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9/22/2017 12:11:25 AM
Posted: 8/3/2005 10:16:51 PM EDT
Yes, you read that correctly.

I am 20 going on 21 in Oct. and for the past few years I've had some stomach problems. Well last Sat. I woke up nauseated and had to spend most of the morning praying to the porcelin god, which seriously messed with my lawn service that day.

So at the request of my mom, dad, and GF I made an appointment with my stepbrother who is a MD(and who doesn't charge me). Basically they think I'm lactose intolerent since dairy products usually send me running to the bathroom.

So, I have to poop in 3 cups on 3 different occasions and then bring them to the lab at the local hospital, Oh yea, I have to keep them in the fridge.

On the bright side, he has hot nurses.
Link Posted: 8/3/2005 10:18:31 PM EDT
TMI
Link Posted: 8/3/2005 10:18:53 PM EDT

Originally Posted By MrClean4Hire:
TMI



+12000
Link Posted: 8/3/2005 10:19:29 PM EDT
Link Posted: 8/3/2005 10:20:04 PM EDT
Hot nurses and poopie cold cups do not belong in the same place.
Link Posted: 8/3/2005 10:20:16 PM EDT
Link Posted: 8/3/2005 10:20:40 PM EDT
Make sure you write "POOP" or "FECAL SHIT DO NOT EAT" on the cups. Your mom might go in there thinking it's chocolate moose or something and get a little suprise. Yum!
Link Posted: 8/3/2005 10:21:43 PM EDT
It's part of growing older. Slowly your conversations will turn from 0% health related to 100% health related and your older friends will have heard it all before.

Did they ultrasound your gallbladder?

Where are the pics of the nurses?
Link Posted: 8/3/2005 10:22:12 PM EDT
Link Posted: 8/3/2005 10:23:20 PM EDT
austin powers "kinda nutty" austin powers
Link Posted: 8/3/2005 10:23:39 PM EDT
Link Posted: 8/3/2005 10:24:19 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Papertargets:
It's part of growing older. Slowly your conversations will turn from 0% health related to 100% health related and your older friends will have heard it all before.

Did they ultrasound your gallbladder?

Where are the pics of the nurses?




No ultrasound just "read this info on lactose intolerance, and poop in these cups, oh and don't eat any dairy products."

No pics of the nurses
Link Posted: 8/3/2005 10:25:53 PM EDT
What do they need so much poop for?
Usually they give you a collection device thats flushable and a little scoop to collect you poop sample.
Link Posted: 8/3/2005 10:28:16 PM EDT

Originally Posted By twonami:
What do they need so much poop for?
Usually they give you a collection device thats flushable and a little scoop to collect you poop sample.




No, no, no 3 blue tuperware containers with labeling info on the lids and no scooper
Link Posted: 8/3/2005 10:29:16 PM EDT

Originally Posted By LArifleMAN:

Originally Posted By twonami:
What do they need so much poop for?
Usually they give you a collection device thats flushable and a little scoop to collect you poop sample.




No, no, no 3 blue tuperware containers with labeling info on the lids and no scooper



Do you have a trowel? Just do it like your laying bricks.
Link Posted: 8/3/2005 10:30:42 PM EDT

Originally Posted By LArifleMAN:

Originally Posted By twonami:
What do they need so much poop for?
Usually they give you a collection device thats flushable and a little scoop to collect you poop sample.




No, no, no 3 blue tuperware containers with labeling info on the lids and no scooper


I just don't understand the need for that quantity of poop?
Link Posted: 8/3/2005 10:32:21 PM EDT
Hmm poop stories.

I'll tell mine then.

I work at a store, and int he back there is a hallway that leads to the restrooms, the stockroom, the breakroom, and the mop closet.

I was going to and from the stockroom that day and each time I noticed a horrible stench of shit, I figured it was one of the restrooms but I didnt really care to investigate.

Later that day while I'm working up front, one of my managers tells me that someone took a shit in the mop bucket.

That must have been a hell of an emergency for someone to just drop thier pants in the middle of some hallway and shit in a bucket.

I'm just glad I didnt have to clean up that mess.
Link Posted: 8/3/2005 10:32:25 PM EDT

Originally Posted By twonami:

Originally Posted By LArifleMAN:

Originally Posted By twonami:
What do they need so much poop for?
Usually they give you a collection device thats flushable and a little scoop to collect you poop sample.




No, no, no 3 blue tuperware containers with labeling info on the lids and no scooper


I just don't understand the need for that quantity of poop?




Beats the hell outta me, as long as they find out what the hell is wrong I guess I can deal with it
Link Posted: 8/3/2005 10:33:11 PM EDT
Could be worse.

Could have to do it in a tin can...

in a cockpit...



philrowe.net/takecrap.htm
Link Posted: 8/3/2005 10:33:36 PM EDT
What's wrong with experimentation?


Dairy products -> Counting bathroom floor tiles. For the third time. In one sitting.


No dairy products -> no counting bathroom floor tiles


Conclusion -> lactose intolerance.
Link Posted: 8/3/2005 10:35:36 PM EDT
Stool sample?...

..."This coffee tastes like shit!"
Link Posted: 8/3/2005 10:36:19 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/3/2005 10:37:25 PM EDT by Stealth]
Mommy! Mommy! Me and Jimmy found the pudding cups in the fridge but they tasted yucky!



eta... darn it, Gabby was faster.
Link Posted: 8/3/2005 10:37:43 PM EDT
Doctor Swindle to the rescue with sage medical advice:

Take a book to the bathroom next time.
Link Posted: 8/3/2005 10:46:25 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/3/2005 10:53:04 PM EDT by PeteCO]

Originally Posted By Airwolf:
Could be worse.

Could have to do it in a tin can...

in a cockpit...



philrowe.net/takecrap.htm



I took a crap in a pringles can at 10,500' at the south edge of the Chicago class B airspace once. Yes, I did contemplate throwing it out the window.....imagine some poor bastard finding an unplanned rectal abortion on his car's windshield.

It was an unpleasant experience and smell. The next time I had to go badly was right over Iowa City at 8500. I pulled the power to idle, dropped full flaps at whiteline, and spiraled in as fast and hard as the little Piper Cherokee could muster.
Link Posted: 8/3/2005 10:56:18 PM EDT
just throw a handful of corn in the cup and call it a night
Link Posted: 8/3/2005 11:19:45 PM EDT
Shit stories are so much fun.

A good friend of mine recently got promoted to Sgt and was sent to a different post. When he got there he was sent to mindnights as the supervisor. Aparently there is a dispatcher there that has (not sure how to word it) a problem. She can't control her sphincter and if she gets nervous she shits her pants. Well she was working the radio and he started questioning her about this and that and she shit right there in her pants in the chair. She went home on sick leave leaving the poor SGT to deal with the post and the stench. Other officers came in later and found all the doors propped open and fans blowing. Way to break in the new SGT!
Link Posted: 8/3/2005 11:22:51 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/3/2005 11:23:04 PM EDT by Mauser101]
You think you've got a bad life, LArifleMAN? Atleast you aren't the unpaid intern doing the fecal analysis.
Link Posted: 8/3/2005 11:35:51 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Mauser101:
You think you've got a bad life, LArifleMAN? Atleast you aren't the unpaid intern doing the fecal analysis.




True dat

My father has a intestinal disorder, diverticulitis?, and he can hardly eat anything. Just about anything and he vist the porcelin god, I mean , I sure as hell don't want that. Hopefully his heart disease isn't hereditary
Link Posted: 8/3/2005 11:44:10 PM EDT

Originally Posted By twonami:

Originally Posted By LArifleMAN:

Originally Posted By twonami:
What do they need so much poop for?
Usually they give you a collection device thats flushable and a little scoop to collect you poop sample.




No, no, no 3 blue tuperware containers with labeling info on the lids and no scooper


I just don't understand the need for that quantity of poop?



the reason it's free isnt' that he's related to the doc, it's that they use the poop for making scat porn videos
Link Posted: 8/3/2005 11:48:31 PM EDT
20 years ago I NEVER HEARD OF LACTOSE INTOLERANCE!!!

Now if I have a glass of milk before I go to bed... 4:00 AM.... i wake up WRITHING in pain.


I miss milk....
Link Posted: 8/4/2005 12:11:07 AM EDT

Originally Posted By LArifleMAN:
Yes, you read that correctly.

I am 20 going on 21 in Oct. and for the past few years I've had some stomach problems. Well last Sat. I woke up nauseated and had to spend most of the morning praying to the porcelin god, which seriously messed with my lawn service that day.

So at the request of my mom, dad, and GF I made an appointment with my stepbrother who is a MD(and who doesn't charge me). Basically they think I'm lactose intolerent since dairy products usually send me running to the bathroom.

So, I have to poop in 3 cups on 3 different occasions and then bring them to the lab at the local hospital, Oh yea, I have to keep them in the fridge.

On the bright side, he has hot nurses.



Just don't cut a huge log and have it plop over the side of the containter!!
Link Posted: 8/4/2005 4:16:16 AM EDT
You are 20. Probably experiencing the first chink in the personal immortality belief that all teens have. If you think you have health issues now, wait a few decades. It only gets "better" as you age and things start to wear out and break down.
Link Posted: 8/4/2005 4:31:37 AM EDT
Make sure you take pics and post them on:

www.ratemypoo.com


Link Posted: 8/4/2005 5:23:38 AM EDT

Originally Posted By MrClean4Hire:
austin powers "kinda nutty" austin powers



that's what immediately popped onto my mind...and the brown mustache...BLECH!
Link Posted: 8/4/2005 5:40:06 AM EDT
eh, if I were you, I'd make a 'matreshka' out of rubbermaid containers to keep that stuff in (3 small ones inside of 5 or six of increasing sizes, yes, I'm paranoid!)!


(Matreshka = old Russian-style figures that fit inside each other).
Link Posted: 8/4/2005 5:53:03 AM EDT
Link Posted: 8/4/2005 8:28:25 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Andreuha:
eh, if I were you, I'd make a 'matreshka' out of rubbermaid containers to keep that stuff in (3 small ones inside of 5 or six of increasing sizes, yes, I'm paranoid!)!


(Matreshka = old Russian-style figures that fit inside each other).



Link Posted: 8/4/2005 9:58:22 AM EDT

Originally Posted By sharky30:

Originally Posted By twonami:

Originally Posted By LArifleMAN:

Originally Posted By twonami:
What do they need so much poop for?
Usually they give you a collection device thats flushable and a little scoop to collect you poop sample.




No, no, no 3 blue tuperware containers with labeling info on the lids and no scooper


I just don't understand the need for that quantity of poop?



the reason it's free isnt' that he's related to the doc, it's that they use the poop for making scat porn videos



Not right
Link Posted: 8/4/2005 10:03:42 AM EDT

Originally Posted By LArifleMAN:

On the bright side, he has hot nurses.



He may have hot nurses, but I seriously doubt handing them three bottles of poop is going to get you a date...
Link Posted: 8/4/2005 10:21:25 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/4/2005 10:24:26 AM EDT by PeteCO]

Originally Posted By ChrisLe:

Originally Posted By LArifleMAN:

On the bright side, he has hot nurses.



He may have hot nurses, but I seriously doubt handing them three bottles of poop is going to get you a date...



Try marching in with a semen sample sometime. Hint - proudly displaying the sample in the clear collection cup will have everyone give you a wide berth.

The nurse asked me if I kept it warm by holding it against my chest (as instructed) to ensure the sperm count was accurate. I jokingly told her I whipped it up in the parking lot, and her look of terror told me that she couldn't tell I was kidding.
Link Posted: 8/4/2005 11:33:56 AM EDT

Originally Posted By PeteCO:

Originally Posted By ChrisLe:

Originally Posted By LArifleMAN:

On the bright side, he has hot nurses.



He may have hot nurses, but I seriously doubt handing them three bottles of poop is going to get you a date...



Try marching in with a semen sample sometime. Hint - proudly displaying the sample in the clear collection cup will have everyone give you a wide berth.

The nurse asked me if I kept it warm by holding it against my chest (as instructed) to ensure the sperm count was accurate. I jokingly told her I whipped it up in the parking lot, and her look of terror told me that she couldn't tell I was kidding.



I would have whipped it up in the exam room
Link Posted: 8/4/2005 11:42:16 AM EDT
Can't beleive someone hasn't told an upperdecking story.

Pure goldmine.

Ben
Link Posted: 8/4/2005 11:47:27 AM EDT
Use a few empty choclate pudding cups...



Link Posted: 8/4/2005 11:50:35 AM EDT

Originally Posted By sharky30:

Originally Posted By PeteCO:

Originally Posted By ChrisLe:

Originally Posted By LArifleMAN:

On the bright side, he has hot nurses.



He may have hot nurses, but I seriously doubt handing them three bottles of poop is going to get you a date...



Try marching in with a semen sample sometime. Hint - proudly displaying the sample in the clear collection cup will have everyone give you a wide berth.

The nurse asked me if I kept it warm by holding it against my chest (as instructed) to ensure the sperm count was accurate. I jokingly told her I whipped it up in the parking lot, and her look of terror told me that she couldn't tell I was kidding.



I would have whipped it up in the exam room



Recently I got to drive my brother to the doctor for his vasectomy. I have a seat in the waiting room along with about 20 other people while he checks in at the counter. They're getting him checked in when the lady at the counter hands him a cup and nearly shouts "Fill this up. You can use the restroom right there. AND IT'S NOT FOR URINE!" I should have taken a picture of his face as he turned around to head off to the bathroom to rub one out. When he came out and sat down next to me I stated maybe a little too loudly "Wow, that was fast!"
Link Posted: 8/4/2005 12:10:51 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/4/2005 12:13:15 PM EDT by jthuang]

Originally Posted By Mall-Ninja:
What's wrong with experimentation?


Dairy products -> Counting bathroom floor tiles. For the third time. In one sitting.


No dairy products -> no counting bathroom floor tiles


Conclusion -> lactose intolerance.



Yeah, this is how I discovered (around your age ... age 20) that I was lactose intolerant.

I would drink two cups of milk every day at dinner at the dorm dining hall. Afterwards, I would get terrible stomach cramps. I figured it was the college food that was causing me the trouble.

Then I read an article that said Asians are generally more prone to lactose intolerance. So I stopped drinking milk one night as an experiment. No more stomach cramps.

You can still enjoy milk if you're lactose intolerant. Lactaid makes milk that is 70% or 100% lactose free, in whole/1%/skim varieties. It costs a bit more ($3.99 per half gal here) but IMHO it's worth it. You will also need to watch out for cheese, butter, cream and (in some cases) whey, which are in a lot of products. Get the Lactaid Ultra pills and carry a few in your pocket. They're individually wrapped so it's not a big deal. If you have to eat something that you suspect contains lactose, pop a pill. All will be well.
Link Posted: 8/4/2005 12:24:13 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Col__Kurtz:
Make sure you write "POOP" or "FECAL SHIT DO NOT EAT" on the cups. Your mom might go in there thinking it's chocolate moose or something and get a little suprise. Yum!



Link Posted: 8/4/2005 12:26:48 PM EDT
You'd better hope they find something wrong with you that way, or you're proabably going to have to go in for a colonoscopy.

Link Posted: 8/4/2005 1:40:02 PM EDT
Dude, why don't you just try not eating dairy for a while and see what happens?
Link Posted: 8/4/2005 7:36:22 PM EDT

Originally Posted By magnum_99:
Dude, why don't you just try not eating dairy for a while and see what happens?



When I eat dairy, shit comes out in a format slightly different than the standard issue log. Like old faithful gushing hot water.
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