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1/22/2020 12:12:56 PM
Posted: 1/20/2015 11:36:56 PM EST
Anyone had any luck married little kids. Wife's been depressed for a couple years now. It's just brutal she is always either upset of sad about something. I work bc she wants to stay at home but there alwats some little thing that causes her to be upset.

Trying counseling and the counselor literally told her evetythinf she does is unhealthy and not kind or downright mean.

We talk about things and she says she wants to change but she doesn't do it .

She's also seeing someone for her depression but she can be flaky about that.

I don't know I've been trying to help her for a while now and I just worry it will never change
Link Posted: 1/20/2015 11:38:15 PM EST
You can't force change. Do all u can but it takes two people other wise EJECT
Link Posted: 1/20/2015 11:39:12 PM EST
Most are divorce councilors
Link Posted: 1/20/2015 11:40:20 PM EST

Make sure she gets a thorough medical work-up to make sure she doesn't have some obvious imbalance such as low thyroid, low vitamin B12, etc.

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Link Posted: 1/20/2015 11:40:32 PM EST
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Originally Posted By Patchgunner:
You can't force change. Do all u can but it takes two people other wise EJECT
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It's just frustrating bc literally the counselor says something to hear abd a couple hours later she's doing just what she said not to do
Link Posted: 1/20/2015 11:41:08 PM EST
Prepare to eject and hope for the best
Link Posted: 1/20/2015 11:44:59 PM EST
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Originally Posted By 1911greg:


It's just frustrating bc literally the counselor says something to hear abd a couple hours later she's doing just what she said not to do
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Originally Posted By 1911greg:
Originally Posted By Patchgunner:
You can't force change. Do all u can but it takes two people other wise EJECT


It's just frustrating bc literally the counselor says something to hear abd a couple hours later she's doing just what she said not to do


Try a different counselor? Try to talk to her and see if there's a way she can focus on a single behavior or habit at a time? If she's doing counseling, she probably wants to change and be happier, but habits are hard to break.
Link Posted: 1/20/2015 11:46:23 PM EST
All counseling did for me was make it obvious I needed to eject. The ex has always battled depression for the 20+ years we were together. Awhile back, she was diagnosed BPII and BPD. I still tried to hang on but it got to the point that it was either eject of have her drag me down in flames.
Link Posted: 1/20/2015 11:46:56 PM EST
Get her a dog, something that will make her smile.
Link Posted: 1/20/2015 11:50:46 PM EST
[Last Edit: 1/20/2015 11:51:10 PM EST by Patchgunner]
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Originally Posted By 1911greg:


It's just frustrating bc literally the counselor says something to hear abd a couple hours later she's doing just what she said not to do
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Originally Posted By 1911greg:
Originally Posted By Patchgunner:
You can't force change. Do all u can but it takes two people other wise EJECT


It's just frustrating bc literally the counselor says something to hear abd a couple hours later she's doing just what she said not to do



Went through that shit with my first wife did all I could with the counsellors and all that trying to stay together but I was the only one trying and eventually she let her depression carry her into fucking other ppl. Case in point can't save all the wounded sick puppies so toughen up and consider a eject
Link Posted: 1/20/2015 11:51:35 PM EST
Marriage counseling is third base in the ball game of relationships. Home is divorce.

Decide how you want to live your life. Then decide how she fits into that life.
Link Posted: 1/21/2015 12:05:13 AM EST
The key to marriage is low expectations
Link Posted: 1/21/2015 12:10:10 AM EST
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Originally Posted By el_hombre:
All counseling did for me was make it obvious I needed to eject. The ex has always battled depression for the 20+ years we were together. Awhile back, she was diagnosed BPII and BPD. I still tried to hang on but it got to the point that it was either eject of have her drag me down in flames.
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That's exactly what it's doing scary as shit to have the counselor explsin what all the craziness means
Link Posted: 1/21/2015 12:14:14 AM EST
[Last Edit: 1/21/2015 12:15:13 AM EST by Extorris]
Originally Posted By 1911greg:
Anyone had any luck married little kids. Wife's been depressed for a couple years now. It's just brutal she is always either upset of sad about something. I work bc she wants to stay at home but there always some little thing that causes her to be upset.
Trying counseling and the counselor literally told her everything she does is unhealthy and not kind or downright mean.
We talk about things and she says she wants to change but she doesn't do it .
She's also seeing someone for her depression but she can be flaky about that.
I don't know I've been trying to help her for a while now and I just worry it will never change
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Link Posted: 1/21/2015 12:22:15 AM EST
My wife and I were on the verge of divorce when I found a program called Reengage at a nearby church. It helped us immensely and continues to pay dividends. Looking back, I can't see how anything but Christian-based counseling would've helped us.

That was about a year and a half ago. I'm so glad we didn't split up then. It would've been a disaster.
Link Posted: 1/21/2015 12:27:55 AM EST
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Originally Posted By thawntex:
My wife and I were on the verge of divorce when I found a program called Reengage at a nearby church. It helped us immensely and continues to pay dividends. Looking back, I can't see how anything but Christian-based counseling would've helped us.

That was about a year and a half ago. I'm so glad we didn't split up then. It would've been a disaster.
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That's good to hear I have a shred of hope, it's just I've seen her revert back to herself too many times which scares me it's kinda like fool me 3 times now
Link Posted: 1/21/2015 12:30:11 AM EST
Honestly, marriage counselors don't help much for the majority (they can help some). What the truth is though is that one spouse will hear exactly what they don't want to and that counselor will be labeled as a fraud; this cycle repeats until the situation is flipped for them . The best way to go about it is finding some sort of "mentor" outside of therapy from what I have seen, and it can help A LOT...

If there is underlying depression that has been looked upon by a therapist and they (she in this situation) still do not change, I don't see how they can say they want to change. If you push the lie off as truth enough then others may believe it and such, but if you could have someone that she respects and listens to outside of yourself then it could help. Marriage is hard work and not all advice works for all couples, but in the end it is sometimes better to pull the cord before it gets worse. If you are religious then there could be families inside the church who could help, but you may be a private person like I am.
Link Posted: 1/21/2015 12:35:40 AM EST
I hate to say it but counseling is something that needs to be done before there is a problem.

Not saying it won't work and wish you the best of luck.
Link Posted: 1/21/2015 12:39:57 AM EST
My wife is a Counselor, a good one too. You get out of it what you put into it. She helps people find solutions to there issues, the ones that are willing to do the work have success, others think that she is just going to fix them somehow. One question OP. How old is your youngest? Some women go into a hormonal bounce after childbirth and they never seem to bounce back up.
A real counselor would refer to a Dr. for medical test that only they can order. Good luck.
Link Posted: 1/21/2015 12:41:30 AM EST
I was in a similar situation. Depressed wife at home, but no kids. Nothing seemed to work for her depression, then she decided cheating would make her life interesting. We divorced, it was nasty. I'm happier now then I ever was married. I'm thinking about marrying again, but their are some real risks.
You are doing the right thing by going through counseling - you owe that to yourself and your kids. But if she isn't putting in the effort, you also owe it to yourself and your kids to try to make a clean, gentle break. It's tougher because you have children. The two of you will need to be civil so that you can continue to parent the kids together. If you are successful, it could be better than continuing in a strained marriage, which isn't healthy for either of you, or the children. But it's a big if.
I live now with my girlfriend, and we've talked marriage. She has an 8 year old daughter, and she and her ex had a civil divorce. We all manage to act like adults, and as a result I think her daughter is better off. Her ex has remarried, and we are together. As a result, her daughter gets to experience life with two parent couples who have functional relationships. I like to think that it is better then her daughter experiencing life with one disfunctional couple. I may be wrong.
Link Posted: 1/21/2015 12:41:46 AM EST
And another quick note: from personal experience

People that say staying in it "for the kids" is what's best for the kids are full of shit.
Link Posted: 1/21/2015 12:43:01 AM EST
In my limited experience, Counselling at the minimum provides clarity.

In that sense it does help both people, it might not save the marriage, but it provides a path to clarity, about if you should stay or go.
Link Posted: 1/21/2015 12:47:59 AM EST
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Originally Posted By 4Kilo12:
Most are divorce councilors
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Link Posted: 1/21/2015 12:49:40 AM EST
Trust me. Better get a handle on the issues now or it'll turn into something worse.
Link Posted: 1/21/2015 12:54:16 AM EST
my brother and his wife go once a week, they have been married 2 years
(in California)

Link Posted: 1/21/2015 12:57:27 AM EST
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Originally Posted By flash556:
my brother and his wife go once a week, they have been married 2 years
(in California)

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Probably a very healthy and good recipe for success.
Link Posted: 1/21/2015 1:04:08 AM EST
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Originally Posted By Patchgunner:
And another quick note: from personal experience

People that say staying in it "for the kids" is what's best for the kids are full of shit.
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This goes with the post above it. The kids grow up thinking dysfunctional is "normal." I know I would want better for my kids.
Link Posted: 1/21/2015 1:08:36 AM EST
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Originally Posted By Army_of_One:

This goes with the post above it. The kids grow up thinking dysfunctional is "normal." I know I would want better for my kids.
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Originally Posted By Army_of_One:
Originally Posted By Patchgunner:
And another quick note: from personal experience

People that say staying in it "for the kids" is what's best for the kids are full of shit.

This goes with the post above it. The kids grow up thinking dysfunctional is "normal." I know I would want better for my kids.



Exactly

People that force marriages for the kids end up raising kids that will most likely have trouble learning te meaning of a "normal" relationship.
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