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11/24/2017 4:44:23 PM
11/22/2017 10:05:29 PM
Posted: 10/2/2004 4:56:49 PM EST
[Last Edit: 10/2/2004 4:57:48 PM EST by Sturmwehr]
I have a co-worker... An obnoxious failure of a man that thinks he's superior to me because:
A.) He's over 50.
B.) He was raised (or rather, is disillusioned that he is) with the disipline and morals because his daddy beat him with wooden paddles whenever he spoke without permission (yet he frequents strip clubs every week).

This is one of those over-the-hill Southern dipshits that can't scrap together the brain cells to show an example of "2 + 2."

This man is condesending, a know-it-all. Jesus, he'll tell you you're an alien from Planet Juicy Fruit if it got him to look like he knows a god damn thing. He'll lie to accomplish anything, he has no dignity, no wit. He does have one thing, though, IGNORANCE TO THE TENTH FUCKING POWER. How does this man retort? Wit? Facts? Devil's Advocate? NOOOOOOO. He continues on with the most insane fucking stupid analogies and moronic babel until you're so disgusted with his stupidity that you can't help but cry for the future of mankind.

I've already told him he's a goldmine for neurologists everywhere - he didn't like that, but I want some insults (witty, nothing stupid) I can say to him that will make him cry. Seriously, I want to make him bawl from the pain of me stabbing him repeatedly with harsh words and Shakespearian wit.

PLEASE HELP ME (and, no, I can't beat the shit out of him or frame him for a Biblical plague or anything. He's actually, although rather technically since we have the same pay, my supervisor. And, no, I don't want to get fired; I can verbally abuse him without consequence (as long as it doesn't involve threats), but I want to make him suffer - not end his pain).
Link Posted: 10/2/2004 5:00:51 PM EST




If he is a truly dumb as you claim, don't waste time with good insults; he just won't understand. And that will piss you off even more. Indifference is the key. That will drive him nuts.

Or, be real nice.

Link Posted: 10/2/2004 5:01:24 PM EST
[Last Edit: 10/2/2004 5:01:39 PM EST by Sturmwehr]


Look, if it helps any, I think he's a Democrat.
Link Posted: 10/2/2004 5:02:22 PM EST
Paint his license plate to read " COP KLR" and hide some kiddie porn and coke in his trunk?
Link Posted: 10/2/2004 5:03:03 PM EST
Tell him the midget who wipes the ball sweat from NBA players during time outs has more class than he does.
Link Posted: 10/2/2004 5:04:10 PM EST
"You are the lowest form of life on earth, you are not even human f*****g beings."

"I bet the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress."
Link Posted: 10/2/2004 5:16:30 PM EST
Repairing the South, one dipshit at a time are you ?
Good luck with that, we appreciate your efforts.
Link Posted: 10/2/2004 5:16:37 PM EST

Originally Posted By Valkyre:
"You are the lowest form of life on earth, you are not even human f*****g beings."

"I bet the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress."



...Um... Kinda well-known. Like, very.
Link Posted: 10/2/2004 5:22:56 PM EST

Originally Posted By Bubbatheredneck:
Indifference is the key.



So, what, just say "Oh, really?" or "Hmm, I didn't know that" whenever he makes a bullshit claim like he owns the moon or has billions stashed away in the core of the Earth?

I can't stand this moron, YET WHY HASN'T DARWINISM TAKEN PLACE YET?! HE'S 50! WITH HIS IQ HE SHOULD BE DEAD FROM A TRACTER PULL ACCIDENT, AN IGNORED SAFETY RULE... SOMETHING!
Link Posted: 10/3/2004 2:26:31 PM EST
Tell him you like a healthy debate as much as the next person but that unfortunately, you refuse to get into a battle of wits with an obviously unarmed person.
Link Posted: 10/3/2004 2:47:34 PM EST
So let me get this straight....

A dumb, old southerner hick, that doesnt have two brain cells to rub together has you so completely confused that you cannot personally come up with anything to insult him with while you are in his presence ????

hehehehe

sorry, couldnt help it
Link Posted: 10/3/2004 2:53:22 PM EST

Originally Posted By Sturmwehr:

Originally Posted By Bubbatheredneck:
Indifference is the key.



So, what, just say "Oh, really?" or "Hmm, I didn't know that" whenever he makes a bullshit claim like he owns the moon or has billions stashed away in the core of the Earth?

I can't stand this moron, YET WHY HASN'T DARWINISM TAKEN PLACE YET?! HE'S 50! WITH HIS IQ HE SHOULD BE DEAD FROM A TRACTER PULL ACCIDENT, AN IGNORED SAFETY RULE... SOMETHING!



Just point and laugh.
Link Posted: 10/3/2004 2:57:01 PM EST
When he's talking, pretend to be interested, and then suddenly say:


"Wait! I just remembered. You're boring, and my legs work" and then walk away.
Link Posted: 10/3/2004 3:00:17 PM EST
Point out all HIS mistakes to his manager and take his job.
Link Posted: 10/3/2004 3:03:26 PM EST
http://www.spymall.com/catalog/revenge-index.htm
Link Posted: 10/3/2004 3:05:52 PM EST
Tell him:

"If I wanted anymore shit from you I'd squeeze your head..."

Link Posted: 10/3/2004 3:06:10 PM EST
Okay, tell him something like this:

"You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. As we say in Texas, I'll bet you couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel. You are a canker. A sore that won't go away. I would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you.

You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon.

You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done.

I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Even Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention your vile stench?

Try to edit your responses of unnecessary material before attempting to impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a nincompoop will still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it more rapidly.

You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs.

You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot, or ever recognized.

And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake?

You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a diseased leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void in space and time. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile, one-handed, slack-jawed, drooling, meatslapper.

On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of infected drool. You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go.

You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish foot-licking twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You cockered bum-bailey poofter. You craven dewberry pisshead cockup pratting naff. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill.

You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would return to your more superior original form – a single cell organism.

I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid, so stupid it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. You define the nexus of stupid.

Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know.

I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don't have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel. Duh.

The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have snipped away most of your of what you wrote, because, well... it didn't really say anything. Your attempt at constructing a creative flame was pitiful. I mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults among a load of babbling was hardly effective...

Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are "challenged" persons in this world who find these things more difficult. If I had known, that this was your case then I would have never read your post. It just wouldn't have been "right".

Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you and your ridiculous fantasy world."


Thank you very much.

CMOS
Link Posted: 10/3/2004 3:06:19 PM EST
let your eyes glaze over and go into a trance. about half way through snap out and say: "oh, i'm sorry, i wasn't paying attention to you." do this every time he talks.
Link Posted: 10/3/2004 3:12:06 PM EST

Originally Posted By CMOS:
Okay, tell him something like this:

"You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. As we say in Texas, I'll bet you couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel. You are a canker. A sore that won't go away. I would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you.

You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon.

You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done.

I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Even Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention your vile stench?

Try to edit your responses of unnecessary material before attempting to impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a nincompoop will still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it more rapidly.

You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs.

You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot, or ever recognized.

And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake?

You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a diseased leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void in space and time. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile, one-handed, slack-jawed, drooling, meatslapper.

On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of infected drool. You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go.

You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish foot-licking twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You cockered bum-bailey poofter. You craven dewberry pisshead cockup pratting naff. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill.

You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would return to your more superior original form – a single cell organism.

I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid, so stupid it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. You define the nexus of stupid.

Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know.

I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don't have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel. Duh.

The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have snipped away most of your of what you wrote, because, well... it didn't really say anything. Your attempt at constructing a creative flame was pitiful. I mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults among a load of babbling was hardly effective...

Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are "challenged" persons in this world who find these things more difficult. If I had known, that this was your case then I would have never read your post. It just wouldn't have been "right".

Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you and your ridiculous fantasy world."


Thank you very much.

CMOS




...Even *I* felt sub-human reading that.

Damn, I think you win.
Link Posted: 10/3/2004 3:14:45 PM EST
Have some fun with these:

www.pissedoffpete.com
Link Posted: 10/3/2004 3:18:08 PM EST
What's that link to that website with those insulting bumperstickers? That's what you need.

Either that, or keep enthusiatically agreeing with what ever he says. See how long it takes for the moron to figure out you're making fun of him..

Link Posted: 10/3/2004 3:19:32 PM EST

Originally Posted By USMC_LB:

A dumb, old southerner hick, that doesnt have two brain cells to rub together has you so completely confused that you cannot personally come up with anything to insult him with while you are in his presence ????

hehehehe

sorry, couldnt help it



How can you tell a person that can't understand simple English "You're just too damn stupid?"

Seriously, this guy will respond with "Buhoy, whuhtha talkin' bout?! I ain't stuupid!" (Match sentence with real thick Alabama-like Southern accent with long-drawn out words with too much emotion for ordinany words).

So, how can I prove he's stupid. "But, wait, Richard, you ARE a fucking moron. You think silicon has a melting point higher than ceramic and you lie whenever you can to make other people think you know what you're talking about." And he'll just said, "Mike, yer jus jeelus, buhoy!"

...Can I somehow legally do away with him? Can I get him deported? Send to the Gulag? Something?
Link Posted: 10/3/2004 3:21:29 PM EST

Originally Posted By DarkKnight:
Either that, or keep enthusiatically agreeing with what ever he says. See how long it takes for the moron to figure out you're making fun of him..




You raise a good point. If I just agree with him, he WILL STFU and digress... But, he's annoying...

Eh, I'll figure I'll just ignore him tomorrow and if he tries to continue talking with me when he obviously realizes I don't want to hear him, I'll belittle him and slap him like the ignorant bastard child he is.
Link Posted: 10/3/2004 3:51:07 PM EST
[Last Edit: 10/3/2004 3:54:46 PM EST by mkgunz]
Whenever he tries to take credit for something someone else did in front of a superior, say something like "Oh yeah, kinda like the time you (insert a past screw up)?".

Try to find soething he's sensitive about or insecure about. It can be his manhood, his wife(if he's married), other peoples exceptance, his father being a molester.

If you can get away with it, "You know what? You are truly ignorant, stop talking to me." and walk away. It's amazing what something like this can do to someone. "Do us a favor and go kill yourself.". After a while most people get a complex. I made "grown" men cry when I was in the Navy.

A different thing to do is to drive them nuts. If he has a coffe cup or something else special, move it to some where else. Make sure you don't put it some where that some one can be blamed for it. After a while of spending an hour a day searching for something his superiors might realizze how unproductive he is and shit can him.

Link Posted: 10/3/2004 4:03:07 PM EST


This insult is so simple even your buddy will get it....................


Point at your dick, then point at him and say " Look.........Twins!!!!!!!"


Link Posted: 10/3/2004 4:10:19 PM EST
"Need help: Pompous moronic and hypocritical co-worker of mine needs to be insulted - BADLY"

Whenever I see a title like that one I think, "oh damn, is he refering to me?"
Link Posted: 10/3/2004 4:26:18 PM EST



Whatever

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