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Posted: 12/28/2012 6:18:33 AM EDT
My girlfriend is not great with money; she's getting better, but she's still stuck in a bad mentality.

Here's a recent example:

She needs tires on her car. We were holding off while looking for a new car, but snow is upon us and she HAS to buy tires now.
Last week she got a Christmas bonus check. I told her to go buy tires. She decided to send the money to her family in Mexico instead
That's all fine and dandy, but you can send them money AFTER you buy tires, I tell her.

The other day she asks me if she can use my Sam's Discover to buy an elliptical machine they have and says she will pay it off next week (I'm sure she would, she pays her bills no problem).
I ask her if she has the money for tires put aside and she gets angry I tell her I'm not going to argue with her, but she needs to purchase the tires before a fucking exercise machine.
She stays mad, then, calls me from work yesterday (after having braved some un-plowed roads on her way in) and says she's going to buy tires Saturday

I mean c'mon. Tires are cheaper than the deductible on her insurance. WTF good is an elliptical if you can't go to work and pay for it?
She has a decent salary and usually has some cash in her savings, but I guess she blew it all on Christmas...now she wants to just keep buying crap


It's like she's a junkie. I had her responsible for a while and Christmas caused her to relapse


Speed
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:20:19 AM EDT
Sounds like a bad decision maker
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:21:04 AM EDT
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:22:51 AM EDT
Give her all your money to invest right fucking now.
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:23:06 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Colonel_Angus:
Sounds like a bad decision maker


yep

Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:23:29 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/28/2012 6:24:26 AM EDT by speedracer422]

Originally Posted By Colonel_Angus:
Sounds like a bad decision maker

Well, she's with me so...

She had a real spending problem before we got together. She racked up credit cards on stupid shit and ruined her credit.
I watched her walk into a grocery store and just grab whatever she wanted off the shelf and I about had a heart attack

I got her using coupons and shopping sales for groceries. I got her to budget her cash and save money, she got a couple small credit cards and pays them off every month to build her credit back up, but I haven't really been riding her for a while and I think it all went out the window with Christmas


Speed
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:25:04 AM EDT
It's a woman and a car. As long as it starts every time you turn the key and the wheels (no matter the condition) go around, everything is fine.
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:25:27 AM EDT
F5, waiting to decide

Rules man!
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:25:32 AM EDT
Women would rather skid into a bridge abutment then spend money on 4 rubber doughnuts for a car. Just the way it is.
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:25:42 AM EDT
Most people never have a person in their life that shows them how to make a budget.

EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE A BUDGET.

Money comes in and gets allocated to various different budgets on a monthly basis.

For instance:

Income (after taxes) = $2000 [MONEY IN]
------------------------
Expenses: [MONEY OUT]
Groceries = $500
Car Expenses = $250
Rent = $500
Utilities = $250
Spending/Hobbies = $250
------------------------
Savings = $250 [WHAT'S LEFTOVER]
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:26:41 AM EDT
Once you get married and she lets herself go, that elliptical machine will be the best investment you can make.

If my wife ever lets herself go, I will try to be subtle by having random exercise equipment just show up in the house.
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:28:24 AM EDT
Originally Posted By speedracer422:
Last week she got a Christmas bonus check. I told her to go buy tires. She decided to send the money to her family in Mexico instead


Call me a heartless bastard, but that right there is an eject-level red flag. A person who sends money overseas to their family is going to be at least one of two things:

1) Married, with one or more kids that they're not telling you about
2) Expect YOU to help out while they continue to send money there after you're married.

Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:28:27 AM EDT

Originally Posted By bjkb1f:
Once you get married and she lets herself go, that elliptical machine will be the best investment you can make.

If my wife ever lets herself go, I will try to be subtle by having random exercise equipment just show up in the house.

Lol, I think it's ridiculous in itself. I mean, we live in a town full of hills and steps; just go for a fucking walk

Speed
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:29:49 AM EDT
Sounds like marriage material. Tell us how it works out.
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:31:18 AM EDT
Sounds like she should never be upgraded to "wife" status IMO
Money problems are the #1 relationship killer.
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:31:27 AM EDT


Can she afford a camera?


Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:33:22 AM EDT
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:33:22 AM EDT

Originally Posted By ex_dsmr:
Sounds like she should never be upgraded to "wife" status IMO
Money problems are the #1 relationship killer.

I know.
We keep our money separate, and if we get married, it will stay that way.
Actually, we have a pretty god division of labor going on in the house as well; we rarely argue, if at all.

She has made a lot of progress with the money stuff, but it's disappointing to see her fall back into this mentality.


Speed
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:33:25 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Lorax:
It's a woman and a car. As long as it starts every time you turn the key and the wheels (no matter the condition) go around, everything is fine.
My girlfriend never understood why the JiffyLube guys told her "The oil was off the dipstick" whenever she took her car in for its annual oil change. She drove ~15k/yr on that car.

Kharn
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:33:48 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Mech2007:


Can she afford a camera?




This

Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:33:50 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/28/2012 6:34:13 AM EDT by mdean2011]
eject?
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:34:59 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/28/2012 7:10:07 AM EDT by StrkAliteN]
I helped my gf buy a new car ( 'new' used car / 2008 Toyota Camry - her $4K my $8K = total $12K ) a few months ago and then I promptly replaced the 4 balding tires with 4 brand new Michelins from Costco for around $700.

Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to help them out.

Mine is not the avg gf. Lived together 8yrs - bought a house together etc ... basically we are married / just not married yet. Was planning a wedding in Phillipines ... her mom passing last year kinda delayed that and I haven't brought the subject up again.

For the leg humpers ... I have posted pics before ( you wanna see ??? you do the searchin' )

ETA

Be thankful she works and has a job in this economy
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:36:37 AM EDT
Where the hell are the pics?
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:37:29 AM EDT
So buy her some tires.
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:37:48 AM EDT
I have never yet been with a woman in the past 30 years that was good with money. They were all broke and in a lot of debt. I'm still looking for one that is actually good with money.
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:41:09 AM EDT
Most make the mistake "Once we get married things will get better" It wont. You are not helping her by bailing her out. Let her figure it out.
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:42:04 AM EDT
Take it from a guy married three times - this will not get better.

My dad told me many years ago that good credit is the most valuable asset you can have, and you should do whatever you need to protect it. A woman who doesn't understand the value of a dollar is trouble. I'd be looking around for greener pastures if I were you.
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:42:11 AM EDT
if you must be her daddy now,you will be a hated stepfather later on...she will resent you and you will resent her for being an airhead...

find a girl with appropriate life skills that you can respect as an equal


TRUST ME ON THIS...many years of being a slave to my pecker and many insane females have imparted wisdom upon me..
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:42:57 AM EDT
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:43:11 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Silver_Surfer:
Most make the mistake "Once we get married things will get better" It wont. You are not helping her by bailing her out. Let her figure it out.

Lol, I'm not bailing her out, and I'm not buying her tires. I don't really lend her money, or buy her things unless its a birthday or something.
I'm not going down the road of "buy me this", or "can you lend me X"...I know where that leads


Speed
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:43:58 AM EDT

Originally Posted By speedracer422:
My girlfriend is not great with money; she's getting better, but she's still stuck in a bad mentality.

Here's a recent example:

She needs tires on her car. We were holding off while looking for a new car, but snow is upon us and she HAS to buy tires now.
Last week she got a Christmas bonus check. I told her to go buy tires. She decided to send the money to her family in Mexico instead
That's all fine and dandy, but you can send them money AFTER you buy tires, I tell her.

The other day she asks me if she can use my Sam's Discover to buy an elliptical machine they have and says she will pay it off next week (I'm sure she would, she pays her bills no problem).
I ask her if she has the money for tires put aside and she gets angry I tell her I'm not going to argue with her, but she needs to purchase the tires before a fucking exercise machine.
She stays mad, then, calls me from work yesterday (after having braved some un-plowed roads on her way in) and says she's going to buy tires Saturday

I mean c'mon. Tires are cheaper than the deductible on her insurance. WTF good is an elliptical if you can't go to work and pay for it?
She has a decent salary and usually has some cash in her savings, but I guess she blew it all on Christmas...now she wants to just keep buying crap


It's like she's a junkie. I had her responsible for a while and Christmas caused her to relapse


Speed

Dude, I hate to say it, but this one is about good for just one thing.


You oughta move on.

Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:44:39 AM EDT
Originally Posted By speedracer422:
Last week she got a Christmas bonus check. I told her to go buy tires. She decided to send the money to her family in Mexico instead


If my wife did that I would have a coronary.
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:44:42 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Drsalee:
So buy her some tires.

Says Dr. Moneybags.
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:45:14 AM EDT

Originally Posted By speedracer422:

Originally Posted By ex_dsmr:
Sounds like she should never be upgraded to "wife" status IMO
Money problems are the #1 relationship killer.

I know.
We keep our money separate, and if we get married, it will stay that way.
Actually, we have a pretty god division of labor going on in the house as well; we rarely argue, if at all.

She has made a lot of progress with the money stuff, but it's disappointing to see her fall back into this mentality.


Speed





Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:45:39 AM EDT
btdt i tried to help by setting up budgets and priorities and call in creditors, even lent her some money. got a slap in the face by the chick trying to steal money from me... that relationship cost me more than it was worth in both time and money... chick would borrow money for her bills then spend all sorts of cash on her niece...

if you get into a relationship with someone that has money problems it will be your problem regardless of how you handle your money...
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:45:50 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Mazeman:
Where the hell are the pics?


?
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:46:00 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Drsalee:
So buy her some tires.


Or at least show her where the rubber meets the road.




Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:46:10 AM EDT
So you are sticking with the relationship hoping and expecting her to change for you. Guess what, people don't generally change. Go read some of Swingset's posts about finding someone all the reasons he lists when it comes to people to avoid. Poor decision making in the past is one of them and guess what, you both are doing it. It almost seems like you want to be her white night, which means you aren't happy with everything in your own life so to feel better about yourself you try to fix someone else. I know that feeling because I used to be that way. It took a lot of bad relationships and counseling to figure that out. Do you find that most of your girlfriends typically need help or guidance? Guess what, that is because you seek them out. Fix yourself first before trying to fix someone else.
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:46:19 AM EDT
Originally Posted By speedracer422:

Originally Posted By Silver_Surfer:
Most make the mistake "Once we get married things will get better" It wont. You are not helping her by bailing her out. Let her figure it out.

Lol, I'm not bailing her out, and I'm not buying her tires. I don't really lend her money, or buy her things unless its a birthday or something.
I'm not going down the road of "buy me this", or "can you lend me X"...I know where that leads


Speed


I hope things work out!
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:48:14 AM EDT

Originally Posted By carpesignum:
btdt i tried to help by setting up budgets and priorities and call in creditors, even lent her some money. got a slap in the face by the chick trying to steal money from me... that relationship cost me more than it was worth in both time and money... chick would borrow money for her bills then spend all sorts of cash on her niece...

if you get into a relationship with someone that has money problems it will be your problem regardless of how you handle your money...

When he said "send it to Mexico", that was it for me.

Money problems are one thing, money problems AND sending your money to Mexico???
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:48:42 AM EDT

Originally Posted By gonzo_beyondo:

Originally Posted By speedracer422:

Originally Posted By ex_dsmr:
Sounds like she should never be upgraded to "wife" status IMO
Money problems are the #1 relationship killer.

I know.
We keep our money separate, and if we get married, it will stay that way.
Actually, we have a pretty god division of labor going on in the house as well; we rarely argue, if at all.

She has made a lot of progress with the money stuff, but it's disappointing to see her fall back into this mentality.


Speed







Pretty funny him thinking finances separate after marriage is going to leave him all hunky dory no matter what she does on her side.
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:48:52 AM EDT
Originally Posted By fxntime:
Women would rather skid into a bridge abutment then spend money on 4 rubber doughnuts for a car. Just the way it is.


You must not have lived in the Rockies.
The weekend warriors with their shitty tires trying get up the passes were almost always male.
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:50:39 AM EDT
I'm sure you care for her very much and she's probably a lot of fun and you think these things are just overlookable annoyances and it's really none of my business but...

It is NEVER a good idea to get a "fixer upper".

As a person who has prided myself on being able to learn most of life's hard lessons by watching other people make them, so as to save myself the hassle and pain, this is one at the top of the heap:

People don't change (almost never). The very best way to have a good mate and marraige is to find someone who already is, the way you'd wish them to be. It pays to be very picky, judgemental, and firm in your expectations/goals.

It is far better to be lonely than to be miserable. (and broke).
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:51:20 AM EDT
If she needs a spare tire, just drink more beer.
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:56:55 AM EDT
I would suggest some financial/credit/budget councilling.
If she is not in agreement i would eject before a mistake is made and she accidentally winds up pregnant.
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:57:50 AM EDT

Originally Posted By speedracer422:

Originally Posted By Colonel_Angus:
Sounds like a bad decision maker

Well, she's with me so...

She had a real spending problem before we got together. She racked up credit cards on stupid shit and ruined her credit.
I watched her walk into a grocery store and just grab whatever she wanted off the shelf and I about had a heart attack

I got her using coupons and shopping sales for groceries. I got her to budget her cash and save money, she got a couple small credit cards and pays them off every month to build her credit back up, but I haven't really been riding her for a while and I think it all went out the window with Christmas


Speed


Christmas can do that to Women. I haven't ask my wife for the Christmas accounting yet this year but when I do, That will be how the fight started.
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:58:37 AM EDT
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:58:44 AM EDT
This relationship has fail written all over it.

Granted, we only have one side of the story, and only what you're telling us. But based off of only that, she sounds irresponsible.
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:59:27 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Ridgerunner9876:
I'm sure you care for her very much and she's probably a lot of fun and you think these things are just overlookable annoyances and it's really none of my business but...

It is NEVER a good idea to get a "fixer upper".

As a person who has prided myself on being able to learn most of life's hard lessons by watching other people make them, so as to save myself the hassle and pain, this is one at the top of the heap:

People don't change (almost never). The very best way to have a good mate and marraige is to find someone who already is, the way you'd wish them to be. It pays to be very picky, judgemental, and firm in your expectations/goals.

It is far better to be lonely than to be miserable. (and broke).
I can personally testify to that. What you are seeing in this girl is best that it is going to get, and will probably get worse as time goes on.
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 7:00:12 AM EDT
Originally Posted By ex_dsmr:
Sounds like she should never be upgraded to "wife" status IMO
Money problems are the #1 relationship killer.


I read / heard recently that some people are verifying the credit score of a potential SO before they proceed past a certain point.

Link Posted: 12/28/2012 7:08:08 AM EDT
I had a girlfriend like the OPs, would spend wildly on useless crap, she to needed tires on her car,she was riding on baldinis and told me it was no problem. Long story short, I pulled the eject lever on the relationship, less than1 month later
she wrecked due to hydroplaning in the rain on the highway, once she was out of the hospital I had to be a dick and tell her I told you so. Pulling the eject lever is a lot cheaper than a divorce lawyer .
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