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Posted: 1/12/2005 1:27:05 PM EDT
My little girl is very smart, very silly, and a drama queen!!!!! She stands up in restaurants telling stories she has made up about people being shipwrecked, and lost at sea. On one hand I am glad that she is so imaginative, and loves to share her ideas, and stories with me, and the rest of our family, but on the other hand, it is spilling over into school. She knows the difference between reality, and stories. She doesn't lie, or tell people that her stories are true.                                         With this phase has come a lot of being emotional. She gets a lot of attention, and is not a daycare kid, but she will force up some tears if she sees a sad movie. A Sharks tale for example. I can understand this because I was the same way as a kid, but her newest thing is crying when she has to leave school early, or when a holiday vacation starts. She will bawl her eyes out all the way out of her school. Thoday I had to take her out a little early (as did most other parents) due to a winter storm. She cried so hard that people were watching us, and the teacher started questioning me. She has always loved school, and looks forward to it everyday. She also enjoys being at home, and once we got in the car, she was happy, and excited about going home.  There is nothing strange about our homelife, and there have been no changes to our families routine, but I am worried that the school is going to think there is something awful going on at home to cause her to be so emotional about leaving school. What should I do, or not do? Any advice would be appreciated.
Link Posted: 1/12/2005 1:48:00 PM EDT
Link Posted: 1/12/2005 2:52:09 PM EDT
Link Posted: 1/12/2005 2:57:32 PM EDT
Sit her down and explain to her that crying in public is not acceptable.
Set it is a RULE, with consequences for not abiding by the rule.
and then follow through with the enforcement of the new rule.

it how any undesirable behavior would be controlled...whether it be in children, or adults.
Link Posted: 1/12/2005 3:04:07 PM EDT

Originally Posted By DoubleFeed:
Can't help you with the emotionalism, but provide her all the resources she needs to develop her writing skills.  Get the school to test her and determine where her reading, writing and reasoning abilities are.  Schools like to focus on weak areas, but see if you can get her in a writing development course, if there is specifically such an animal.
Heck, putting emotion to productive use is a great help to me.  Might help her.  Seeing feelings on paper helps with objectivity, which fosters the ability to quickly solve problems.



She has had her reading and writing level tested. She is about 2 1/2 grade levels ahead. I write poetry, and seeing me do this has sparked a love of poetry in her as well. She loves to write poems.
Link Posted: 1/12/2005 3:18:04 PM EDT
As a tool for behavior modification, I usually suggest 'Taser', but my wife says, "no".
Link Posted: 1/12/2005 3:20:10 PM EDT
She sounds a lot like my oldest daughter.
When we  traded in our Bronco for a Van and She was hysterical about losing the bronco,The salesman did'nt know what to think.Crystal was always the drama queen.

Your daughter will out grow this stage. You just cant be worried what others think.
Link Posted: 1/12/2005 3:28:33 PM EDT
Is there anyway of getting her involved in drama or theater?  If not at school, is there community theater in your area.  She sounds like she should be writing stories and plays besides poetry.  At least she might be able to channel all of the drama in a healthy direction.
Link Posted: 1/12/2005 3:57:34 PM EDT
I would sit her down and explain to her when to display her emotions.  I would also punish her for doing it as an attention grabber.

I would suggest getting her into a theater group so that she can use her talent.  I would also get her to submit her writing anywhere she can do so - children's magazines, newspapers, etc.  This would teach her a positive way to use her talents and get the proper positive attention.

I disagree that drama queens out grow their behavior - the more attntion they get from their behavior, the more the keep up that behavior.
Link Posted: 1/12/2005 4:22:01 PM EDT
My daughter has been going thru similar, without the tears in public, for about three years.
She is 11 now.
Dr says it is her hormones becoming aware and activating for puberty. And also the fact that anything is magnified at this age, especially if they were more mature as little ones. Their emotions are far behind the intellect.
To punish one for something so natural would be totally out of bounds!! And I don't believe that crying in public is an awful thing! Sure, it is in-apppropriate at times, but not awful.
When a child does this, they need attention in some other area of their lives and do not know how to express it.
Since I have set aside more time[what seemed almost an un-reasonable amount at first] for my daughter. to talk about becoming a lady, to talk about what and what is not proper for a lady to behave and also fun time for just her and me; it has helped immensly.
to arbitrarily decide that this is behavior that is just "spoiled child" like stuff is not fair. You don't know what goes on in their minds.
You need to get to the core. By spending more time and talking.
Some kids need more time than others. Just a fact of life.
She was re-directed and kept so busy, she didn't have time anymore to think about such things. Now, without fail, once every three weeks or so, she goes at it again. Every little thing bothers her. I merely say...hey---go do some deep breathing,... you are becoming a lady. Remember what ladies do!
And she will go to her room and gather herself together. I taught her breathing and relax techniques,...she comes out feeling and looking and ACTING better.
Re-direct her stories into writing. Every week, my daugher has to come up with ONE story ON PAPER. And it has to be two pages,...corrected and edited by us together. Then she can read her story to all. This is it. She is allowed only one. , so she is told it better be a whopper. But this is where stories belong. And she can show them to her grand kids someday. They belong no where else.
And I did tell her drama is for the stage. Either put it on paper or save it for a choice as a career later in life. If she doesn't, then she has to do extra chores or whatever I choose.
Hang in there mom. It really isn't so bad. Just guide and re-direct.
Joyce
Link Posted: 1/12/2005 4:24:11 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Ogre_4070:

I disagree that drama queens out grow their behavior - the more attntion they get from their behavior, the more the keep up that behavior.



Some dont , but mine did she is now a 24yo cpa, she got her masters in 4 1/2 yrs and is a very level haeded woman.
Link Posted: 1/12/2005 4:43:57 PM EDT

Originally Posted By walttx:

Originally Posted By Ogre_4070:

I disagree that drama queens out grow their behavior - the more attntion they get from their behavior, the more the keep up that behavior.



Some dont , but mine did she is now a 24yo cpa, she got her masters in 4 1/2 yrs and is a very level haeded woman.



If your daughter outgrew it then she wasn't a true drama queen.  There is a big difference in a drama queen and a child seeking attention.  I'm happy that your daughter is doing well.
Link Posted: 1/12/2005 4:59:53 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/12/2005 5:00:45 PM EDT by Joyce]
I believe drama queens will outqrow it. IF handled properly.
Drama doesn't come without a reason at the core.
Either the parent's or the child's....but a reason.
Kids are human. They go thru the same emotions we do, just handle them differently, due to in-experience.
kill it with punishment instead of redirection, and you have more trouble as adults because they weren't taught how to deal with it, just tie it inside.
It's just like potty traaining...You direct them to the toilet everytime they have to go,...or after accidents. You keep asking them, keep talking to them/ You don't spank them or punish them. And one day, they learned to go by themselves.
Habits....
Link Posted: 1/12/2005 5:51:47 PM EDT
I taught my kids to communicate.  Inappropriate crying and whining accomplished nothing, other than annoy me and it was not tolerated.
Link Posted: 1/12/2005 8:22:14 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/12/2005 8:24:18 PM EDT by wifeofgunnut]
Thanks everyone. I will try to get her to write her stories. They really are good. She is usually fine, and I remember a lot of the things she does now from when I was a child, and my friends were children. I know this is not uncommon, and will continue to try to teach her to redirect some of the drama into a more positive form. I am not saying she is not allowed to cry. I think it is very healthy for her to show her emotions, it just gets hard when teachers are looking at you like they want anwsers! BTW - she goes to a public school, and her teacher is great, but in the three years that my daughter has been at that school, I have found that the people working there are a little strange at times. Many of them seem to think that children never cry, feel shy, or act silly without there being something seriously wrong (either mentally, or in the home). Of course those things can be warning signs, but all kids, even healthy kids from happy homes do these things.
ETA - This is the same school that wanted to put my friends daughter on anti-depresants at age six. She is a happy, and bright child who has suffered no trauma (abuse, death in the family,)
Link Posted: 1/12/2005 8:27:19 PM EDT

Originally Posted By 9X19:
Is there anyway of getting her involved in drama or theater?  If not at school, is there community theater in your area.  She sounds like she should be writing stories and plays besides poetry.  At least she might be able to channel all of the drama in a healthy direction.



+1!  Sounds great for her--it also sounds like she love school and her friends at school.  I personally think it's great she is sad about leaving...some kids dread getting up and going!  But I understand the embarrassment of her crying in front of everyone at her age...get her involved in as much extra stuff as you can (dance, theatre, girl scouts, sports....)!
Link Posted: 1/12/2005 8:49:18 PM EDT
With all due respect, guys, I think she was more asking what to do if social services showed up at her door asking why her daughter never seems to want to come home. Or at least that's how I read it. Her daughter is okay and she knows that...

My advice?

If social services does end up at your house, say as little as possible in as little detail as possible to get them the hell out. That person is most decidedly not there to be your father confessor. They can misconstrue even the most innocent of comments and seem to actually take glee from it.

Just my two cents. Disgregard as you see fit.
Link Posted: 1/12/2005 9:58:44 PM EDT

Originally Posted By hydgirl:
With all due respect, guys, I think she was more asking what to do if social services showed up at her door asking why her daughter never seems to want to come home. Or at least that's how I read it. Her daughter is okay and she knows that...

My advice?

If social services does end up at your house, say as little as possible in as little detail as possible to get them the hell out. That person is most decidedly not there to be your father confessor. They can misconstrue even the most innocent of comments and seem to actually take glee from it.

Just my two cents. Disgregard as you see fit.



That is kinda what I was getting at. I did appreciate the other suggestions as well, and I am glad that she loves school, but I worry that her crying about going home will make it look like there is some kind of abuse or neglect going on in our home. There is not, but I do not want some goofy teacher or school couselor to blow this out of proportion. My little brother did not like school as a child and was a very tall and skinny kid (like our dad), and the teacher started using candy as a reward for him when he participated and did well in class. The school soon after filed a report on my mother saying that my brother was "food driven," because he preformed better in class for candy. They assumed that she must not have been feeding him at home. This was not true, and years later she laughes about that incident, but this is only one of the horror stories I have heard come from our school district going over board with parents who were not doing anything wrong. It's kinda this school districts trademark. This is great for kids who need the help, but for those who don't it can be very scary.
Link Posted: 1/13/2005 9:03:36 AM EDT
Any chance of changing schools?  They do not sound like a school I would want my child attending.  If they are as bad as you say I would be expecting a visit from social services.  This is why I suggested talking to her about displaying appropriate emotions at appropriate times.  I am surprised that the other kids have not teased her about this; this is going to make things worse if this occurs.
Link Posted: 1/13/2005 9:09:29 AM EDT

She stands up in restaurants telling stories she has made up about people being shipwrecked, and lost at sea.


WTF???

Flip-flop + child's buttocks = fixed child, (or one ya'd actually want to take out in public)  

Mike
Link Posted: 1/13/2005 9:16:18 AM EDT

Originally Posted By 9X19:
Is there anyway of getting her involved in drama or theater?  If not at school, is there community theater in your area.  She sounds like she should be writing stories and plays besides poetry.  At least she might be able to channel all of the drama in a healthy direction.



definitely!  +1000

Give her an outlet where she can use all the emotions and drama.
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