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When Your Credit Card Signature Fun Backfires


Over the past 6 months, I have been playing a fun game with my credit card company. The game finally backfired on me today and led me through the most hilarious moment of my life. Most people would have been embarrassed, but me, I'm a little twisted, so I laughed all the way through it like an asshole.

With any story, there is a setup process. Here is the setup to this story. About 6 months ago, I was making a purchase with my credit card and when I went to sign the electronic signature machine, it was broken. By broken, I mean that when I touched the pen to the machine, it went crazy and didn't look anything like my signature. It looked like a drunk 4 year old signed my name for me. It accepted the signature without any problems. So this really made me wonder what I could do to give my credit card company something to laugh about. I mean, they obviously don't review the signatures since they never called me or declined a purchase. For shit's sake, it could have been a stolen card.

I started out modest by signing with a line or an "X". Occasionally I would do last name first. After a couple of months, I became bolder. I wrote goofy shit, drew pictures, etc. Here's a list of some of my favorite signatures over the past few months:

I AM NOT KINGPIN
I STOLE THIS
FUCK OFF
FUCK YOU
WALMART SUCKS
CALL ME
CROTCHY CROTCHINGTON
MY BALLS ITCH
911
I'M A CRIMINAL
THANKS FOR THE STUFF
PHIL McCRACKIN
BILL DING
JIM NASIUM

Today I went the extra mile. When it came time to sign my name, a thought popped in my head. I should draw a picture. But what picture should I draw? I smirked as something completely juvenile came to me.

I had to look like I was providing a signature. Right after I hit "OK", there was a pause. The register then said "COMPARE SIGNATURE ON SLIP TO CARD." One thought popped in my head: "OH SHIT!" It then printed the receipt and there in black and white was my Shitty drawing of cock and balls. The lady at the register didn't immediately look at it. She asked for the card. I handed her the card and she flipped it over. Then she brought up the receipt and she smirked, but then took a stern tone and said "These signatures don't match."

At this point I was in tears from trying to hold back my laughter. I tried to explain to her why I had done it, but it didn't matter. I probably didn't make sense as I laughed hysterically through the explanation. She then paged the manager and I erupted in laughter. The guy behind me in line got a glimpse of my signature on the receipt and began laughing. The manager comes up and the woman from the register begins whispering to him. I then hear a few words "he drew a penis..." as she holds up the receipt. The manager blurts out a short laugh and then controls it. He turns to me and I'm out of breath from laughing and I'm still giggling like a schoolgirl.

Manager: Sir, your signature...heh...umm...doesn't match the signature on your card.
Kingpin: I know and there is a good reason for that.
Manager: (quietly) You drew a penis on my credit card machine.
**The guy behind me bursts into laughter.**
Kingpin: Yeah, I didn't think this would happen. I've been trying to see how far I could go with my signature before the credit card company did something about it.
Manager: I guess you learned your lesson.
Kingpin: Yeah, the credit card doesn't accept penis.
**The guy behind me now can't stop laughing.**
Manager: OK, I'm going to decline the signature and have you sign it again.
Kingpin: Fair enough.
Manager: This time, really sign it.

So I had to sign it again and they wouldn't let me keep my artwork. Those bastards. I had singlehandedly broken up the monotony of their daily routine and given them something that they will be talking about for years to come and they wouldn't let me keep it. They will tell their grandchildren about the guy that drew cock and balls as his credit card signature.

So I have a plan now. I'm going to get a new credit card and sign the back with my cock and balls drawing. Then I will consistently use that as the signature. That way, if I ever get caught in the same situation, the signatures will match. That will really fuck with them.

I laughed so hard I have tears in my eyes. Thanks for that. I've noticed the same thing; and people tell me they also like to draw scribbles, happy faces, what not.

Me, I've been having fun with people this week. But that's another thread.

I'm dying.

I haven't been signing my name for a while now. No one cares anymore.  But some guy named Fuck Obama has been spending a lot of my money.

yeah a lot of people do it.

great laugh

I've been doing that for years at Walmart and Publix, if I remember. I stopped at Publix since they sometimes check. I used to pay my electric bill with a check that has the memo as "Hookers and Blow." No one cared.

Jesus H Christ, I wonder if the tech guys are going to make me pay for a new fucking keyboard, my old one is now soaked in coffee.

You hilarious bastard you

Sounds like a Picolo story.

That is fucking awesome

Ive been signing credit card receipts as ZEUS for the past couple months...

I draw pictures all the time!  

before that I would sign my name all sorts of weird things too

Godzilla was my favorite.

If they were really on their toes they would have accused you of drawing your penis in full scale.  

I love when the barely functioning primate, at the register, compares the card signature, with the receipt signature, like they are some FBI trained handwriting expert.

I've done a C&B before. Didn't bounce back at me though.

There is a USMC platoon that John Wayne kindly signed a crap load of SL-3 and organics gear for back in 1999, I always thought it was really nice of him to do that.



Chuck Norris did too.

That made my day...Thanks you very much...I really needed that...

i signed a CC receipt Joe Cool
and made the "oo" into sunglasses with a smiley face

there was a pending charge against the card, but then it dropped off and i was never charged. i couldn't figure it out until one day my friend was like dude didn't you sign that slip "joe cool"....

possible sig line material there!

This.   Total fail on their part.  The signature means I accept the CC agreement.  It is not authenticating anything.





 

Might be the same guy but read this.  Full documentation of all the escapades of goofy CC signatures.  Worth the read.


















 

nice.

I do it when I'm with my wife.  It bothers her for some reason.  

I usually just scribble a line.

tag for updates!

Crying over here.

Chuck Norris also uses my card!!

I always drew dicks on self checkouts, never had the balls to do it to a cashier.

That's funny as hell.





Reminds me of Superbad.

I've started using the back of my cards for autographs. I'll try the penis thing at places that give you the printout of your signature on the receipt.

Funny.  Juvenile, but still damn funny.

I'm going to have to be more creative.  I already draw some illegible scribble that makes the machine BEEP every time I color outside the lines.  Might as well have some fun with it.

Why not?  Some cashiers are pretty cute and friendly.



 

The John Wayne I'm thinking of has been dead for 30 years.
 

I have tears.  That's fucking great.

My dad's CC signature: "Me" in fancy cursive/script.  

Whoever wrote that isn't very smart - and has absolutely no clue how credit card transactions and authorizations work.  Several of the assumption stated in the piece are just plain wrong and contain not a shred of fact.

what would be fun would be to refute a charge and then have the droogs at VISA

Yep;

That zoomed right over your head, didn't it?

I've been doing stuff like that for years, but it hasn't been 100% consistent.

Some of the stuff I've signed:

Santa Clause
I've drawn a sad face holding a gun to his head
I've drawn happy faces
I've just randomly scribbled
Bruce Willis

All kinds of random stuff. Never gotten stopped for it. I concluded long ago that the card companies don't care, but never had the balls to draw a cock and balls (but I HAVE considered it).

Sorry...I meant to say I think it's funnier if the person is still alive.  
 

Bill ding.. that made me LOL

If I'm at a restaurant, I'll sign it "Cool Meal, Bro".

I wrote a guy a ticket once who thought he would be funny and signed his name as "Mickey Mouse".

I actually thought it was funny too, right up to the part where I had to take him forthwith to the judge.

The judge however, did not laugh.  

All of my credit card signatures are "fake name"  just because I read this story about a year or so ago.

I've signed it as "Zod" a few times.