valley, if you've worked at the same joint for 20 yrs it sometimes means you're stale & outdated and hiding from trying to acquire new skills. Bill Wiese San Mateo, CA
Link Posted: 6/21/2002 1:06:09 PM EDT
After five months if your not sure if you should stay around then don't. If this was a good relationship you wouldn't be asking questions, right? When in doubt kick her out! I would go for an 18yr old virgin if I was you. [:D] Seriously, I have never doubted or wondered if I should stay when I was dating my wife. I've never doubted during 10 yrs of marriage either. I don't even know what a 7 year iche is. lol Good luck, Shok
Link Posted: 6/21/2002 8:28:25 PM EDT
Bob Cole It really boils down to this, Do you get along with her 15 year old son? She loves him in a special way she will never love you,and visa versi. Children are sometimes what hold a relationship together,or tear it apart! Good luck to you. Bob Cole
Link Posted: 6/22/2002 9:15:01 PM EDT
bobcole-- Here is my two cents>> If you love her you will want to stick around. Maybe the basis of her divorces were beyond her control or in her best intrests. If you love her and you have a good relationship why leave her just because her last relatioships were a fluke?
Link Posted: 6/22/2002 10:13:06 PM EDT
Link Posted: 6/23/2002 8:20:59 AM EDT
Thanks for all the input.
Link Posted: 6/23/2002 8:39:53 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 6/23/2002 8:40:36 AM EDT by JPPJ]
Well, I'd want to know details about the past relationships. Maybe, just maybe, those failures were not her fault (e.g. abuse, infidelity, etc.). But be prepared brother, because there are some answers you may get that you may not only not have expected, but are not prepared to/cannot handle. And as the King said, "brother . . . thats when the heartache begins . . ." [:O] [:(] [V] [>Q] I'm a big believer in knowing EVERYTHING and drawing my own conclusions. Of course with this approach, more-often-than-not, I realize its best to follow my head (large one)/common sense and move on, even when I REALLY don't want to.
Link Posted: 6/23/2002 8:47:40 AM EDT
i would be very careful,at 42 and 3 marriages she has a lot of baggage. 5 months is early to be thinking about marriage anyway.
Link Posted: 6/23/2002 11:07:49 PM EDT
Originally Posted By walttx: i would be very careful,at 42 and 3 marriages she has a lot of baggage. 5 months is early to be thinking about marriage anyway.
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Hell, I'm not thinking about marriage ANY time soon. But who knows two years from now? Point is, I don't want to be divorce #4. I feel like I'm dating Liz Taylor. >gg<
Link Posted: 6/24/2002 9:06:01 AM EDT
If husband #1 was a dick and husband #2 was a dick and husband #3 was a dick, imagine what she expects out of you. If she picks nothing but losers you might want to consider what image you are projecting to her. Good luck bro. I hope the best for you.
Link Posted: 6/24/2002 10:39:58 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Pangea: If husband #1 was a dick and husband #2 was a dick and husband #3 was a dick, imagine what she expects out of you. If she picks nothing but losers you might want to consider what image you are projecting to her. Good luck bro. I hope the best for you.
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It seems to me in a lot of cases if #1 was a dick and #2 was a dick and #3 was a dick......they were probably just fine and she was the problem. She says "be wery wery quiet, I'm hunting suckers, I mean hubbies" Mike
Link Posted: 6/24/2002 11:58:21 AM EDT
Hey, if you and she are happy then go for it. How would you feel if someone discounted you because of your past?
Link Posted: 6/24/2002 12:04:46 PM EDT
Originally Posted By DakotaKid:
Originally Posted By Pangea: If husband #1 was a dick and husband #2 was a dick and husband #3 was a dick, imagine what she expects out of you. If she picks nothing but losers you might want to consider what image you are projecting to her. Good luck bro. I hope the best for you.
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It seems to me in a lot of cases if #1 was a dick and #2 was a dick and #3 was a dick......they were probably just fine and she was the problem. She says "be wery wery quiet, I'm hunting suckers, I mean hubbies" Mike
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i think what Pangea was getting at is that some women consistently pick men that treat them less than well (and they enable it and allow it, of course) and she's probably not straying too far from the beaten path on this relationship. of course there's something not right with any woman that picks 3 losers in a row. but that doesn't mean she's a lost cause. thankfully, i picked all my losers in high school and never got to the marriage part with any of them. it took a while but i soon realized that if a guy was going to leave me for disagree with him, or being smarter than him, or whatever, he wasn't worth having in the first place. found more respect for myself and now i've found someone who respects me. it has to work in that order, no other way around it. hence, marrying jerk after jerk after jerk. no self respect.
Link Posted: 6/25/2002 9:49:29 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Pangea: If husband #1 was a dick and husband #2 was a dick and husband #3 was a dick, imagine what she expects out of you. If she picks nothing but losers you might want to consider what image you are projecting to her. Good luck bro. I hope the best for you.
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The worrisome part is, you're right on the hubby choices. However, I've known her since high school (28 years ago) so it's not like she's picking me out of the "loser" crowd. >gg<
Link Posted: 6/25/2002 9:58:58 PM EDT
uh oh, is she the girl you couldn't have in high school so you're her backup now?
Link Posted: 6/25/2002 10:18:50 PM EDT
Originally Posted By jz02: uh oh, is she the girl you couldn't have in high school so you're her backup now?
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Nah, we never actually went out in school.
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