Life takes on new meaning when you have to poop in a cup

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[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Life takes on new meaning when you have to poop in a cup

Posted: 8/3/2005 10:16:51 PM EDT

Yes, you read that correctly.

I am 20 going on 21 in Oct. and for the past few years I've had some stomach problems. Well last Sat. I woke up nauseated and had to spend most of the morning praying to the porcelin god, which seriously messed with my lawn service that day.

So at the request of my mom, dad, and GF I made an appointment with my stepbrother who is a MD(and who doesn't charge me). Basically they think I'm lactose intolerent since dairy products usually send me running to the bathroom.

So, I have to poop in 3 cups on 3 different occasions and then bring them to the lab at the local hospital, Oh yea, I have to keep them in the fridge.

On the bright side, he has hot nurses.

Posted: 8/3/2005 10:18:31 PM EDT

[#1]

TMI

Posted: 8/3/2005 10:18:53 PM EDT

[#2]

Quoted:
TMI

+12000

Posted: 8/3/2005 10:19:29 PM EDT

[#3]

Posted: 8/3/2005 10:20:04 PM EDT

[#4]

Hot nurses and poopie cold cups do not belong in the same place.

Posted: 8/3/2005 10:20:16 PM EDT

[#5]

Posted: 8/3/2005 10:20:40 PM EDT

[#6]

Make sure you write "POOP" or "FECAL SHIT DO NOT EAT" on the cups. Your mom might go in there thinking it's chocolate moose or something and get a little suprise. Yum!

Posted: 8/3/2005 10:21:43 PM EDT

[#7]

It's part of growing older. Slowly your conversations will turn from 0% health related to 100% health related and your older friends will have heard it all before.

Did they ultrasound your gallbladder?

Where are the pics of the nurses?

Posted: 8/3/2005 10:22:12 PM EDT

[#8]

DAAAAAAANNNG

thats straight NASTY.

They asked me to do it once, but I ran... and ended up paying a "Missed Appointment fee"

15.00 co-pay is NOTHING compared to satisfaction of knowing that I DIDNT have to POOP in the cup.

HAHA!
-Jason

Posted: 8/3/2005 10:23:20 PM EDT

[#9]

austin powers "kinda nutty" austin powers

Posted: 8/3/2005 10:23:39 PM EDT

[#10]

Posted: 8/3/2005 10:24:19 PM EDT

[#11]

Quoted:
It's part of growing older. Slowly your conversations will turn from 0% health related to 100% health related and your older friends will have heard it all before.

Did they ultrasound your gallbladder?

Where are the pics of the nurses?

No ultrasound just "read this info on lactose intolerance, and poop in these cups, oh and don't eat any dairy products."

No pics of the nurses

Posted: 8/3/2005 10:25:53 PM EDT

[#12]

What do they need so much poop for?
Usually they give you a collection device thats flushable and a little scoop to collect you poop sample.

Posted: 8/3/2005 10:28:16 PM EDT

[#13]

Quoted:
What do they need so much poop for?
Usually they give you a collection device thats flushable and a little scoop to collect you poop sample.

No, no, no 3 blue tuperware containers with labeling info on the lids and no scooper

Posted: 8/3/2005 10:29:16 PM EDT

[#14]

Quoted:
Quoted:
What do they need so much poop for?
Usually they give you a collection device thats flushable and a little scoop to collect you poop sample.

No, no, no 3 blue tuperware containers with labeling info on the lids and no scooper

Do you have a trowel? Just do it like your laying bricks.

Posted: 8/3/2005 10:30:42 PM EDT

[#15]

Quoted:
Quoted:
What do they need so much poop for?
Usually they give you a collection device thats flushable and a little scoop to collect you poop sample.

No, no, no 3 blue tuperware containers with labeling info on the lids and no scooper

I just don't understand the need for that quantity of poop?

Posted: 8/3/2005 10:32:21 PM EDT

[#16]

Hmm poop stories.

I'll tell mine then.

I work at a store, and int he back there is a hallway that leads to the restrooms, the stockroom, the breakroom, and the mop closet.

I was going to and from the stockroom that day and each time I noticed a horrible stench of shit, I figured it was one of the restrooms but I didnt really care to investigate.

Later that day while I'm working up front, one of my managers tells me that someone took a shit in the mop bucket.

That must have been a hell of an emergency for someone to just drop thier pants in the middle of some hallway and shit in a bucket.

I'm just glad I didnt have to clean up that mess.

Posted: 8/3/2005 10:32:25 PM EDT

[#17]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
What do they need so much poop for?
Usually they give you a collection device thats flushable and a little scoop to collect you poop sample.

No, no, no 3 blue tuperware containers with labeling info on the lids and no scooper

I just don't understand the need for that quantity of poop?

Beats the hell outta me, as long as they find out what the hell is wrong I guess I can deal with it

Posted: 8/3/2005 10:33:11 PM EDT

[#18]

Could be worse.

Could have to do it in a tin can...

in a cockpit...

philrowe.net/takecrap.htm

Posted: 8/3/2005 10:33:36 PM EDT

[#19]

What's wrong with experimentation?

Dairy products -> Counting bathroom floor tiles. For the third time. In one sitting.

No dairy products -> no counting bathroom floor tiles

Conclusion -> lactose intolerance.

Posted: 8/3/2005 10:35:36 PM EDT

[#20]

Stool sample?...

..."This coffee tastes like shit!"

Posted: 8/3/2005 10:36:19 PM EDT

[#21]

Mommy! Mommy! Me and Jimmy found the pudding cups in the fridge but they tasted yucky!

eta... darn it, Gabby was faster.

Posted: 8/3/2005 10:37:43 PM EDT

[#22]

Doctor Swindle to the rescue with sage medical advice:

Take a book to the bathroom next time.

Posted: 8/3/2005 10:46:25 PM EDT

[#23]

Quoted:
Could be worse.

Could have to do it in a tin can...

in a cockpit...

philrowe.net/takecrap.htm

I took a crap in a pringles can at 10,500' at the south edge of the Chicago class B airspace once. Yes, I did contemplate throwing it out the window.....imagine some poor bastard finding an unplanned rectal abortion on his car's windshield.

It was an unpleasant experience and smell. The next time I had to go badly was right over Iowa City at 8500. I pulled the power to idle, dropped full flaps at whiteline, and spiraled in as fast and hard as the little Piper Cherokee could muster.

Posted: 8/3/2005 10:56:18 PM EDT

[#24]

just throw a handful of corn in the cup and call it a night

Posted: 8/3/2005 11:19:45 PM EDT

[#25]

Shit stories are so much fun.

A good friend of mine recently got promoted to Sgt and was sent to a different post. When he got there he was sent to mindnights as the supervisor. Aparently there is a dispatcher there that has (not sure how to word it) a problem. She can't control her sphincter and if she gets nervous she shits her pants. Well she was working the radio and he started questioning her about this and that and she shit right there in her pants in the chair. She went home on sick leave leaving the poor SGT to deal with the post and the stench. Other officers came in later and found all the doors propped open and fans blowing. Way to break in the new SGT!

Posted: 8/3/2005 11:22:51 PM EDT

[#26]

You think you've got a bad life, LArifleMAN? Atleast you aren't the unpaid intern doing the fecal analysis.

Posted: 8/3/2005 11:35:51 PM EDT

[#27]

Quoted:
You think you've got a bad life, LArifleMAN? Atleast you aren't the unpaid intern doing the fecal analysis.

True dat

My father has a intestinal disorder, diverticulitis?, and he can hardly eat anything. Just about anything and he vist the porcelin god, I mean , I sure as hell don't want that. Hopefully his heart disease isn't hereditary

Posted: 8/3/2005 11:44:10 PM EDT

[#28]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
What do they need so much poop for?
Usually they give you a collection device thats flushable and a little scoop to collect you poop sample.

No, no, no 3 blue tuperware containers with labeling info on the lids and no scooper

I just don't understand the need for that quantity of poop?

the reason it's free isnt' that he's related to the doc, it's that they use the poop for making scat porn videos

Posted: 8/3/2005 11:48:31 PM EDT

[#29]

20 years ago I NEVER HEARD OF LACTOSE INTOLERANCE!!!

Now if I have a glass of milk before I go to bed... 4:00 AM.... i wake up WRITHING in pain.

I miss milk....

Posted: 8/4/2005 12:11:07 AM EDT

[#30]

Quoted:
Yes, you read that correctly.

I am 20 going on 21 in Oct. and for the past few years I've had some stomach problems. Well last Sat. I woke up nauseated and had to spend most of the morning praying to the porcelin god, which seriously messed with my lawn service that day.

So at the request of my mom, dad, and GF I made an appointment with my stepbrother who is a MD(and who doesn't charge me). Basically they think I'm lactose intolerent since dairy products usually send me running to the bathroom.

So, I have to poop in 3 cups on 3 different occasions and then bring them to the lab at the local hospital, Oh yea, I have to keep them in the fridge.

On the bright side, he has hot nurses.

Just don't cut a huge log and have it plop over the side of the containter!!

Posted: 8/4/2005 4:16:16 AM EDT

[#31]

You are 20. Probably experiencing the first chink in the personal immortality belief that all teens have. If you think you have health issues now, wait a few decades. It only gets "better" as you age and things start to wear out and break down.

Posted: 8/4/2005 4:31:37 AM EDT

[#32]

Make sure you take pics and post them on:

www.ratemypoo.com

Posted: 8/4/2005 5:23:38 AM EDT

[#33]

Quoted:
austin powers "kinda nutty" austin powers

that's what immediately popped onto my mind...and the brown mustache...BLECH!

Posted: 8/4/2005 5:40:06 AM EDT

[#34]

eh, if I were you, I'd make a 'matreshka' out of rubbermaid containers to keep that stuff in (3 small ones inside of 5 or six of increasing sizes, yes, I'm paranoid!)!

(Matreshka = old Russian-style figures that fit inside each other).

Posted: 8/4/2005 5:53:03 AM EDT

[#35]

Posted: 8/4/2005 8:28:25 AM EDT

[#36]

Quoted:
eh, if I were you, I'd make a 'matreshka' out of rubbermaid containers to keep that stuff in (3 small ones inside of 5 or six of increasing sizes, yes, I'm paranoid!)!

(Matreshka = old Russian-style figures that fit inside each other).

Posted: 8/4/2005 9:58:22 AM EDT

[#37]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
What do they need so much poop for?
Usually they give you a collection device thats flushable and a little scoop to collect you poop sample.

No, no, no 3 blue tuperware containers with labeling info on the lids and no scooper

I just don't understand the need for that quantity of poop?

the reason it's free isnt' that he's related to the doc, it's that they use the poop for making scat porn videos

Not right

Posted: 8/4/2005 10:03:42 AM EDT

[#38]

Quoted:

On the bright side, he has hot nurses.

He may have hot nurses, but I seriously doubt handing them three bottles of poop is going to get you a date...

Posted: 8/4/2005 10:21:25 AM EDT

[#39]

Quoted:
Quoted:

On the bright side, he has hot nurses.

He may have hot nurses, but I seriously doubt handing them three bottles of poop is going to get you a date...

Try marching in with a semen sample sometime. Hint - proudly displaying the sample in the clear collection cup will have everyone give you a wide berth.

The nurse asked me if I kept it warm by holding it against my chest (as instructed) to ensure the sperm count was accurate. I jokingly told her I whipped it up in the parking lot, and her look of terror told me that she couldn't tell I was kidding.

Posted: 8/4/2005 11:33:56 AM EDT

[#40]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:

On the bright side, he has hot nurses.

He may have hot nurses, but I seriously doubt handing them three bottles of poop is going to get you a date...

Try marching in with a semen sample sometime. Hint - proudly displaying the sample in the clear collection cup will have everyone give you a wide berth.

The nurse asked me if I kept it warm by holding it against my chest (as instructed) to ensure the sperm count was accurate. I jokingly told her I whipped it up in the parking lot, and her look of terror told me that she couldn't tell I was kidding.

I would have whipped it up in the exam room

Posted: 8/4/2005 11:42:16 AM EDT

[#41]

Can't beleive someone hasn't told an upperdecking story.

Pure goldmine.

Ben

Posted: 8/4/2005 11:47:27 AM EDT

[#42]

Use a few empty choclate pudding cups...

Posted: 8/4/2005 11:50:35 AM EDT

[#43]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:

On the bright side, he has hot nurses.

He may have hot nurses, but I seriously doubt handing them three bottles of poop is going to get you a date...

Try marching in with a semen sample sometime. Hint - proudly displaying the sample in the clear collection cup will have everyone give you a wide berth.

The nurse asked me if I kept it warm by holding it against my chest (as instructed) to ensure the sperm count was accurate. I jokingly told her I whipped it up in the parking lot, and her look of terror told me that she couldn't tell I was kidding.

I would have whipped it up in the exam room

Recently I got to drive my brother to the doctor for his vasectomy. I have a seat in the waiting room along with about 20 other people while he checks in at the counter. They're getting him checked in when the lady at the counter hands him a cup and nearly shouts "Fill this up. You can use the restroom right there. AND IT'S NOT FOR URINE!" I should have taken a picture of his face as he turned around to head off to the bathroom to rub one out. When he came out and sat down next to me I stated maybe a little too loudly "Wow, that was fast!"

Posted: 8/4/2005 12:10:51 PM EDT

[#44]

Quoted:
What's wrong with experimentation?

Dairy products -> Counting bathroom floor tiles. For the third time. In one sitting.

No dairy products -> no counting bathroom floor tiles

Conclusion -> lactose intolerance.

Yeah, this is how I discovered (around your age ... age 20) that I was lactose intolerant.

I would drink two cups of milk every day at dinner at the dorm dining hall. Afterwards, I would get terrible stomach cramps. I figured it was the college food that was causing me the trouble.

Then I read an article that said Asians are generally more prone to lactose intolerance. So I stopped drinking milk one night as an experiment. No more stomach cramps.

You can still enjoy milk if you're lactose intolerant. Lactaid makes milk that is 70% or 100% lactose free, in whole/1%/skim varieties. It costs a bit more ($3.99 per half gal here) but IMHO it's worth it. You will also need to watch out for cheese, butter, cream and (in some cases) whey, which are in a lot of products. Get the Lactaid Ultra pills and carry a few in your pocket. They're individually wrapped so it's not a big deal. If you have to eat something that you suspect contains lactose, pop a pill. All will be well.

Posted: 8/4/2005 12:24:13 PM EDT

[#45]

Quoted:
Make sure you write "POOP" or "FECAL SHIT DO NOT EAT" on the cups. Your mom might go in there thinking it's chocolate moose or something and get a little suprise. Yum!