[left]Out of 10 traffic stops, the
violator you gave a warning to instead of a cite is the one who
file a personnel complaint
After taking a sign language
course, you use sign to a deaf driver and citizens call the
station to complain about
seeing you doing strange things and touching yourself on a
The intensity and number of war
stories told is inversely proportional to the street
experience of the storyteller.
Anyone who doesn't notice an
unmarked car is probably not doing anything illegal
Anyone opting for a foot chase
is always carrying at least 20 pounds less than you are.
Your time is always less
important than the time of the judge and prosecutor.
equipment always fails at the
most inopportune time. usually right after you've checked to
make sure it's working.
When a cop does something
right, no one remembers; When a cop does something
wrong, no one forgets.
The "big" pay raise will always
come next year.
One day YOU will know why your
FTO was so picky and cranky.
No matter how quiet the radio
has been, an emergency call will be dispatched in your beat
just after you stop your first
car of the night.
You only lock yourself out of
the squad car, when your portable radio is not working.
On the day you make the felony
arrest of your career, just as the news mini cams arrive
your zipper will break.
No good deed goes unpunished
The only time there is paper in
the dispenser at the station is when you don't need it.
When you come to the last form
in the file, only you will burn copies of it.
The higher the oath, the bigger
the lie...except when your Sergeant is telling the story.
Just when you get a nice brand
new squad car, the first offender you pick up is going to
be a drunk that will get sick
in the car.
The only consistent thing about
any law enforcement agency, will be its inconsistency.
When you get old, with lots of
experience, and need the peace and quiet, they will pair
you up with a rookie!
The first bad-guy your trainee
decides to tick off will have at least three black belts in
three different martial arts.
What is said in the patrol car
stays in the patrol car. Unless it was said in the patrol car.
There is a code of silence in
law enforcement. Until Internal Affairs, the news media, and
lawyers get involved.
Looking good in uniform more
than compensates for incompetence.
When you are late for work and
in a hurry to iron your uniform shirt, the power system
will fail suddenly.
The time you need to transmit
on the radio comes immediately after you have taken a big
bite of your lunch
Rookies will ask the Dispatcher
"Do we have a clear channel?" on the radio only when
you are clearing a house on an
You only need assistance in a
hurry when you are in the part of town your radio doesn't
Your portable radio will only
malfunction when you have accidentally set off your car
horn, which remains stuck, as
you follow the Hell's Angels down the freeway on your
way to work
Your alarm clock is guaranteed
to break, making you late for work, the day after you
receive a department-wide memo
regarding attendance policy and punishments.
The only car you let go with a
warning ticket will be stopped ten minutes later and the
driver arrested for
transporting the largest quantity of illegal drug in your counties
If the guy you pull over for
speeing says he was going so fast becaause he has diarrhea,
and for one reason or another
you have to put him in the patrol car, it will turn out he
Your department will always be
over budget, and your equipment will always be older
Never date Murphys' daughter,
especially when Murphy is the Chief
A police officer who wields a
baton or other impact weapon in a fight is more likely to
strike another cop the criminal