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Posted: 3/21/2006 12:51:31 PM EDT
I need a good laugh, or at least some lines to try out this weekend.

Lets hear some lines the ladies will like.

Link Posted: 3/21/2006 12:52:11 PM EDT
I'm a retard, you're a drumset.

'nuff said.
Link Posted: 3/21/2006 12:52:54 PM EDT
Wanna play circus? Sit on my face and I'll guess your weight.

Link Posted: 3/21/2006 12:55:06 PM EDT
Link Posted: 3/21/2006 12:55:49 PM EDT
Does this rag smell like chloroform?
Link Posted: 3/21/2006 12:57:08 PM EDT
Are you from Tennese? Becuase your the only 10 I see
Link Posted: 3/21/2006 12:57:29 PM EDT
Me: That dress looks great on you. Do you know what would look better on you?
Her: What?
Me: Me
Link Posted: 3/21/2006 12:58:20 PM EDT

"Hey, you're a cute one! Can I have your mom's phone number?"


Then they'll be compelled to sleep with you, just to "prove" that they are a real woman. Suckers.

Link Posted: 3/21/2006 1:01:03 PM EDT
Mind if I put a small tear in your asshole?
Link Posted: 3/21/2006 1:02:14 PM EDT
Tag- these should be good
Link Posted: 3/21/2006 1:05:46 PM EDT
How about some head?

IBTL
Link Posted: 3/21/2006 1:47:42 PM EDT
Hey..........nice tooth.


At least that one works up here in Maine.
Link Posted: 3/21/2006 1:49:58 PM EDT
If you are talking with a chick just stop her mid sentence and say "And why is your top still on"?

Or

Do you want to go half on a bastard?
Link Posted: 3/21/2006 1:51:33 PM EDT
My sister was presented with this classic while visiting Ireland several years ago:

"How would you like a nice, stiff cock in ya?"

No sense beating around the bush!
Link Posted: 3/21/2006 1:53:27 PM EDT
How bout a breakfast date Should I call you or just nudge you?
Link Posted: 3/21/2006 1:54:28 PM EDT
Me:Are those space pants?

Her:No. Why?

Me:Cause your butt is out of this world.

Me:Were you at the post office earlier?

No:No. Why?

Me:Cause I could have sworn you were checking out my package.

Link Posted: 3/21/2006 1:54:54 PM EDT
Hey baby, wanna take a ride on the soul train of love with me?
Link Posted: 3/21/2006 1:55:34 PM EDT
Pardon me, is that semen in your hair?
Link Posted: 3/21/2006 1:56:29 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/21/2006 1:57:56 PM EDT by Chida66]
Want to get a pizza and have some sex?

......What?.....you don't like pizza?

Another one that a female friend of my wife said:

I am visiting from out of town and I have a place to stay, but my tits don't. Can they go home with you?
Link Posted: 3/21/2006 1:59:30 PM EDT
Link Posted: 3/21/2006 2:14:02 PM EDT
Link Posted: 3/21/2006 2:17:32 PM EDT

Originally Posted By AR_Ron:
Does this rag smell like chloroform?



Link Posted: 3/21/2006 2:22:04 PM EDT
If we are what we eat, I could be you by morning!
Link Posted: 3/21/2006 2:23:07 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Nephilim:
Mind if I put a small tear in your asshole?



That is the funniest thing I have ever heard!
Link Posted: 3/21/2006 2:25:00 PM EDT
Its nice to meet you Kristen.
Listen I am not doing anything for about an hour and a half, do you want to go have sex?

James
Link Posted: 3/21/2006 2:26:38 PM EDT
This one works everytime.

If I stand on my wallet, you wouldnt even have to bend over to give a blowjob.

You tend to get girls that you wouldnt want to bring home to mother but it works.
Link Posted: 3/21/2006 2:26:47 PM EDT
Nice shoes. Wanna F&@%?

I gotz a knife bitch.
Link Posted: 3/21/2006 2:28:13 PM EDT
My favorite foods are fish tacos and pie. What time do you "open" for dinner?
Link Posted: 3/21/2006 2:29:35 PM EDT
Tag...

WIZZO
Link Posted: 3/21/2006 2:29:38 PM EDT
Sup?
Link Posted: 3/21/2006 2:35:44 PM EDT
"Is your name 'Anne'?"; "HEY 'Heather'! How have you been?"; "Is your name 'Heidi'?" You look JUST like this girl I know...is that YOU 'Diana'?" ;Is your name "Kathy?" ; "OMG!! 'KELLY'! How've you been?" THERE you are 'Steph'!" and on and on...



ONE of these days, somebody is going to guess right.
Link Posted: 3/21/2006 2:38:15 PM EDT
ME: Excuse me, uh...hi, my name is Winslow, may I ask you a question?

HER: Sure.

ME: I saw you from across the room and was taken aback by how amazing your legs are.

HER: Uh...thanks, but what's the question?

ME: What time do they open?

For some reason it's never worked.
Link Posted: 3/21/2006 2:39:12 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/21/2006 2:39:37 PM EDT by XM-15]
Hell bitch, as ugly as you are, who else is go'na ask you to go home with 'em.
Link Posted: 3/21/2006 2:41:47 PM EDT

Originally Posted By 4xys2xxs:
"Is your name 'Anne'?"; "HEY 'Heather'! How have you been?"; "Is your name 'Heidi'?" You look JUST like this girl I know...is that YOU 'Diana'?" ;Is your name "Kathy?" ; "OMG!! 'KELLY'! How've you been?" THERE you are 'Steph'!" and on and on...



ONE of these days, somebody is going to guess right.



Your name is bob isn't it?

Oh... Bobarine.
Link Posted: 3/21/2006 2:43:32 PM EDT
tag for more
Link Posted: 3/21/2006 2:44:58 PM EDT
"Excuse me miss, I was wondering if you would lower your standards for a couple of minutes and let me buy you a drink"

Works every time
Link Posted: 3/21/2006 2:48:01 PM EDT

Originally Posted By purplecheese:

Originally Posted By 4xys2xxs:
"Is your name 'Anne'?"; "HEY 'Heather'! How have you been?"; "Is your name 'Heidi'?" You look JUST like this girl I know...is that YOU 'Diana'?" ;Is your name "Kathy?" ; "OMG!! 'KELLY'! How've you been?" THERE you are 'Steph'!" and on and on...



ONE of these days, somebody is going to guess right.



Your name is bob isn't it?

Oh... Bobarine.



Why...YES IT IS!!

Now when are you going to start paying child support?

That usually runs them off.
Link Posted: 3/21/2006 2:49:42 PM EDT
Place your left index finger on top of your upper lip.
Place your thumb at the bottom of your lower lip.
Press both lips together.

If you're a basketball referee, this signal means "Too many --g--r on the court!".

or

If you're a football referee, this signal means "Too many --g--r on the field!".


Got the joke???

Link Posted: 3/21/2006 2:49:47 PM EDT
Nice Dog!

make sure they have a dog(or boyfriend) with them.
Link Posted: 3/21/2006 2:50:18 PM EDT
For use around December....

"Hey darlin, if your left leg is Thanksgiving and your right leg is Christmas, can we get together between the holidays?"


Next time you're in a bar reach in the BACK of her shirt, pull out the tag and pretend to read it... when she asks what you're doing reply "Checking to see if it said 'Made in Heaven'"

one my friend used once: "Hey! How about givin me some of that pussy! I KNOW you brought it with you!"

and one of my favorites: "Well baby, don't worry about this place being crowded, 'cause as long as I got a face you got a place to sit."

Link Posted: 3/21/2006 2:52:53 PM EDT
Wow, you look so much more beautiful in person than you do from the bush outside your house through my binoculars.

or

Me: Wow, you're beautiful

Her: Thank you

Me: I bet you can't beat the guys off with a stick

Her: Nope

Me: That's alright, I prefer a well manicured hand and some lotion!



Link Posted: 3/21/2006 2:53:31 PM EDT

Originally Posted By justice23:
"Excuse me miss, I was wondering if you would lower your standards for a couple of minutes and let me buy you a drink"

Works every time



Gonna have to try that one one of these days.
Link Posted: 3/21/2006 2:54:48 PM EDT

Originally Posted By 4xys2xxs:

Originally Posted By purplecheese:

Your name is bob isn't it?

Oh... Bobarine.



Why...YES IT IS!!

Now when are you going to start paying child support?

That usually runs them off.



Soon as that belly turns purple with child.
Link Posted: 3/21/2006 2:54:53 PM EDT

Originally Posted By 4xys2xxs:

Now when are you going to start paying child support?

That usually runs them off.



My answer:

That depends, when are we gonna get busy making some babies?
Link Posted: 3/21/2006 2:57:42 PM EDT
Mmmm ...I love the smell of your perfume. Which magazine did you tear it out of?
Link Posted: 3/21/2006 3:07:50 PM EDT
do you perfer your eggs scrambled.......or fertilized??
Link Posted: 3/21/2006 3:09:20 PM EDT
How much?
Link Posted: 3/21/2006 3:16:04 PM EDT

Originally Posted By smokycity:
Nice shoes. Wanna F&@%?

I gotz a knife bitch.





HAHAHA I will have to try that one.

Link Posted: 3/21/2006 3:17:25 PM EDT
(after a beer.....or fifteen) walk up to a hottie: Hey what's up! We partied in (insert place) remember? What's your name again? Right I remeber you! c'mon lets go have a couple more beers.....

It actually works depending on how trashed you both are
Link Posted: 3/21/2006 3:21:21 PM EDT
Link Posted: 3/21/2006 3:22:16 PM EDT
Mind if I eat your bearded clam.
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