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9/22/2017 12:11:25 AM
Posted: 8/1/2005 1:01:49 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/15/2005 9:07:39 PM EDT by pattymcn]
My daughter will be starting a new high school this fall [well actually since she's a 9th grader - high school will be new to her]. We presently live in a small town where she has always had an easy chance at sports. If you go out for sports you play at this school since its so small. They do not have cuts or try outs etc. The only sport she ever had to try out for was soft ball but again she made the team with very little effort.

This new school she will be going to is one of the largest schools in the state. Last night she attended Volley Ball practice at this new school. The coach was very excited to see her and was very positive working with her. Whitney was very excited about going to practice but nervous that since she doesn't have a lot of experience in Volleyball that she would be far behind.

She was the only freshman that attended practice last night so the other girls were for the most part were more experienced than she was however she did fit in and the coach played her the entire 3 hour practice. The problem was Whitney herself made very little effort to be part of the team. The girls were high fiving her and being very nice to her but she still didn't make much of an effort.

The coach talked to me about her ability to make the team a bit and I do think Whitney has the ability to over come this bad first impression from what he said. He wasn't concerned with her lack of aggressiveness towards the ball [which I was] and agreed with me that she was very consistent in her play. She was always where she needed to be and never failed to return a volley when it came to her. But because she is so lazidazical girls where jumping in front of her taking her shots when she should be and etc. 3 times he called to her "Whitney, this isn't a spectators sport" and she still did nothing to adjust her play.

After wards in the car before I could say anything to her she immediately asked "You're upset with me aren't you?" and then rifled into "You didn't think I did well did you?"

I simply told her that I thought she could do better and that if she was going to have a chance to make the team that she was going to have to hussle more. She was all right I guess with that but she has had a 'headache' every since.

I'm not sure what to do. There were scouts at this school from a major university and the scout flat out told me that considering her ability and her height that they will be keeping an eye on her as she matures and that with improvement she would have possibilities for scholarships. Needless to say that perked my interest.

I look at her and see she has 10 times the talent as I did as a kid but I did better because of my attitude. I'm not sure how to teach that. I know she was excited about playing but am I pushing her into doing more than she's willing to do?

Patty
Link Posted: 8/1/2005 2:25:27 PM EDT
It all depends, if you are pushing her too much or not. It could be a number of things:

1. She doesn't like volleyball. Some sports aren't for some people.
2. The whole new/big high school and all new people intimidates her somewhat. It's tough starting in a new school, jumping into sports, meeting new people, etc.
3. She may be doing too much already. I see loads of kids that do too many extracurricular activities: Band, 2 sports, chorus, etc all for one person. Kids need time to be kids, and the main idea in school needs to be education.

Maybe it will just take her a little time to get used to the school and new people, or to decide what she is interested in. Just make sure that the main focus is academics, followed by a sport.
Link Posted: 8/1/2005 2:38:29 PM EDT
Patty, you know her much better than any of us could, but might she be intimidated by a large school?

I understand that many who have grown up in small towns, only interfaced with small groups of people find themselves "lost" emotionally and mentally when they are suddenly in a very large environment.

I don't have a solution for you, just an idea on where to look for the problem?

Good luck to both of you!
Link Posted: 8/1/2005 2:56:30 PM EDT
She was diffinately intimidated by the large school thing and actually burst into tears during the practice but recovered quickly and the girls were very encouraging to her. She was very excited about being on the team and the idea of playing some serious ball.

She does this though. Last year she wasn't played at all [we're talking only a few minutes a game] because the coach just didn't like her. The coach would complain about her to everyone [Yeah she's tall but she doesn't give a crap]. She does care, I know she does. She doesn't have the drive I have [which I can live with] but I know she'll be very disappointed if she doesn't make the team. I know IF she tries her hardest she can make the team.

She a funny kid. I think she's just afraid of failing so she doesn't try. If that makes sense?

Patty
Link Posted: 8/1/2005 3:08:52 PM EDT
you understand very well what is happening, patty, and everything you said makes sense

if shes just starting 9th grade, i think shes having (and going to keep having) some trouble adjusting to it all--encouragement is best, but ultimately she makes the decision--she puts forth some effort and does well, or she doesnt and the consequences are what they are--maybe help her think about what she can choose and what results may come from those choices, if shes willing to do/hear it

id say, as a mom, its your responsibility to make either way a learning experience for Whitney--the outcome will be a result of choices--some she has control over (her effort and enthusiasm level) and some she doesnt (the coach's decisions and her teammate's attitude toward her)

help her use her choices to do the best she can or see that her lack of trying caused whatever result--and review what she can choose the next time to make a difference in the outcome
Link Posted: 8/1/2005 3:19:59 PM EDT
thank you D_C, I agree with you whole heartedly. I say it all the time - its a lot better for kids to fail with their parents around to catch them but I didn't think it would be my kid that didn't make the team, especially because of attitude. But its her life. She has to do it. I can't make her.

Patty
Link Posted: 8/1/2005 4:58:11 PM EDT
Okay here's my .02. First off you know your kid best, but if she is anything like my son was he went to schools where the most there were 20 kids in a class. Even in the middle school. He wanted to go to the vocational school,new school new environment, new kids,and making new friends. There were a few kids he new from the school where we live,but it was very overwhelming being in a new environment. As the years went on he became more comfortable with it. Just point out what you told us here,and let her have a chance to acclimate to a new school,new friends,etc. If she really wants to be on the team,she will put forth the effort. It's hard, they want to fit in. It's a hard age. They have to find what is comfortable for them. Girls are harder than boys. Also if she was the only freshman then she may have felt intimidated too being around the older kids. It's a rough time. I wish you and her luck. Just let her make the decision.
Link Posted: 8/1/2005 5:45:23 PM EDT

Originally Posted By MrsWildweasel:
Okay here's my .02. First off you know your kid best, but if she is anything like my son was he went to schools where the most there were 20 kids in a class. Even in the middle school. He wanted to go to the vocational school,new school new environment, new kids,and making new friends. There were a few kids he new from the school where we live,but it was very overwhelming being in a new environment. As the years went on he became more comfortable with it. Just point out what you told us here,and let her have a chance to acclimate to a new school,new friends,etc. If she really wants to be on the team,she will put forth the effort. It's hard, they want to fit in. It's a hard age. They have to find what is comfortable for them. Girls are harder than boys. Also if she was the only freshman then she may have felt intimidated too being around the older kids. It's a rough time. I wish you and her luck. Just let her make the decision.


+1.
Link Posted: 8/1/2005 5:57:39 PM EDT
Does she play because she really wants to play or because it is what she thinks you want her to do?I may be wrong but I get the impression that you want this more than she does.
Link Posted: 8/1/2005 8:28:38 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Ogre_4070:
Does she play because she really wants to play or because it is what she thinks you want her to do?I may be wrong but I get the impression that you want this more than she does.



Its hard to say. I think she really really wants it but wanting it and wanting to put forth the effort is two different things. She is used to having thigns handed down to her. If she makes this team in part it will be handed to her merely because of her height. The coach told her she had an unfair advantage being 2-3 inches taller than the rest of the girls. But its going to take more than being tall.

She has done this before so its not just a big school thing. She was on a softball team and they had a pitching clinic and I sat on the side line and watched - she gave the most minimial effort possible. In sports last year she gave as little as possible. She doesn't like to lose but she doesn't really care if she wins. She is actually pretty good but is not driven at all.

Patty
Link Posted: 8/2/2005 1:42:29 AM EDT
I have a son that was/is an excellent pitcher, but if someone does not like him, or he feels he is being ridiculed or put down, there goes his effort. I am speaking about adults, because sometimes they don't realize how just the smallest disapproval will turn a kid off. His dad would lecture him about his performance constantly, comparing his efforts when he was the same age, you know the "when I was your age" crapola. His dad coached his little leauge one year, and the love of baseball or anything else just left him, too much pressure to meet or exceed his expectations. (he did well when dad was not at the games)
I love watching baseball, so for him to play would be a double enjoyment for me, but I am not going to express anymore to him about it than that I think he will do well should he decide to try out when he hits high school.
You can't make them put forth effort, it has to come from within themselves, naturally, or they don't have their mind on what they are doing, that is why it takes really special people to be teachers, coaches and any role that involves children.
Thats just my observation from my sons experiences, and a few other children I have raised.
Link Posted: 8/9/2005 6:00:14 AM EDT
Well I had a short chat with the daughter right after her first [in my opinion] subpar practice and was frank with her. I told her that I thought the coach really liked her and would really like her on his team [if she makes the team she'll be the only freshman on the team]. I told her however that being 6'1" will only get her so far. The coach wants her, she still has to earn it. I told her that it would be a shame to not make the team because she didn't hustle and furthermore it would be a shame to not make the team for someone else just because some girl's 6'1" but doesn't hustle.

Evidently it sunk in some as she's been working her behind off. The coach really likes her and has been having her in for private practices [one on one]. He asked her to help with a fund raising camp they're doing for the middle school and let slip that This is where he needs his "JV members" to pick up the slack.

I wouldn't say that means she's a shoe in BUT I diffinately see a positive turn around.

Patty
Link Posted: 8/9/2005 6:44:28 AM EDT
I'm glad she decided to try if being on the team is what she wants. It would have been a shame for her to not have made the team because of her attitude.
Link Posted: 8/9/2005 7:56:14 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/9/2005 7:57:37 AM EDT by petagunner]
BRIBE HER!!!! A little money spent now on a bribe will pay off in the long run when she gets a scholorship for college!

She will find her groove when she feels more comfortable and your support thru all of that will help her trememdousley.
Link Posted: 8/9/2005 8:26:47 AM EDT

Originally Posted By petagunner:
BRIBE HER!!!! A little money spent now on a bribe will pay off in the long run when she gets a scholorship for college!

She will find her groove when she feels more comfortable and your support thru all of that will help her trememdousley.



Nice sigline! I've found with things like this bribery doesn't work. She has to want it and I think she does [we'll see]. I push my kids hard and I often have to step back and see if I'm asking too much of them. They didn't come with instructions, dern it!

Patty
Link Posted: 8/9/2005 9:20:31 AM EDT
Like the sig huh? Thought it was fitting. The more folks that will chip in the less there will be to do, right? More beer time? haha.

My wife played college volleyball (full ride) and used to brag about how nice the Spokane campus was where they played the nwacc tourneys. She loved it, and all of the travel also. They used to go to UC Davis for 2 weeks every year to some big camp too. Hope your daughter sticks with it, my wife still has friends from her butt hugger days that she talks to now.
Link Posted: 8/9/2005 5:17:57 PM EDT
not exactly a parent, but was in her shoes not that long ago('99), my first few weeks of footbal I was kinda felt a lil off because I didn't know anybody, but once i got to know the guys and got comfortable, it was all downhill after that(well atleast for the o-line),but give her time, she'll get over it, these are going to be the "fun " years for ya
Link Posted: 8/9/2005 6:04:53 PM EDT

Originally Posted By pattymcn:
Well I had a short chat with the daughter right after her first [in my opinion] subpar practice and was frank with her. I told her that I thought the coach really liked her and would really like her on his team [if she makes the team she'll be the only freshman on the team]. I told her however that being 6'1" will only get her so far. The coach wants her, she still has to earn it. I told her that it would be a shame to not make the team because she didn't hustle and furthermore it would be a shame to not make the team for someone else just because some girl's 6'1" but doesn't hustle.

Evidently it sunk in some as she's been working her behind off. The coach really likes her and has been having her in for private practices [one on one]. He asked her to help with a fund raising camp they're doing for the middle school and let slip that This is where he needs his "JV members" to pick up the slack.

I wouldn't say that means she's a shoe in BUT I diffinately see a positive turn around.

Patty


Good news! Definitely w00t! worthy!
Link Posted: 8/15/2005 9:07:07 PM EDT
Well about 80 girls showed up for the first real day of try outs. They have a week long "team" try out starting today and then Monday and Tuesday they have individual try outs. [22nd & 23rd]. Not sure what the individual curtails since it will be all together with the team in an intense 8 hour practice both days.

Anyway, about 80 girls show up this morning and by 4 this afternoon when I got back that number was well cut in half. When I got in at 4 Whitney was hussling and working hard. The coach said during a 5 mile run Whitney twisted her ankle but was able to walk it out {That's my girl}. Well her ankle is slightly [doubtful nothing serious] swollen and sore so we [she] soaked it in Epsom salt and is sleeping with it elevated. I sent the coach and email to have her stretch better tomorrow and to warm up that ankle in particular.

Anyway, she's not on the team yet but she beat out quite a few people so far. She's still pretty aloof but I think part of that is due to her lack of corrdination. I think she moves slowly rather then hustles to keep from falling, tripping etc. Probably a wise move. I of course just trippled and mangled my way but we're each different.

If you're bored to tears with my update just say so and I'll be quiet now. Patty
Link Posted: 8/16/2005 3:47:50 AM EDT

Originally Posted By pattymcn:

If you're bored to tears with my update just say so and I'll be quiet now. Patty



You just hush up now, we want to know how things go for her. bored to tears, heck come to my house, I'll show you bored to tears!
Link Posted: 8/16/2005 3:53:58 AM EDT
Nope that would be my house right now.
Link Posted: 8/16/2005 5:12:26 AM EDT
I could use a little boring. That sounds nice actually! Thank you Ladies. Patty
Link Posted: 8/16/2005 5:12:29 AM EDT
Not bored to tears in the slightest. Glad everything is better(except for that ankle)!
Link Posted: 8/16/2005 5:20:21 AM EDT

Originally Posted By pattymcn:
Well about 80 girls showed up for the first real day of try outs. They have a week long "team" try out starting today and then Monday and Tuesday they have individual try outs. [22nd & 23rd]. Not sure what the individual curtails since it will be all together with the team in an intense 8 hour practice both days.

Anyway, about 80 girls show up this morning and by 4 this afternoon when I got back that number was well cut in half. When I got in at 4 Whitney was hussling and working hard. The coach said during a 5 mile run Whitney twisted her ankle but was able to walk it out {That's my girl}. Well her ankle is slightly [doubtful nothing serious] swollen and sore so we [she] soaked it in Epsom salt and is sleeping with it elevated. I sent the coach and email to have her stretch better tomorrow and to warm up that ankle in particular.

Anyway, she's not on the team yet but she beat out quite a few people so far. She's still pretty aloof but I think part of that is due to her lack of corrdination. I think she moves slowly rather then hustles to keep from falling, tripping etc. Probably a wise move. I of course just trippled and mangled my way but we're each different.

If you're bored to tears with my update just say so and I'll be quiet now. Patty



Maybe she's just getting her sea legs... if she's doing a lot of growing...
Link Posted: 8/16/2005 5:22:18 AM EDT
Yes, I'm sure you're right. She is still growing [hopefully not too much more]. Patty
Link Posted: 8/16/2005 5:29:38 AM EDT
Patty, cool! Hope she was excited to beat out half the field so far!
Link Posted: 8/18/2005 3:11:17 PM EDT
Hey ladies. I'm new to Arfcom and just was reading the post from Patty and responses. I'm 22 and I remember a lot about highschool. In fact, I went to a VERY small junior high in Illinois and then started Highschool in Arizona with more than 4000+ students and that was 1 of 3 highschools of it's size in the town. Well, I was nervous going to school there, not only because of the amount of students but also because they dressed differently, talked differently, did their hair differently, etc. Luckily, I had cousins that group up in Arizona and went to the same school so they offered advice on everything.

Patty the advice I have is continue to be supportive and your daughter will adjust just fine. I actually got more involved in activities in Highschool--reason being that there was more activities to choose from and although their was more students to compete against, there is also more teams (freshman, jv, varsity) for each sport. Don't sweat it if she doesn't make the team--just make sure she does well in school--she could end up getting an academic scholarship. At my school, the top 10% of the graduating class got to attend a state school for free. However, there is more students to compete against for class standing. To raise her standing you can put her in AP (advanced placement) classes in the subject areas she finds easy. There is also a TON of other scholarships she can get. The school counselor will have a list, start early and beat out all the others!

Hope this helps....sorry if I rambled to much
Link Posted: 8/20/2005 7:47:29 PM EDT
Thank you for the advice GoodLuckCharm. I appreciate it. Patty
Link Posted: 8/21/2005 3:58:01 PM EDT
I think she was just a little overwhelemed.

Think about it, new school, a larger school, means all new people, she has to try to join in, trying out for a team spot amongst other girls who have known each other for a couple years, mom putting pressure on her, coach putting pressure on her, just a little overwhelming, you think?

I think once she gtes more at ease around the new people, she gets to know them, they get to know her, she wil relax a bit and fit right in.

It also sounds like she is on the team in the coaches mind.

Link Posted: 8/22/2005 2:54:00 AM EDT
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