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Posted: 11/24/2003 2:37:37 AM EST
I'm in the doghouse realy bad!

Wife wants to get pregnant, she's up my ass day and night. I'm not really into the whole kid thing right now as I'm not settled into a good job and we live in an apt. A baby will break us finacially right now as we are trying get out of debt. I want to get back into school and try to go someplace with my brain. She will not give in. So I finally give in and ends up we have to go to fertility clinic. Sometime ago I developed some vericose vein in my groin area that is causing a low sperm count. She's doing this whole fucking ordeal for two months now. Blood tests, ultrasounds, pills, etc. I'm on standby to fill the cup and then fuck her on demand. I really don't want a kid. I have one with my ex and although i love her to the world's end I'm not real crazy about bringing another into the world. Partially because of money and housing but mostly that I have come to the conclusion that i don't think I'm gonna last with my wife. We are constantly fighting, treats me as a sub human. I guess I blocked it all out until the kid thing came up but I realize that she has been controlling me like a whipped mule. I am not allowed to have cash, I do not have acces to our checking account. Any money I spend has to be approved by her. She controls what i watch on TV. Example anything that has nudity, sexuality, etc. she gets pissed and turns it off or goes in the bedroom to watch TV. She controls what I read. Subscribed to Maxim and FHM in August and she has tossed every issue before I even get them. Gets pissed if I go to my brother's apt for gods sake. There's a whole issue with her hang-ups about sex. She keeps all the money we have saved at her parents, in cash, in a fucking box. Her excuse is so i will not spend it. About 2k I think, she doesn't tell me much and if I ask she goes ballistic. When we first married she took my credit card and check card many times.

I don't know man but I think I'm gonna bail out of here. She's pissed because I wouldn't bang her, it was a ovulation window or some shit. So instead of yelling at me she says I can go get my pics taken alone with my fucked up family. We were to get portraits done of she, my daughter, and myself together this evening she says she doesn't want to be part of it. WTF? I can't take this shit anymore. We have discussed divorce a few times. My resoning to her is this; if we can't get along, we have limited finances, lot's of issues, why have a baby to make things worse. She says she will be content when she has a baby. First it was a place together, then an engagement ring, then the wedding, now a baby. DR gave her some meds and she refuses to take the. Some Prozac type stuff. Honestly I am beginning to hate being here. Fucking sux! feel like a caged animal. I know things are real bad as she is very good looking and i don't even get aroused by her anymore. Sex is like a chore, she's got all the sudden "puritanical" hang ups with it. I ask her to go see a counselor, she won't go, insists I'm the one that is the probelem.

Cuaght her hiding my walleet over the weekend. I missplaced it or so I thought and could not find it for the life of me all weekend. Looked everyplace. So last night I told her I was calling the bank and credit cards. I go in the bathroom to take a dump and I come out and she "found" it. Supposedly in a sweatshirt pocket that was on the back of a chair. I wore that same shirt yesterday while she was at work and trust me I would have found my wallet had it been in there. I figured she took it because she didn't want me going amywhere over the weekend. It was drill "B" weekend and a few people from my unit were gonna go to the USS New Jersey meseum. She read an email from a married woman with 3 kids and thought I was trying to date her. She called the womans house, luckily she wasn't home.

And I dgress

Fuck it, maybe I'll go TAR and just bag it.

Sorry to rant, i'm at my wits end.
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 2:45:44 AM EST
[red] She says she will be content when she has a baby.[/red]
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Two words brother... Bull Shit !
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 2:48:53 AM EST
Whatever you do DO NOT HAVE A CHILD WITH THIS WOMEN. You have many issues that need to be worked out before you throw a kid into the mix. IF she is as controlling as you say, I would cut my losses and bail now.
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 2:48:57 AM EST
You've gotta get outta there. Somebody else will have a better plan than I can cook up. But, I'd LEAVE. Good Luck.
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 2:53:11 AM EST
Don't have any baby! Get a divorce. Divorce will be hard when baby is around.
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 2:57:26 AM EST
[Last Edit: 11/24/2003 5:11:21 PM EST by 8531sgt]
First, I feel for ya bro, and understand. That said, BEFORE you guys bring a child into your marriage, the two of you must be on good footing. A baby will not solve any problems, on the contrary, there's a whole new set of them to be dealt with and if your marriage is shaky going into it you're goint to be worse off in the end. Second, seek out some family council, for the both of you, together, either from a pastor, priest, or get a reccomendation from a trusted MD. But, your wife must be agreeable to go too. Also, if her MD has given her a script for Prozac, he must feel something's up. Not that prozac is always necessary, alot of the problems it's prescribed for can be worked through in council, but it may be necessary in her case and her refusal to take it is further indication. Also once started, it is not a drug that you just start and stop at will, that'll really mess ya up. Feel free to pm me and we can talk more. jj On second thought [size=6][red]RUN LIKE THE WIND[/red][/size=6]
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 2:57:27 AM EST
oh buddy, you gotta bail! your not happy now, and your not going to get happier by reproducing with this woman. its hard advice to take and its easier said than done. but in the end when you find that super nice, understanding, and thoughtfull woman you'll never look back. if it was this way before you got married,,,,then you should have seen this comming. good luck! and keep your cool
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 3:00:19 AM EST
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 3:00:37 AM EST
run forest run get out of there, do not pass go, do not collect $200. just ask yourself one question: are you happy?
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 3:00:50 AM EST
Bail now.
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 3:09:23 AM EST
why in HELL did you choose this woman to begin with?? The signs weren't there, back then?? Were YOU so needy?? NOW look what you've done Ollie.... You have a kid with her, and yer as crazy as she is. BAIL OUT, or go postal, your choice....
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 3:14:49 AM EST
Been there. Best advice I was given at the time was "shit or get off the pot". By the way, it took me another 6 months to realize it was good advice.
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 3:17:19 AM EST
Try doing this, STAND UP FOR YOURSELF AND BE A MAN! You are partially to blame for her walking all over you because you let her get away with it! I wouldn't call it quits yet. First stand up for yourself and take control of your own life back. Then see how she deals with it. Even if things don't work out you will feel better for standing up for yourself. Think about it would you rather leave like a dog with it's tail between it's leg or like a man who has his own self respect leaving because that's what he wants to do.
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 3:19:42 AM EST
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 3:23:55 AM EST
Bad things don't get better by making them more complicated. rk
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 3:28:48 AM EST
I am one of the poster children here for hanging on and making it go, but.... I've been where you are (minus all the baby pressure) but with the inclusion of the occasional slap or kick when she got really angry. IT IS TIME TO GO! Walk out now, write off everything you can't carry, file for divorce AND a restraining order TODAY. Babies historically do not solidify a bad marriage, they drive a wedge in with an effing sledge hammer (fat end first). You know this already though since you already have a kid with your first wife...didn't save that one either. You are in a shitty situation, but fortunately you don't have a child between you, you live in an apartment so the property is minimal, and if forced to it, you can probably afford to bail on most of the money and property if that's the price of getting out. Time to walk, move the guns and ammo FIRST, she sounds unhinged enough to become a problem about that.
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 3:36:06 AM EST
Can you say "Allimony" and Child Support"? I knew you could. Jay
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 3:36:27 AM EST
Man you sound very unhappy. I think you need to figure out how to fix that before you do anything. Take your life back. Sorry man, I've been there myself. Good luck
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 3:40:20 AM EST
Holy shit run!!!!!!!
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 3:45:47 AM EST
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 3:46:41 AM EST
If you're not happy now, how are you going to feel when ypu are being beat up with a baby? You can't go anywhere or do anything because of the baby? Look at the new guilt she will throw on you. Slso, is the life you would be happy giving a kid? I don't know your age, but you sound young. So don't get in a hurry for more kids, espically with a domineering woman. Dump her ass and get your educiation. Then find a good hearted woman who wants to be a lover and a partner in your life. Kids are better whhen you are old enough to enjoy them without all the life pressures of building your own... fullclip
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 3:48:18 AM EST
While both of my children have been the greatest things I have ever produced, they in no way made my marriage any easier. Kids in fact will bring out brand new tensions, and these tensions cannot be ignored, they must always be faced (*because you are dealing with a new human). Kids *never* will make a bad marriage good, what they will do is make a good marriage stronger, but will make a rocky marriage unbearable. If you are unwilling to completely change your life for this woman, will you be willing toi change your life for this woman when she has a very valid reason for you to change (the baby)? Will you resent anyone after that? The best advice you are going to get is to not add a baby into an unstable marriage, hell, it isn't fair to the baby. Why do that to yourself?
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 3:51:32 AM EST
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 4:06:00 AM EST
Eject! Eject! Eject! seriously based on everything you typed it's hard to undestand why your still together sounds like your not terribly happy with the relationship anyway, bail out now if the two of you have problems now & have discussed divorce don't go bringing a baby into the world, not fair to the kid
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 4:19:08 AM EST
Psycho wifey = No Baby Batter Get the hell out of it while you still have a chance
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 4:20:57 AM EST
like the others have said. A kid is only going to make a bad situation MUCH worse. You say a cjild will break you financially but you are paying for a fertility clinic? You guys REALLY need to discuss this. If you are not financially and mentally ready for a kid you do NOT need one. It sounds to me like she wants a kid to stabalize your relationship. NOT A GOOD REASON TO HAVE ONE. mike
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 4:25:52 AM EST
First off, take control over your paycheck. Perhaps open a new bank account somewhere that she doesn't know about and get direct deposit. But, no matter what, get out of there. If what you have written is accurate, you are enabling her weirdness and need to stop it. As someone else so wisely said: "run Forest, run!"
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 4:30:16 AM EST
She just wants more control than she already has. Run like your ass is on fire.
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 4:45:56 AM EST
Give her the 2K and run like the wind. I'm sure you still have some emotions for her since you have stuck it out this long, but do yourself and HER a favor and leave. She obviously has an issue with her biological clock and NEEDS a child, it happens. If you do stay you will be indebted to her for the rest of your life and we all know life is WAY too short for this kind of BS There are 2 great reasons to leave 1. Alimony 2. Child Support Those will suck you dry, I guarantee it.
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 4:58:42 AM EST
Go get YOUR money and leave that bitch! You know what is best dude.
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 5:01:35 AM EST
And you married this woman with the gulf between you why?
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 5:26:27 AM EST
She NEEDS to CONTROL someone and that someone is going to be the kid. Sounds Like his/her life will suck as much if not more than yours. Dont knock her up [b]DO IT FOR THE KID[/b]
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 5:32:53 AM EST
The biological clock overrides "normal" airhead thoughts. You can never win, only just end the madness before it's too late. [baby] I have seen women get so overwhelmed, they didn't even care if it was their husband that "pumped" them up...and guess who still pays? Not to scare you, anything can happen at this point. Good luck...from a guy that has been on a sinking ship too long himself.
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 5:51:20 AM EST
Here's EXACTLY what's going to happen. She gets pregnant. She divorces you. You pay for the next 20 years. Period. I see it everyday. You are just the sperm donor. If you don't get out now, she is going to bang someone else, say it's yours and you will pay. Look happy, get your shit, make up some lie to get some cash and GET OUT NOW!!. Stay with a friend that she can't contact, let the divorce attorney be your next contact with her. Be sure to get your documentation proving how much income that you have, property etc. Get out!
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 6:01:29 AM EST
I know three guys who married women exactly like this. They're divorced and paying alimony, child support and they're miserable bastards... If you wanna miserable for your whole life, go ahead and have a kid with her. If you stay with her and have a kid, you will have very little sympathy from anyone here when you come back and post a thread about "I live in the same house as my kid, but I never see/her/him because my wife says I stink/worthless/pathetic/penniless and am ugly"
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 6:15:16 AM EST
[Last Edit: 11/24/2003 6:19:36 AM EST by DScott]
Originally Posted By axl: Bad things don't get better by making them more complicated.
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Truer words have never been spoken! This one is certifieable. Remember, there are bad marriages and good divorces. Edited to add: And take care of the kid you've already got!! Once they're here, they're yours for life. Now go and write on the blackboard 50 times: "Bad things don't get better by making them more complicated. "
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 6:29:08 AM EST
Let me help you out here pal, when we women have a baby, WE ARE INSANE. Even more so than before having them. You know how a mother bear protects her cubs.....we are twice as bad. Nothing you do will be right, and if you are having problems now.....they will only multiply times 10. Please don't do this to yourself, or any children she is thinking of having. Good luck in your decisions.
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 6:29:21 AM EST
[Last Edit: 11/24/2003 6:30:35 AM EST by danonly]
dude, you are not in the doghouse, you are locked in the basement in a cell. Break out! go over to the inlaws house, get the savings, get a lawyer, take everything that is yours, move out. do it as sneaky as you can , it is a total war at this point. tell her you get some kind of headaches or something and son't want to have anymore sex. DO NOT, repeat DO NOT GET HER PREGNANT. she sounds like she would chaeat on you to have a kid and pin it on you for the alimony. evil evil woman; run!
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 6:36:32 AM EST
Bad things don't get better by making them more complicated.
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That quote is applicable in more situations than this, but it's a good explanation of why you should not make a baby. It won't fix anything and will make things worse.
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 6:55:05 AM EST
Haven't heard from him in a bit, I wonder if he is out getting a RO sworn out and filing for divorce? Hope so.
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 6:58:44 AM EST
If you've put up with this for this long, you get what you deserve. I feel sorry for the kid that we all know you're going to wind up having with her. If you really want advice, take a day off from work or school or whatever, grab a couple of buddies with pickups, and move everything of value that's legitimately yours the fuck out of the house. Especially any guns you have. Go stay with a friend for a couple of days if you have to. BTW, aren't you the guy who was kissing on some other woman in front of your wife at a party or something?
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 7:00:37 AM EST
[Last Edit: 11/24/2003 7:05:58 AM EST by mr_camera_man]
[size=6]RUN FOR THE HILLS![/size=6] My Godfather got sucked into the same trap. However, he F'd up and got her pregnant. She then stated that she would not see a doctor until she had a ring on her finger. Now, 10 years later, they have 6 kids (one of which is autistic), and he's miserable. She's stated that she loves the hormone rush of being pregnant, and doesn't plan on stopping until they can field a family baseball team (her words). I don't know what this woman's thought process is, but I can assure you that you don't want to be a part of it.
She keeps all the money we have saved at her parents, in cash, in a fucking box. Her excuse is so i will not spend it. About 2k I think, she doesn't tell me much and if I ask she goes ballistic. When we first married she took my credit card and check card many times.
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Demand it back after you show her the door. If it's not back in your hands in the time it takes her to drive to her parents and back, then shove a lawyer up her ass and twist it till she screams. EDIT: another option may be to pluck some wires out of one of the cars, and eat a towing bill to fake a very expensive mechanical emergency. After she retreives said funds, show her the door. As much as dishonesty bugs me, it seems like you may not be able to reason with this woman.
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 7:33:41 AM EST
I was in a similar situation about 3 years ago. I wont bother with all the nitty gritty details, but yes, she too was put on a prescription for Zoloft that she wouldnt take. Nagged about having kids constantly even though we were in couseling, at my insistance, to try and save our marriage. Treated me like dirt in an attempt at bringing me down to her own self-loathing state. Took some swings at me too...and while I'm 6'3 and she's 5'2...she was not able to give me more than a few bruises...the emotional pain of having someone you love(d) throw punches was a lot for me to bear. I brought up her physical violence one time during couseling and our couselor said something along the lines of "Well, that was clearly out of line..." and she exclaimed "But look what he did to me!" and she pointed to some brusies on her arm put there from me blocking punches. Our couselor was speecheless, glared at her...and put his head in his hands.... Anyway, the final straw was at 11:35pm on December 31, 1999. We were at a very large black-tie New Year's party put on by some friends in downtown Cincinnati. For about the past month or two prior, we had been getting along pretty good...seemed like we were on the road to recovery. The two of us were sitting down having some cake prior to the new millenium...it was all very nice. She then leans in and tells me to come in closer so she can tell me something. Given the surroundings, the timing...I was expecting something nice and sweet. Here's what I got: "I know that we have had our problems and have been in couseling...but I feel like we have been doing well lately." I agreed. "Well, I just want to say, you had Goddamn well better be ready to have some fucking kids within the next six months...or else." I was in utter shock, but asked..."or else what?" "You dont want to know." Take that last statement for what its worth. I'm not precisely sure what she meant either. I replied with: "Not only are you unfit to ever breed with me, I hope for the sake of your unborn children that you never do have any kids." I got up and walked away. We were divorced about 10 mos. later. You situation sounds all to familiar, Valkyrie. Cut off all sexual relations with her, and get out quick.
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 7:45:45 AM EST
[Last Edit: 11/24/2003 7:46:40 AM EST by cyanide]
I have a good friend who did this, he had the baby. His wife uses it like a rope on his neck. He has told me many times he would leave the marrige and just will not [b]"for my childs sake'[/b] he knows he is condemed to a shit life till the child is 18 years old. Every time I see and speak with him he is so miserable. He lives in his basement, it is pathetic ---- I would not wish his life on my worse enemy.
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 7:53:30 AM EST
Dude, trust me, you DO NOT want to have a child with this woman. If things are that bad now, they're only going to get worse. Wait until the both of you work out your issues or get out. I'd personally get out. A woman with that many issues is not going to get over them easily or quickly.....
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 8:04:22 AM EST
I'd bail out of this one if I didn't have a parachute. MOVE OUT NOW< FILE FOR DIVORCE> NEVER be alone with her again. She will pic up some stud somewhere and screw for the pregnancy and blame it on you. What a bummer. Ops
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 9:01:26 AM EST
While you have recieved some excellent advice so far, specifacally the part where you need to get the hell out. I would just like to add one more thing. This lady sounds completely flipped man, I mean crazy, no ifs ands or buts, she's nuts. You need to be prepared for the worst here. The worst in my opinion is for her to go get knocked up by some guy at a bar or something like that. Than she will try to keep you around with the baby. I know that probably stings to hear but please keep in mind the kind of person you are dealing with here. She could do anything, you need to be prepared for it.
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 9:59:40 AM EST
Originally Posted By Valkyrie: Wife wants to get pregnant, she's up my ass day and night.
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I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure that's not going to do it. Seriously though, you should regard your temporary infertility as a gift from God, and BAIL OUT while you can. This is one of the rare instances where your little head is thinking more clearly than your big head. Listen to it.
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 10:02:50 AM EST
Better yet..offer a case of XM193 to your local Arfcom Army to come over and smash your nuts with a bat...then move out.[;D]
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 3:27:02 PM EST
Just reread your whole post while pretending it is from another poster! Then get the hell out of this relationship(prison) as fast as you can!!!! Bob
Link Posted: 11/24/2003 3:46:54 PM EST
Buddy, I feel for you. I don't think there is anything worse than a bad marriage. Take everybody's advice and just get out. But be prepared for one of two things to happen. She may be so pissed at you that she becomes the devil or she may try desperately to get you back either way you must not give in and go back to her, as it won't be any different if you go back. Good luck.
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