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9/22/2017 12:11:25 AM
Posted: 9/6/2005 5:06:16 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/6/2005 5:32:05 PM EDT by Zippy_The_Wonderdog]
In the beginning of summer, I bought a kayak. A Perception Captiva. She is 16' long, a hearty vessel. And today, I encountered a rumored beast of the depths (or shallows in my case...)

In Kentucky today....Ah...but I digress...Kentucky.

Kentucky. The Bluegrass State. Horse country...

Kentucky. Land of the Genetically Homogenous...

Kentucky, whose license plates flaunt Unbridled, Perversive Faggotry...

Kentucky. Horses, and Grandiose Perversion.

We, here in Kentucky, are also blessed with areas which are quite demonstrative of its Perversive Underbelly.

Big Bone Lick State Park...


And, its nearby town....Beaverlick...


And while not quite living up to the perversive theme of Kentucky, there is also the curiously named community of Rabbit Hash.


Rabbit Hash?

Anyways, I put in at the Big Bone Lick Boat Launch. I paddled my way to the Mighty Ohio River on a utterly pristine day. Clear skies, temperatures in the low 80's.

T'was my first time navigating this area, recommended by a friend.

T'was at the Ohio River Inlet that the terror unfolded.

Upon approaching The Ohio, there were numerous markers directing the Fancy Folk in their powered craft (of deeper draft) where to navigate their way out.

Being of quite shallow draft in my Hearty Vessel, I elected to cut across the markers into shallow water to save time.

The water was quite shallow indeed. Nary a foot in depth.

My horror lie ahead.

So, as I paddled about with nary a concern in my mind, I had noticed a shadow laying off my starboard, which I thought to be a fallen log.


The sonofabitch frothed about and breached twice. T'was here where I uttered....

"Uhhhh......Uhhh......AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH FUCKSHIT!!!!!!" in a most girly fashion.

Here I was in a foot, or less, of water and I realize in an instant of utter clarity that I have encountered one of the fabled Gargantuan Catfish of the Mighty Ohio.

I shit you not, this thing was huge. At a VERY CONSERVATIVE ESTIMATE it was over four feet long. Probably closer to five.

In the aftermath, I was briefly disgusted at my pathetic response, then continued on a nice tranquil exploration of the Mighty Ohio.

That is all of my harrowing tale.

Thank you for your time. All comments and inquiry welcomed and encouraged.
Link Posted: 9/6/2005 5:09:24 PM EDT
Link Posted: 9/6/2005 5:26:21 PM EDT
Hey, you forgot that your state's initials are "KY."
Link Posted: 9/6/2005 5:27:29 PM EDT
YOu forgot about "Blue Lick" state park and the Licking river. I think Blue Lick is what happens when Big Bone doesn't get licked enough.
Link Posted: 9/6/2005 5:27:37 PM EDT
Bumped, as I feel this was delegated to the second page WAY to fast without more interesting commentary on my adventure and insights into Kentucky's culture.
Link Posted: 9/6/2005 5:32:28 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/6/2005 5:33:36 PM EDT by Oslow]
Why didn't you draw your fightin knife and take him?

Worried about the pile in your pants I suppose.
Link Posted: 9/6/2005 5:39:46 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Oslow:
Why didn't you draw your fightin knife and take him?

Worried about the pile in your pants I suppose.

Nahhh, underwater bumpfire.
Link Posted: 9/6/2005 5:42:11 PM EDT
You were too scared to get pictures? This thread is worthless without pictures.
Link Posted: 9/6/2005 5:50:01 PM EDT
Who needs a knife, just grab it and fillet it with your hands like normal
Link Posted: 9/6/2005 5:59:04 PM EDT
I'm pretty much disapointed in my own "death scream" AND I hope that I wont be remembered by it when the time comes . I heard it only a couple times and I'm telling you it does not inspire confidence .

If I can manage it , I will try not to scream like a sissy boy when the time comes . (But I know I will)
Link Posted: 9/14/2005 7:42:27 PM EDT

As I feel way too proud of this post given what I feel to be really creative, melodramatic prose, as well as keen illustrations.

...As well as an attempt to attact more attention to myself and my generally silly posts on this site.

Enjoy, or loathe.
Link Posted: 9/14/2005 8:33:11 PM EDT
i just had milk come out my nose..


genetic­ally homogeous...

the post rocks for use of the english language..
Link Posted: 9/14/2005 8:44:03 PM EDT
So, what happened to your kayak?

Link Posted: 9/14/2005 9:51:21 PM EDT
You need this, seriously: Book
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 12:05:14 PM EDT
Apparently there is a Knob Lick Kentucky. You might check to see if they have a creek and see what happens there.

Link Posted: 9/15/2005 12:10:38 PM EDT

Originally Posted By m24shooter:
Hey, you forgot that your state's initials are "KY."

Yeah, and he watches the old Jetsons episode, just for the dog's name.
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 12:40:20 PM EDT

Link Posted: 9/15/2005 1:01:51 PM EDT
did you noodle it?
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 1:05:44 PM EDT
Any report of catfish over 36" in length should be accompanied by photographic evidence.

(Or a dinner picture.....)

Link Posted: 9/15/2005 1:09:05 PM EDT
I think we had a 190 lb catfish caught in a nearby river a few years back. It was pale yellow, probably ate cats and dogs.
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 1:09:13 PM EDT
Hey wait a second are you trying to be funny?
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 1:11:06 PM EDT
I had a beaver try to get in my solo canoe... Whacked him with my kayak paddle.

He didn't try to lick me though

Link Posted: 9/15/2005 1:18:43 PM EDT
General Sherman?
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 1:21:47 PM EDT
Excellent thread!
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 1:34:12 PM EDT
Tag for hilarity!
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 1:43:27 PM EDT
This should have been in the gay friends thread.
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 1:44:42 PM EDT
I thought it would be at least a 30 foot long crocodile........Ahhhhh! the suspense only to find out it was a catfish.
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 1:47:05 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/15/2005 1:48:05 PM EDT by LTVN68]
This should have been in the gay friends thread.

Sig line broken watch for finger

Now that was funny!!!!!!!!
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