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Posted: 3/26/2001 6:04:05 AM EST
So I'm sitting at my girlfriend's place watching FoxNews or some crap to avoid studying, and I hear a pounding on the door. I'm thinking "Should I go get the shotgun?" but I check the peephole and it's my neighbor's wife, lets call her Sally. Sally says "You need to help me!" so I think once more "Should I go get the shotgun?" and she drags me outside before I could think and I see her husband, lets call him Ted, laying in the parking lot. Ted had his shirt off, pants around his ankles, and blood all over himself. I thought he got shot or something. As it turns out, he drank approx. 932,345 bottles of wine and took a tumble down a hill trying to take a leak. Sally and I held Ted down while we poured Hydrogen Peroxide on his cuts (some were big) and he was screaming at me "Iiiimmmm gonnnnaa kiccckkk yoouurr assssss, geettt the fuck offa mee, IITTT BURRNSSS!!!" as it was bubbling up in his wounds.

Haha, and a good time was had by all.

Any other similar experiences w/ drunk and stupid friends?

Link Posted: 3/26/2001 6:32:09 AM EST
You bet, just about every time I got stuck with weekend barracks duty while I was with the 11th Marines. I remember one time touring the third deck at 3 A.M. and seeing the door to my friend Oly's room wide open. Now Oly was a known sleep walker when he was drunk which can get you discharged so I knew I had to find fast before the O.D. came around. Needless to say, there he was standing there pissing in his sink. When I asked why he was pissin' in the sink, he replied, "Because it's half-time."
me,Oly,and Dink

Another weekend produced a very drunk Air Force female front and center in the battery office at 4 A.M. Obviously she was not signed in. She had apparently stepped out of whoever-she-came-home-with's room and locked herself out. When asked who she came home with she said she did not know. When asked how she arrived she claimed to have walked from Tijuana.(We were in the 53 area of Camp Pendleton Las Pulgas outer camps.)
She then passed out on the battery office sofa and remained there until she pissed her pants a short time later. Once that happened she got up, stripped nekkid and passed out again. In the morning when she awoke all she could say to describe the devil dog who had brought her to the barracks was that he was "A white guy with short hair and tattoos." Well that narrows it down.
Link Posted: 3/26/2001 7:03:45 AM EST
Garden Weasel, ROTFLMAO!

I work as a bouncer at a bar, so drunks lose their comedy after a while, but I love it when I throw one out for being disruptive, and his friend who is even more drunk tries to approach the police officers working their extra job to apologize for his friend's behavior.

So he stumbles over to the ploice offcier and slaps him on the shoulder and says," Hey man, I'm phucking soooorry about my friend, he drinks waaaaaaaaayyyy too much. I'm going to take him home right now. ... Can you get the a**hole who is double parked tocome out and move his car so I can get out of here?"

Then the cop asks, "Does that A**hole have lights on top of his car."

"Yeah," says the guy, " He should really learn to drive, I hate those phuckers, they think they can do anything, if here right now, I'd whip his A**!"

i love that, it is pretty funny.
Link Posted: 3/26/2001 7:26:03 AM EST
Not a drunk story, but,

When I was a youngster (5 or so, according to my parents), I was a Sleep Walker. At this time it was thought to be dangereous to wake up a sleep walker.

Well anyway, one night I exited the bedroom, sleep walking and my parents followed me. Down the stairs I went and into the kitchen. Then I proceeded to open up the Refridgerator, pull out the Vegtable bin and took a leak in the veggie bin.

They never could get me to eat my veggie's [smash]
Link Posted: 3/26/2001 3:46:30 PM EST
Back in college, I worked as a night manager in a large grocery store.  Winos used to come in at night and shoplift vanilla extract to get drunk on.  They would drink so much of the stuff that every time they farted it smelled like angel food cake.

Link Posted: 3/26/2001 4:13:09 PM EST
We were in Curacao (South Carribean) training with the Dutch Marines. One night after partying at Mombo Beach, we came back to hit the rack (after one Marine was running around nekkid yelling "Im' Wolfman!!!! KISS MY HAIRY A$$!!!!)  

Well anyway, in the middle of the night one of the Marines in our room (6 were in there) wakes up to see a shadowy figure pissing on his feet! I'm surprised that he did not get up and whip his a$$. He just said "what the f*ck are you doing?!?!?!"

The person just turned around and walked back to their rack. Since then there have been tales told about the "phantom pisser." But I we all put 2 and 2 together and figured it was the Wolfman.
Link Posted: 3/26/2001 5:58:58 PM EST
Link Posted: 3/27/2001 12:13:51 AM EST
whew it wasnt me.
Link Posted: 3/27/2001 1:19:08 AM EST
Ed- ROTFLMAO!!! Thats really funny!!!
Link Posted: 3/27/2001 1:51:33 AM EST
Way back in high school (1 yr. ago), I was at a party with my girlfriend and my friend Dan had a video camera. Well, there was this one girl who got really drunk and was doing this thing where she would say "I wannnnaa bee an actresss" while lifting up her top. So Dan videotaped a bit of this, and when we all woke up the next morning, Dan hooked up the camcorder to the TV and we watched her antics. There must have been five solid minutes of her walking around, talking about being an actress, and flashing people. Boy was her face red (the boobs however, were still pasty white).

One time my friend got drunk and pissed into the passenger window of a police cruiser while the cop was away from his car.

Wish I could remember the rest...

Link Posted: 3/27/2001 1:58:53 AM EST
One time I got sent TDY to Tinker AFB for some training and one of the other guys in the class was I guy who'd been in my unit in tech school.  So one night we're staggering back out to my rental in a strip club parking lot and he says, "Hey, remember that big squadron party we had in tech school?  Well there was some guy on the first floor who passed out naked while puking in a bathroom stall.  A bunch of us found him in there and I've got a picture of this guy after we woke him up and we're all standing around laughing at him."  To which I replied, "Could you send me a copy of that.  IN fact, could you send me all the copies you've got.  And the negatives."

[beer] == [puke]
Link Posted: 3/27/2001 2:15:36 AM EST
A few years ago-late 80's,my brother pi$$ed in my girlfriends (now wife) shoes. We were all "bulletproof" and I dared him to. I bet him 1 beer and that was just enough. Come to think about it, I think that was the night I popped the question. She went home with a diamond and wet shoes! What the hell was I thinking? [:D] Milldude

I don't remember much from the late 80's and early 90's [puke]
Link Posted: 3/27/2001 2:21:22 AM EST
Link Posted: 3/27/2001 4:26:47 AM EST

Last year at AT, our Neighbors were a whole bunch of grunts. We took our rescue doll (Debbie Rotenkrotch) to the club dressed in high style. We were charging the ground pounders a buck each to look under her dress. We made almost $80 that night. It bought us lots of alcohol.

Link Posted: 3/27/2001 4:42:29 AM EST
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